This is just a short story set after ACFS. Thanks to a good friend of mine for her great Beta-Work! All other errors and typos are mine, so please be gentle!
Stormy Birthday
Hutch could hardly believe it, but Starsky really had made it. It was now two weeks ago and his partner sat really and truly on his usual spot at the desk. He still looked very pale; he had become very thin and his stomach sometimes still rebelled with violent cramps, but he survived the poisoning.
Never again he wanted to think about this dreadful 24h that had changed his life and that of his friend with so lasting effect. He never again wanted to see Starsky's grief-stricken face when new cramps shook his body and he never again wanted to see the head shake of the doctor; the unavoidable certainty that there was no more hope for his friend.
Exactly that constant memory was the reason for Hutch why he had decided to arrange an extended week-end in the mountains for both of them. Dobey agreed after some short hesitation; knowing that his best team was not fully fit at the moment.
And so, on a cloudy Thursday morning, Hutch stowed his partner, food for several days and luggage in his old LTD and hit the road westward.
After they traveled the first miles without saying a word Starsky finally broke the silence.
"Why?"
"What?!"
"Why do you drag me out on this camping trip into the middle of nowhere?"
"It's not a camping trip, Starsk, only a restful week-end in the mountains!" Hutch looked at his friend in surprise.
"Exactly that's it!" Starsky moaned. "The mountains! You know that I don't like this wilderness!"
"Wilderness?! Starsky, we'll live in a well equipped cottage, only twenty miles away from the next town. The rest and the fresh air will be good for you!"
'And for me too, partner! We both need a change of air!'
Starsky threw a disbelieving look at his partner leant back in his seat and tiredly closed his eyes. A few minutes later he was sound asleep.
Hutch was concerned.
Since the poisoning Starsky constantly was exhausted and tired. But the doctor had explained that this was a normally result of the poison. That and the strong drugs Starsky still had to take caused that the brunette sometimes slept 12-14 hours without moving. But even after these long phases of rest he still looked tired and exhausted.
Hutch stared forward and tried to concentrate on the street, but over and over again his thoughts drifted over to that dreadful phone call in the middle of the night. Starsky's blurred, fragile voice, his cry for help, the endless waiting hours in the hospital. Then the situation on the roof. Starsky, shooting the only one that could help them to save his partner's life. Thinking about what followed turned Hutch's stomach still into a knot.
'It seemed like a good idea at the time!'
No Starsky, it wasn't a good idea. I nearly lost you again, like in the night in that damn' restaurant. I never talked with you about it, but it showed me how close it was that time.
And how powerless I really was.
I wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't prepared losing you this time. We haven't been in a case, it wasn't a shootout, it was a simple dinner and I had to watch you falling to the ground, bleeding.
And I couldn't do anything against it.
Exactly like this time.
I could do absolutely nothing against it, I couldn't protect you, and I couldn't help you. Instead of protecting your life you saved my ass, you shot the man who wanted to kill me although you exactly knew that Bellamy was your only hope.
'It seemed like a good idea at the time!'
Yes, but you didn't think about the consequences. How do you think I should continue without you? Who would make me laugh, who would endure my bad mood?
No.
Stop it.
Hastyly he shook his head and tried to dispel the bad memories. He looked over to Starsky and studied his sleeping partner. No, it was over, they, no...he, Starsky made it though with his help, he didn't know how, but he survived. Alone!
After Starsky had been given the antidote Hutch sat by his friend's bed day and night, full of fear and anguish, until the doctor informed him finally that Starsky was out of the woods. These had been the worst hours in his life and he wanted nothing more than to forget them and dispel them from his memory for once and for all.
Time is a great healer, but some wounds would never heal.
'Come on, Hutchinson, its over. Your friend is here, he didn't die and as long as you can prevent it, it will remain so. Think positive!'
Finally, after endless hours they reached their destination near South Lake Tahoe. Starsky had slept during the whole journey, not even woke up when Hutch stopped to gas up.
Now the brown LTD stopped in front of the wooden cottage and Hutch turned off the engine.
"Starsk!" Softly Hutch shook the sleeping brunette's shoulder.
"Hey, Starsky wake up, we are there!"
Tiredly Starsky opened his eyes, winked and stretched himself yawning.
"Uugghh ... Hutch, my neck...where are we?!"
Hutch smiled mildly. "No wonder your neck hurts the way you lay there! Welcome to Lake Tahoe! Get out, here's the key for the cottage! I take care of our luggage!"
Slowly and stiffly Starsky climbed out of the car and stretched himself once more. He looked at the cottage; it was made of wood, stood on a tiny hill and was surrounded by several gigantic Oregon pins.
"Did you drive the whole tour?" He asked astonished.
"No, the car drove completely on its own... Starsky, of course I drove alone!" Hutch giggled in amusement and opened the trunk.
"Why didn't you wake me up? You didn't need to drive the whole way alone. You're looking tired..."
'Yes partner I AM tired...'
"Never wake up a sleeping lion! Come on, go in! It's cold outside." Hutch replied and pushed his friend to the door. Without resistance Starsky went up the steps to the cottage, opened the door and entered the room.
The interior looked comfortable and offered everything what was needed for a quiet vacation; a spacious living room with a combined kitchen, a bath and a bedroom. Shivering Starsky pulled up his shoulders. Hutch was right; it had become very cold for Californian standards. Starsky stepped to the window and observed how his friend unloaded the car.
In spite of his own illness it didn't escape his attention that the last two weeks clearly drove Hutch to the edge. He seemed very tired and exhausted, the dark rings under his eyes made his already pale face even more lean than usual. The worries about his serious ill friend, the endless days of waiting in the hospital brought him to the edge of a complete breakdown. But Starsky knew, that Hutch never would admit his own weakness; he sighed quietly and collapsed on the couch. Hutch needed this week-end as bad as he himself, even if he wouldn't mentioned it.
Hutch rumbled into the living room and dropped the luggage.
"Wow, that's some sort of a storm tonight...brrr it's cold!" Hutch rubbed his hands and stamped with his feet. Tiredly he sat down beside Starsky and looked around. "Comfortably isn't it?"
"Yesss..." Starsky drawled. "But it's cold! Didn't you say this house would be well equipped? Are you sure that the heater is still working?"
"Wood!"
"Sorry?"
"We need wood! This cottage has a chimney stove! What about we first clear away our luggage and then you take care of our dinner while I look for some wood? I looked outside, but there's nothing more left."
"As long as I don't have to go out. What do we have for dinner?"
"Steaks, vegetables, potatoes and for dessert pudding with chocolate sauce. How does it sound? Is this enough to fill your stomach?"
Now Starsky was beaming with joy.
"Did I already tell you that I love camping holiday?!"
Hutch shook his head laughing.
"No, actually not! Here get your stuff; I'm not your mule!"
A good hour later both men had stowed their luggage, the fridge was well filled and Starsky started to transform the kitchen into an adventure playground.
Hutch dressed himself in his thick red quilted jacket, threw a scarf around his neck and joined Starsky, ready to go out.
"You're sure that there's no bear outside waiting for you?"
"Starsk, the only animals that will show up in this weather are a few roe deer or hares! The important thing is that dinner will be ready when I come back! And no excuses! I like my steak medium please!"
"You'll get it! Don't forget your cap. Do you have an ax?"
"Yes Mom, I have everything!" Hutch hummed and turned to the door.
"Hutch!"
"Mmmh?"
"Thank you!"
"For what?"
"For giving me some time off and..."
"... and for what?" Hutch raised an eyebrow.
"For being there when I was in that mess and for being my friend." Starsky finished quietly.
Hutch wrapped one arm around Starsky's shoulder. "Hey... it's okay, partner! You don't have to thank me. Tomorrow is your birthday, I didn't have time to buy you a present, and so I thought..." Hutch tried to find the right words.
'I'm just glad that you're still there.'
"Yeah... you know that I don't like red roses ..."
Hutch nodded silently, opened the door and jumped back; the storm tore it almost out of his hand.
"Wow... it won't last long, Starsk, I'm back again in no time."
"Okay, be careful."
"Don't let the steak get burned!"
"As long as you're back in time..." Starsky gave out a laugh. The door snapped in place when a renewed gust of wind tore the door handle out of Hutch's hand.
Starsky watched his friend until he vanished in the dark shades of the firs.
So the time passed and while Starsky cleaned the vegetables, the well spicy potatoes were cocking in the frying pan and spread out an enticing smell in the living room. Starsky was so much occupied in preparing the food that he didn't notice that it was getting dark outside.
A loud crash let the brunette look up in dismay. Startled he ran to the window, looked out and saw... fir branches. The light in the cottage started to flicker.
"What's the hell...?" Starsky murmured and tore open the door. At the same moment the light in the cottage went out and Starsky stood in complete darkness.
"Damn'!"
Starsky had to push himself with his whole weight against the now wide open door. The storm had still increased in intensity and howled and hissed around the wooden cottage like a furious dragon. With all his effort Starsky finally managed to close the door again. Exhausted he let himself glide down the wall and to the ground. He looked at his wristwatch; the fluorescent figure sheet pointed at 8:30p.m. Hutch was out in the forest for over one hour now. And for over one hour he was alone there in this storm. Suddenly all tiredness left Starsky. Panic-stricken he got up and searched around the darkness until he reached the bedroom and found his bag and a flashlight. In the beam of the light Starsky looked for his jacket and cap and before he once more opened the door he still switched off the stove.
No reason to let the cottage burn down.
When Starsky stepped out of the cottage, a gigantic fallen fir obstructed his way outward. The storm tore him almost off his feet and he protected his eyes with a hand.
Carefully he made his way through the chaos, climbed over branches which were as thick as he and struggled through the fir tangle. Suddenly he heard a noise from somewhere, he wasn't sure what he had heard, the storm was so loud and lashed into his face, but he was sure that he had heard something.
A loud groan, a suffocated scream.
"HUTCH!!!"
Searching he pointed with the flashlight in the direction from where he supposed the noise, but he only saw new piled up firs as high as a man and thick branches.
"Hutch! Are you here?!" Following an inner intuition he climbed over more new branches, again and again calling for his friend.
There... this time he was sure he had heard something.
"S-Starrs..."
He knew that voice and now in the light of the flashlight he saw something red flashing through the branches.
"Good God... Hutch!" Starsky squealed, desperately he struggled through the branches, he tore his clothes at some branches, his hands were full of abrasions and started to bleed. Somehow, hardly breathing he reached the place where he suspected Hutch. He shone with the lamp between fallen down branches and recognized a blond mop of hair under all the branches.
"Hutch ... can you hear me? I'm here, don't move, I have you out there in no time." He heard a suppressed moan, then a painful cough.
"Starsk... even if I wanted... I can't move...... aah, it hurts..." He heard Hutch's pressed voice.
"Where, where does it hurt, Hutch?" Panic-stricken fear hit Starsky. Hutch was lying on his back, a thick and heavy several inches branch laid straight across his body.
'Dear God, not his back, please don't let it be his back ...'
"Hutch, you're with me?"
He heard nothing but a groan.
"Hutch, I need you awake, don't fall asleep! Come on, where are you hurt?"
"M-My leg... Starsk... think I'm bleeding."
Starsky gave out a loud groan. "Okay Hutch, I get you out there. Just don't move."
"Ax ..."
"What?!"
"The ax... somewhere by my right side!" Hutch whispered in pain and Starsky heard something moving beside him.
"Wait..." Starsky touched with his hands trough the branches until his fingers felt a sharp object.
"Okay... I got it. Hutch, talk to me, don't fall asleep. I need some help here. Do you hurt somewhere else?" With strong blows Starsky hit the thick branches. "Hutch?"
"My head... can hardly breathe... 'm cold and tired... get me out, please..." Hutch's voice became quieter with every minute.
"Stay awake Hutch; come on tell me what happened." Starsky knew that a head injury, in combination with a shock and blood loss could be a dangerous thing.
"Don't know...suddenly l heard some noise...no time to step away..."
"It's okay Hutch...it's almost done, buddy, just a few seconds." Starsky managed to release Hutch that he could see his upper part of the body. Blood ran down from a deep laceration wound over Hutch's pale face, but to Starsky's relief his eyes were open. He reached out and wiped away some of the blood running down Hutch's cheek.
"Hey, partner, how are you doing?" He asked in a gentle tone.
"Never felt better... glad you've found me...please... take this damn' tree off me, I can't breathe." Hutch pressed out with gritting teeth.
"Just a second, but I need your help. Try to push Hutch, with me together on three, okay? And when you think you're able to move, try to roll on your side even if it hurts, okay?"
"What ever you say, Starsk..."
Starsky knelt down and pressed with his shoulder from below against the tree-trunk.
"Now on three. One, two... THREE!" With his whole weight Starsky braced under the tree and actually the tree-trunk rose some inches. Hutch squealed out in pain.
"HUTCH! ROLL OVER! NOW!" Starsky yelled out; he knew that Hutch was in pain but he couldn't hold the tree-trunk any longer.
"Please, Hutch, please! You have to!"
Later Hutch didn't know how, but under awful pain he managed to roll on his side when he felt the heavy load was taken away from his upper body. A piercing pain ran through his right leg as he rolled over and he felt warm blood running down his thigh. A feeling of sickness rose up in him and he noticed that he lost consciousness.
"Starsk..."Feeble he raised a hand.
"I'm here Hutch, I'm here, open your eyes, please."
From a long distance he heard his friend's voice. Two strong arms raised him up and a shaking hand touched his face.
"Hutch!"
Starsky reached for the stored flashlight and carefully ran his hand over Hutch's chest, looking for broken bones or wounds and finally found the wound at his thigh.
"Oh damn'...God!" Starsky whipsered. The wound was bleeding profusely and seemed to be very deep, but here and now he only could stop the bleeding by pressing a hanky on the wound and fixing it with his belt. Hutch bent over in pain and pressed both hands on his thigh. Sweat ran down his face and he bite down his lip for not crying out loud.
"Hutch, you have to stand up. I know it hurts like hell, but I have to get you to the cottage."
Hutch shook his head. "No Starsk... I can't..." He whispered tiredly and closed his eyes once more.
"Oh yes, Hutchinson, you can and you will! I won't leave you here!"
Starsky pulled his friend to his feet and wrapped Hutch's arm around his own shoulder.
"And now move, Hutch, move!"
Starsky couldn't remember how long they needed for the short distance back to the cottage, but it lasted an eternity. They climbed over branches and obstacles and forced themselves a way through the undergrowth. Starsky had to carry Hutch more than he could walk. Like a doll Hutch hung at his side held up only by Starsky's clutch around his hip and shoulder, hardly able to walk. Finally, with the last strength they reached the cottage and Starsky opened the door; both men staggered in and felt to the ground, completely exhausted.
Starsky remained lying there for a moment and tried to catch his breathe. The last yards had overexerted him completely, but he knew that he couldn't remain lying here. Groaning he rolled on his side and slipped away under Hutch. With the foot he bumped against the door and it fell back in place.
It was still dark in the cottage and Starsky had only the flashlight as the only source of light, but he needed more light to examine Hutch's injuries. He remembered a bundle of candles he had seen in the kitchen cupboard and a paraffin lamp standing in the shelve beside the chimney. In a hurry he got up and minutes later the cottage was illuminated by the light of the candles and the paraffin lamp. Then he gathered some towels, a bowl of water and some blankets and returned back to his still motionless friend. He knelt down beside him and rolled him carefully on his back.
Hutch had lost consciousness during the painful way back, but now he gave out a groan, his eyelids twitched and he turned his head in Starsky's direction.
"Stars..."
Now he trembled violently and his teeth chattered. Starsky wrapped the blankets around Hutch's now violent shivering body and tried to comfort him with his presence. Hutch tried to sit up and clasped his aching leg with both hands. Groaning he fell back again and struggled for breath.
"Hey Hutch. You're save now. You hear me? Don't move around, you've got a nasty gash at your thigh. Don't move so that I can take a look at that leg and your head wound. Pretty nice bump you've got there." Starsky said reassuringly knowing the blonde was in shock.
"Hurts..."
"Yeah, I know it hurts Hutch, don't move around, maybe you've got some broken bones." Reassuringly he stroked over Hutch's forehead, bathed in sweat. But he felt sick by the thought that he had made his friend climb over all these obstacles with a possibly broken leg.
But now he had no time for such thoughts, now it was more important that he got a look at Hutch's injuries.
The laceration on the head didn't look that bad, it had even stopped bleeding; he left it alone for now. But he was more concerned about the deep laceration at Hutch's right thigh, which was still bleeding and had soaked his whole right side. He searched for his pocket knife and began to cut the pant leg up to the hip. Starsky gasped when he saw the deep wound; it must have been a branch or something else that had penetrated into the flesh when Hutch had been hit by the tree.
It took Starsky some time to stop the bleeding, then he cleaned the gash with water but he was not sure if he had removed all the splinters. After he had administrated a pressure bandage, he moved his fingers over the leg to find some noticeable bumps and was relieved when he didn't find any.
During the whole painful procedure, Hutch clenched his hands to fists and from time to time Starsky could hear a suppressed scream of pain. When he had finished, Hutch's eyes were closed, his face was covered in perspiration and he was biting his lip until it started bleeding.
"It's almost done, Hutch. Just had to make sure, that nothing was broken. Now let me see your head." He moved to Hutch's head, cleaned the wound and dressed it. When he finished, Hutch tried to move into a comfortable position.
"God, Starsky... It hurts!" He moaned and bent over. Starsky grabbed Hutch's trembling body in his lap and wrapped both arms around his shoulders.
"Sshht, Hutch, it's over now, I got you. Just relax." He soothed and stroke away some sweat banks off Hutch's brow. Hutch grasped his arm and tugged his fingernails into Starsky's forearm.
"Hurts … and I'm so c-cold." He whimpered.
Starsky wrapped the blankets tighter around Hutch's trembling shoulders, knowing that his friend was still in shock.
"Take it easy, Hutch, you're save now. Easy Hutch, easy."
It wasn't the first time that Starsky hold his friend in his arms like a frightened child and whispered calming words into his ear.
Like in a flashback he remembered the time in Huggy's back room, a shivering and shaking Hutch lying on the bed, crying out for help. These had been the worst 48 hours in Starsky's life.
He would never forget Hutch's begging voice, imploring him to get him his 'medicine'. He would never forget Hutch's pain-full screams when his body was shaken by new cramps and he had to vomit over and over again, although he had nothing more left in his stomach.
During the whole time of the acute symptoms Starsky didn't move away from his side, wiped Hutch's sweaty face, held his twitching body and experienced every new pain wave as if it had been his own.
And for some time he had thought that he would lose Hutch.
But Hutch survived the hell of the withdrawal, but this experience left deep scars. The scars in his face had faded after a short time, but his soul would be marked for ever.
Starsky never talked with Hutch about that experience, the memories would have been too painfully for both men. But every time, when they found a drug victim in any dark lane of Bay City, Starsky needed just one glance in Hutch's face to know what thoughts were going around in his mind.
After some time Hutch relaxed in his arms, the shivering stopped and his respiration settled down. Starsky's strain decreased, the adrenalin rush was over and complete exhaustion spread over him. He was too tired to release himself from the uncomfortable position and so he remained sitting on the ground, Hutch's curled up body in his lap.
A gnawing pain woke up Starsky hours later. They were back again, the awful spasmodic pain in his stomach and Starsky knew immediately why. Since they left Bay City, he forgot to take his pain meds. The whole journey he was asleep, then the storm and the feverishly search for Hutch. Now he probably had to pay the price for it. Cold sweat broke out and he suppressed a loud groan.
'Please not now...I don't have time for this craps...'
He knew that his meds were lying in his travel bag; somehow he had to go to the bedroom, before the pain became intolerable. Carefully he laid down Hutch's floppy body and took care not to wake him up. Both of his legs had fallen asleep and when the blood circulation started again it was almost as bad as the gnawing pain in his belly. Starsky made it until he reached the bedroom door, then with a loud groan he collapsed on his knees and bent over, wrapping his arms around his body.
He remembered the time when he ly on the ground in front of the studio. The cramps were hardly to bear and his vision was blurred. But he heard the voice of his friend, the soothingly words and strong arms that held him tide. But he had seen the fear in Hutch's eyes and the desperation to be unable to help him.
A new cramp washed over him and this time he cried out in pain. This time it was different, there were no comforting words, no strong hands that hold his twitching body. This time he was alone. And this thought was more painfully than the devastating cramps.
'Hutch, please don't let me go through this once more...'
Hutch woke up hearing a quiet moan. First he wasn't sure where the sound came from, he listened closer, then he heard the suppressed groaning again and he opened his eyes.
For one moment he didn't know where he was; his gaze fell on the almost burnt down candles which faced on the table and he asked himself, why he was lying on the cold ground, muffled in several blankets. He stretched his bent legs and at the same moment he wished he wouldn't have made this movement. With effort he suppressed a scream when a piercing pain twitched through his right thigh and all of a sudden he remembered the events of the last night. The storm, the fallen tree and Starsky who had pulled him out under the tree-trunk.
Starsky... where was he? He missed the pleasant warmth his friend's body had radiated, his comforting embrace, while he was lying in his arms shaking with cold and pain.
Again he heard the groaning, this time louder, like a scream. And what worried him more: he knew this voice.
In a hurry he rolled on his belly and a look of sheer horror spread across his face when he saw his partner in the beam of the candle lights lying in the door frame doubled over in pain. In the same moment pictures appeared in front of his inner eye; Starsky, lying in his arms shaken with cramps, his eyes full of pain and allowed the blood in his veins to freeze.
"Starsky..."
Hutch gasped out in distress; but he only got a quiet whimpering as an answer. The fear about his friend let Hutch forget all his own pain; supported on both forearms he crawled over the ground; panic grasped him and it appeared to him almost like hours until he reached Starsky, breathing heavily.
Full of fear he rolled Starsky on his back and looked into his friend's grief-stricken face.
"Starsky, my God... what's going on? What happened?" He asked concerned. Now he leaned with his back at the wall and supported Starsky's head with his hand. "Look at me Starsk, what's wrong with you?"
"H-Hutch …"
A new pain wave grasped Starsky, groaning he wrapped his arms around his belly and pulled his legs up to his chest. "God, it hurts..."
In the same moment Hutch knew what was wrong with Starsky.
"Starsky, where's your medicine?"
There was just another moan.
"Starsky please...help me! Where's your medicine? Come on, tell me!"
Starsky tried hard to open his eyes.
'Concentrate! Hutch is here, calm down David, everything will be alright now. Your friend is with you...Just open your eyes and tell him where the damn' pills are...'
"B- BAG ...sleeping room." Starsky let out wheezy and closed his eyes again when a new cramp let him bent over again.
"Okay, I'll get it ... easy, I'm back in a minute." Softly Hutch laid his friend down on the ground and dragged himself the remaining yards to the bedroom. He reached for the bag and crawled back. Wildly he searched through the bag until he found two little tablet tins. With relieve he opened it and poured two white pills in his palm.
"Here swallow them; they will ease the pain and the cramps."
Obedience Starsky opened his mouth and Hutch pushed the pills in.
"Good Starsky, and now breathe, take deep breaths. The pills need some time to be effective."
Again Hutch shifted his upper body against the wall, pulled Starsky against his chest and held him tightly. Starsky was still in excruciating pain and he cried out when the pain spiked again. He grasped Hutch's hand and squeezed it until his knuckles went white. Hutch could do nothing than to hold his hurting friend in his arms, tried to comfort him and gave him all the strength he could give. Starsky began to gag but there was nothing in his stomach he could throw up and so he curled up like a ball and pressed his face into Hutch's lap.
It seemed like hours, but after a while the cramps decreased; Starsky body began to relax and the gagging slowed down so he was able to open his eyes.
"Hey partner, how do you feel now?" Hutch asked anxiously and looked in Starsky's still too pale and sweaty face.
"Don't know... tell me that I'll survive..." Starsky answered and smiled weakly. "Sorry... didn't want to wake you up!"
"Sorry?! For what? For being sick?" Hutch called out in outrage. "But why for god's sake you didn't take your medicine, you fool?"
"Because I thought it was more important to save my nature born partner first from being killed in the woods." Replied Starsky quietly.
"Oh Starsky…" Hutch sighed and he felt tears burning in his eyes.
"You were in no condition to make such a stunt!"
"Yeah, but it seemed like a good idea at the time."
This time Starsky grinned broadly and grabbed Hutch's hand. "And we made it, huh?"
"Yeah, Starsky, we made it." Hutch suppressed a sobbing and sneakily wiped the tears out of sight. Then he suddenly gave out a laugh. "Some great birthday present I got you, right? Maybe we're saver on the streets than here in the woods, uh?"
Starsky chuckled. "As long as you didn't want to go out now to get some more fire wood I never had a better birthday present!"
Both men had to laugh and then they remained silence for a while, just happy to feel each others comfort and lost in thoughts. Then Hutch suddenly noticed that Starsky started to sob and trembled violently.
"Starsky, sssht, what is it?" He asked soothingly and grabbed him closer to his chest. "You're still in pain? You need some more pills?"
"No-no... it's just... you Hutch!"
"Me?"
"Yes... you scared me to death, you know that?"
Hutch looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"This day in Huggy's room, when...when you kicked the cool turkey. I really thought you wouldn't make it this time. You were in so much pain and you were so weak. I thought I would have lost you..."
"Starsk... stop it."
"No Hutch...I-I don't know how to tell you... but when I saw you tonight again in so much pain, bleeding and crying... I almost had lost you once again. I don't want to go through it once again Hutch!"
"Starsky..." Now Hutch's voice was as gentle as silk when he talked to his scarred partner. "I know how you feel... two weeks ago I nearly lost YOU to the poison Starsk. The doctor gave me no hope and said you were dying. I felt so... helpless because I couldn't protect you and then you saved my life and killed the only one who could help us to find the antidote. If you hadn't survived because of saving my ass..."
"It's enough, Hutch..." Starsky interrupted him. He knew exactly what Hutch wanted to say.
They both had been on the brink to lose the best friend they ever had.
Of course it had always been clear for both that in that job they had to live with the danger and that luck couldn't always be on their side.
But this kind of danger, this kind of enemy they hadn't been prepared for and that made them fear. To get shot in a gunfight was one thing but to watch helplessly how the best friend has to suffer was something special. Their friendship was something special; it was like a bond between both of their souls. There was no room for fear. But perhaps it was this fear, this hidden fear of losing the other and it became clear to them how important honesty in their friendship was. The worry and the fear about the other had let them grow together stronger than before, but also more vulnerable. And at the same time they noticed that they had to learn to speak about their fears and worries.
"Starsk..."
"Mmmh?"
"I never thanked you for the fact that you never left me alone during that time at Huggy's..." Hutch took a deep breath. "If you hadn't been there... I don't think that I could've faced it alone. I would have chosen the easy way...."
Starsky looked at Hutch in shock but after a moment he realized what Hutch had just told him. But then he slowly nodded his head.
"I know... I went through the same... I was already dead... maybe that was the reason why I shot Bellamy... I can't watch you die...I... I couldn't face it ...alone... and I didn't want to die alone..." He murmured with a toneless voice and looked into Hutch's sky blue eyes. "You saved my life twice... You're more to me than I could explain, and that's something that makes me fear. I was so afraid of losing you once again..." He whispered with a tear-suffocated voice. Hutch took him in his arm and hold him tight; silently tears ran down his face.
They almost would have choked on their fear, but now they let their feelings run free. After a while the sobbing died down and Starsky freed himself out of Hutch's embrace. With the back of his hand he wiped away the tears and sat up.
"Uh, sorry..."
"Hey enough apologizes, that what friends are for, right? We laugh and we cry together! But to be honest, I prefer the first one!"
"Yeah, so do I!" Starsky tried to smile. "What about your leg? Does it still hurt? As soon as the storm is over we get you to a doctor."
"It's okay Starsk, it throbs, but it's okay. But if you would help me up I can sit down on the couch, it's much comfortable there!"
"Yes, sure!" Starsky helped his friend up and together they hobbled to the couch. With a small groan Hutch collapsed on the couch and lifted his injured leg.
"Hey Hutch, I nearly forget it!"
Hutch looked up and saw Starsky kneeling behind him and holding a small parcel in his hand. Amazed he looked at him.
"Okay, it's my birthday, but it's not forbidden I think, so here's MY present for YOU!"
"Starsky... I already got a present."
"Pardon?" Now it was Starsky, who looked confused at Hutch.
"I got you back Starsky." Hutch whispered with a fragile voice and fought once more with the tears. "You survived the poison; you are the best present I've ever got."
Starsky's look wandered to the ground and tried to hide his rising up tears. But then he grinned broadly and handed Hutch the package once more again.
"Please... open it! It's my birthday and you're not allowed to refuse a request of the birthday boy!"
Sighing Hutch took the package and opened the paper. It was a photo of Starsky and him, taken during the day of their final celebration at the academy.
"Turn it." Starsky requested him.
Hutch acted as he was told and solidified for one moment.
'For the best birthday present I've ever got. YOU!'
It was engraved on the back of the frame.
"Starsk..." Hutch didn't know what to say.
"Say nothing Hutch. We both know it and that's enough!"
End