Loneliness Is A Place I Know Well

Summary: Yet he had never been more alone than he was now. After a good friend dies, a young Estel muses over his situation with the elves. One Shot.

Silence.

It was something that he found both peaceful and annoying as he sat in the warm confinements of the stable, his lean figure pulled tight into one corner and his fingers playing against the nose of Merilwen. He felt his eyes brim with tears, but swallowed them back and turned his gaze to the grey horse before him; amber eyes reflecting his tear-stained face back to him.

He hated the fact that he was alone, shunned by the elflings that he had hoped to make his friends. Hated the fact that not even some of the adults tried to hide their dislike for having him living with them. A human in elven territory.

He brushed at the tears that had once again started to fall, and leaned closer towards the horse, his hand sliding up the nose to twine into the long white mane, laying his cheek against the animals coarse hair. This was one of his favourite places, away from the whispering of the elves and giggling of the elflings, away from the snide remarks and looks. Here he was surrounded only by the sounds and smells of horses and hay, the few elves that worked in the stable paid him no attention, though this was due to being busy caring for animals instead of general ignorance, here he was lulled into a calm, surrounded by the warm confinements of the stable.

His tears fell onto the animal's nose, and he carefully brushed them off before burying his head into the horse's neck, arms wrapping around her neck. He cried silently, his shoulders shuddering with quiet sobs, and he continued to sob until his head ached from the crying.

He had suffered several years of torture from the elves, silently taking everything that he heard said about him, never once speaking of the incidents, slowly separating himself from the others. Yet he had never been more alone than he was now.

He heard the musical tones of elves talking outside the stall he sat in, but he cancelled out the speech, believing it only to be some annoyances of elves. However, he heard the stall door open, and a soft sigh.

"Estel?" a voice inquired, and he raised his head from Merilwen's neck, looking into the identical, worried faces of his twin foster-brothers.

"Oh, Estel," Elrohir breathed, crossing around the body of the horse and dropping beside the child, one hand going out and resting on the boy's back.

"The stable hands came and told us what had happened," Elladan said softly, kneeling at the other side of the horse's head and resting a hand on her back "She lived a long life." Estel didn't reply, but detached himself from the horse, and turned into the younger twins embrace.

"You were the only one able to tame her," Elrohir pointed out, remembering when Merilwen had been brought to the house…

Flashback

The sounds of the distressed horse had drawn the small child to the stables, and now he stood close to the stable doors, watching his brothers, Glorfindel and the stable hands trying to calm a light grey mare that danced nervously before an open stall, and slowly the creature was coaxed inside, though she tossed her head and showed the white's of her eyes, crying out as they closed the door to the stall.

Estel crept closer, and Elladan grabbed him around the waist and lifted him up to see over the stall door. The horse glared back, and threw her head as she shifted around in the stall in nervous fright. Now that she was fairly still, Estel was able to see the lacerations and sores that decorated her legs, stomach and head.

"She's an elfish horse," Elladan explained, "Though she was taken by a human group when she was young,"

"They have abused her badly," Elrohir had continued "It'll take a while for the wounds to heal, and longer for her to find she can trust us. You must be careful around her, Estel." The boy had nodded, and had taken a fascination in watching the skittish horse everyday for a week afterwards. The stable hands had become used to the boy, and gave him no real notice other than when he asked if could help them, for the few elves that constantly hung around the stables were swiftly becoming used to the young human, and knew of his want for solitude.

The week after the mare had joined the stables, the elflings that Estel had constantly tried to befriend had been especially cruel to him, and he had fled to the stables. It had been around dinnertime, and none of the stable hands were present, having all gone to their homes to ready themselves for the meal. Estel had hidden himself away in the stall next to the one of the mare, and had quickly cried himself to sleep. Awakening to silence that came from all around him, he had realised he had not appeared for dinner, and had exited from his stall to see the head of the mare, and amber eyes staring at him. He had leaned silently against the stall door for a moment before pushing himself away, reaching the doors of the stable at the same time that Glorfindel did, having searched for the boy after he hadn't appeared for a meal.

End Flashback

After that night, the mare had calmed for Estel alone at first, before slowly becoming used to the elves. She had been named Merilwen by Estel, and had swiftly become a friend and protector of the small boy. Yet, she had been old when the elves had brought her to Rivendell, having been turned away from her home at the human settlement due to her age, and they had all known that she would not have lived for that many years after she had been settled at the Last Homely House.

"You made the past few years of her life happy ones, penneth," Elladan told the child. The child was silent in Elrohir's arms, but nodded at the elder twins words.

"Why did you not tell someone?" Elrohir asked, "The hands said that you were the first here, you were the one to know she had gone."

"Was with her when she left," Estel whispered, curling tightly into the twins arms, his eyes on the body of the horse. The expressions on the twins face turned more sympathetic, and they slowly pulled themselves and their foster-brother from the stall, allowing the elves that worked the stable to tend to the horse. They left the dim stable altogether, and the twins spotted their father standing at the doors of the house, waiting for his three sons to meet him.

"You should not hide yourself from us, gwador," Elladan told the boy encase in his twins arms. Estel nodded, and a small smile graced his sad face. The others may shun him, but he had his brothers and his father, and he was no longer alone.