Diaries of a Huuga
May 28th 2004
My name is Hinata. I know I don't say much, but that doesn't mean there isn't anything on my mind. People look at me and pass me by, not taking the time to get to know who I am. My own cousin doesn't even know me! Some people go as far to say I don't deserve the name of the Huuga clan. I know better; I know that I am strong.
When I walk around Konohagakure, people don't stop to talk about me, they don't even take a second glance at me. They go on their day without a concern. The only one who stops to talk to me is Naruto, and even then I don't think he really knows I exist. He sees me, but looks right through me at the same time.
I let out a sigh at this thought. Some times people can be so cruel! Even my own team mates take it too far! Kiba and Shino don't understand. Kurenai doesn't even see it. So what if I take my own pace? So what if I have been told all my life that I am not good enough, and I never will be? I still try, don't I? Shouldn't that be enough for them as it is for me?
I know it will never be this way. I know that they look at me and wonder why I press on, when I have fallen so far behind? Sometimes even I doubt myself. I have to continue though, I have to press forward. If I give up, then I loose the only thing that makes me strong; I loose my persistence. I can't loose that; I feel it is all that I have left.
When I look to the clouds, I wonder what it is that Shikamaru sees. All I see is an endless journey for those vast seas of cotton. They have to go wherever the wind takes them, with no really path of their own. Their paths are planned out, and they don't even know it. I could never live like that.
I sat on the swing outside the academy. I feel that this is where it all started; everything I have ever dreamed of doing came from attending this school. All I know came out of these walls, other than what Kurenai teaches me now. Perhaps I will return her when I go on to be a chuunin? Only time will tell.
Neji wants to become a part of the main branch of our clan so badly, but is it important? To him, I guess, but to me? It seems irrelevant to his plans. Honestly, I don't think it's all that great. I would give anything to have the strength that he has. If I could control myself as he can, then I would be so much better; that could never happen.
I can't sit here and dream about being like him; nothing good can come from that. I am who I am; a Huuga and Konohagakure konoichi. I have to be proud of what I have, not envy those around me for what is not mine. I have to be me, and no one else.
I know that no one will take the time to understand who I am on the inside. I know that is too much to ask of them; but is it too much to want? I just want to be heard, even though I could never say anything more than a whisper.