Manga - Addicts Presents:
The Twilight of Tomoyo
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfiction
Version 2.00 - 04/01/2001
***
Card Captor Sakura created by, registered, and copyrighted to CLAMP/Kodansha, Bandai Visual and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Card Captor Sakura. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Card Captor Sakura.
No copyright infringement was in any way intended.
The Twilight of Tomoyo written by Jino Turtlegod
***
R Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.
***
[Recording]
Rain. Drumming against the window pane. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Clock. Hands moving, pendulum swinging. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Phone. Lying on the covers ... ... unringing.
[Stop]
The girl took her eyes away from the viewfinder and stared at the silent phone. It lay on the light blue silken covers of her bed, like a cherry blossom against the clear blue skies. Her lavender eyes swirled with repressed emotion.
:: Call her. You're her friend, you don't need a reason to call. ::
Her hand reached out towards the pink phone. A call on a rainy day, a voice of an angel lifting the dreary soul of the abandoned. That is all that she wanted.
Her fingers stopped short of her desire and with a heavy heart she drew back.
***
[Play]
The image of a dream. A heart's desire. The girl looked back at her, embarrassment on her face as she tugs on the hem of the short, red skirt as if doing so would make it a bit longer. She looks uncomfortable in her current costume: the knee-high boots, red skirt and vest, and white short-sleeved sailor-type shirt.
"Tomoyo, isn't this skirt too revealing?" the girl on the screen asked, her face flushed.
"It's beautiful Sakura, it accentuates your figure," her voice answers from off-screen. Sakura reddens some more.
"Can we please begin?" an annoyed voice interrupted. The camera panned around and a boy in a familiar green combat robes came into view. The boy pointedly looked at the camera. "Daidoji, don't you get tired of filming us?"
"Li!" Sakura exclaimed off screen with a hint of relief and excitement.
"Not if it's Sakura," her voice replied in her usual cheerful way.
The boy gave a sigh and rolled his eyes. The camera panned back to the girl in red. "Sakura, don't forget the gloves and the beret."
Sakura gave a resigned sigh, and then she flashed her a smile.
[Pause]
Tomoyo pressed some buttons on the remote while her gaze was locked on the still image on the wide-screen TV. With a whir, her printer began to render the beautiful picture of the smiling girl on expensive photo paper. Tomoyo's eyes locked on the unseeing green orbs of the image. She stood up from the couch and walked towards the larger than life image of her friend and loved one.
Her finger touched the screen, static crackled under her touch to send chills down her spine. With tenderness she traced the oh, so familiar outline of Sakura's face.
:: Sakura...::
Wetness. Trickling, meandering, a stream of sadness. Thunder cracked from the storm outside. Tomoyo took a step back and brushed back her raven colored hair with a hand. She sniffed, trying to stem the tide of tears that escaped her eyes.
Sakura smiled at her from the warm screen. No, not Sakura - a mere shadow of the girl, a memory captured in the emotionless grasp of technology. Tomoyo sighed a heart-felt sigh, an exhalation from the depths of her tortured soul. With heavy steps she walked away from the lifeless image, never once looking back at the lip-gloss stained screen.
***
[Memories]
A sunny day. Birds sang their love songs as they flew overhead. Sakura sat on the railing of the bridge and waved at her. Just the two of them, best friends until the end.
No one can draw them apart.
[Memories of the day before]
A doorbell ringing.
"Yes?" Touya greeted in his usual indifferent way as he opened the door. " 'morning, Daidoji."
"Good morning, Touya. Is Sakura in?" she had a happy smile on her face.
A look of... was it pity?... crossed Touya's face. He somehow knew that Tomoyo's feelings for Sakura ran deeper than mere friendship. But even if he knew he didn't say a thing. "No. She and father went to Kyoto..." he frowned as he cut himself off from what he was about to say.
She cocked her head. Sakura hadn't told her of the trip, which was quite unusual for the girl. "Oh," was the only thing she could say. She saw Touya's eyes averted, as if thinking of something important.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, good day, Touya." She turned and started down the driveway.
"Hey, Daidoji." She stopped, intrigued by the guilty tone in his voice.
"Yes?" She felt something bad by the way Touya's eyes locked onto hers.
"I have tea brewing and the Monster left some cake."
"I - I don't want to impose."
The intensity of his usually cold eyes scared her.
"The Brat's with them."
Such a simple statement yet it explained so much. Tomoyo felt weak-kneed. She had been finally discarded. Abandoned for another. Why?
[Memories]
Sakura in the pond, her skin glistened with droplets of water, her golden-brown hair clung against her face in wet strands. A mixture of relief, annoyance, and embarrassment was on her face - an expression mirrored on the boy on whose lap she lay. Tomoyo's was pleased as she knew that the two's predicament would draw them closer. Finally, a person capable of returning Sakura's affection, a person whom Sakura can love without shame, a person whose love will not be judged by others. Tomoyo was genuinely happy for her friend... but in a way, she also felt her heart break.
[Memories of the day before]
The cup made a clear, clean sound against the saucer as Tomoyo carefully set it down. Touya glanced up from eating a piece of cake, worry was written in his dark eyes. They sat in silence. The wind chime sang in the breeze.
"Um, when will they come back?" She finally broke the silence, the searching gaze of her friend's older brother was making her uncomfortable. It was as if he had taken off the mask of the cheerful girl that she always wore and had gazed into the young, confused, disheartened woman underneath.
"Tomorrow evening," Touya's eyes finally released her and she nearly sighed in relief. "Father wanted to see an exhibition at the Kyoto Museum. He remembered that Syaoran liked archeology and Father asked the Brat if he wanted to come. Sakura overheard them and wanted to join them. Father can't say no to Sakura."
:: And she was so happy she forgot to tell me...::
"Hey, Daidoji." His voice broke into her depressed reverie. She looks up, this time unflinching at his gaze.
He had a soft, smile on his lips and understanding in his eyes. "You like Sakura, don't you."
She nervously swallowed. Did he see behind her mask? She smiled as she answered, her eyelids closed to cover the windows of her soul. "Of course. She's my friend."
He took up his cup as he shook his head. "Daidoji, you know what I meant."
Her eyes grew wide. He did see! She wanted to run away but his gaze had once again locked her in her place. She bowed her head as she nodded.
"You don't have to be ashamed," his voice was sad and gentle.
"But- this- it's- it's wrong..." she could feel the tears well up in her eyes.
"True love is never wrong. You do love her, don't you?"
She nodded. She couldn't express her feelings into words, no words can do her love justice.
"Then tell her."
"I can't." She knew in heart that her love will forever remain unrequited. "She loves Syaoran. If- if I tell her that I love her, she'll be torn because I know she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I don't want her to love me because she's afraid to hurt- that's not love- it's pity. I don't want her to pity me. I know she can never love me more than a friend, I don't want to give her problems. Not when she finally sets her heart on someone- not like the crush she had with Yukito. It's true love she feels for him, I can never compete with that. And I don't want her to become sad. So... so..."
"So, you'll sacrifice your happiness for hers?"
She shook her head and gently brushed away the tears with the palm of her hands. "As long as she is happy, so am I." She forced a smile on her face as she stood up to leave.
And again he saw through the mask. "You're a good friend, Daidoji."
The smile was still on her face as the streams of sadness coursed down her cheeks.
[Memories]
A song came to mind. A song sung by teasing children.
Syaoran and Sakura. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Tomoyo smiled in happiness as she filmed the two without their knowledge. Her heart was wrenched every time she set the two up, gently pushing and guiding them together. But she always told herself that Sakura's happiness was her happiness. For two years she had watched their love develop, the brief interlude of separation when Li returned to Hong Kong had only served to intensify their love. Now Li Syaoran, Sakura's true love, her soul's complement, had returned to her, honoring a promise made out of love.
She felt the tears begin to fog her sight... How she wanted to be the one feeling the warmth of Sakura's embrace, the one to taste of her sweet lips, the one to receive the passion of her love.
To dream is a wonderful thing. To live reality is eternal pain.
Tomoyo shut off the camera and walked silently away, leaving the two lovers to enjoy their glimpse of heaven in privacy. As she walked, she felt the twilight of her life approach. Sakura who was the light and joy of her drab world was leaving, and all that is promised is darkness.
::Sakura is happy.::
[Memories of the day before]
"She'll probably call tonight," Touya whispered into her ears as he gently held her in his arms, her tear stained face against chest. He had been waiting, ready for the point when she finally broke. He went to her and pulled her close, giving her comfort as she acknowledged her sadness.
As they stood in the middle of the living room, her head barely reached his shoulders as he embraced her, she told him how much Sakura meant to her, how Sakura was the light that gave life. The sun of her world. The one who kept away the darkness of the night.
The front of his shirt was wet with her grief, the thesis paper that he was supposed to finish was calling out to him, but still he held the young woman to him until she finally stopped sobbing.
"Really?" A fervent prayer that she had not been discarded but just laid aside.
"Sakura never forgets her friends for long." He felt the relief wash over her body, for she knew what he said was true. Tomoyo would always love Sakura, that was something that she knew in her heart. But if they were still friends, then the pain can be borne, the darkness kept at bay.
She left with hope in her heart, a ray of light in her dreary existence.
But.
He was wrong. So wrong. She stayed up until the gray dawn heralded the storm.
And still the phone was silent.
***
They walked home that night from their anniversary dinner. They were so happy, finally making a decision to marry once he was finished with his course, less than two years in the future.
They held hands as the moon stood watch overhead bathing everything in a cool blue light. Her smile was sparkling and heart-felt. Her long black hair swayed with the Autumn breeze, and her dark eyes were filled with life.
Life. Love. Hope. Happiness.
Four things taken away that night as they walked home under the light of the blue moon. The squeal of tires, the blast of a horn, the sound of metal crashing, the screams of people, the flash pain... the pain of body, heart, and soul - pain unending. Then comforting darkness.
She was gone when he awakened.
Touya sat up in his bed, sweat beading over his body as his sleep was once more bothered by that dream. He cradled his face in his hands as he tried not to cry. He felt the ache in his dead heart, the pain of loss and regret.
The night he awakened to his loss, he had made a promise. To love only her. The only things left to him were his family and friends, he would see them happy, to protect them as he had failed to do to the woman he loved.
It had pained him to hurt Tomoyo in order to protect Sakura's happiness, but he knew it was best for him to have been the one to hurt her, to strip off her mask so that she would be able to face herself. He did a good thing to shatter Tomoyo's dependence, she can finally spread out her wings and fly to seek her own path. But...
He felt like he had betrayed his love.
He noticed the rain outside the window and he gave a wry smile.
:: How fitting...::
***
Tomoyo lay on the floor. Outside her window the lightning flashed and the thunder roared like magical creatures battling each other. Yet she lay still, her lavender eyes gazing, staring without seeing at the chandelier which reflected the fireworks of the storm.
Her hair was spread around her like a halo as she lay on a bed of flower petals. No. Not flower petals. Shredded cloth. Ruined costumes. Torn pictures. Smashed video tapes. An overturned sewing-box. A broken dream. A shattered heart.
A lonely drop of sadness.
Red did not suit her.
***
"I shall call the young mistress," the maid said as she bowed to the rain-soaked guest.
The man bowed back and surrendered his coat and umbrella to the maid's waiting hands. A package was in his hand. Sweets to ease the pain - hers and his.
"Wait," he called out to the maid. "Was she still sad this morning?"
"I do not know, Sir, she has not ventured out of her quarters today, not even to eat breakfast and lunch."
"So, you're not really sure that she'll even see me?"
The maid appeared uncomfortable.
He smiled kindly at her. "Do you mind if I call her myself?"
***
Shouts. Voices raised right outside her door. She doesn't really care, she was beyond caring. Several women cried out warnings. A man shouted back in defiance.
Her door nearly came off its hinges as something or someone smashed it open.
She was a bit surprised as he stood on the other side of the door, his dark eyes showed shock and betrayal.
***
Tomoyo lay on a proper bed in a guestroom as the maids cleaned up the debris she left in her room. Touya leaned on a wall beside the window, he was looking at her sleeping form sternly.
"That was stupid," three words that summed up his thoughts as he stood vigil over the girl whom his sister had unknowingly hurt. He walked over to the girl, his eyes never leaving her bandaged wrists. A plastic tube snaked from her left forearm towards the container of blood that hung from an IV stand beside the bed.
The maids had changed her blood drenched clothing as he called the doctor and left a message in his home's answering machine. Touya couldn't believe that the girl had done that to herself, she tried to take her own life to end her sadness.
When the doctor left, he gave instructions to watch the young girl in case she rips her bandages out or takes off the IV. Her bodyguards stood watch outside, while Touya watched over her inside. Tomoyo's mother had been called from her business trip in Tokyo and was already on her way home.
Touya finally tired of watching the white cotton of her bandages and moved to a soft cushioned chair to rest his exhausted body. He looked at her beautiful and gentle face as she slept. It was so sad to know that such a sweet, innocent child had been hurt by her own pure love.
He felt sorrow for the young girl, knowing fully well the anguish of a broken heart. And yet there was guilt. It was his fault for stripping off her defenses, to lay her bare to the darkness. He should have thought of how she would have actually reacted instead of taking it for granted to be the reaction he hoped for. He too was stupid.
He rested his elbow on the chair's arm and then propped his chin on his hand.
***
He stood by her bedside, her hand in his. He could feel the streams of sadness come unbidden and unashamed.
She looked up at him, her face still beautiful as ever, her smile still filled with life, love, hope, and happiness. And yet she knew, knew of the end of her life this night.
She said something as she brought his hand to her lips and kissed it. He smiled sadly as he ran the back of his hand across her cheek. She said the three words as she closed her eyes and the fire of her soul began to dim.
He leaned over and touched her lips with his, he whispered his reply before the final moments.
She smiled in contentment. And finally, Tomoyo was at peace.
***
He slowly opened his eyes as he heard the silence of the absent rain. The storm had passed and he felt a slight chill on his skin from his damp clothing. But yet he also felt a restraining warmth, like the embrace of a mother. His eyes finally opened completely and he stared into the warm lavender eyes of the girl who stood watching him, waiting for him to awaken from his slumber.
"Tomoyo!" he uttered, noticing with relief that the girl had wheeled the IV stand with her. He also found that the warmth came from the heavy quilt someone had thrown over him.
"I'm sorry if I bothered you Touya." The girl looked away in guilt.
"It's nothing," he replied in his usual pre-occupied manner. He saw the slight shudder of her shoulder as if she recoiled from being struck. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you try to kill yourself?"
She looked into his eyes and she bared her true self, she knew she could trust him, she knew that no mask can hide her from him. She told the truth as she knew it, "There was nothing to see except darkness."
Touya nodded in understanding. He wanted to curse his sister but he couldn't, he loved her so much and cannot blame her for being blinded by joy. But also since it was his fault for opening the wound, for calling in the darkness. His eyes returned to the girl before him and he followed a crystalline drop make its way down her cheek as it flowed with the stream, to hang from the precipice of her chin, and finally fall into oblivion before ending its existence on the polished floor.
With trepidation he again returned his eyes to the girl before him. No, she wasn't a girl anymore but a young woman. A young woman wounded and in pain. Tomoyo looked at him with empty eyes, the streams of sadness finally ran dry. Outside, the sun was setting and bathed everything in a warm orange glow. As the light touched her eyes he thought he could see a fire stir within them or was that his own imagination? She looked beautiful in the fading light of the sun, in the way it played in her raven her, how it tinged her pale skin with vigor. The white sleeping gown she wore became peach in the dying sun, it suited her in the way conformed to her small frame which was no longer that of a child's. No... she did not look beautiful... she was breath-taking.
Touya felt uncomfortable. He felt an ache in his heart, his own heart which bore its own scars. He swore he would never love again and here he felt his heart beating, reaching out for his sister's friend. A child six years his junior, a child still in high school, a child... a child who was no longer a child.
"I have to go..." he made a move to stand but froze as her eyes locked him into place. Her soul wanted- no, needed comfort, and he was the closest one she could take it from. With a sigh of resignation, an acceptance of his guilt, he wrapped her limp form in the quilt and sat her on his lap, held her close and fervently hoped that the stirring in his heart would go away.
His heart nearly stopped as she snuggled against him.
"Touya?"
"Y-yes?" he cursed for stuttering like a schoolboy.
"Do you think you'll ever love again?" such a simple question that had no simple answer, thus he gave none.
She looked up at him and saw him watching the stars come out. Engrossed by his reaction, she too watched the darkening sky of twilight. They sat silently, watching the twinkling lights of the heavens come into being and the moon ascended into its place amongst them.
"Beautiful," he whispered as the sun finally gave up its realm to the dancing stars and watchful moon.
Tomoyo took her eyes from the night sky as realization dawned. She once more looked up at this man who held her and she felt her shattered heart began to heal. Even the night had its own source of light to keep the darkness of loneliness away.
"Touya?"
"Yes, Tomoyo?"
"Thank you for caring, even if you're just doing it because I'm Sakura's friend."
He wanted to protest that he really cared but he remained silent. But Tomoyo saw through the mask of silence and she smiled in happiness.
"Wait for me," she whispered as she took one of his hands in hers and pressed her cheek to his palm.
The question forming in his mind was answered in a moment. Moments more and she drew away, a smile was on her lips as she once again pressed her cheek to his palm and snuggled into his arm, allowing sleep to finally claim her.
Touya looked in wonder at the young woman in his arms as he remembered the taste of her lip-gloss on his lips.
He just broke a promise tonight, but in its place he made another. He sighed as he leaned back in the chair and waited. Tomoyo's mother and his family would be coming soon.
Only one thought kept repeating itself in his mind before he fell into his first restful sleep in years... Perhaps two broken hearts have enough pieces to make a complete one.
[END]
Author's Post Notes:
1) Eh, still seems rushed. Found out I can't revise this more than adding a few words or changing word forms.
2) Thanks go to Michael Hopcroft for "Sakura at 18", from which I got Tomoyo's view on her relationship with Sakura. GRUD's poem "Komm, Susser Tod", which set the major tone of the story, it may not be CCS but if the shoe fits... And finally ToMoYo HiKaRi SyAoRaN for giving the challenge and the idea of a Tomoyo+Touya fic.
3) What happened to Yukito? Only God knows.
The Twilight of Tomoyo
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfiction
Version 2.00 - 04/01/2001
***
Card Captor Sakura created by, registered, and copyrighted to CLAMP/Kodansha, Bandai Visual and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Card Captor Sakura. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Card Captor Sakura.
No copyright infringement was in any way intended.
The Twilight of Tomoyo written by Jino Turtlegod
***
R Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.
***
[Recording]
Rain. Drumming against the window pane. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Clock. Hands moving, pendulum swinging. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Phone. Lying on the covers ... ... unringing.
[Stop]
The girl took her eyes away from the viewfinder and stared at the silent phone. It lay on the light blue silken covers of her bed, like a cherry blossom against the clear blue skies. Her lavender eyes swirled with repressed emotion.
:: Call her. You're her friend, you don't need a reason to call. ::
Her hand reached out towards the pink phone. A call on a rainy day, a voice of an angel lifting the dreary soul of the abandoned. That is all that she wanted.
Her fingers stopped short of her desire and with a heavy heart she drew back.
***
[Play]
The image of a dream. A heart's desire. The girl looked back at her, embarrassment on her face as she tugs on the hem of the short, red skirt as if doing so would make it a bit longer. She looks uncomfortable in her current costume: the knee-high boots, red skirt and vest, and white short-sleeved sailor-type shirt.
"Tomoyo, isn't this skirt too revealing?" the girl on the screen asked, her face flushed.
"It's beautiful Sakura, it accentuates your figure," her voice answers from off-screen. Sakura reddens some more.
"Can we please begin?" an annoyed voice interrupted. The camera panned around and a boy in a familiar green combat robes came into view. The boy pointedly looked at the camera. "Daidoji, don't you get tired of filming us?"
"Li!" Sakura exclaimed off screen with a hint of relief and excitement.
"Not if it's Sakura," her voice replied in her usual cheerful way.
The boy gave a sigh and rolled his eyes. The camera panned back to the girl in red. "Sakura, don't forget the gloves and the beret."
Sakura gave a resigned sigh, and then she flashed her a smile.
[Pause]
Tomoyo pressed some buttons on the remote while her gaze was locked on the still image on the wide-screen TV. With a whir, her printer began to render the beautiful picture of the smiling girl on expensive photo paper. Tomoyo's eyes locked on the unseeing green orbs of the image. She stood up from the couch and walked towards the larger than life image of her friend and loved one.
Her finger touched the screen, static crackled under her touch to send chills down her spine. With tenderness she traced the oh, so familiar outline of Sakura's face.
:: Sakura...::
Wetness. Trickling, meandering, a stream of sadness. Thunder cracked from the storm outside. Tomoyo took a step back and brushed back her raven colored hair with a hand. She sniffed, trying to stem the tide of tears that escaped her eyes.
Sakura smiled at her from the warm screen. No, not Sakura - a mere shadow of the girl, a memory captured in the emotionless grasp of technology. Tomoyo sighed a heart-felt sigh, an exhalation from the depths of her tortured soul. With heavy steps she walked away from the lifeless image, never once looking back at the lip-gloss stained screen.
***
[Memories]
A sunny day. Birds sang their love songs as they flew overhead. Sakura sat on the railing of the bridge and waved at her. Just the two of them, best friends until the end.
No one can draw them apart.
[Memories of the day before]
A doorbell ringing.
"Yes?" Touya greeted in his usual indifferent way as he opened the door. " 'morning, Daidoji."
"Good morning, Touya. Is Sakura in?" she had a happy smile on her face.
A look of... was it pity?... crossed Touya's face. He somehow knew that Tomoyo's feelings for Sakura ran deeper than mere friendship. But even if he knew he didn't say a thing. "No. She and father went to Kyoto..." he frowned as he cut himself off from what he was about to say.
She cocked her head. Sakura hadn't told her of the trip, which was quite unusual for the girl. "Oh," was the only thing she could say. She saw Touya's eyes averted, as if thinking of something important.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, good day, Touya." She turned and started down the driveway.
"Hey, Daidoji." She stopped, intrigued by the guilty tone in his voice.
"Yes?" She felt something bad by the way Touya's eyes locked onto hers.
"I have tea brewing and the Monster left some cake."
"I - I don't want to impose."
The intensity of his usually cold eyes scared her.
"The Brat's with them."
Such a simple statement yet it explained so much. Tomoyo felt weak-kneed. She had been finally discarded. Abandoned for another. Why?
[Memories]
Sakura in the pond, her skin glistened with droplets of water, her golden-brown hair clung against her face in wet strands. A mixture of relief, annoyance, and embarrassment was on her face - an expression mirrored on the boy on whose lap she lay. Tomoyo's was pleased as she knew that the two's predicament would draw them closer. Finally, a person capable of returning Sakura's affection, a person whom Sakura can love without shame, a person whose love will not be judged by others. Tomoyo was genuinely happy for her friend... but in a way, she also felt her heart break.
[Memories of the day before]
The cup made a clear, clean sound against the saucer as Tomoyo carefully set it down. Touya glanced up from eating a piece of cake, worry was written in his dark eyes. They sat in silence. The wind chime sang in the breeze.
"Um, when will they come back?" She finally broke the silence, the searching gaze of her friend's older brother was making her uncomfortable. It was as if he had taken off the mask of the cheerful girl that she always wore and had gazed into the young, confused, disheartened woman underneath.
"Tomorrow evening," Touya's eyes finally released her and she nearly sighed in relief. "Father wanted to see an exhibition at the Kyoto Museum. He remembered that Syaoran liked archeology and Father asked the Brat if he wanted to come. Sakura overheard them and wanted to join them. Father can't say no to Sakura."
:: And she was so happy she forgot to tell me...::
"Hey, Daidoji." His voice broke into her depressed reverie. She looks up, this time unflinching at his gaze.
He had a soft, smile on his lips and understanding in his eyes. "You like Sakura, don't you."
She nervously swallowed. Did he see behind her mask? She smiled as she answered, her eyelids closed to cover the windows of her soul. "Of course. She's my friend."
He took up his cup as he shook his head. "Daidoji, you know what I meant."
Her eyes grew wide. He did see! She wanted to run away but his gaze had once again locked her in her place. She bowed her head as she nodded.
"You don't have to be ashamed," his voice was sad and gentle.
"But- this- it's- it's wrong..." she could feel the tears well up in her eyes.
"True love is never wrong. You do love her, don't you?"
She nodded. She couldn't express her feelings into words, no words can do her love justice.
"Then tell her."
"I can't." She knew in heart that her love will forever remain unrequited. "She loves Syaoran. If- if I tell her that I love her, she'll be torn because I know she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I don't want her to love me because she's afraid to hurt- that's not love- it's pity. I don't want her to pity me. I know she can never love me more than a friend, I don't want to give her problems. Not when she finally sets her heart on someone- not like the crush she had with Yukito. It's true love she feels for him, I can never compete with that. And I don't want her to become sad. So... so..."
"So, you'll sacrifice your happiness for hers?"
She shook her head and gently brushed away the tears with the palm of her hands. "As long as she is happy, so am I." She forced a smile on her face as she stood up to leave.
And again he saw through the mask. "You're a good friend, Daidoji."
The smile was still on her face as the streams of sadness coursed down her cheeks.
[Memories]
A song came to mind. A song sung by teasing children.
Syaoran and Sakura. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Tomoyo smiled in happiness as she filmed the two without their knowledge. Her heart was wrenched every time she set the two up, gently pushing and guiding them together. But she always told herself that Sakura's happiness was her happiness. For two years she had watched their love develop, the brief interlude of separation when Li returned to Hong Kong had only served to intensify their love. Now Li Syaoran, Sakura's true love, her soul's complement, had returned to her, honoring a promise made out of love.
She felt the tears begin to fog her sight... How she wanted to be the one feeling the warmth of Sakura's embrace, the one to taste of her sweet lips, the one to receive the passion of her love.
To dream is a wonderful thing. To live reality is eternal pain.
Tomoyo shut off the camera and walked silently away, leaving the two lovers to enjoy their glimpse of heaven in privacy. As she walked, she felt the twilight of her life approach. Sakura who was the light and joy of her drab world was leaving, and all that is promised is darkness.
::Sakura is happy.::
[Memories of the day before]
"She'll probably call tonight," Touya whispered into her ears as he gently held her in his arms, her tear stained face against chest. He had been waiting, ready for the point when she finally broke. He went to her and pulled her close, giving her comfort as she acknowledged her sadness.
As they stood in the middle of the living room, her head barely reached his shoulders as he embraced her, she told him how much Sakura meant to her, how Sakura was the light that gave life. The sun of her world. The one who kept away the darkness of the night.
The front of his shirt was wet with her grief, the thesis paper that he was supposed to finish was calling out to him, but still he held the young woman to him until she finally stopped sobbing.
"Really?" A fervent prayer that she had not been discarded but just laid aside.
"Sakura never forgets her friends for long." He felt the relief wash over her body, for she knew what he said was true. Tomoyo would always love Sakura, that was something that she knew in her heart. But if they were still friends, then the pain can be borne, the darkness kept at bay.
She left with hope in her heart, a ray of light in her dreary existence.
But.
He was wrong. So wrong. She stayed up until the gray dawn heralded the storm.
And still the phone was silent.
***
They walked home that night from their anniversary dinner. They were so happy, finally making a decision to marry once he was finished with his course, less than two years in the future.
They held hands as the moon stood watch overhead bathing everything in a cool blue light. Her smile was sparkling and heart-felt. Her long black hair swayed with the Autumn breeze, and her dark eyes were filled with life.
Life. Love. Hope. Happiness.
Four things taken away that night as they walked home under the light of the blue moon. The squeal of tires, the blast of a horn, the sound of metal crashing, the screams of people, the flash pain... the pain of body, heart, and soul - pain unending. Then comforting darkness.
She was gone when he awakened.
Touya sat up in his bed, sweat beading over his body as his sleep was once more bothered by that dream. He cradled his face in his hands as he tried not to cry. He felt the ache in his dead heart, the pain of loss and regret.
The night he awakened to his loss, he had made a promise. To love only her. The only things left to him were his family and friends, he would see them happy, to protect them as he had failed to do to the woman he loved.
It had pained him to hurt Tomoyo in order to protect Sakura's happiness, but he knew it was best for him to have been the one to hurt her, to strip off her mask so that she would be able to face herself. He did a good thing to shatter Tomoyo's dependence, she can finally spread out her wings and fly to seek her own path. But...
He felt like he had betrayed his love.
He noticed the rain outside the window and he gave a wry smile.
:: How fitting...::
***
Tomoyo lay on the floor. Outside her window the lightning flashed and the thunder roared like magical creatures battling each other. Yet she lay still, her lavender eyes gazing, staring without seeing at the chandelier which reflected the fireworks of the storm.
Her hair was spread around her like a halo as she lay on a bed of flower petals. No. Not flower petals. Shredded cloth. Ruined costumes. Torn pictures. Smashed video tapes. An overturned sewing-box. A broken dream. A shattered heart.
A lonely drop of sadness.
Red did not suit her.
***
"I shall call the young mistress," the maid said as she bowed to the rain-soaked guest.
The man bowed back and surrendered his coat and umbrella to the maid's waiting hands. A package was in his hand. Sweets to ease the pain - hers and his.
"Wait," he called out to the maid. "Was she still sad this morning?"
"I do not know, Sir, she has not ventured out of her quarters today, not even to eat breakfast and lunch."
"So, you're not really sure that she'll even see me?"
The maid appeared uncomfortable.
He smiled kindly at her. "Do you mind if I call her myself?"
***
Shouts. Voices raised right outside her door. She doesn't really care, she was beyond caring. Several women cried out warnings. A man shouted back in defiance.
Her door nearly came off its hinges as something or someone smashed it open.
She was a bit surprised as he stood on the other side of the door, his dark eyes showed shock and betrayal.
***
Tomoyo lay on a proper bed in a guestroom as the maids cleaned up the debris she left in her room. Touya leaned on a wall beside the window, he was looking at her sleeping form sternly.
"That was stupid," three words that summed up his thoughts as he stood vigil over the girl whom his sister had unknowingly hurt. He walked over to the girl, his eyes never leaving her bandaged wrists. A plastic tube snaked from her left forearm towards the container of blood that hung from an IV stand beside the bed.
The maids had changed her blood drenched clothing as he called the doctor and left a message in his home's answering machine. Touya couldn't believe that the girl had done that to herself, she tried to take her own life to end her sadness.
When the doctor left, he gave instructions to watch the young girl in case she rips her bandages out or takes off the IV. Her bodyguards stood watch outside, while Touya watched over her inside. Tomoyo's mother had been called from her business trip in Tokyo and was already on her way home.
Touya finally tired of watching the white cotton of her bandages and moved to a soft cushioned chair to rest his exhausted body. He looked at her beautiful and gentle face as she slept. It was so sad to know that such a sweet, innocent child had been hurt by her own pure love.
He felt sorrow for the young girl, knowing fully well the anguish of a broken heart. And yet there was guilt. It was his fault for stripping off her defenses, to lay her bare to the darkness. He should have thought of how she would have actually reacted instead of taking it for granted to be the reaction he hoped for. He too was stupid.
He rested his elbow on the chair's arm and then propped his chin on his hand.
***
He stood by her bedside, her hand in his. He could feel the streams of sadness come unbidden and unashamed.
She looked up at him, her face still beautiful as ever, her smile still filled with life, love, hope, and happiness. And yet she knew, knew of the end of her life this night.
She said something as she brought his hand to her lips and kissed it. He smiled sadly as he ran the back of his hand across her cheek. She said the three words as she closed her eyes and the fire of her soul began to dim.
He leaned over and touched her lips with his, he whispered his reply before the final moments.
She smiled in contentment. And finally, Tomoyo was at peace.
***
He slowly opened his eyes as he heard the silence of the absent rain. The storm had passed and he felt a slight chill on his skin from his damp clothing. But yet he also felt a restraining warmth, like the embrace of a mother. His eyes finally opened completely and he stared into the warm lavender eyes of the girl who stood watching him, waiting for him to awaken from his slumber.
"Tomoyo!" he uttered, noticing with relief that the girl had wheeled the IV stand with her. He also found that the warmth came from the heavy quilt someone had thrown over him.
"I'm sorry if I bothered you Touya." The girl looked away in guilt.
"It's nothing," he replied in his usual pre-occupied manner. He saw the slight shudder of her shoulder as if she recoiled from being struck. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you try to kill yourself?"
She looked into his eyes and she bared her true self, she knew she could trust him, she knew that no mask can hide her from him. She told the truth as she knew it, "There was nothing to see except darkness."
Touya nodded in understanding. He wanted to curse his sister but he couldn't, he loved her so much and cannot blame her for being blinded by joy. But also since it was his fault for opening the wound, for calling in the darkness. His eyes returned to the girl before him and he followed a crystalline drop make its way down her cheek as it flowed with the stream, to hang from the precipice of her chin, and finally fall into oblivion before ending its existence on the polished floor.
With trepidation he again returned his eyes to the girl before him. No, she wasn't a girl anymore but a young woman. A young woman wounded and in pain. Tomoyo looked at him with empty eyes, the streams of sadness finally ran dry. Outside, the sun was setting and bathed everything in a warm orange glow. As the light touched her eyes he thought he could see a fire stir within them or was that his own imagination? She looked beautiful in the fading light of the sun, in the way it played in her raven her, how it tinged her pale skin with vigor. The white sleeping gown she wore became peach in the dying sun, it suited her in the way conformed to her small frame which was no longer that of a child's. No... she did not look beautiful... she was breath-taking.
Touya felt uncomfortable. He felt an ache in his heart, his own heart which bore its own scars. He swore he would never love again and here he felt his heart beating, reaching out for his sister's friend. A child six years his junior, a child still in high school, a child... a child who was no longer a child.
"I have to go..." he made a move to stand but froze as her eyes locked him into place. Her soul wanted- no, needed comfort, and he was the closest one she could take it from. With a sigh of resignation, an acceptance of his guilt, he wrapped her limp form in the quilt and sat her on his lap, held her close and fervently hoped that the stirring in his heart would go away.
His heart nearly stopped as she snuggled against him.
"Touya?"
"Y-yes?" he cursed for stuttering like a schoolboy.
"Do you think you'll ever love again?" such a simple question that had no simple answer, thus he gave none.
She looked up at him and saw him watching the stars come out. Engrossed by his reaction, she too watched the darkening sky of twilight. They sat silently, watching the twinkling lights of the heavens come into being and the moon ascended into its place amongst them.
"Beautiful," he whispered as the sun finally gave up its realm to the dancing stars and watchful moon.
Tomoyo took her eyes from the night sky as realization dawned. She once more looked up at this man who held her and she felt her shattered heart began to heal. Even the night had its own source of light to keep the darkness of loneliness away.
"Touya?"
"Yes, Tomoyo?"
"Thank you for caring, even if you're just doing it because I'm Sakura's friend."
He wanted to protest that he really cared but he remained silent. But Tomoyo saw through the mask of silence and she smiled in happiness.
"Wait for me," she whispered as she took one of his hands in hers and pressed her cheek to his palm.
The question forming in his mind was answered in a moment. Moments more and she drew away, a smile was on her lips as she once again pressed her cheek to his palm and snuggled into his arm, allowing sleep to finally claim her.
Touya looked in wonder at the young woman in his arms as he remembered the taste of her lip-gloss on his lips.
He just broke a promise tonight, but in its place he made another. He sighed as he leaned back in the chair and waited. Tomoyo's mother and his family would be coming soon.
Only one thought kept repeating itself in his mind before he fell into his first restful sleep in years... Perhaps two broken hearts have enough pieces to make a complete one.
[END]
Author's Post Notes:
1) Eh, still seems rushed. Found out I can't revise this more than adding a few words or changing word forms.
2) Thanks go to Michael Hopcroft for "Sakura at 18", from which I got Tomoyo's view on her relationship with Sakura. GRUD's poem "Komm, Susser Tod", which set the major tone of the story, it may not be CCS but if the shoe fits... And finally ToMoYo HiKaRi SyAoRaN for giving the challenge and the idea of a Tomoyo+Touya fic.
3) What happened to Yukito? Only God knows.