I am a father.
There I wrote it.
It's in black and white, but I still can't believe it.
I've been a mentor to my team and a father figure to Ray Jr. and Madison; but that is as close to being a parent as I have ever come.
I had married Marisol in hopes that we could start a family before the cancer killed her. I knew it was my last chance at fatherhood, but it slipped away.
That's not to say I didn't love her. I did after a fashion.
I was being punished for wanting something most men take for granted.
So now, I'm a father.
I'm the father of a jailbird.
Not really a jailbird, more like a misunderstood youth. He is a child trying to fit into an adult world and not succeeding because I had failed him.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up for not being there when I didn't know about his existence until a few months ago, but I do.
Frank is constantly telling me that I take too much upon myself, and he's right. I can't help it. I've spent all of my formative years defending my mother and then Ray from our father that the martyr complex became fully ingrained.
But I digress….
I am a father.
I still can't believe it.
After years of wanting to be, desiring to be, trying to be; I finally am.
Unfortunately, this puts my son in danger.
It tears me in two knowing that my job; my way of life up til now could get my son killed.
So I will do what any father would do and protect him the best I can, even if it means making an enemy of Rebecca Nevins.
It will never be enough, but I won't stop trying.