What Every Teenage Boy Owns
By AnimeDutchess
A/N: So yeah...at some point in every man's life, he owns at least one dirty picture that can be considered his "porn collection", and hides it wherever possible, whether under the bed, in a closet, taped to the ceiling fan...
Anyway...that's what this is about. I was inspired from my recent discovery over the summer that my 13-year-old brother looks at porn with his friends. His male friends. Not only is he the size of Frankenstine's Monster, he enjoys the sight of...okay, yeah, don't wanna squick you out. And I don't blame him, but God...I don't need to see some dude's winky! Yuck! That's what lemons with plots are for!
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Disclaimer: I really, really would like to own Pokemon...but sadly, I don't. I'm sure you all agree that it's sad that none of us own Pokemon.
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Ash's mother had only given him talks on his bed twice before in his life.
The first time was when his father just up and left. His mother had tried to explain the whole thing to the distraught six-year old, but even now, he still didn't understand why a man would leave his family, even if he was trying to become a great Pokemon master, and never send them a letter or even try to communicate with said family.
The second time was when he was nine, a few weeks away from setting out on his Pokemon journey, and his mother had sat him down for a very...interesting...version of "The Pidgey and The Beedrill" conversation that all parents give their children.
...You don't even want to know the things Delia reveiled to Ash about himself. Let's just say it involves two males and nine long, crazy months.
This time around, like all the others, Ash sat on the edge of his nicely-made bed, the morning sun gleaming through the window. His mother, the calm, sweet woman we know as Delia Ketchum, stood in front of him, arms crossed loosely in front of her chest.
"Ash, sweetie..." She said in an even tone, "I was cleaning yesterday, and I happened to go into your room..." Ash squirmed on the bed impatiently. "And I looked under your bed...and behind all the clothes and toys that were shoved under there...I found a cardboard box."
Ash froze at her words.
"Ah..." He tried to give his mother a convincing, innocent smile. "You know how kids are, Mom...we just shove everything under our beds or in our close-" He paused when she reached down and pulled the afformentioned cardboard box out from under the bed. "...Oh."
"Oh indeed." Delia sighed, massaging her temples. "I understand that you're a growing boy, Ash, and this type of thing is natural...but I was still surprised when I looked in here." Instantly, her son's face was a wonderful shade of crimson.
"Y-You looked inside?!" He exclaimed, petrified. Delia nodded.
"How could I not? I was curious." She reached inside and pulled out one of many copies of...
"Playgirl." Ash flinched.
"I, um...read it for the articles?"
"They're all cut out."
"...Damn. That always works in the movies."
"Don't say things like that, Ash. Swearing isn't becoming for a young man." Delia tossed the scissors-massacred magazine onto the bed next to Ash and reached into the box again, this time pulling out a big stack of manga-like books, with colorful covers and varying levels of artistic prowess.
"You also have a lot of those doujinshi books in here..." She commented, putting the stack on the bed and picking one up, flipping through it, as Ash sat there, shaking in embarassment. "You really seem to like those Kingdom Hearts ones..." Delia had a modest blush on her face as the pages passed her. "I've never seen this many beautiful, androgynos men in a series before..." Ash flinched as she closed the book and placed it back on the stack again. "And if you wanted to know more about mpreg, all you had to do was ask me..." She put a finger to her cheek as she continued, Ash sinking lower and lower into a strange, depressed state. "Or go on the internet, at least...they have fanfiction, you know."
"MOOOOOM!" Ash hid his face in his hands. "Do you realize how much you're embarassing me?!" Delia just smiled at him.
"I'm supposed to embarass you, sweetie. I'm your mom." Ash groaned, flopping backwards on the bed.
"Alright, alright! I'm sorry! I'll burn everything in the box...I'll even burn the box! You can put parental controls on the computer, anything..." He looked close to tears. "Just stop, please..." Delia watched her son, a sad look in her eyes.
"Aw, honey, I'm sorry..." She sat next to him on his bed and put a comforting hand on his forehead. "I know this is making you feel uncomfortable..." Ash seemed to look relieved at the apologetic sound of her voice...
"But there's still one last thing in the box!" Delia stood up, looking determined. Ash gaped at her. "And in order for you to learn your lesson, I have to discuss it with you!"
"Waaaaaghh..." Ash slammed his face into his bed. "For the love of Mew, Mom! Not that, please, anything but that!" But Delia ignored his protests and pulled out the last thing in the box...
"This photo album," She said, holding said item in her hands, "Was the least likely thing I expected to be here. I looked through all the pictures, and I didn't realize why they'd be in such a collection..." She opened it, looking at the pictures fondly. "And then I noticed a pattern." Ash clamped his hands down over his ears.
"Don't say it out loud, Mom!" He scrunched his eyes shut. "Please! Once it's said, it can't be unsaid!" Delia just smiled at him.
"Maybe if it's said, you'll finally come to accept it..." She showed the open album to Ash, who reluctantly opened one eye to see it, and immediately blushed in embarassment. In it were pictures from Ash's childhood, at varying ages, when he was playing with his friend-turned-rival-turned-friend, Gary Oak.
"..." Ash snatched the album back and got into a sitting position, hugging it to his chest."So?"
"...You like him...don't you?"
"...And if I do?"
"Then do I have a surprise for you!"
"...What?" Delia patted his head.
"Just remember to use a condom for now, dearie."
"..." Ash's face turned bright red, and he dove into his pillow. "Is he...sitting in the living room...right now?"
"Why, yes he is."
"...Does he know about..." He gestured to his collection. "...This?"
"Why, yes he does."
"...WAAAAAAAAGHHH..." Delia giggled at her son's embarassment.
"Ash, it's alright. I don't mind." She came over and ruffled his hair. "My poor little boy...can't even ask the person he loves out on a date..."
"MOOOOOOM!"
Fin
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A/N: ...Yeeeeah...don't ask, 'cause I don't know either. I wanted to bring Gary in at the end...but I felt that it might detract from the point of the fic too much...which is basically...HIDE YOUR NAUGHTY PICTURES BETTER, ASH! XD
But anyway...this is one of my crazy oneshots...you guys know how they usually end. X3 Reveiw, please, and Ja Ne! - AnimeDutchess