A Palatable Experience

Season 3, PG-13, Sydney/Weiss

"Ice Cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal." ~Voltaire.

I hate ice cream. If there was ever a worse form of torture invented, I'll never know. And I'm not even the one eating it.

It's funny. Just when you think life is going well, there's always something that comes along to knock you on your ass. It just isn't fair. I was happy being her friend. That was enough for me. She's such a dynamic, caring person…she just fills up a room when she's there. I was happy just being a part of her inner circle. Being allowed into her confidences, being able to share her pain and help her through it. Laughing with her, drinking with her. She made me feel more alive just being with her.

That was enough for me.

I absently ponder how her fingernails always stay so neat. Her long fingers are clasped snugly around the cone as she turns it around so that she can lick some of the ice cream that's started to melt down the side.

I didn't need to fall in love with Sydney. Our lives are complicated enough. And I'm not stupid. I know why she requested me to go on the mission with her instead of Vaughn. If I screw this up then who is she left with, Fearless Marshall to partner with?

So that's why, I decided that today, I was going to forget about my secret crush on her and I was just going to be friends with her. So I took her to the park and bought her an ice cream. A perfect setting, right? The sun is shining. Children are laughing on the swing set behind us. My dog is taking a dump in the sandbox and some kid's trying to eat it…

…

Stupid dog. Stupid kid, too. Except, now that I'm back after disposing of my dog's personal business turned topping for a mud pie, I see that my problem has compounded itself.

Because not only is Sydney my friend's ex-girlfriend-that-he-never-broke-up-with-he just-thought-she-was-dead, but she's looking absolutely beautiful today and now she's laughing at me because of my stupid dog. And if you've never seen Sydney Bristow smile, then you've never really seen the sun shine either.

And I realize not for the first time, that I'm hopelessly out of my league.

She flicks her hair back over her shoulder and then takes a lick of her ice cream cone. Everything's happy right?

Right. Except for the fact that right now her eyes are twinkling and her pink, little tongue is darting out of her mouth and taking another luxurious lick. Damn, but I never knew she had such sweet little tongue. I'll bet that she knows how to use it too. Sydney knows everything.

"Are you sure you don't want some ice cream, Eric?" she asks me in that sensuous voice she has when she's not kicking someone's ass.

But I just can't drag my eyes off of her mouth as she twirls the cone in her hand so that she can lick it all around. All they way around. Because she doesn't want to miss a spot.

"Eric?"

Did someone say something?

"I asked if you wanted a lick since you don't seem to want some of your own."

"Err…pardon?" I ask. My heart is starting to beat a million miles a minute and the erection that I've been fighting down for the last five minutes is back with a vengeance because I swear she just asked me to lick her.

She smiles as she holds the cone out to me, and reality sinks in. No, you idiot. She doesn't want you to lick her. She's just being nice and sharing. And if you had half a mind left, you'd have realized that instead of sitting there like a schmuck fantasizing about her.

I shake my head. "No. But thanks. I'm trying to cut down."

Her lips crook in wry grin and she gives me a small shrug before taking another nice, long lick. "That's too bad."

I feel this sudden urge to seek out Michael Vaughn and shake him violently for giving her up. Because what kind of man could do that? Obviously not one with an ounce of common sense left. But by now she's whipped the sides of the ice cream in shape and she opens her mouth wide and takes a nice big, long suck from the top.

Dear God.

She's sucking and licking and tasting and holding that cone so firmly…

…

Fuck Vaughn. He deserves his lot. If there's any justice in this world he'll take his wife and run away to some deserted island where they can't bother any of us anymore.

Too bad that won't make any difference for me. I'm just her friend. I'm just trying to comfort her and cheer her up. She doesn't see me as anything else.

The sun's beating down though, and I guess it's making the ice cream softer or something because she's almost licked it down to the cone.

Damn sun. There's no justice in the world.

Wait. What is she doing…?

Oh.

She's biting off the end of the cone and now she's sucking the ice cream out of the bottom.

There is a God.

I try not to stare as she licks her finger from the gooey mess that's dribbled all over her hands. If it was anyone else that she was doing this in front of, I would have sworn she's doing it on purpose. Licking each finger…

one

by

one.

But I'm not stupid. This is me. I'm her buddy. Good ol' Weiss.

And I really, really need to go do something about this throbbing in my shorts because it's becoming unbearable. I wonder if she'll notice if I just adjust myself a little.

Why did I bring her to the park again? I look around as I try and vaguely remember my promise to myself. I have to forcibly tear my eyes away of her mouth but my thoughts of what else she could be licking with such gusto are nicely filling in the blanks.

And I just happen to notice that my dog is humping an old lady's walker.

…

"Do you want some more ice cream," I ask, dragging my dog back with me and away from the traumatized old lady. Sydney's laughing and I remain standing because I think I need to leave this place, go back home and spend some time alone. Before I make a fool out of myself.

She smiles innocently back at me and then shakes her head sadly. "I would, but the vendor only had vanilla and I'm partial to chocolate and sprinkles."

A light bulb goes off in my head and presents me with the perfect way to get out of here and into the safety of my home where Sydney can have her ice cream and where I can sneak off to the washroom if I need to. "Well, there's still the chocolate syrup and sprinkles you left at my place last week after making that cake for Marshall. And I know I have some ice cream at home."

Her face lights up, as she jumps up and stands next to me. "That's a fabulous idea, Eric."

I tighten my hold on the dog's leash as he's suddenly all excited to hear the word 'home'.

The dog starts to drag me towards the path when I suddenly remember that I'm not as well stocked as I thought. "Oh wait. I don't have any cones though."

I look into her face and suddenly I realize that the innocent look is gone. In its place though there's sly, devious expression which I can't figure out until she loops her arm through mine. "That's ok. I'm sure that we can find something else appropriate for me to lick it off of."

And I realize that I really am a fool. Sydney Bristow always knows exactly what's going on. It's me that's oblivious.

But along with being a fool, I think I'm also about to become the luckiest man in the world.