Disclaimer: I do not own any of the sgt frog characters.
Yesss... Finally I'm writing a fluffy Kurumois story that will focus on relationship building. I've always wanted to write one of these, but I've never actually done it.
I know I was going to write an AU before this, but I decided to write this instead, using the popular fake dating trope of "Character A has to pretend that they're dating Character B." Only this gave me enough of a plot to write fluff.
I hope you all like it. As you know it's going to be hugely kurumois. I'm not very experienced with fluff or relationship stuff, so I would love some tips.
Currently this story will be 19 chapters, but that's subject to change since I got pretty lazy in my chapter summary. There will be two arcs.
Hope you enjoy!
Clickity-clack, clack.
The sound of keys being pressed on a computer echoed in Kululu's lab as he typed a boring report for his captain about his latest invention. He knew Keroro would never actually read his report, but he was required to write it anyway.
THE CAPTAIN IS A DUMBASS, Kululu wrote in big letters in the middle of his document. Immature perhaps, yes, but he was testing to see if Keroro would catch it.
He knew he wouldn't.
"Ku, ku, ku. The Captain will be like, 'Oh Kululu, this invention is brilliant, that's why I'm going to trash it in a new record of two minutes, wasting all your hard work.' " Kululu tried to mimic Keroro's voice.
Although Keroro's idiocy was sometimes hilarious, when it did not benefit him it quickly got old.
When he had been called up to work for the Keroro Platoon shortly after his demotion from his rank as a major to invade the unconquerable planet Pekopon, he had been rather optimistic. Perhaps things were finally looking up for him, he'd thought. He had heard and seen great things of Keroro. Sergeant Keroro was always beating tough monsters and he had even won the Keron Star competition. To be in his platoon on the front lines had been a great honor. At the time, he had even hoped that conquering Pekopon would get back his rank as a major.
Alas, life wasn't like that on Pekopon. Keroro was the dictionary definition of incompetent.
I need a vacation, Kululu moaned to himself. This wasn't what he had imagined his life to be like. Sure, he was proud of some things he did, like his reputation as the most dislikable guy. But he had imagined being a jerk to actually important people. Not boring teenagers and incompetent platoon mates who could ruin their own lives by just sheer accident. People like Giroro didn't need him to ruin their lives. The universe did it for them.
Kululu turned to his calendar, glancing at it on the wall. He actually had a vacation coming up, a very important one, in fact. Well, not really a vacation, but an event that he was invited to that would serve as a vacation away from his awful platoon mates.
Circled on his calendar and scrawled in tiny chicken scratch were the words TEC.
Kululu grinned. The TEC, or Technology Entrepreneur Convention, was an important date coming up, and a big event in the universe that thousands of inventors and businessman attended in attempts to market themselves.
It only happened once every one hundred Pekoponian years, and Kululu had only been to five of them. But they were the perfect opportunity to get away from his platoon on a business trip, and find clients that might hire him for a more respectable career and pay him the money that Keroro was seeping away from him. It was his chance to get away from all this stress and endless task of invading this planet.
Plus, they were really fun. It was rewarding to show off his inventions and not have them destroyed in a stupid invasion plot.
And due to that, Kululu was excited for the trip, despite a lot of people attending that he didn't really like or get along with, and promises and bets he had made against them that he hadn't fulfilled.
Anything to be away from his platoon. Anything was better than Pekopon.
"You ever been to that tech entrepreneur con, Kululu?" Keroro asked while sticking out his tongue and playing with a Gundam model instead of do anything important. Kululu assumed he was sticking out his tongue to catch his brain if it fell out.
Oh Captain. Don't worry. You HAVE no brain that could fall out! Kululu thought to himself.
"Yes," Kululu responded quickly. He didn't really want to make small talk with Keroro.
"It's for tech nerds, right? All sorts of cool inventions are there, and aliens come from all over the universe. And I heard it's super high-quality. All the con goers even get to stay in a big fancy hotel!" Keroro went on. "That sounds so much fun!"
"Please tell me you aren't going," Kululu begged. He had already submitted his paperwork for this vacation and had begun packing up some of his favorite inventions. Most everyone there already knew him, and they'd probably think he hadn't had any new inventions to show off if he didn't come just because his captain was going.
"No. You need an invite to get in... or a ton of money. Or too mooch off of someone invited and go with them. Also looking at various inventions seems really boring." Keroro yawned. "You going?"
Kululu plopped his paperwork in front of Keroro. "Yep," he grinned. "Been getting invites for the last five years straight. Ku, ku, ku. Most of them may hate me, but they can't deny how smart I am."
Keroro frowned as he looked at Kululu's paperwork. "You'll be gone a month? Well... have fun, I suppose." To Keroro, the trip sounded like Nerd Paradise. It was something he certainly wasn't interested in at all. It might be hard to not have an intelligence officer around, but it wasn't like they were making much progress on the invasion anyway.
"Knock everybody's socks off! If they have socks, that is! You're a representative of the Keroro Platoon, after all," Giroro told him. "Make Keron proud." He didn't realize that Kululu only cared about his reputation and not his platoon's.
"Awww... thanks, Giroro." Kululu faked a blush. "I didn't know you cared about my reputation."
"I don't. I care about ours. And our reputation rests on you. You're our representative... Oh dear, that convention is going to think we're a bunch of jerks, aren't we?" Giroro realized. He felt bad.
"Yep. Or feel sorry for you. Ku, ku, ku. I would prefer the pity - that way they won't think you're on my level." Kululu smiled. He was a one-of-a-kind, jerk till the end. Or at least he liked to think of himself as that.
Kululu packed for his trip, minorly excited about seeing all the old faces of the tech fair. Oh, how mad they would be to see him, still as successful and glorious as he had been the first day he had marched into those conventions. He had done something personal and jerky to almost every single one of them.
He was hated, but he loved it.
Well, mostly. There had been one guy who had gotten under his nerves last time. Someone of the Poyon race named Zhuang. He hadn't been that successful at the time, but he had something that Kululu had never had, popularity and charisma.
Usually it was hard to get under Kululu's skin, but the guy had just bragged so much and Kululu had taken the stupid bait. He frowned as he thought back on it, and the promises he had eagerly agreed to as a bet, not wanting to believe for a moment that he really wasn't as cool as he thought.
The deadline to that bet is coming up. And I didn't do it. I'm going to come there empty-handed and as they promised... I'll be made a laughing stock. Usually, he usually wouldn't have cared. He enjoyed suffering, but he was more adept at handling physical pain than being laughed at for being pathetic.
But what hurt him was that he was pathetic. He had failed at acquiring what he had promised to acquire - a girlfriend.
Damn, he thought. No way am I going to let myself be made a laughing stock. He wouldn't let that stupid Poyon get the upper-hand on him. No way.
His excitement waned at getting away from his platoon, as he realized he'd have to deal with another very annoying bunch of people.
100 Years Ago, At the Tech convention
It was the fourth annual tech convention that Kululu attended, and although he liked being able to talk to people who seemed to function at his level of thinking, he was also younger and way too prideful.
One of the things he hated about Keron was, back there, super geniuses were about a dime a dozen. They were high in demand, and high in being produced and cloned, as well. But when he had been scouted by the military at a very young age and made into a Major, he knew he was different than the other geniuses. He was better.
And even though now he was a Sergeant Major, thanks to being demoted, he still had a sense of pride around him. Like he was better than everyone else. Even if he was in a convention filled with super-geniuses.
And unlike some people, he had fact to back that claim up. He showed off many inventions, but never really explained how he had made them. He made the price ten times what the invention was worth, and very rarely a sucker would come along and be so enamored by his unreplacatible inventions that they would pay the money up front and buy a copy.
It was a nice tech fair, and Kululu always took the opportunity to point out the flaws in his competitors' devices. If there was a faulty wire, he knew about it. If the design was stupid, he'd point it out. Especially if this was their first tech fair.
He'd crush their dreams.
That was until a Poyon guy came along to his table to check out his invention.
The poyon seemed out of place, dressed in professional but highly cheap clothes, he had this sort of suave atmosphere around him. A kind, optimistic smile was on his face, like he had some sort of pathetic dream. His hair was spiky blue, like he was trying to get in good with cool kids and had gelled it way too much.
"What does it do?" he asked Kululu, looking at one of his devices that seemed to interest him. It was the one at the front of Kululu's display table.
"This one?" Kululu asked. "This one's one of my best inventions. Nobody's been able to replicate it ever, so if you want one you'll have to directly get it from the source, me. It lets you control people's dreams and sub-conscious thoughts. So let's say you've got an employee who keeps slacking off, you can input commands into his brain to make him more successful. Or you could control your enemies. I like that one best. Ku, ku, ku," Kululu gloated.
The poyon's eyes glistened as he listened closely and rubbed his chin. It looked like he was trying to grow a small goatee. "What does it run on?"
"Excuse me?" Kululu asked.
"What's it's energy source?" the poyon asked.
"Nuclear energy and electricity. Something with this power requires a lot of power to run. It requires many rare materials to keep on, which are no longer found naturally since the planets they were found on are now gone," Kululu explained. That was the only way he had figured out how to make it work. It wasn't easy to control people's minds, after all. It required a lot of power. "So, you interested in buying?"
"Nah, the upkeep seems too strenuous. And I'm not really into the whole nuclear energy thing. Nice to meet you, though." The poyon tried to shake his hand. Kululu didn't take his handshake. He spit on his own hand and slapped the poyon's hand away, carefully getting his saliva all over the guy's bare hand. He was a disgusting jerk, after all.
"Name's Zhuang. Yours?" the poyon greeted. He wiped his hand off on a handkerchief.
"Kululu. Don't go forgetting it now," he told him.
Zhuang smiled. "I hope to see more of your work in the future, Kululu."
He saw a lot of Zhuang around the convention that month. Zhuang was constantly looking at the invention that he had asked about. Everytime Kululu asked if he wanted to buy it, though, Zhuang refused saying he'd "think about it."
By the end of the convention, Kululu saw him again, when everyone was preparing to show off their best invention in a presentation. Kululu had plans to sabotage everyone's projects, just for the heck of it, having inserted a powerful virus into the network that any technology would pick up. All he needed was a broadcasting source.
Eventually, he had found his broadcasting source and the piece of technology that would ruin everything... until he saw was Zhuang was carrying in a cart.
In Zhuang's cart was a replica of his exact invention. He must have stolen the design and worked on how to replicate it! That was why he had seemed so interested in it.
Nobody steals my work. NOBODY, Kululu thought to himself. Sneaking up to Zhuang's invention that he was carting around, Kululu inserted a small chip that he had for emergencies, just in case he found someone that had copied his work. (He'd come prepared, being egotistical as he was.) Luckily, it had the broadcasting code for his virus in it, too. He connected it to the device.
This would destroy all of Zhuang's hard work. It looked like he had only made one, a prototype, but Kululu was still mad.
I'll take it down. You aren't getting the credit for my device, Kululu thought to himself.
When Zhuang got to the front of the stage, he put his copy of Kululu's invention on a table. "Hello, my name is Zhuang. I might not have started out like the rest of you. I came from humble beginnings and have worked as hard as I can to get to where I am today and be a good businessman. I almost gave up several times, but I kept on trying. I even bought a ticket into this convention to try to find some good inventions for my company that could benefit the whole world... No, the whole universe! And that's why I want to show you a machine that can make everyone successful by changing their very thoughts."
Kululu leaned into the back of his chair and grinned as Zhuang tried to show off the copy of Kululu's invention.
"It's efficient, and it runs on clean energy, the sun. It won't harm anyone, so it's good for the environment." Zhuang had changed it to be better, something that Kululu hated.
Kululu frowned. Screw this. I'm in a bad mood. Time to stop marketing myself and be the jerk till the end that I was meant to be, he thought. He quickly plugged in a command for his virus so everybody would know it was him who had done it and he could get the credit for ruining Zhuang's dreams.
Nobody found a way to make his inventions better. Nobody.
"Now, I'm going turn it on..." Zhuang tried to turn it on, but instead of broadcasting happy successful thoughts like he inputted, instead a small Kululu head sprung out of the invention.
"Self destruction in 10 seconds. Ku, ku, ku! That's what you get, you thief!" the head said. Everybody panicked and Zhuang ran off the stage.
It was too late, though, and while the ten second timer was going down, a spark flew between invention to invention, infecting all of them with the same virus. They all exploded one after the other, tiny Kululu heads holographically popping up and laughing before destroying someone's hard work.
Zhuang screamed as everybody looked at their own inventions and cried. He was frightened that he would be charged for damage.
On the projector, Kululu's face appeared, the virus having infected it last. "Ku, ku, ku. Nobody tries to make a fool of Kululu. But don't worry, I don't discriminate, now you've ruined the convention for everybody because my virus infected all of their tech, too... even their personal laptops! Ku, ku, ku! I'm a jerk till the end. Don't go forgetting it."
Everybody's heads turned to Kululu, glaring. Kululu smiled - god, did he love those glares.
"Now, everybody who blames me for the destruction of their property, I have something to tell you. Nothing you can do about it, ku, ku ku! I'm just smarter than you! You should have put better security in your devices!" The picture of Kululu on the projector laughed.
"You can't just blame someone for not having good security and saying their stuff deserved to be destroyed!" Zhuang tried to talk back to the screen.
"Only one thing to say to that. Kiss my ass." Everybody shielded their eyes as the screen changed to a picture of Kululu's butt. They all groaned. They didn't want to see this.
Kululu usually did little terrible things, but this was a pretty large scale, literally. Almost everybody's inventions (except his) had been ruined.
Zhuang was crying. This had been when he was going to make his big break!
"Ku, ku, ku, that's what you get for being a thief," Kululu told him. Everybody looked pretty down at the convention being ruined for all.
"It's all right, Zhuang." A girl put her hand on Zhuang's arm, approaching him as he cried at the bottom of the stage. "You can try again next time. He's a miserable little monster who wants to destroy innovation that will help millions," the female poyon reassured Zhuang. "You'll become successful, and your company will become widely known."
"I may be a monster, but I'm smarter than you! Ku!" Kululu pointed out.
"Don't listen to him. These conventions are probably the only time he gets any happiness in his life. He doesn't look like he has many people in his life, especially with that attitude," the girl told Zhuang. "You're worth a million of him."
Zhuang nodded. "Thanks Katie, you're the best." Kululu was shocked as he watched Zhuang's mood change in a matter of seconds. The poyon girl had managed to completely cheer him up!
"Of course I am. That's why you married me," Katie giggled. Kululu realized she must have been his wife.
That's not true. I have more happiness in my life than these conventions. I get to be a jerk to people at work, too! Kululu thought to himself. But slowly, as he watched Zhuang interact with his wife, he became jealous and realized how pathetic that was.
People chattered all around Kululu, seeing the affectionate displayed between Zhuang and Katie. Zhuang getting over the disaster of the destruction of his invention seemed to cheer them up, too.
"That's right, he probably does have no life. I mean... our inventions might be trashed right now, but at least we have people who care about us who can cheer us up," someone muttered.
"At least we have lives," another person added.
"I do too have a life!" Kululu defended himself. "I experience amazing happiness everyday being a jerk to various co-workers."
"How pathetic. There's no one out there who cares about him. He's going to be a lonely miser forever," another group of people muttered.
Kululu frowned. He would not let the convention end like this! He wasn't going to be the one everybody made fun of.
"I... I have something better than people who care about me. I'm intelligent!" he defended. He hated how much they had gotten to the truth. He didn't like them saying things way too close to home.
"Everybody here is intelligent. It's nothing special," they pointed out.
Kululu frowned. He got angrier and angrier as they pitied him and talked about how pathetic he was. He began arguing, trying to defend himself, but everybody felt they were just better than him. Stuff might have been damaged, but their loved ones were with them, ready to cheer them up, just like Zhuang and Katie.
"I feel sorry for you. The only joy you ever get is from jerking people around. You don't have anybody to care about you." Zhuang didn't want to care about Kululu, but he did feel better at how angry Kululu was at the truth. He just shook his head.
"I could be more popular and more loved than you easily!" Kululu argued, "After all, all you have is the ability to copy other people. I'm original, unlike you."
"I didn't mean any offense by copying your invention. I just wanted to make it better. If you didn't want to be copied, don't show people your work," Zhuang defended, using Kululu's same sort of logic. "And I can't see you ever being more popular than me. You don't have anything, no friends to support you, not an amazing wife like I do, not even a girlfriend," he scolded.
"I may not have that yet, but I bet I could get one. Yeah. I could easily get a girlfriend, if that's why you think I'm not as good as you. Something that obviously isn't true, because who's the guy with a steady job, income and more intelligence? It's me." Kululu pointed at himself. "But if you want to be shown up in that category too, I'd love to prove you wrong. I can easily get a girlfriend and she'll be way cooler than your wife. Way better. You'll be so jealous and you won't be able to copy her. And then you'll cry, but your wife will think it's so pathetic that she won't even comfort you. Ku, ku, ku." Kululu mostly wasn't even thinking about what he said. He was just so mad about everybody thinking he was lonely and pathetic. He had been sucked into the argument.
"Oh really?" Zhuang was intrigued. He decided to humor Kululu and his outburst. "Why don't we make a non-threatening bet, then. I'm sure all us would be willing to pitch in. If you manage to bring this girlfriend that you 'can easily get,' we'll all respect you. We won't ever tease you again about how lonely and pathetic you are and we'll all agree not to copy your work. And... we'll consider buying some of your inventions. Maybe even some of us might try to hire you, because you're able to interact positively with people, as you'll have proven." Zhuang looked around. "Is everybody willing to do that?"
They nodded, snickering
"And if I don't get a girlfriend?" Kululu asked, he was determined to prove Zhuang wrong.
"Then you have to bow to each one of us, and kiss our feet. And some of us have some extremely smelly feet," Zhuang laughed. "And we have permission to laugh at your lonely pathetic life for all eternity."
Kululu didn't even consider the fact that he was going to make no effort whatsoever to get one. He was just so prideful. "Deal." If Zhuang could get married, that copycat, he could certainly get a girlfriend without even trying.
His intense ego told him he could. So he shook Zhuang's hand for the first time to signify the bet.
"See you next time!" Zhuang laughed.
Kululu gulped as he thought about it. At the time, he had thought that a girlfriend would just sort of land in his presence, and that he'd be very popular.
He had made no effort whatsoever to win the pathetic bet, but now the time was coming up, and he'd have to confess that he had lost. That he was as pathetic as they had seen him.
He stopped packing various things in his suitcase. Darn. This isn't going to be nearly as fun as I thought. He needed the respect. He needed a good job offer if he ever wanted to get away from Keroro.
He couldn't afford to lose this bet, but the fact was pretty clear that he had been speaking out of anger and he didn't have a girlfriend.
He didn't want to be laughed at and bow and kiss people's feet. That would be pathetic. His reputation would be ruined.
What am I going to do? he wondered. He thought for a moment. The problem was pretty clear. He needed a girlfriend. The solution was to get one, but he didn't know how to get one.
It wasn't like there was a girlfriend store out there or something.
"Ku, ku, ku! What am I thinking? It's not like I have to get a real girlfriend! I don't care enough about what they said to actually do that. All I need to do is make them feel bad about themselves and feel like I've beaten them. I need to pretend to have a girlfriend. I need to fake it." He didn't have any problem with faking having a girlfriend. Lying was one of his specialties.
However, he had to actually bring a girlfriend, so he'd have to choose who to ask to fake it with him. It wasn't like he could make a robot, after all. That would look more pathetic.
Out of the girls he knew on Pekopon, most of them were Pekoponian, and it might look pretty pathetic if he brought a Pekoponian girlfriend. It wouldn't reflect well on his platoon, a Keronian falling in love with a Pekoponian and dating her.
He didn't need to be the next Giroro.
So that means that I have to ask an alien to help me out. And out of the female aliens he saw on a daily basis, there was only really one.
Kululu frowned. Angol Mois. Kululu let out a sharp intake of breath. He was not looking forward to this at all. But it was clear that if he was going to fake having a girlfriend, she was pretty much his only option.
Of course, a cute girl like her would probably benefit his status quite a bit. It would totally kick the butt of Zhuang's pathetic wife.
Actually, Mois's status could probably kick anybody's butt. How many people got the opportunity to say that they were dating the Lord of Terror?
Kululu frowned deeply in thought. It would benefit him a lot, bringing Mois as his fake date, but getting her to agree was a whole other matter. He really didn't want to be asking favors and letting her know of the pathetic situation he was in. But he needed her, so it wasn't like he had much of a choice.
He tried to approach her while she was working on some finances for work. He tried not to be too awkward about it, but he couldn't help but have a small stutter in his voice.
"S-so... I'm going to a huge technology convention for about a month," he started out. His legs were shaking. He tried to steady himself by holding onto his chair.
You can do this, Kululu. You're just trying to ask your biggest weakness and fear to fake date you for about a month so you can rub how much better you pretend to be in a bunch of people's faces. Man... geez I am pathetic, Kululu thought to himself. Pretending to date Angol Mois... his biggest fear and weakness in the whole universe. It couldn't be that hard, right?
But getting out the words were sure hard.
"Yeah. I heard about that from Uncle. I hope you have lots of fun! It sounds amazing. I mean, not nearly as cool as Angol's festivals of destruction where you hit planets against each other like pinballs, but still really fun," Mois giggled. She loved her planetary destruction.
Kululu grinned. "That does sound a lot more fun than what I'm going to," he agreed. How he wished he could have gone to that instead. Sounded like a blast. Literally, too. "Anyway..." He swallowed and took a deep breath. He just had to ask it fast and get it out. "Want to be my date?"
Mois sputtered, keyboard-smashing accidentally - probably ruining the finances for at least a week. "Umm... Uhh... I'm sorry, you could say, did I just mishear you?" She took her hands off the keyboard and brought them up to her face, covering it a little bit to hide how completely pink she was.
Kululu looked at how confused and embarrassed she looked. What was wrong? Oh... I haven't explained why I NEED a date yet. Crap, got the words out a little too fast. He tried not to blush, too, at how awkward the situation was and how she pretty much thought he was asking her out.
"I didn't mean it like that!" he denied.
"Oh." breathed a sigh of relief, her blush fading from her cheeks. "Wh-what...What did you mean then?" She seemed awfully embarrassed at her misinterpretation of the situation.
Kululu sighed. The only way to get this out was to be honest. And it was the only way someone like her would understand. "I... I got in a fight the last convention I went to. There was this guy who tried to one-up me by stealing my invention and making it better. I managed to ruin his presentation and the new prototype of my tech that he had made, but we, well... We ended up arguing a lot, and one thing led to another and he started implying things about me that I felt offended by. That he was better than me because he had this stupid wife that cheered him up. I... unfortunately got a little too worked up about what he said and tried to explain to him that I wasn't as lonely and miserable as he implied, and that I had just as good of a life as him outside of these conventions and just being a jerk to people. Since it wasn't true at the time, he managed to wrangle me into a bet which I staked my pride on that I wouldn't be able to bring a girlfriend, one that I said I could easily get, to the next convention. So basically I said I'd bring my girlfriend to this convention, but I do not have one because I don't care enough about this stupid bet to change my lifestyle," he explained. "Of course, however do care about my pride and won't lose this stupid thing even though I do not have a girlfriend... So... that's where dating you comes in." He pointed to her.
"You want me to date you so you'll win a bet?" Angol Mois furrowed her brow, feeling a little offended.
"Ku! Hell no!" he laughed. "I want you to pretend to be dating me," he corrected. "I want you to fake being my girlfriend." He gulped, realizing how stupid it sounded. Mois would not agree, there was nothing she got out of it.
She stared at him blankly.
He'd have to beg. "Please," he asked. He needed that job and to impress these people. He didn't want to be on Pekopon forever. "I'll make you any invention you can put your mind to. I'll make you that video game you want with the weird... I mean cute, I really meant cute... animals destroying the planet. I'll take you to a stupid rom-com movie. Even the Notebook! I'll do anything, just please..." Kululu begged.
Mois cut him off. "You don't need to bribe me. I'll do it."
"What?" Kululu was shocked. "Why?"
"I don't need anything in return to help a friend. I'm just happy to help," she said with a smile.
Kululu's eyes widened. He had underestimated Mois's kind attitude, like always. And the way she said "friend..." well, it sort of made him happy. But not the good sort of happy, that sort of mushy terrible feeling that only Mois could conjure in him. That sort of suffocating happiness that he hated from her.
He tried not to let himself grin a bit, and instead turned away from her, sub-consciously smiling a bit. She was a nice person. A nice, terrifying person.
And she called me her friend... Kululu swatted away those thoughts. No time to feel mushy, those mushy feelings were terrible. He was sure they would kill him someday.
"Also, that technology convention does sound really fun. You're not the only one who really likes seeing cool inventions." She smiled at him. "You could say, sneaking in?"
Now, Kululu didn't hide his smiling. This wouldn't be as bad as he first thought. At least, he could geek out about various tech stuff with her. "You could have probably got in on your own. I mean, you're pretty smart," he complimented. "But hey, if you want to use me to get in because of my invite, I don't mind. Ku, ku, ku."
"And, I mean, this is a special opportunity to learn more about you! About how you interacted with people before I met you! That's going to be really fun! You could say, learn about the old, in with the new?" she said.
This time, he did feel like dying. That was part of her motivation? She wanted to know more about him? She really did consider him a friend, enough to be curious about other aspects of his life outside of just her.
She was gold. She was way too amazing and pure. Her motivations were blinding.
She was terrifying with her pure friendship and offer to help. She hadn't even considered not doing it for a moment - she had answered in a heart-beat.
Kululu handed her a train ticket. "We'll be leaving tomorrow, then," he told her carefully, trying not to die from her purity. "You'll need to pack. I can finish the finances while you do that."
Mois nodded. "Thanks!" She took her train ticket and nodded happily.
He collapsed in his chair as soon as she was gone. She didn't need to see how completely her words of kindness destroyed him and made him into a mushy happy mess.
Ick. Pure feelings, he thought to himself. How was he going to survive this month? A month pretending to date Mois, and she'd probably stare at him a lot.
He just needed to be determined. He didn't know how bad this would blow up in his face yet, after all.
"Mois's coming with me, so she'll be gone too," Kululu quickly told the platoon so they wouldn't wonder about her absence.
"Huh?" Keroro asked looking up from his Gundam model. "Why do you need to take her?"
"To show off my inventions! Ku, ku, ku. It always helps to sell them when a pretty girl is holding them up. Haven't you seen any infomercials? Game shows? There's always a pretty girl holding the brief case filled with a million dollars or the weird cheetos knock off," Kululu pointed out. "I don't know why it makes people pay more, but it does. So I need her."
Tamama's eyes widened. "You mean... that woman is going to be gone a full month... away from Mr. Sergeant and just with you?"
"Yes?" Kululu didn't know where Tamama was getting at. Had he figured out that he was taking Mois as his date? Tamama wasn't that smart, but he was that determined to have Mois be with anyone that wasn't Keroro.
"WOO-HOO!" Tamama cheered. He ran up to Kululu and hugged him. "Kululu, you are my hero!" He just celebrated. He hadn't figured out anything. "That means it'll be just me and Mr. Sergeant... Hehehe... My dangerous love affair is about to begin."
Keroro's Gundam broke. He hadn't been listening, but a strange premonition that something was about to change went up his spine. That, or he was chilled. He wasn't sure. But he felt like someone was talking about him. Like, right next to him.
"Please... take her for many more months. You go, Kululu!" Tamama cheered. "If you find a trash can... just saying... Nobody would be mad if you left her in there." Tamama slipped him a wad of cash and winked.
Kululu frowned. Tamama was always a little over the top, but at least none of his platoon mates were trying to convince Mois out of spending time with him.
They probably assumed this would cause Kululu more harm than her.
And honestly, he could see where they were coming from.
Hopefully this isn't as painful as I assume it will be. Kululu had to live. For his pride.
Fake dating, his greatest fear... Would it really be that hard?
Kululu already knew the answer. It definitely would be. And Mois would probably be totally perfect at it and suffocatingly pure and by the end of it he'd either be dead, or a pure monster.
He preferred death.
But I suppose there's only one way to find out. So he left his platoon and headed off to Mois's room to get her and head for the train station.
They hadn't yet started their pretense yet. But Kululu was scared for when it did begin.
Please review! I would love your tips and all about writing fluff. I hope this was a good first chapter. And I hope you all enjoyed it.