Disclaimer: I do not own James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans, Severus Snape, or Albus Dumbledore. J.K. Rowling does. She is merely kind enough to allow lowly fanfiction authors like me to use them for purely entertainment purposes. Thank you for that, Ms. Rowling.
A/N: I have this 'document', and the others, typed out with different fonts to account for the different writing styles of each character. Unfortunately, this website does not support multiple fonts. If you would like to view this or any of the other 'documents' in their intended format, please don't hesitate to send me a message with your preferred email address. I'll happily send you the file(s).
1977-1978-1977-1978-1977-1978
The Official Rules of the Marauders
1. Snape is to be called Snivellus.
Moony: Well, that goes without say.
Prongs: Of course! Who else would he be if we didn't call him Snivellus?
Padfoot: A slimy git, that's who. Wait! He's still a slimy git!
Wormtail: Ditto
2. Must do at least one prank per month.
Moony: Ok, that's not fair.
Padfoot: Why not?
Moony: I'm a prefect! I can't do that.
Prongs: Fine! Prefects are Null and Void from this rule.
Padfoot: What? If he's a member, he should have to follow this rule!
Prongs: Padfoot, we can't expect him to risk his badge. Why don't you just let one of us get away with one prank each month, Moony?
Moony: I can do that.
Prongs: Looks like we're doing double time, Padfoot.
Padfoot: -evilgrin-
3. Lily Evans is the hottest girl in Hogwarts!
Padfoot: Prongs!
Moony: Prongs!
Wormtail: Prongs!
Prongs: What? She is!
Padfoot: I admit, she's hot. But I'm not over-zealous about it like you are.
Moony: Wow. I can't believe that you actually have a vocabulary, Padfoot!
Padfoot: Oh, shut up...
4. Prongs is not allowed to be alone with the map.
Prongs: Now who's being unfair, Moony?
Wormtail: I agree with Moony, Prongs. You need supervision.
Padfoot: Don't worry. I'll come with if you need to use it.
Moony: Padfoot, I swear to God, if you help Prongs...
Padfoot: Relax! I was kidding!
5. Lily Evans is ALWAYS fair game.
Prongs: Damn it, Padfoot!
Wormtail: I suggest you run, Padfoot...
Miss Evans: Black! You better leave me alone!
Padfoot: What the hell?
Wormtail: How did you get this, Evans?
Miss Evans: Potter, or should I say Prongs, showed me this.
Moony: Prongs! You showed this to Lily?
Prongs: I needed to use it to get past Filch last night and she was the only one in the common room!
Padfoot: But EVANS? You traitor!
Wormtail: Seriously, Prongs. That's low.
6. Showing the map to non-members is forbidden.
Moony: No more of that crap, Prongs. We can't risk it. Someone might tell a teacher.
Prongs: Lily won't, Moony. She promised. Anyways, it's not my fault. You three just hadto say I can't use the map alone.
Moony: Yeah. We did. But just find one of us, then!
Wormtail: Prongs has a point. He did need to use it.
Prongs: See! Wormy agrees with me!
Moony: That's because he's scared of you and Padfoot, Prongs.
Miss Evans: Oh, just lay off him, will you? God, you four have stricter rules that the teachers do.
Moony: Prongs!
Prongs: I didn't show her! She has a copy of the rules, that's all. All four of us aren't even writing on the map, after all. We're writing on separate sheets of paper.
Moony: -sigh- Fine. Lily is the only non-member Null and Void from this rule since she already knows about the map. We need an extra person to help watch Prongs, anyways.
Prongs: Hey! Lily is not here to babysit me!
Padfoot: Sure about that, Prongs?
Miss Lily: Don't worry, Prongs. I'll let you do what you normally do.
Padfoot: You can't change your name, Evans.
Miss Lily: I really don't care, Black.
7. Homework before pranks.
Padfoot: What kind of rule is THAT, Moony?
Moony: I didn't write that...
Prongs: Padfoot, calm down. I wrote it. If we get homework done right away, then we won't have to worry about it and put all our power into planning said pranks.
Moony: I have to admit, that is a good idea. It'll also help when we need a teacher's help to do a prank.
Padfoot: And why would we need a teacher for help?
Prongs: Don't give him any ideas, Moony!
Wormtail: Yeah, shut up, Moony.
Moony: Fine! I was just agreeing with your rule, Prongs.
Padfoot: Any comment, Evans?
Prongs: She can't answer you, Padfoot. She's still in the hospital wing from that Potions accident yesterday.
Padfoot: And you know this how?
Prongs: I've been bringing her all her homework, ok? Just shut it.
8. DO NOT START FOOD FIGHTS!
Padfoot: It took me forever to get that honey out of my hair, Moony!
Prongs: Come on, Padfoot! It was fun!
Wormtail: It's not fun when you get syrup poured down your shirt.
Moony: Wormtail, Lily dumped a huge bowl of oatmeal on him. He doesn't care.
9. A prankster doesn't whine.
Prongs: Yeah!
Padfoot: Come on! Now you guys are REALLY being unfair!
Prongs: No breaking the rules, Padfoot!
Moony: Seriously, Padfoot. Stop breaking the rules.
Padfoot: That wasn't a whine. That was a complaint.
Moony: Same thing.
Miss Lily: Please, Remus. Let me hit him.
Moony: No, Lily. Let Prongs do that.
Prongs: -evil grin- I've been waiting to do that since he said Lily was always fair game.
10. Prongs may only ask Evans out ONCE a month!
Prongs: What? Which one of you idiots wrote this?
Moony: I don't know who wrote it, but it's a great idea.
Padfoot: It's not! Now he's gonna be moaning that he can't ask Evans out all month, every month!
Miss Lily: Potter. Am I an idiot?
Prongs: Of course not, Lily-flower! Why would you think this?
Miss Lily: Well, you just called me one.
Padfoot: Oh, burn!
Wormtail: Damn!
Moony: Now it looks like Padfoot isn't the only one in the dog house.
11. Prank teachers ONLY on special occasions.
Moony: I'm in detention for the next two weeks because of that prank, Padfoot.
Padfoot: Sorry, but I couldn't resist pranking Minnie!
Moony: Well, we're only pranking teachers on holidays, now.
Prongs: On the holidays? But I rather relax during Christmas!
Moony: Prongs... It's called Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day, and April Fool's Day.
Prongs: Ohh! I forgot about those.
Wormtail: You are such a dork, Prongs.
Miss Lily: Don't forget the teachers' birthdays. It's really easy to find those out.
Moony: Oh, my god.
Wormtail: Everyone run!
Padfoot: Lily Evans has finally turned evil!
Miss Lily: Oh, relax you drama queens.
12. Snape is OFF LIMITS!
Prongs: What the hell?
Wormtail: Fuck that!
Moony: Over my dead body!
Padfoot: If he's off limits, then Prongs doesn't like Evans!
Miss Lily: Hey! What has he ever done to you four?
Padfoot: He hangs out with my brother and cousins.
Prongs: He calls muggleborns 'mudbloods'.
Moony: He tried to tell everyone my secret.
Wormtail: He's been nothing but a pompous ass!
Miss Lily:...point taken.
Moony: This rule is null and void.
13. The first years aren't midgets.
Padfoot: Come on, Moony! They're easy to train!
Moony: Look who's talking, you damn mutt!
Wormtail: Oh, burn!
Moony: Do you want a pink or purple collar for Christmas, Padfoot?
Padfoot: ...
Moony: God, you really are a drama queen.
Padfoot: Pink
Prongs: God, you're gay.
Moony: Pink?
Padfoot: REAL MEN ARE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH WITH THEIR SEXUALITY TO WEAR PINK!
Miss Lily:...no comment.
Wormtail: What?
Miss Lily: I mean it. No comment.
14. Dumbledore is off limits.
Moony: Yet again, a rule without say.
Prongs: Of course he's off limits! That has always been a rule.
Wormtail: Pranking Dumbledore would be illogical.
Padfoot: Why would we prank him? He'd enjoy it too much.
Miss Lily: At least you four are leaving him alone.
Prongs: We may be troublemakers and are always in detention, but we do have respect.
Padfoot: We're not completely immature, you know.
Dumbledore: It's great to see you five growing up and getting along.
Moony: Dumbledore!
Prongs: How did he get this?
Moony: How should I know?
Miss Lily: Did Dumbledore just reply to this rule?
Prongs: Yes!
Padfoot: Yes!
Miss Lily: Oh, my GOD!
Moony: I just checked the map. It says he isn't here.
Padfoot: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?
Prongs: WHAT?
Wormtail: What?
Miss Lily: What?
15. We will never betray each other.
Wormtail: This has been the best seven years of my life.
Padfoot: Finally! One more test and I'm going to explode.
Moony: You guys are the best friends a guy can have.
Wormtail: Thanks.
Padfoot: Thank you, Moony. Speaking of friends, where's Prongs?
Moony: He and Lily are busy snogging.
Wormtail: What?
Padfoot: WHAT?