Title: The Panties Conundrum.
Pairing/Characters: Puck/Rachel with mention of the other gleeks.
Rating/Warnings: Probably T for Pucks potty mouth.
Summary: Puck asks the question all boys want to know.
Spoilers: None, as such. Slight AU where Rachel found out about Finn/Santana and dumped his ass.
Disclaimer: Glee does not belong to me
Authors Note: This was done at the request of Hannah. Hope this is what you were looking for! oh, and there may be a follow up story. Just saying. :D
Noah Puckerman was bored. He knew he should be paying attention to whatever bullshit message Mr Schuester was trying to teach them this week, but he just couldn't find it in himself to give a shit. Sure, he enjoyed Glee. The singing was cool, dancing was okay, but the best thing? Hot chicks in short skirts. There was the Cheerio unholy trinity, they were nice to look at. Unfortunately, that threesome included his baby-mama, but that was a been there, done that, bitchy mindfuck just waiting to happen, so he avoided Quinn as much as possible. Santana was his bro, they'd been tight since middle school. Hooking up or not hooking up, if shit went bad, Santana was there. Sure, he called her satan and señorita loca, but you should hear what she calls him. Brittany is off-limits. Been there done that. But she's belonged to Santana since they were kids and nothing is going to change that. Then there was Tina. Sure she was cute in a Goth kinda way, but she was with Mike and Mike was his bro, and he wasn't going to cross that line again, some shit just wasn't worth the hassle. Mercedes was a friend, who he had briefly dated, and honestly, he was too scared of her wrath to even think about her like that. She'd know, then she'd find him and cut him. She was legit scary.
Which brought him to Rachel Berry, resident genius, user of huge words and wearer of short short skirts.. Rachel Berry was a control freak, prima dona pain in the ass, but she was smoking hot. Sure, she might not show as much as the average cheeriho, but what she did show was prime. Tanned, toned and how can someone so short have such long legs? It was a mystery that kept Puck awake at night, well, that and doing things that everybody does when thinking of hot girls in short skirts. Currently she was running her mouth at Mr Schue who looked torn between strangling her or strangling himself.
Ever since the truth about what happened between Finn and Santana had come out, and Rachel had found out and thrown a shit fit that he's sure Finn's ears are still ringing from now almost two weeks later, things with Rachel and Finn were cold.. As in Rachel would sing with Finn, but other than that, they had zero contact. They were donzo, and Rachel seemed happier and even better, she'd stopped wearing those dresses and sweaters that made her look like Quinn Fabray 2.0, and gone back to short short skirts, and tight sweaters. Which made any normal 16 year old boy think about what was under that skirt? Granny panties? A thong? Matching bra and panties set? I mean this shit took some serious consideration. Just thinking about it was having an effect and he sat up straight trying to both get comfortable and hide his growing hard on. Rachel, evidently having given up on her attempt to drive Mr Schue to drink came stamping over and sat down in the chair next to him. He cocked an eyebrow. "S'up Berry?" He saw her huff a breath and roll her eyes. "Noah, as I know you're aware, I find your use of my surname as a form of address most annoying. My first name is Rachel, try using it." Her rolled his eyes at her.
"Whatever. What do you want?" She narrowed her eyes at him, temper colouring her cheekbones. "I was hoping for a civilised conversation. Obviously I approached the wrong person, goodbye Noah." As she went to stand up, Puck went on instinct and grabbed her wrist. "Wait, Rachel. I'm sorry, sit down." She sat down and sighed.
"Noah, I know you find me annoying, but I find that you are the one person I can rely on to be honest with me. Sometimes painfully so." She looked at him and Puck nodded. He told her what he thought, whether she wanted to hear it or not. And she did the same for him. They'd had a weird kind of friendship ever since that Run Joey Run fuck-up. It wasn't like they hung out or anything, but they talked. Then he frowned. "I never said you're annoying. I mean yeah, you piss me off sometimes, but then so does the majority of the assholes in this school. I have a question for you and don't freak out. I legit want to know." Rachel narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but nodded.
"Okay, Noah. What did you want to know?" Puck took a deep breath and with a smirk asked the question everyone was dying to know. "What kind of panties do you wear under those short ass skirts?" There was a silence as Rachel's face went bright red and her mouth fell open. Just as Puck started to laugh, Rachel stood up and slapped his arm with a shriek. "Noah Puckerman, you are a pig! That is a disgustingly inappropriate question, that I will not be answering." And then she stomped across the room leaving Puck laughing his ass off, while everyone gave him funny looks. He shrugged. "Its a gift." Then when Rachel didn't stop and just went straight out of the room, the laughter stopped and he stood up. He caught Mike's eye, and Mike glared at him. "Fix it." He nodded. As she'd left the room, he'd seen her face and she wasn't just angry, she was upset. "Will do, cover for me with Schue?" Mike nodded, and Puck headed out the room in search of Rachel.
By the time Puck caught up with Rachel she was at her locker and angrily pulling stuff out and shoving it into the rolling bag she used as a backpack. He stopped next to her and her head snapped up and she glared at him. "What, did you forget to say something insulting as well as inappropriate?" Noah ducked his head and sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, Rachel. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a dick. I thought you'd laugh, or call me a pervert, not get upset." Rachel frowned.
"Noah, I know you're trying to make me feel better about bullying me, and becoming somewhat of a friend has helped with that, but honestly, I fail to see how pretending to be interested in what underwear I'm wearing just to see me overreact in front of everyone is funny." Puck frowned, suddenly becoming pissed off but not really being able to pinpoint why. "First off, Berry." He said stepping closer to her so they were only separated by a couple of inches, "I might not advertise the fact, but we are friends, so quit it with that somewhat bullshit. Now, as for the question of underwear," He paused and stepped closer so that he could feel Rachel's body heat and she could feel his. He could feel his pulse rate pick up and he took a deep breath. 'Relax Puckerman.' he told himself mentally. 'you're a stud. You got this.' "You can believe me I sure as shit wasn't kidding about that. I genuinely want to know." Rachel looked puzzled.
"Why would you want to know?" Noah shook his head for a smart chick, she could be incredibly dense about just how hot she really was. Which wasn't a big shock as she'd spent her entire high school career having bitchy teenage girls telling her she was ugly and not hot and shit like that. "So I can put the image to good use." He saw confusion cover her face for a few seconds until she seemed to get it and she blushed. Then to his shock she looked him straight in the eye and smiled, slowly. "If you're going to put it to good use, then I suppose I could tell you." His eyes went wide and he could feel his heart pounding. "What kind of panties do I wear?" She leant closer to him as she shut her locker door and she smirked, one he found spookily similar to his smirk. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
With that she turned and walked off, her laughter trailing behind her. He turned and dropped his head back, feeling it thunk off her locker. She was such a tease. He shook his head and laughed. Shit who would have thought Berry had it in her to be all flirty and shit? He was just about to go back to glee when his phone bleeped indicating a message. He pulled out his phone and frowned when he saw it was from Rachel. He opened the text and his eyes widened and his phone started to slip from his suddenly nerveless fingers, and he made a grab and looked at his phone again, to check his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. It wasn't. The message had two words. "I don't." He groaned as all the blood in his body drained below his waist. Then his phone beeped again and he frantically pushed buttons to open the message. "But then I could be lying. Guess you'll have to find out for yourself." He smirked as he sent back his answer, then headed down the corridor to go get his girl.