What Will Never Be
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.
This song is for Ilovetvalot, who requested, through FB, a story for the song 'Skinny Love' by Birdy. We settled on the pairing Reid and JJ.
Ilovetvalot, and her partner in crime tonnie2001969, does an amazing job of running the forum Chit Chat on Author's Corner. Check it out for some great challenges, support and currently the nominations for this year's Profiler's Choice Awards. Visit the forum for more information.
. . .
He couldn't take his eyes from her, as Will led her to the sparkling dance floor. She looked beautiful; she always did, but today more than ever. The off-white, vintage lace wedding dress she wore encased her delicate figure. Her long blonde hair was softly waved and flowing down her back, swishing gently with each step she took.
As Will pulled JJ into arms for their first dance, Spencer's heart cracked a little more, as if it wasn't already broken enough? As Will claimed her lips in a soft yet sensual kiss, Spence's heart shattered; shards splintering into his very soul.
Spencer was relieved that everyone was watching the happy couple waltz their way around the room, as he was worried he couldn't mask his pain much longer. He knew he should be happy for them, that this was a celebration of love, but right now Spencer had nothing to celebrate.
Other's begun to take to the floor, joining them in a second slow dance, but Spence sat on the satin covered seat. Taking a large swig of the brandy from his ballooned glass, he flicked the glass, watching the liquid swirl around as he let the liquor burn through him; the fire a sharp contrast to the dull ache that was starting to reside in his chest, where his heart had once been.
"Come on kid, don't think you are sitting there all evening," Morgan teased. "JJ's orders, she wants the whole team up, if you're quick you might get to Prentiss before Rossi does!"
Spencer shook his head. "I don't dance, and JJ knows that."
"Come on Hot Stuff, if I have to dance, you're the only man I'm allowing lead me," Garcia tugged his arm, rustling slightly in the floor length dusky pink gown.
Morgan shrugged, leaving the young genius to his thoughts. He knew that Reid could never be described as a party animal, but he could make a bit more effort for JJ's sake. Hell if they had Pen up on the dance floor, anything was possible.
. . .
Deciding he could endure no more, Spencer chose to step outside to get some air.
Stepping through the open doors, the chill of the early evening was refreshing. Leaning on the rail of the balcony, Spence stared out into the vivid sunset. He felt the weight bare down on him as he accepted he had led himself here, through his own indecisive nature and inability to say what he truly felt.
No matter what facts he could reel off regarding the chemical nature of the sensation called love, Spence had fallen in love with JJ a long time ago.
What was there not to love about her? Besides her being obviously attractive, though Spencer remembers it strangely wasn't the first thing he noticed about her. She was calm, confident, independent, caring, kind, understanding and most importantly genuine.
The one advantage of an eidetic memory was being able to recall moments in your life that you wanted to relive, time and time again. Spencer remembered having found her smartly professional appearance intimidating to start with, quite off putting. No, it definitely wasn't love at first sight.
In fact it was the first time she called him Spence. Closing his eyes he could picture that very first time.
Stood by the coffee machine, waiting to get his first coffee of the day, he had been blissfully unaware of anyone else.
"Oh, a fresh pot, I'll have one, please," JJ had requested as she seemed to suddenly appear next to him from nowhere.
"Sure," he had mumbled, grabbing another mug from the cupboard as they waited for the coffee to finish brewing.
"So, Spence, what did you get up to over the weekend?" That moment, right there! She said it. No silly nickname, no official Doctor or use of his surname, as everyone else in the team did. No, Spence.
He remembered clearly the awkward silence as he had tried hard to answer her innocent question, while his mind raced. Turning to face her, Spence realised her crystal clear blues eyes were on him, and that she was actually interested in him, not looking round the room for an escape, as most people did in his presence.
"Spence?"
The call of his name broke through the thoughts and memories, dragging him back to the here and now.
"Spence, you okay?" JJ asked, as she placed her left hand on his arm.
Looking down at the tender gesture, his eyes caught on the simple white gold band on her finger. It taunted him, shouting out he had lost the one thing he longed for.
"Are you feeling okay?" JJ asked again, concern evident in her voice.
"Fine," Spence said, forcing a nervous half smile. "I just needed some air."
JJ turned, to lean back against the rail, drinking in the fresh air after the stuffy stale breath of the dance floor.
"I know the feeling," she smiled sweetly. "I know parties aren't you thing, so thank you for coming and helping us celebrate."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he said, reaching to give her hand a little squeeze.
Looking up, their eyes met, nothing was said for that moment. Nothing needed to be said.
"The one bad thing I found about being a bride, is that you can't be gone more than five minutes without someone missing you," JJ spoke, suddenly aware of the tension between them, "I need to get back inside, you coming?"
JJ tugged his arm gently, as she stepped away from the rail.
Spence shook his head, knowing her was not ready to face the scrutiny of his fellow profilers.
"Don't think you can hide out here all night, you owe me a dance, and I will claim it before the night is through," she smiled, stepping closer to the doors.
"JJ I don't dance, you know that," Spence shuffled uncomfortably. In all honestly knowing he couldn't take her in his arms tonight. He couldn't hold her lithe body against his. Not unless he wanted to torture his soul further this evening.
"You do today," she giggled, making her way back inside.
"JJ," Spencer called, as she was about to be swallowed up by the billowing chiffon drapes.
"Yes?" She turned back to face him once more.
Spencer bit his tongue, knowing that he couldn't say all the things he wanted to say. He had his chance and wasted it.
"You look beautiful."
It wasn't what he had meant to say, but JJ knew. She understood him better than anyone.
Softly, she smiled in gentle understanding.
"Thank you, Spence."
. . .
~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~
Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969
It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community!
The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)