Oh, hello again. I bet my shiny drumsticks you weren't expecting to hear from ME again so soon. But, of course, I just can't say no to a chance to crack at the metaphorical nuts of a re re re re recycled story, so here I am! Feel free to read this in Morgan Freeman's voice… now you can't help it, huh? Bubble, Xylophone, Tranquility.. . Hehe… I love Morgan Freeman's voice. Anyways *Clears throat*
"Our story begins with Annabeth Chase, the 'nerd', 'outcast, your classic case of a damsel in distress. One teeny problem: She's smokin. Apparently California Gurls are out, because this gorgeous girl spends most her time tucked in her turtle shell sweater and reading books. She's an anxiety prone inhaler hugger who loves to recluse into the darkness more than her own shadow. No people skills whatsoever, and yet SURPRISE! She is somehow friends with Piper, the cheerleading team captain and 3 time all-valley babe of the year award winner. This also comes with the added bonus of being friends with the all american boy next door quarterback heartthrob Jason Grace… and yet despite hanging out with the definition of the cool kids, her life is still but an empty shell. Maybe she'll meet some nice, dorky boy at chess club and oh look, it's the tatted up, straight f's, motorcycle riding, leather jacket wearing, cigarette smoking, womanizing, broken down, disheveled, bad boy. I feel inclined to tell you his name is Percy, because this beefed up bro will remind you nothing of the 13 year old hero we know and love. Despite having absolutely zero in common with said thug life, the fact that his face looks like it should be chiseled into Mount Rushmore is enough to make Annabeth fall head over heels for him. Annabeth expected that if she rolled up her sleeves and dug into the manure she might find some gold at the bottom, but spoiler alert, it's just more stinking crap. Percy is also madly in love with said nerd, because apparently every other guy in the school is blind; only Percy realizes that under that turtleneck sweater is a Cali model just waiting to be revealed. Forget the fact that she has personality like an avocado has taste, she's PURDY. Percy openly admits to both himself and her that being with him will cause her pain and suffering… then proceeds to spend every waking hour with her. Cause that's what love does. But of course, Annabeth, who had the accumulated people skills of a stale fart, and probably the least qualified to try to fix anyone's problems, magically heals all of Percy's problems, because apparently band-aids can fix bullet holes… right? If you've managed to read this far and haven't fallen asleep or launched your lunch yet, you are in for a treat. At right about this point, our story gets packed full of more sickening, nonsensical drama bombs than all 6 seasons of Jersey Shore combined. With both Annabeth and Percy going hot and cold, yes and no, in and out, and all up and down the drama coaster, the story gets so thick with redundancy that you can barely choke it down; like we don't know they end up together in the end. If they didn't… well, our story might actually be interesting. But nope, instead, have more fluffy bologne that doesn't even make sense. Percy goes from smokin' and ridin' to cuddling kittens and donating his spare time to charity, all thanks to Annabeth… who herself is also magically popped out of her turtle shell and strutting around in her full glory, cause ladies and gentlemen THAT is how life really works."
And finally, we come to the end of the sweet, sweet predictable story of the Percabeth High School AU. Disappointed much? Yeah, everyone is. If Chaos stories are Spider-Man TV shows, this crap is freaking Ninja Turtles. Re-RE-RE-RE-RE-RE-RE done over and over and over again. And people flock to this garbage! Are you looking for an actual ORIGINAL story? One with the action, adventure, monster, meyhem, and comedy that drew you to the Percy Jackson stories? Well, come give your brotato chip A.I. a try! My author, M.J. Lyte (freakin weirdo, that one is…) has been documenting the shwingin' story of how my mercenary friends and I met P.J. and his posse, and together take down an evil secret society with an evil agenda, all while jamming to my own personal playlist of wonderful, ear pleasing tunes! It's called Percy Jackson and the Requiators: Legion of Pi, And I can promise a few things:
Annabeth will not be wearing a sweater and have more insecurities than a middle school prom
Percy will not smoke and drink enough to sterilize a cow
There will be cookies.
Leo and I are goin to have one HECK of a good time, and will tickle you til' you pee yoself!
So come and check me out…. Well, not ME; my story! Come check out my…. *sigh* just check it out.