My Secret Diary

Chapter 1 – First Sight

BPOV

DATE: 6th JANUARY, 2010

Dear Diary,

Some moments, too precious to be left untold, too imperative to be shared, too desirable to let go...leave a vacuum in heart, too hard to be filled. And so I, Isabella Marie Swan, has decided to devote some vital time in reminiscing various childhood and present memories which I can't possible share with anyone at the moment. Several implausible memories which include him! A person who changed my life...The only person who was ever able to steal my heart...and the only person who was ever able to shatter it into millions of irreparable pieces........

(AGE: Edward – 6, Bella – 6, Alice – 5, Jasper – 7, Rosalie – 7, Emmett – 9)

Self-consciously, Renee rechecked her formal dress to confiscate any sign of an inappropriate stain or imperfection. She had been especially paranoid today which is very unlikely of her. It was her first day of job. After her husband, Charlie's death, during an encounter with a perilous criminal, Renee was shattered. Charlie was the chief of police in the little town of Forks where they lived. He was her life and reason for survival. It was hard for her to remember exactly how many times she had attempted to commit suicide after the interment of her eternal soul mate. But she couldn't bring herself to act upon her impulse. Not with the responsibility of her 5 year old daughter. She had to live for her. She had to become the mean of her daughter's survival. Her daughter – the only souvenir of Charlie's and her undying love.

Renee had married Charlie right after completing her high school. They were young and naïve and wretchedly in love. It was hard for her to even consider the option of establishing a successful career before being settled in an everlasting relationship. Hence, the difficulty in finding a job. She used to be a content housewife, happy to spend blissful moments with her family. She never thought that a tragedy, so catastrophic, was waiting to snatch her little fairytale kind of a life away from her.

So she couldn't help but be a little nervous about her recent job acceptance. She would be working as a maid in the Cullen family. Cullen family was quite popular in the small town of Forks. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen had three kids and with their individual jobs, it was quite difficult for them to be around them all the time. Either one of their kids always ended up hurting each other or themselves. They were very little. The youngest one was their 5 year old daughter, Alice. Then there was Edward who was 6 years old and has currently ended up breaking his left leg which was one of the reasons why Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were in desperate need of a nanny. The eldest son was Emmett and he was 9 years old. Mr. Carlisle Cullen was a doctor while his wife Esme Cullen was a successful business woman.

Renee picked up her suitcase and looked around the now vacant house. After Charlie's death, Renée had thoughtlessly taken a large amount of loan from the bank. Unable to pay back the amount with the requisite interest, she had to endure the horror of her domicile being snatched away from her. She had no refuge to provide haven for her daughter and herself. They were in the midst of serious financial crisis. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen have very munificently offered an auxiliary room in their huge mansion for her and her daughter with an appreciable salary.

"C'mon Bella, its time to go. Aren't you excited to see your new house?" Renée asked her daughter with as much enthusiasm in her voice as she could muster. Her now 6 year old daughter, Bella looked up at her mother and slightly smiled for her mother's benefit. Just the avowal that it was finally time to leave the house she had been living in for almost all her life, sent chills of tremor and dread through her spine. She hugged her teddy bear closer to her heart in a vague and innocent attempt to alleviate some of the horrendous trepidation from her heavily thumping heart. Bella has seen her mother suffer for past one year. Her pitiful attempt at various jobs she applied, her complete breakdown whenever anyone mentioned Charlie, her constant brawls with the people from bank who instructed her to leave her house, had taught her not to go against her mother's will. Seeing her once cheerful mother in pain was excruciating. With a heavy heart Bella had agreed to shift to the Cullen's house.

Taking her daughter's tiny hand, Renée made her way out of the door and placed the suitcase securely in the red old rusted truck that she owned. The entire ride to the Cullen's house was spent in silence. Bella was far too scared to utter a word in fear of revealing her traitor tears which were on the brink of releasing from her eyes at any moment.

Finally they were at the Cullen's mansion. Their house was huge for the lack of a better word. The stunning yet pure and simple white color of the house was enhanced by the colorful bright flowers and a great variety of trees surrounding it. Both Renée and Bella were momentarily enchanted by the splendid beauty and charm of the mesmerizing aura that seemed to be surrounding the place.

Mrs. Esme Cullen stood in her business attire, outside the house near her car which was held open by her driver, busy talking with her client on her cell phone while her personal assistant stood near her making all the important notes as per Esme's instructions. As soon as Esme noticed Renée standing at the gate holding her daughter's hand, she shut her phone and came forward to meet them.

"You must be Renée and this must be your daughter Bella, right?" Esme inquired with a polite smile. Renée returned her smile and nodded. "Well, im really glad you could make it here on time. Everything is taken care of. Shirley will show you your room and will instruct you on every other necessary detail." Esme continued while indicating towards her personal assistant, Shirley. "Please don't hesitate in asking for help if you have any problem. Shirley will explain rest of your job. I must leave now, but I'd love to talk to you and know you more once I return back tonight." With a last nod in their direction, Esme made her way to her car and the driver drove away.

For a moment Renée found herself being a little intimidated by the supreme amount of self-confidence Esme seemed to posses. "Please follow me" Shirley instructed while Renée and Bella followed her inside the house. The interior of the house was even more captivating than the exterior. The walls were of a beautiful shade of purple and the furniture delicately orchestrated in perfect synchronization. The left side of the house was dominated by a fleet of stairs which led to the upper floor containing two bedrooms. The right side of the house was laminated with pure glass and provided a splendid view of a nearby beach. There was a side door which gave access to a private playground from where noises of a few children could be heard which probably belonged to the Cullen children.

"Why don't you go and play in the playground with the kids while I instruct your mother about the work?" Shirley suggested to Bella, crouching down so she was at eye level with her and offered her a gracious smile. Bella bit her bottom lips hard – an unconscious action she performed every time she was nervous – and looked at her mother with tense eyes for confirmation. Renée nodded in encouragement and smiled at her. Shirley escorted Renée to the kitchen where she encountered three other maids. Bella watched as Shirley told Renée about the work and then gave out a sigh. She looked at the playground behind her. From the half open door she could see a little girl of about her age with dark spike hair running after a beautiful blonde girl who looked about 7 or 8 years old. There were two other boys playing with a football, fighting to get dominance over the ball with their foot. She walked forward tentatively to the door. She stopped at the door timidly; her teddy bear still hugged to her chest tightly, and took in the surroundings. The playground was astonishing. There was just no way to describe its beauty in mere words. The multicolored flowers were festooned pleasantly around the garden. The hypnotic smell of fresh roses, lily, freesia and many other flowers was enough to allure Bella to step forward from the doorstep and enter the garden. A variety of trees bordering the place explained the professional touch behind the ornamentation of the spectacular playground. There were a few swings including a red slide and a see-saw too.

But what caught Bella's attention was a little boy of about 6 years old, sitting alone at the front step of the verandah attached to the garden. He had the most beautiful shade of splendid bronze hair, messed up and jutting out in all direction which suited him perfectly. He had spectacular sparkling emerald green eyes and pale white skin. He was beautiful with sharp features and the sunlight glinting off of him made him resemble an angel in Bella's eyes. But he wasn't playing with the rest of the kids. That's when Bella's gaze fell over the white cast on his legs and a wheelchair standing nearby. He had his elbows resting on his knees and his face cradled between his palms as he looked longingly at the other children running around the garden. His beautiful face held a hint of sadness as he stared at the kids - who could only be defined as his siblings since all of them were almost as striking as him, though not exactly as beautiful as him – pensively.

With hesitant steps, Bella walked towards him who was oblivious to her presence as he continued to gaze the scene in front of him. When she came near him, she heard him giving out a depressed sigh but he still didn't acknowledge her presence, too lost in his thoughts to pay attention to his surroundings.

Bella stood there for a while, shifting nervously at her spot. A light blush colored her cheeks as she considered saying her thoughts aloud.

"Are you an angel?" she asked.

The melodic voice startled the boy and brought him out of his stupor. He looked up and blinked in surprise as he saw a figure standing near him. When he focused properly...he stopped breathing for a moment. Before him stood a young girl with mahogany colored hair cascaded over her shoulders with natural light curls. The cool breeze caused some of her hair to fly with the wind and caress her soft, delicate features. She had unusually pale skin and a light pink blush colored her cheeks as she looked at him shyly with her wide unfathomable brown eyes. The most beautiful brown eyes he'd ever seen. He noticed her biting her fragile bottom lip nervously as she stared at him questioningly. That's when he remembered that the unknown girl had asked him a question but couldn't remember what it was.

"What?" he asked, partly to answer her question and partly to hear her melodic voice again.

The girl looked at him shyly through her eyelashes, her blush becoming more pronounced as she repeated her question.

"Are...are you an angel?"

The boy looked bewildered for a moment before a crooked grin lit up his face. Bella's eyes grew wide as she saw his mesmerizing smile.

He has to be an angel. She thought innocently.

"No" the boy replied, amused. "I'm Edward....who are you?" he inquired.

"Bella" she replied timidly.

"Bella..." the boy whispered her name. "What are you doing here?" he questioned, confuse.

"I...m-my mother and I will be staying here." She replied hesitatingly, contemplating the boy's reaction to this news.

At this Edward's face lit up and a glorious grin adored his face. "Really?" he asked excitedly.

Bella smiled, relieved that the news of her staying at his house hasn't offended him, and nodded.

Edward made an attempt to stand up but immediately realized that it was impossible to do so in his situation, and slumped back to his place with a heartbreaking expression on his face.

"you hurt your leg" Bella stated as she sat beside the boy on the step. It wasn't a question, just an observation.

Edward nodded his head sadly and glared at his cast.

"you should probably go and play with my siblings and my friends. You'll get bored if you stay here with me. I can't even move from my place." Edward told her in a gloomy tone.

Bella frowned at his assumption.

How can he think I'll get bored of him? She thought. For some reason that thought was almost offending to her.

She shook her head and replied sternly "No"

Edward looked up at her in confusion. Even his siblings had gotten bored after sometime by sitting next to him and had gone to play. Why would she rather prefer sitting here with him when she can enjoy the swings or play football?

Bella sensed his confusion and replied. "I fall down every time and end up breaking my bones every now and then. I know how sad it is to not being able to play. I'm really clumsy, you see. But I read books to distract myself if that ever happens"

Edward made a face at the mention of books at which Bella giggled. "you don't like books?" she asked in between her giggles.

Her soft laughter brought an involuntary smile at Edward's face while he shook his head 'no'.

"I love books...though I can't read all of them perfectly...but I've read Cinderella 5 times." She said proudly, holding five fingers up to emphasize her point.

Edward grinned and replied – "My sister, Alice and her friend, Rosalie also love that story too." Then he made a face and continued "but I don't like it...they insist upon telling my brother and me that story every night. I'm so bored."

Bella just smiled at him.

Suddenly Edward's eyes lit up and he looked at Bella enthusiastically. "you know, when my leg would heal, I'll show you my room and my toys. They're plenty of them! And my mini piano...its my favorite thing in the whole wide world" Edward told her eagerly.

Bella gasped. "you can play piano??" she asked, intrigued.

Edward nodded vigorously.

"wow" Bella breathed which made Edward pleased with himself.

"what's that?" Edward finally asked pointing at the stuff toy in Bella's arm. Bella blushed slightly and hugged her teddy closer to her. "it's my teddy bear...his name is...teddy." She replied shyly.

"can I see it?" he asked. Bella nodded without a second thought and handed her dear teddy to him. Edward scrutinized the bear and noticed that it was quite old and was also torn at certain places. He decided not to make any comments as she seemed to love it dearly, but made a mental note of buying her a new stuff toy anyway. He smiled to her and returned her teddy.

"you're so good Bella...and you don't even get bored talking to me while I can't play" Edward said with such an awestruck expression on his face that made Bella blush. "will you..." he hesitated before asking his question. "will you be my friend?"

Bella looked startled for a second, astonished that some angel like him would like to be her friend. Edward took her silence as rejection and lowered his eyes to the ground, slightly embarrassed and thoroughly depressed. "sorry....that was too soon. It's okay if you don't want to be my friend." He said in a heartrending voice.

Bella's eyes grew wide in horror as she realized that Edward had taken her shock the wrong way. She shook her head fiercely and replied – "of course I'll be your friend Edward!"

Edward's head snapped up towards her as he looked at her in shock. "really?" he asked, his voice hopeful and anticipating.

Bella nodded and extended her little right hand. Edward grinned and took her hand, holding it tightly. A jolt of electricity ran through both of them, startling them for a moment, but none of them withdrew their hands.

After a moment they both smiled at each other. "Friends Forever" they sang in union.

That day I formed an unbreakable bond with him...Possibly the perfect person in this world....

(Present)

I closed my diary with a heavy sigh as I remembered the good old days. Things are different now. Very different. And sometimes I wish so immensely that I could turn back the time, just to cherish the pure bliss and joy of those perfect days and relive my memories.

I locked my diary securely in my drawer and switched off the light. Lying down on my pillow, I thought of all the things that have changed since that fateful day...

Renée had married Phil two and a half years ago, when I was fourteen. We have shifted to his place which was not very far from the Cullen's house where I spend most of my time, even after moving out. My mom and stepfather have gone on their second honeymoon and for the time being I am living with Cullens on Esme's constant insistence.

Alice is my best friend. I like her very much even though she is persistent in making my life a living hell by forcing me to celebrate 'Girls Night Out' every second day, which mostly involves dragging my exhausted feet through every single shop in ten different malls. She was certain that one auspicious day she will successfully change me from a shopping-phobic person to a professional shopping-aficionado just like herself. Truth be told – it didn't happen in the last 11 years and I seriously don't see it happening anytime soon. But I join her anyway. Rosalie Hale is also one of my dearest girlfriends. She is my savior when Alice's tortures on me, regarding shopping and playing Bella-Barbie, go overboard. Rosalie is Jasper's twin sister, who is currently dating Alice. Rosalie and Jasper live in Cullens' neighborhood. They have known Cullens for almost all their lives. Their parents are Carlisle and Esme's closest friends. They're almost family, seeing how their son is dating Alice and their daughter is in almost engaged to Emmett. That's right. Rosalie and Emmett have been together for as long as I can remember. Emmett is like my big brother that I never had. Though the only problem is...he can be a little overprotective when it comes to boys asking me for a date. I still remember his reaction when he found out that Jasper was dating his baby-sister, Alice. He almost took the entire house on his head. Jasper had to really fell on his knees and plead him to understand that he truly loved Alice and could never even consider being with anyone else. It sure did take him a while to fully accept the fact.

And then there was me. If he saw any guy in a ten meter radius from me, staring me intently...well lets just say he has difficulty in walking steadily for the next few weeks. But I love him a lot, even for his overprotective-brother attitude. It's just too sweet.

And Edward.....

*sigh*

Well, he's just...Edward. How else can I define him so as not to leave even a single spec of his flawless perfection from his portrayal? Edward grew up to be the most handsome guy of – if I'm being honest – the whole world! The captivating depth of his emerald eyes still held the same sparkle that has been residing in them ever since I met him. His exquisite, unique bronze hair was still as messy and...Sexy. Yeah, I just said that for my childhood best friend. But if you knew what I was talking about, you wouldn't consider blaming me. His intoxicating smell sent every girl of our school drooling. His toned muscles, his mesmerizing crooked smile, his perfect jaws, his unblemished lips....the list goes on and on.

The most enthralling fact...he was still friends with me! Me! The plain simple Bella Swan! I use consider myself the luckiest girl of the entire humankind...till the realization of the most devastating truth, that my feelings for him were so much more than just a friend, came pouring down on me.

Ever since the day we first met, Edward and I have been inseparable. Bestest of friends. Living in our own little paradise. This paradise and ideal world was however shattered when I realized that I have fallen for him. And fallen for him hard!

What's so devastating about this? Well it might be the fact that he is utterly and completely oblivious to my feelings. For all I knew, he may consider me as a sister. I shuddered at the thought. And this wasn't even the worst part of my situation!

Maybe the worst part could be categorized among some of the agonizing moments of my life. Like the day when he went out on his first date with that girl, Miranda. Or perhaps the day when he kissed the head cheerleader of our school, Lauren Mallory! The memory itself was strong enough to seethe my nerves with unrequited anger. Or maybe the way my chest hurts with immeasurable amount of pain whenever I see him bring a new girl every week to his house and make out with them, all this happening within my knowledge. Of course, I'm his best friend so he finds it absolutely harmless to share with me, some of the very personal details of his intimacy with other girls unabashedly, without realizing that it cuts my heart into two every time he does that.

But we are still friends. And hopefully, if I kept my feelings in check, our friendship may last forever. I know what will happen if I confessed my feelings to him. Either he'll go in a fit of hysterics, laughing at my insanity for even considering the idea! Or sympathetically apologize for not feeling the same way. Either way, our friendship will suffer, which I could not risk! The bond that I share with Edward is very rare to find.

He loves me, even if not the same way, but loves me enough to risk his life for me if needed...like he's done many times in past. I'll do the same for him without a question. He's very important to me. I cannot imagine surviving in a world where he doesn't exist. He's a part of my very soul. It's extremely hard to breathe when we're apart, even if for the shortest span of time. And it's exactly the same for him. I can say that because he flies all the way from Forks and personally comes to pick me up from Phoenix at my grandmother's house every summer if I decide to stay for even a day longer than usual. We are truly inseparable in the literal sense of the word.

I glanced at the clock resting on the side table near my bed.

1:45 am

I sighed. The worst side effects of felling in love are the long sleepless nights that I spent just thinking about him and all the possibilities of what could have been if he felt the same way. But how can that be possible? How could someone who is literally the reincarnation of Adonis himself, ever have feelings for someone as plain and simple as me? I'm just one of the tedious geeks of our school with boring brown hair and dull brown eyes. I'm no comparison to the mighty cheerleaders of our school who leave no stone unturned in seducing the love of my life away.

When I confronted Edward and asked him why he dated different girls every week, he simply answered – he's looking for someone special...someone perfect! The girl who he could call his girlfriend and would love to spend every moment with her. With who, every new day would be a new adventure. Who could love him for who he is! Who could see the real him beneath the popular basketball captain of Forks High School, Edward Cullen. And none of the girls he'd dated had any of those qualities in them. So he keeps searching, in hopes of finding his perfect dream girl.

My heart yearned at to fulfill that place in his heart. But I knew that wasn't possible.

I was brought out of my reverie by a light knock on my door. I frowned. Who could it be at this point of time at night? I wondered.

Then his velvety soft voice rang in my ears, making my heart skip a beat.

"Bella? You awake?" his voice was almost a whisper, but was enough to sent chills down my spine.

"Um, yeah! Come on in, Edward" I replied, sitting up and turning the lights on.

The door slowly opened to reveal the personified 'perfection' infront of my bare eyes. A pillow was tucked under his left arm and his hair was even messier than usual which made him look even more delectable than usual, if possible. His eyes looked tired, but still dazzling as always. The front two buttons of the shirt he was currently wearing were opened to reveal his perfectly toned chest. I blinked and forced myself to take my eyes away from his chest and looked up at him in confusion. He looked slightly....annoyed.

"what's wrong? You look tired." I asked, confused.

He looked at the floor for a moment before replying "Emmett and Rosalie are being...loud...louder than usual." He admitted and shuddered.

"That bad huh?" Edward's room was attached to Emmett's which was the cause of most of his sleepless nights.

"Worse" he answered in disgust.

I looked up at him sympathetically and patted the empty space on my bed. "What are you waiting at the door for then? Come on in" I offered. This wasn't the first time we would be sharing a bed....like friends of course.

He smiled crookedly at me...and for a moment I forgot how to inhale. He closed the door behind him and walked towards the bed with slow steps, his smile still at its place.

God, he's seriously trying to kill me! I thought, my eyes fixated at his stunning form.

"Thanks Bella, you're a savior" he said as he propped himself on my bed and placed his pillow near mine.

"Anytime" I replied, praying for the days when sleeping with him on the same bed was easy. Now, however, it sent my heart throbbing in my chest almost painfully whenever he was this close to me.

Edward reached across me to switch of the light, which brought the side of his face less than a few centimeters away from mine, my lips almost brushing his tempting jaw. Our bodies close and touching.

My breathing stopped. My heart raced. Involuntarily, my eyes closed and I took in a deep breath, letting myself get lost in his enchanting scent. Without realizing I exhaled the breath I was holding slowly and it caressed his ears. I felt his body go rigid instantly. I opened my eyes and saw his hand stop half-way to the switch, a stunned expression on his face. His eyes lids dropped slowly and he swallowed hard. After a moment his eyes fluttered open, confusion vivid in his eyes. He shook his head a little before resuming his job of switching the lights off again.

We both settled back on the bed and I laid my head on my pillow, my back towards Edward. I was about to contemplate his more than just weird response minute ago when suddenly I felt his arms snaking around my waist. All my thoughts went right out of my head, my mind hyper alert of every single movement of his body. He kissed my cheeks – the spot where his warm lips touched started burning hot – and whispered in my ears – "Good night Bella" and went back to sleep, his arms still tightly wound around my waist and his head resting on my pillow.

I could feel my mouth slightly open and my eyes shocked. Breathing evenly was a lost cause and my heart protested against the huddle of emotions running through me, by beating at an insanely fast speed.

Sleeping would be close to impossible tonight.....

A/N: Please review! i have the next chapter almost ready, i'll update is as soon as i get sufficient amount of reviews...so, plz review. dont hesitate to ask any questions, point any faults or give your suggestions...i'd love to here them.