It's a Shame John Reed Died Without Making a Will, a jane eyre fanfic

AN: Well, I have other chapters to post of Sinner (my John Reed fic). Alas, they are on the Other computer (which is really ghetto and doesn't like to work). So until I format the files, I wanted to give John some more love… If I wrote a Jane Eyre musical, this would be in there, totally. But I'd be fired from the job, because my entire musical would revolve around John Reed! … Oh well.

This would be sung by John's maids (in his own estate, not Gateshead). Let's call them Beatrice and Anne, just for the fun of it. (?) Inspired partly by one of the songs in one of the musicals of A Christmas Carol (not the muppet one, though) and also by the fact that old skool maids knew everything about everyone and they were kind of creepy. Anyway….

IT IS A SHAME YOUNG JOHN REED DIED (Without Making a Will)

---

ANNE: Well, Miss Beatrice, tis quite a loathsome task.

Funeral arrangements, messes to clean

On account of that snobbish a—

BEATRICE: I wouldn' speak so loudly

What with his death so short ago

What if the devil has refused his nasty, brazen soul?

ANNE: Quite so, thank you, Miss Beatrice

But there is so much I'd like to say

It's been a difficult time with that criminal

So many secrets—not much pay

BEATRICE: Miss Anne, I pray, keep silent

And just focus at the task at hand

We've got to sort through these foul things he was wearing when his fate did land

ANNE: Ugh, I cannot believe the master

Sickening until his end

BEATRICE: Try to be kind, girl!

Remember our Lord, and try to be forgiving, my friend

(The two maids set to work around Reed's corpse, covered by the canopy. A few minutes of silence and then:)

ANNE: Just look at that amazing waistcoat!

Oh, how I wish he'd picked a different way to die.

BEATRICE: You know, you're right. I think the blood might ruin it.

Unless one of us quickly takes it

Cleans it

Brings it

Home, think what it's worth!

ANNE: Now you get it, Miss Beatrice!

Even his socks are worth more than our paltry pay

Do you think that if I removed that ring—

BEATRICE: Stop this talk at once! There is no way!

ANNE: Oh, Miss Beatrice… I'm just sayin'…

CHORUS

It's such a shame John Reed passed on

Oh so very young

But considering his vile lifestyle

I'm surprised he wasn't all ready hung!

What's done is done

He's met his end

And in Hell, he's likely sinning still!

It's just such a shame that young John Reed

Died without making a will!

He did it to complicate everything!

He left us nothing to spite us all

He picked the most grotesque way

To kick oneself off

And I'll bet he had a ball!

BEATRICE: Now I know that he was a monster

But do you think this is really fair?

It's obvious he had an upsetting life

And that's why—

ANNE: I DON'T CARE.

Miserly pay for cleaning up vomit almost every night

The least he could have done was leave us something

To make everything right!

BEATRICE: Or at least he could have made it clearer

What arrangements he wanted made

How perfectly crude to swallow a bullet

And leave the cleanup for the maids!

ANNE: You get it! And simply imagine how Lady Reed

Will act when she arrives

How she coddled and protected that scoundrel throughout the years he was alive

"Oh, John, dear, if you are in jail again,

Mummy won't be angry or shout

Just name the price, any ridiculous price

And Mama will bail you out!"

BEATRICE: These rich women don't even notice

Money wasn't what she should've given her son!

By acting so gooey with no discipline—

She practically handed him the gun.

ANNE: I almost wish he'd written a letter

So Missus Reed could have seen how that money was spent!

'I MAKE MY WILL OUT TO THE LONDON WHORES'

See, Missus, your John was no admirable gent!

BEATRICE: (speaking) My husband would love this lace collar—

And I think I could get out the blood!

ANNE: You had better collect what you want

Before Eliza Reed comes to search

She's been waiting for this day

She'll pick out the best—

And donate it all to her church!

BEATRICE: Oh! Quick! Grab the most handsome outfits you can

Even though they're a size much too big

ANNE: It's a smart thing John decided over hanging

Or the roof would have fallen to the floor, that pig!

(They begin scrounging around his possessions, quickly.)

CHORUS together