"Me too, Jane."
I can't explain it, though I try,
The love I want from this best friend of mine.
I try to stay as far away as I can,
From your brown-eyed smolder,
But I can't.
Not when it's so close.
I can see the glimmer of shine on your lips,
Let me taste…
No.
I mustn't, it's against my rules.
I look down.
There's no way I can resist,
Not when it comes to you.
Everything I've been raised upon,
Shattered to dust
When I see you.
I want to rip your clothes,
Thread from thread,
Is that bad?
It must be.
That's why you look away when I accidently give you that look.
That's why we can't be in a room alone for too long.
Isn't it?
I wish it wasn't so hard,
My friend,
To tell you I would give my everything for you,
You alone,
And though my blood is a monster's blood…
Forgive me,
For this blood I would shed if it were to guarantee your
Safety.
I wouldn't leave you,
Just like you wouldn't leave me,
In that car…
It seems so long ago now,
But I have a scar from where you listened to me.
I remember the heat of your hands,
They were shaky.
I remember the pain,
I do,
I remember how you were so afraid to take that glass to my leg,
Why?
I trusted you, and almost nothing you could ever do would hurt me.
Except…
Him.
He's the only way you could ever hurt me, love.
You give him every part of you and he disrespects it.
I would worship it, love.
You give him every 'mushy' word and feel ashamed of it.
I would cherish them, love.
He misuses you,
You let him.
I thought that we were…
I thought.
I suppose I misinterpreted our relationship, yes?
All of those touches,
All of the hand-holding,
All of the long, intense staring?
It meant nothing, didn't it?
Not one singular thing.
I'm always sitting in the basement,
The always cold, always empty of the living,
Basement.
I'm alone except for the dead,
Most of the time,
Sometimes, Senior Criminalist Chang sends in TOX Screen Reports to aid your case.
Yours, not mine.
I do anything, everything for you,
And yet you leave me.
For him of all people.
If it were Martinez, I'd understand.
He's nice to you,
Respects you,
Knows you better than Ca—I can't even say his name.
His name is bitter in my mouth.
How is he sweet in yours?
It confuses me,
Such a strong woman,
So independent,
So willing to be…
You.
How are you so… tame in his presence.
Doesn't his clingy attitude disgust you?
…
Does my clingy attitude disgust you sometimes?
Am I the damsel in distress?
Do you want the roles reversed?
No.
You are not a 'damsel'.
You will never admit to being in distress.
It's admirable.
Your façade.
You keep it up in front of everyone except him.
You even try to keep it up in front of me.
I'm your best friend.
I deserve to see your pain,
Not him.
I deserve to know your pet names,
Not him.
I deserve to see every part of you,
Not him.
He left you!
He used you then told you he was going!
And where do you cry?
On his shoulder?
I don't think so.
My shoulder is wet with your tears.
My ears are tainted with your sobs.
My mouth is the one that told you it was all going to be okay.
Not his.
Yet you run to him every time he magically shows up on your
Doorstep.
You hug him.
You kiss him.
You fuck him.
You let him touch you.
Why?
Am I not good enough?
Is my shoulder not strong enough?
Do my ears not listen closely enough?
Is my voice not low enough?
…
Are you scared?
Or do you just not realize?
I love you.
With every last fiber of my beating heart,
I love you.
With every ounce of flowing blood,
I love you.
With every word I whisper, mutter, grumble under my breath,
I love you.
"Me too."