Disclaimer: I don't own Cath or Gil or Sara... or any CSI snif
So... this is my first CSI fic, I hope you like it. I wasn't sure if I should post it or not, but I figured I could always try, and see what you guys think of it! Enjoy!
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I'm sitting on a chair, in the break room, on my own. Thank God that there's no Gil around. Or Sara. You want to know why? I tell you why. Gil told me this morning. About him. And her. Him and Sara. You know, it might sound stupid, but I'm jealous. At -oh God it's horrible to even think of- Sara. Me, Catherine Willows, is jealous of Sara Sidle. Because she's something I want. She has something I want for more than twenty years. She has Gil. This morning he came up to me, and said he wanted to talk to me about something. A case, I thought. But it wasn't about a case. It wasn't at all. He just... he just said it as soon as I turned around to face him.
"Sara and I... we're together."
After he told me, he immediately turned around and walked away again. He didn't gave me a chance to respond at what he just had told me. But maybe that was better. I don't think I could say something like "I'm happy for you" without tears in my eyes.
The weird thing is, I've never ever been jealous before on someone. They were usually jealous at me. And I can tell you one thing; it sucks. It really really sucks. And, if I would tell people about my feelings, what I won't do, most of them would probably say something like "Then why didn't you tell him you love him, like, twenty years ago?". And then I would say "that's a very good question." Cause I don't know the answer either. I don't know.
I wish I would've told Gil I loved him. I wish I did. I don't want to tell it to him now. I don't think I'm able to let Gil pick between me and her. I don't think I can do that to him. I have to let it go. I have to let him go. But I don't know if I can.
I love Gil. And the fact that we're best friends won't make things is easier. But she loves him, and he loves her, I guess.
I guess I won't be able to say it to Gil in person, so I'll just say it in my thoughts. I will always think of it, but probably never ever be able to say it. To say
I love you Gil. I love you very much. I've loved you from the first time I saw you. And there's nothing or no one who will ever be able to change that. I love you.