Title: Where Is My Mind?
Author: Miss T
Rating: R
Genre: Romance/Supernatural/Horror
Timeline: 7th Year
Pairing: Harry/Draco

- WHERE IS MY MIND? -
-Chapter One-
-Au Fait-

I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster
I know, the last in line is always called the bastard, I know
I know...

- placebo - i know

The morning sun illuminated the vast green field around Hogwarts perfectly, cascading over the mountainous horizon, tickling the etchings of dew that lay silently atop the damp grass, squelching gently underneath Draco's every step. The lake was still, only the tiniest ripple here and there from movements underneath, the dark blue consistency of the water was a reflection of the pale morning sky. Approaching the cluster of boulders and rocks that sat in a sketchy circle at the far side of the lake, Draco sat down heavily with a sigh and breathed in the frosty morning air. Pulling out a chocolate frog from his pocket, Draco lay back on the boulder's surface, his vision in the direction of the empty Quidditch pitch, just in time for another matinee.
And there he was, soaring lazy circles in the sky, head pointed heavenward, and even as it was hard to tell from here, Draco could distinguish the faint twisting of a scowl on the boy's face. Round and round, up and down, left, right, round and up. It was the same routine every morning for a week now, Draco would get up at six o'clock, - get ready for the day before coming out to see Harry Potter take his troubles out on the sky. Harry had battled You-Know-Who again, then again, surviving every time - Voldemort surviving every time, too. Or so they thought.
Last year, it was rumoured that Harry had killed the Dark Lord once and for all, but rumour also said that Voldemort's spirit hadn't truly departed the physical plain, and was still roaming around, wasting away, much like he did those years before Harry even knew he was a wizard. The countless pressures on the Boy Who Lived had grown and grown until he got sick of it - he finally pushed all of those close to him away, isolating himself from the world, subdued, barely even speaking with Weasley, for Gods' sake. It was bizarre, to say the least.
Draco tore the top from the carton he was holding and grabbed the squirming chocolate frog before savagely biting its head off, just as Harry was hovering to the ground, looking rather defeated and red faced. As Draco continued to chew on the melting chocolate in his mouth, he sucked at his teeth as Harry flung his Firebolt over his shoulder and made his way broodingly out of the stadium. Draco licked his lips after finishing the remaining piece of chocolate, sitting up and fighting with his principles again on whether to talk to the boy or not.
Yeah, and have him laugh savagely in my face? Do I really want that? The answer was no. Potter was fine from a distance. For now, anyway.

~~~+~~~


"Things," Professor Lupin projected, his voice rising above the low murmur of conversing students, "Are going to get very hard, complex, even, in your last year at Hogwarts," He moved in and out of the rows of chairs, stopping every now and again, turning to face and glare at each of his students. "Not only are your NEWTs coming up, but I will be assessing each and every one of you in a practical course nearer the end of the year." A muffled choir of whines and disappointed hisses sounded throughout the room, and Lupin held up both of his hands. "Relax! I said things would be complicated, but I didn't say I wouldn't try and help you in every way I can. Now..." Lupin moved to the front of the class, sitting at the edge of his desk. "I can see that it's going to be difficult with a new set of students to be working with, but I can assure you, you have made the right decision by choosing my subject to take at Advanced Level."
At the end of sixth year, all students had been given the choice to fill out their subject preference forms entirely of their own accord - no compulsory subjects, each and every one optional, as long as you took at least 5.
Draco sat at the back of the dusty Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom, shielded by the shadows behind the windows, the only desk without a partnered student sitting next to him. All around him, Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs; he and a reedy boy named Theodore that he didn't know very well were the only Slytherins, the latter sitting at the front of the classroom with his Ravenclaw best friend. Draco made sure he was the first to get there this morning, it was their first lesson of the year, and hopefully none of the other students would need to know that the son-of-a-Death-Eater-in-Azkaban was taking Defence Against The Dark Arts. He didn't think any of the other students knew he existed, not even at registration where most of them chose that opportunity to converse with their mates.
It was five minutes into the lesson when a panting, dishevelled Harry Potter slammed through the doorway, his book bag slung haphazardly across his shoulder, one of his shoes unlaced. Despite himself, Draco raised an eyebrow. Harry taking Defence this year? You would think he'd be sick of it. Sick of them.
Harry swallowed soundly and controlled his breathing, ruffling a hand through his hair and murmuring a faint apology to Lupin. Lupin nodded. "Morning, Mr Potter. Would you like to take a seat so I can continue with the lesson?"
Harry's lip curled, too lazy to be a sneer, too discourteous to be considered as a friendly gesture, and turned towards the sitting students who were looking up at him blankly. His gaze shifted from the front row, to the second, to the third, all full, his eyes pausing for a second on the group of seats that were currently occupied by Granger, Weasley and Finnigan. Draco could have sworn his eyes darkened. Harry's gaze then fell to the back of the room, and Draco suddenly felt his heart slam and wedge inside his throat. Great, had to be the only table with a seat free. He's going to slaughter me.
Harry shifted uncomfortably before hesitantly moving forward, shifting his body sideways as he edged past the last column of seats, making his way to the right hand corner. "Can I sit down here?" He mumbled to Draco, nodding at the seat next to the pale Slytherin.
Before Draco had enough time to gather his thoughts, he nodded dumbly and shrank back into his chair, pretending that the blank piece of parchment on his desk had spurted the most amazing words he had ever seen in his life.
"Thank you, Harry." Lupin smiled, somewhat tentatively, before continuing with his speech about the importance of seventh year. As Draco rested his forehead on his fist, he let his gaze shift over to the boy sitting next to him, who was silently, albeit huffily, taking out his things from his bag. Underneath long shards of silvery hair, Draco could see Harry's hands fumbling with a few quills, testing the sharpness of the ends. His hands were stained golden brown with the sun, his fingernails bitten but endearingly so. He had long fingers, not as long as Draco's, but they were long, square at the tip. Draco's hands were slim and his fingers were more rounded at the tip, more feminine. Harry's hands held the kind of boyish charm that made Draco stare, made Draco wonder why he found hands so utterly erotic.
"... and that's why I want you to prepare a paper for me, for next lesson." The sounds of shifting bodies and fluttering parchment caught Draco's attention as every student began to dip their quills into their ink bottles, pointed at the ready for homework instructions. Groping at his own ink pot, Draco swore as the top just seemed to refuse to unscrew, his hands unexpectedly moist from his previous train of thoughts.
"Here," He heard a soft, low voice say from his left side, before two hands came out over his, taking the bottle from his grasp and opening it with gentle ease. Draco sighed and rolled his eyes before taking the pot from Harry's grasp, and muttering a quick thanks. "You really are about as strong as a girl, aren't you Malfoy?" Harry said quietly, the corner of his lip curling into an amused smile. Draco raised an eyebrow before turning his attention back to Lupin, scribbling down his instructions hastily on his parchment.
The rest of the lesson they were told to take notes on defence charms from their textbooks, the only sounds in the classroom was the faint scratching of quills and the quiet murmuring of chatting students. Harry and Draco stayed silent, Draco unnerved by the sudden closeness of the other boy. They had never, ever sat beside each other in class before, usually one of them would rather sit on the floor first. But due to recent events and turn overs, neither had really communicated since the end of fifth year. Draco let his glance slide from his parchment to Harry as he heard the other boy sigh lightly, before cracking his knuckles and thudding his chin into his hands. Before Draco had enough time to turn back to his work, Harry's eyes had shifted over to Draco, and he had noticed the staring. Oh my god, he saw the staring. You... twit!
Harry frowned before smiling crookedly, then raised an eyebrow. "Alright, there, Malfoy? You look a bit lost."
Draco scowled and turned back to his work, his feet shuffling uncomfortably below him on the floor. "You were the one breathing like a bloody great dragon a minute ago, Potter. Was about to ask you the same thing." Harry grinned and sighed before stretching his arms behind him. "Why have I never sat at the back of the classroom before? If I'd known I could shout as loud as I want without the teacher knowing I would have been here since first year."
Draco raised an eyebrow and sat up straight, letting his quill roll onto his text book. "Oh, really? Is that why you would sit here, is it? Or is just because you wouldn't want anyone to notice you?"
"Is that why you would sit here?" Harry's grin had disappeared, royally knocking off the amused expression on Draco's face.
"As if I would tell you, Potter." He replied weakly, before turning back to his work. Harry shrugged and picked up his quill, finishing off his own work. Draco lifted his head and scanned the room in front of him, just in time to see the quick glance from Granger, two rows in front of him. She frowned and turned back round to her redheaded boyfriend, who was sleeping rather too peacefully on her shoulder.

~~~+~~~

Harry sat at the very edge of the Gryffindor table, his gaze locked on the plate of food in front of him. His usual posse of Gryffindor buddies were shifted to the other side of the hall, leaving him pretty much on his own except for a few frightened looking second years eating their dinner around him. Draco was in pretty much the same condition at his own table - Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise... all at the other end of the table, leaving him practically at the edge of the bench, alone. It was quite an odd sight to see, the two monarch idols of their houses shunned away to the end of the hall, their kingdom turning against them - or were they turning against their kingdom?
Professor Severus Snape looked on with an impatient glare, from a sniggering group of Slytherin boys all staring indolently at Draco, to a group of Gryffindors who were doing the exact same thing to Harry. It was really quite bizarre.
"Sad, isn't it?" A soft voice from beside him said. Lupin was leaning in towards the Potions Master, his fork pointing in the direction of the two neighbouring tables. Snape tore his gaze away from the Defence teacher to look back at the hall. "Yes." He murmured, idly shifting about the food on his plate.
"You'd think we'd be used to it by now, eh?" Lupin laughed softly, chewing on some mashed potato. "Only a year to go, Lupin." Snape replied lazily, keeping his stern gaze on Draco. "Do you think they'll last?" Lupin asked more quietly, seriously.
Snape sighed. "Who knows?"

~~~+~~~

Harry tore his gaze away from his plate and looked blankly ahead of him, stealing the grey stare from the boy across the hall. The other boy had the same, subtly forlorn, almost desperate look in his eyes. Harry knew that his house had grown apart from him. He knew he didn't belong anymore - and he realised that Draco didn't either. Draco, almost predictably on Harry's part, refused to join ranks with his father and Lord Voldemort years ago. Everyone had discovered when his father had been sent to Azkaban, when their Manor had been searched and cleared out of dark arts items by the Aurors, when Draco had been questioned under veriteserum by the Ministry. They all found out the sordid truth - how much Draco despised his father, his father's abuse, his house, himself. He had naturally been rejected by all his Slytherin cronies, all the girls from the house had automatically stopped swooning over him, and he was known as an outsider. Just as Harry had. Oh, but Draco could still bite like Jack Frost on a cold November morning. But only if provoked, and that was a rare occasion nowadays.
Harry held his gaze with the grey eyed Slytherin for a couple of seconds, wondering if his own thoughts of isolation were reaching out to him. I know...

~~~+~~~

Draco watched Harry from his place at the Slytherin table, his food barely touched on his plate. Harry was boring holes into his plate with his eyes, as if willing the food to pass into his stomach without going through his lips. Harry's lips. Harry's top lip was straight and thin, leaving more room for his full, bottom lip that seemed to stick out in a permanent sulk. Draco would always notice that Harry would lick his lips when he was nervous, his bright red tongue flicking out over his bottom lip before snaking back into his mouth. He also done this when he was angry - he was doing it right now. It was agonizing.
Draco was a little more than surprised when those wondrous green orbs came up to meet his gaze, fixing on him curiously. Despite himself, Draco blinked and held the stare, ignoring the heat spreading across his face. Harry's stare was raw - it was reality, his soul laid out bare, so angry, so desperately lonely - so beautiful. Before Draco had enough time to react, Harry had stood up and made his way out of the Great Hall.
Without thinking, Draco dropped his fork and stood up clumsily, bending his leg over the bench and pacing Harry's footsteps quickly. As he entered the entrance hall, Draco could see Harry about four meters ahead of him, stopping mid pace as he heard the sharp tapping of Draco's footsteps. He spun around slowly and frowned, eyeing Draco up and down suspiciously.
"Are you following me, Malfoy?" Harry asked. Suddenly, Draco didn't really know what to say, why had he gotten up after Harry - what was he expecting to happen, anyway?
Draco quickly regained his cool facade, standing up straight and lifting his chin defiantly. "No." He said shortly. Harry opened his mouth to let out a small guffaw of laughter, before frowning. "Yes, you were."
Draco scowled, narrowing his eyes and folding his arms over. "No, I wasn't."
Harry's frown faltered for a few seconds as he shifted impatiently from foot to foot. "Yes! You were!" He blurted.
Draco raised his eyebrows and stepped forward "No, Potter. I wasn't." Just then, a large group of Hufflepuff fourth years came stampeding through the double doors, ignorantly pushing past Draco who was standing next to the entrance, causing him to miss his footing and spin around into the wall. By the time he picked up his last shreds of dignity and turned back around, Harry was gone.

~~~+~~~

The next day in Defence, Draco came into the practically empty classroom to find Harry sitting in the space next to his own again. "Potter." He said with a nod, before sitting down and getting his things out, hoping to all his Gods his curtained hair would cover up the pink flush on his cheeks.
"Malfoy." Harry said with a yawn, stretching back and cracking his vertebrae. Draco shrugged nonchalantly and sat down next to Harry, pulling out his things before resting his chin in his hands. Lupin hadn't arrived yet, and there was little more than a handful of students in the class. "Why are you here so early, Potter?" Draco asked, fixing his gaze ahead of him.
"Starting conversation with me, Malfoy? Never saw that one coming." Harry spat. It was quite an unusual outburst, Draco had never thought he had heard the Gryffindor Golden Boy so damn bitter before, and it made him waver for a few seconds before he could react. Coughing and sitting up straight, Draco lifted his chin and looked down his nose as he spoke. "Oh, of course. Golden Boy would find it difficult to understand that a mere mortal like me would like to talk to him."
Harry snorted sarcastically and ruffled a hand through his hair. "No, Malfoy. I just find it odd that the Ice Prince has finally stepped off his throne."
Draco's expression softened and he laughed dryly. "Looks like we both have icon-issues, then." Harry's hand dropped out of his hair and he chewed pensively on his lip for a few seconds before giving a small, brief lopsided grin. "Yeah."
The rest of the lesson went on pretty much the same as the day before - Harry and Draco worked in cooperative silence, oblivious to the numerous wary glances from Hermione in the few rows ahead. At the end of the lesson, they parted ways without a word to each other.

~~~+~~~~

"Oh my goodness, Ron!" Hermione came crashing through the portrait hole, making a beeline for the group of seats huddled around the fireplace in the common room. Ron looked up from the game of exploding snap he was playing with his sister on the sofa to smile at his girlfriend, who gave him a tremendous kiss on the cheek before draping herself over his lap. "Hermione... what's the matter?" Ron asked rather anxiously, trying to regain his balance.
Hermione leaned down to kiss him again before delving into her story. "Well, remember those classrooms I told you about in the summer?"
Ron frowned and looked up at her. "You mean the ones they found underneath the Great Hall?"
Hermione nodded, her face practically glowing. "They're letting the seventh years use them for our Defence training!"
Ron frowned thoughtfully before smiling, albeit not as enthusiastically as Hermione might have hoped.
"Won't it be wonderful, Ron? They're huge apparently! And Professor Lupin said..."
Harry frowned from his place in the corner of the room, looking at the group of friends from over the cover of his book. New classrooms? Carefully placing his book down on the desk next to his chair, Harry sighed and stood up, turning to walk in direction of the stairs leading to the boy's dorms.
"Um, Harry?"
Harry frowned and slowly turned to see Hermione standing up from Ron's lap, wringing her hands nervously. "Yes?" He asked quietly, not really meeting her eyes.
"Did you hear that? About the new Defence area?" Hermione asked, forcing a smile onto her face.
"Yes." Harry replied shortly. "Thanks for owling me about the news of the new classrooms, Hermione. It was lovely of you." Harry smiled dryly before rolling his eyes and turning back round.
"I'm sorry, Harry... I thought... I thought you wouldn't want to be disturbed by any of us during the summer. Well, considering how we parted ways-"
At this, Harry spun round so hard that he almost knocked his glasses off, his nostrils flaring and his fists clenched at his sides. "How we parted ways? You mean how you blatantly ignored me and pretended that I didn't exist?" He boomed, fists shaking.
"Oh, Harry..." Hermione said unevenly, reaching out to him. Ron was now on his feet, his eyes flashing darkly before he softly touched his girlfriends arm and pulled her behind him. "Lay back, Herm. He's not worth it." He said, his voice venomously low.
Harry grunted sarcastically and folded his arms over. "Oh, give it a rest, Weasley." He said cruelly, before turning back round and stomping up the stairs.
"Taking come-back lessons from your new best friend, Harry?!" Ron shouted, pacing across the room to the foot of the stairs and glaring defiantly up at the raven haired boy who had turned around yet again at the top. "What?" Harry asked, frowning.
"Oh, we all saw you sitting next to him in class, today, Harry. Tell me, when's the wedding?!" Ron spat, smiling sardonically.
"Malfoy?! My new best friend? You really are that dim, aren't you, Ron?" Harry was now clutching onto the side of the banister, his knuckles almost white.
"Yeah well don't come crying to me when you've got no one else." Ron said shakily, shoving Hermione off his arm who was trying to pull him back. Harry just laughed again, shaking his head. He walked up to the entrance of his room, turning his head and making sure his voice was heavily projected, "Don't worry, Ron, I won't!" He shouted, his voice dripping with mock-sweetness, before slamming the door so hard one of the portraits on the wall fell to the ground with a loud crash.

~~~+~~~

to be continued....