So this is a Glee Fluff Meme Prompt from LJ, set by Anonymous : Sue Sylvester insists that all of the Cheerios date. When Kurt points out that there aren't any options for him at McKinley, Sue decides to "audition" possible boyfriends for him from other surrounding schools - nothing but the best for her Cheerios after all.
I'm just trying this out for now, and if people like it I'll continue. I just wanted an idea to work with so started trolling the fluff memes. If you have any requests or suggestions for stories/one-shots then let me know. Everyone has such great ideas. So please read and review and I'll know whether to keep going with this one.
"Gather around minions, I'm only going to say this once." Sue Sylvester barked through her megaphones as the Cheerios extricated themselves from the last position they'd been holding on to for more than five minutes at Sue's request, which involved painful twisting, balancing, and upholding the weight of several cheerleaders. It must have looked good, but a Kurt could think at the time was Ow. He waited until Santana jumped off of his shoulder, and Leanne let go of his arm before following the uniform-clad cheerleaders over to the bleachers where Sue stood impatiently. They sat down and Kurt took a pull from his water bottle, wanting nothing more than to shower and change out of his uniform. There was nothing worse than feeling all sticky and sweaty in his opinion, and even if you had an excuse for it, he detested being out in public in this state.
"Now," The coach began, holding her hands behind her back and pacing back and forth in front of them like a general briefing an army. "It has come to my attention that a lot of you are severely lacking in drama. Morale is low and in my experience, people work harder when they're feeling miserable and betrayed. Therefore from now on, if you want to be a Cheerio, you need to have a boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Or a goldfish, whatever you like, as long as it's someone. Now I know that this school isn't exactly bursting with man-candy, but I'm sure you can all work something out." The way she said the word 'all' with that glint in her eyes and threatening tone made the girls shudder slightly. Her meaning was very clear.
"So, you have one week to find yourself a significant other. If after that one week you have failed to utilise your popularity as a Cheerio and whatever else God gave you to snag yourself a man, then you will be off the squad. No exceptions." There was silence as everyone took this in. A few girls didn't look concerned, as they already had boyfriends. The rest of the cheerleaders were either despairing mentally or listing the 'eligible victims' in their heads. The ideal boyfriend would be someone popular, which automatically directed their thoughts to the jocks.
But, being a cheerleader sadly didn't grant you a man at this school, as there were very few acceptable ones to go around. Most of the guys on the football and hockey teams were taken, too. The few boys that were still single weren't exactly right. No girl would even consider dating Jacob Ben Israel for example, and while they thought that Kurt was hot, he was the school gay, and so that option was out the window. Which was a shame, some of them thought as they looked over at the one Cheerio who would have more trouble than any of them at finding a boyfriend at this school.
Said Cheerio was staring straight ahead, face set in an impassive mask. They were dismissed by the coach, and instead of following in the direction of the locker rooms, Kurt rose from the bench and made his way over to Sue, who was talking to Becky. Kurt had never fully understood why a cruel, degrading person like Sue had even let Becky onto the squad, let alone appointed her as her closest confidant. It was like the little girl was her agent or personal assistant. Becky was nice, if a little naive when it came to Sue. It was only recently that Kurt had seen any evidence of Sue having a soft side.
"Coach Sylvester? May I speak to you for a moment?" He asked quietly. The coach was one of the people that Kurt had found outside of the Glee club that actually didn't hate him. In fact, she was probably the only person outside the Glee club at this school who didn't. Sue turned to him, her steely blue eyes boring into his glasz ones.
"Porcelain," He had been forever glad that he hadn't ended up being christened Tickle Me Doe Face or Gelfling by Sue. He actually liked the name Porcelain, seeing it as a complement. It certainly beat Lady anyway. "Is there a problem with Homer Simpson?" It took Kurt a moment to realise that she was talking about Karofsky. Homer Simpson was a new one, but if he thought about it, the name did fit. Balding, overweight and a big mouth. Kurt was having one of his bad days today.
The mere thought of Karofsky made his pulse beat faster in fear, his mouth went dry and suddenly he could feel every bruise, every insult that the bully had ever inflicted. He could still feel those big, meaty hand gripping his face, his disgusting mouth clamped over his own. Kurt pulled away from the memories, trying to bring himself back to the situation at hand. Gym, coach, boyfriend.
"No, it's not about that." Kurt wasn't exactly sure how to phrase his discomfort, and he was surprised that it hadn't already occurred to Sue when she'd formulated her latest plan to get the Cheerios to Nationals again. "It's about that...boyfriend thing. I don't think that I'm going to be able to...find anyone. We're in Ohio after all, and having a fake girlfriend wouldn't work."
Kurt couldn't even imagine looking through the halls of McKinley high for prospective boyfriends. The guys at this school were definitely not his type, too messy, too loud, too big and broad, just too much. And if he even tried to hit on any of them, then that would all end in bruises and tears. The same way most school days ended, actually.
Sue looked at him and the smiled in that superior way of hers before her face resumed her typical blank expression. She was one of those people who didn't approve of showing too much emotion on the surface. That was what weak people did. And Sue Sylvester was not weak.
"Clearly, Porcelain, you have underestimated my foresight. I know perfectly well that it would be near impossible to find a suitable companion for you in this sorry excuse for a school, which is why that I have taken the trouble to contact several other schools in their area to send any gay, single guys to our school tomorrow to audition for your hand in rainbows. You may grovel and thank me now if you wish. And don't worry. I told them not to bother sending the ugly ones."
Kurt stared at her, completely speechless and embarrassed. He was even more surprised by the fact that there might be single, hot, gay guys existing in Ohio. The two never really seemed to go together, except for him, of course.
"Coach Sylvester, as much as I appreciate your...uh...kindness, I don't think-" He was cut off at once.
"That's the whole point. You don't need to think. I've thought for you, and now we're going to be playing The Gay Bachelor tomorrow, in here after school. Be there, 3.30 pm sharp." With that Coach Sylvester strode out of the gym, leaving Kurt staring after her, his mouth hanging open. Finally he managed to pull himself together and grabbed his water bottle, before running to the locker room which he shared with the girls, who had all long since changed and left. Sue was insane, Kurt knew, but maybe this might just work after all.