Title: Dreaming like the dead
Character/Pairing: Goldof, Rolonia, Mora, Adlet, Nashatania
A/N: I never expected to feel so much for Goldof, but I was once in a similar position as him. Sometimes you really need a person, just one person, to need you, to want you. And it hurts like hell when you find out that never was the case. I hope he manages to recover from this and move past her in the series.
Summary: He wants to turn the world's truths into lies.
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Find your own answer, the princess had commanded.
But Goldof couldn't breathe, let alone think. In this dark world, there had only been one light.
And now she put it out and he was abandoned once more.
Just what, what should he do about the princess?
-x-
"She's our enemy, you understand that right?" Mora replied, giving him a stern look. "She betrayed us."
It was hard to speak, to form words into sentences. All the lessons Goldof had the past few years flew out of his mind and he was ten again, shunned and forgotten.
Even if he wanted to speak back then, no one would listen.
Mora took his silence as a disagreement. "She tried to kill us," she reminded, before turning her head away. "One moment, I need to check to the mountain."
He watched as she used her second sight, scanning the mountain quickly before she returned her attention to him.
"Do you understand, Goldof?" Mora was staring at him, intently, and he gave a slow nod.
"Good." Mora softened her expression and gave him a wane smile. "I forget sometimes, you're still a child. Sixteen, right?"
He nodded again.
"Betrayal…" Mora mused, sighing lightly. "I can't say I know the feeling, but I understand it's painful. Especially considering how long you knew her."
"What…" Goldof hesitated, still trying to form the words in his head. "What should I do?"
Mora looked away. "In the end, if she fights with us, we'll have to kill her."
-x-
"She's a traitor," Fremy said, without hesitation. Hans meowed in agreement, a rare thing for the combo. "I'll kill her the next time we meet." She lifted her gun as though she intended to do it right now.
"It's best if you forgot about the bunny princess," Hans added, giving a light grin. After he cleaned his curved swords, he twirled them around.
"Otherwise you might end up with her, meow."
-x-
"Chamo will kill her." Chamo growled, patting her belly. "She almost killed Chamo and Chamo will kill her."
Waving her cattail threateningly, she glared at Goldof. "If you try anything, Chamo will kill you too."
-x-
"I don't know," Rolonia mumbled, her voice low. It was hard to hear her as they took watch together. "I still can't believe it, entirely."
Goldof looked at her in surprise. He hadn't expected anyone to feel that way. "Y...yes."
He had seen Nashetania's expression change, saw her wear a face that he had never seen before. The princess had been cold, had been cruel, had been another person entirely.
Rolonia hesitated, biting her lip. Slowly, she asked, "What are you going to do?"
"I...I don't know." Goldof looked at his hands, at the strength that lay in them. He was strong, strong enough to protect the world and to protect his princess, but he couldn't do both.
She wouldn't let him do both.
They sat there in silence before he finally uttered, "She...she made me feel needed."
Rolonia suddenly snapped her attention to him. "She did?"
"I was...useful." Wanted. Goldof couldn't express the words, the feeling of being needed for once.
That someone, anyone in this wide world actually thought it was a good thing he was alive.
"I understand." Rolonia looked down at the dirt with a small smile. "Mora-sama...she made me feel the same way."
She stared at her hands. Everything she was, was because of Mora. Everything she could do was because of Mora. "She...she gave me a purpose. She believed in me when no one else did, when even I didn't."
"Yeah."
"I think...I'd have a hard time fighting Mora if anything happened." Rolonia grimaced, remembering that something had happened. "Even when she betrayed us, I couldn't stop her."
Hans's body had been cold when she tried reviving him. Cold and dead and this was the only reason Mora had cared about her, hadn't it?
And she should hate her, she knew that. And a part of her did, but more than that was hurt.
Despite that, despite all of it, Rolonia still felt gratitude to Mora.
In the end, Mora had saved her.
"What...what should I do?" Goldof asked. The question was easier this time, the words already there before he knew it.
Rolonia gave him a sad smile. "I don't know."
-x-
"Hey," Adlet said, sitting down next to Goldof. He was a little early for his shift as lookout. "See anything?"
Goldof shook his head. Despite how comatose he acted, he was still able to do these simple things.
"That's good." Adlet sighed in relief, looking out into the distance. It was dark, too dark to see clearly, but there were traps to signal if the enemy was near. "I thought they'd pull something, but I guess not."
Watching him carefully, Adlet asked, "So how are you doing?"
Goldof said nothing, shrugging his shoulders lightly. He still wasn't sure how to handle Adlet, how to react to this leader of theirs.
It was easier before. There was jealousy, and that was something he understood. There was anger over his supposed betrayal, but that was solved.
Now there was nothing.
He still didn't know why Adlet tried to talk to him. Every now and then, out of the blue, he'd ask how Goldof was.
And the answer never changed.
"Ok." Instead of leaving it like that, like he usually did, he asked another question. "Could you tell me what the princess was like?"
Goldof stared at the older man.
"I just want to hear it from you," he added, smiling.
There was probably more to it. Maybe he was trying to form a plan. Maybe it was a test.
And Goldof shouldn't, he really shouldn't respond. But the words, the words stuck in mind for so long just escaped.
She was a kind princess. A troublesome princess. A stubborn, clumsy, mischevious princess.
She was everything.
And all of that, all of those things were lies.
"She was like that when I met her too." Adlet shook his head. "I never expected it from her."
"I di...didn't know her." Goldof muttered.
"I don't think anyone did," Adlet consoled, giving a weak smile. "I am the world's strongest and even I didn't realize it."
Goldof said nothing and they both stared out into the darkness, lost in thought. The fire burned low and Goldof added another log to the pile, watching the wood as it slowly burned.
"One last thing." Adlet's expression grim now. "So are you going to fight us?"
"I…" Helpless, Goldof stared at his hands. "I won't kill a hero."
It wasn't the same thing, really, as pledging loyalty to the flowers. It wasn't the same as betraying the princess, in the same way she betrayed him.
But he couldn't betray the world and he couldn't abandon her and what was he supposed to do?
And that was the question, wasn't it.
-x-
"I told you to come up with an answer," the princess said, smiling brightly at him. It was easy, so easy to slip back into place with her. To become the knight, the guard, and keep an eye out for her pranks. "So did you?"
At her side Dozzu sat, watching them both carefully.
Goldof shook his head. In the big ways, in all the ways that mattered, he didn't know what to do.
He was still waiting for a sign that this wasn't real, that all of the world's truths were lies and that before him stood an ally and not an enemy.
"I see." Nashetania considered his response for a moment. "Then, I have a suggestion. I'll give you an answer. Come help me."
And she smiled again, like sunshine. Her hand was already out, motioning for him to take it.
He wanted to grab it. It was impossible not to, impossible refuse her.
If it were a dream, he could forget those last six years.
If it were a dream, he could pretend the last few days hadn't happened at all.
But it wasn't. On his shoulder, his crest sat, a reminder of what he had to do, who he really had to protect.
"No," he said, and that was all he could do, at this stage. Refuse her and back away.
He would never be able to fight her, he knew.
But this time, he wasn't alone.
This time, there were others who needed him. There was a world that needed him.
"No."
Goldof turned around and took the first step away. A hesitant step, a baby step, but a step nonetheless.
His fingers didn't stop shaking for the rest of the day.