la Sodomie de ton Coeur
The bomb exploding was the last thing they ever heard.
THEY HAD FUCKED ALL NIGHT LONG but then hiccup's super awesome dragon buddy walked in. JACK ABRUTLY STOPPED POUNDING HIS ROCK HARD PANT'S ANACONDA and stared at the dragon "this is fucking weird so imma go now."
Jakck disappeared into the night because hiccup didn't want to believe in him anymore. Jack was so emo about that that he disappeared. Hiccup quickly put his long brown hand-woven tunic back on "OMfG Toothless. Look wgat u did! Now Jack's gone~!"
BUT IT WASN'T TOOTHLESS THAT HAD BARGED IN. NO IT WAS…ASTRID! "OMFG HICCUP how many times r u going to go behind my back and do this!?"
Hiccup shrugged and pulled a flask out of his underpants. He started drinking it cause he didn't wanna listen to astrid's bitchin.
Blah blah blah blah blah hiccup tried to choke on his vodka so he could die and astrid could Shut up
He had almost done it when…
THE ALARM IN THE VILLAGE WENT OFF! THEY WERE BEING ATTACKED!
So hiccup walked out into the village square nakey like on the day of his birth right when he slid out of his mums vajayjay and stood there with his arms out "fokin kill me already mate I aint got a dick in me bum so me lifes pointless JUST FOKIN END IT BRUH"
It was then Hiccup felt an enormous pain in his d*ck. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. THERE WAS AN ARROW IN HIS DICK…and he kinda liked it.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BITCHES! U THOUGHT U COULD TAKE DOWN HIKKUP HORRENDOUS HADDICK III DOWN BUT U DIDN'T KNOW HED LIKE ITTTTTTT!"
FUCK YESH HE LIKED IT so he turned to who shot it to give them a reward 😉 but he was shocked to find it was MERIDA summoned by his wonderful Scottish accent "EW I DON'T WAN YEW I WANT MY ICE COLD COLDER THEN VANILLA ICE MAN NOBODY EVEN LIKES VAGINAS" hiccup scream cried as astrid stare on from the distance "I always knew this day would come hiccup… I always knew you were as straight as waves on a beach." She began to cry uncontrollably "Yesh duh you dumb bitch. I never liked you." Hiccup said anf astrid ran into the forest screamcrying before falling into a well and dying.
Hiccup knew what he had to do (he had to stop all the ghosts who were coming through) TO GET DICKED DOWN! HE HAD TO SACRIFICE MERIDA AND RUB HER BLOOD ALL OVER HIS NIPPLES AND TEETH TO SUMMON JACK TO HIM!
B4 Merida could even think Hiccup smashed his vdka flask over head and watched her burn. He sliced at her with the jagged edges of the flask.
MERIDA BLED EVERYWHERE AND IT WAS PRETTY F*CKING GROSS! But Hiccup was on a mission. A dick mission. A Dickssion. He sucked merida's bloosd, and smeared it on his pert pink nipples.
But instead of jack cumming…hiccup turned into A VAMPIRE!
HOEY SHITE meirda was dead and jack wasn't there what a fockin joke he couldn't even get that sweet icyhot bod of jack and now he had no one to shoot his dick. So he had no other choice he had to…..
SACRAFICE AROUSED GOATS
It was time to use the tslent hos mother had taught him. He foung the closest goat heard and bent over to reveal his nbooty hole and made the aniceint call as he barted (burpfarted dun). The gots understood immediately.
Somberly they formed an ass fucking line where Hiccup was the first. A soft goat belly covered his back, the warmth was almost comforting. Cold goat hoofs sunk into his flesh and Jack moaned as the goat pushed in one, two, three times. Over and over, in and out. But it still wasn't enough. Hiccup hungered for jack.
Right before the goat could c*m Jack gone girled that bitch. In a flash Hiccup put his mouth where his ass was and bit off goat dick. The skin in his mouth tasted like victory.
Before any of the other goats in the ass fucking line noticed Hiccup slit their throats with his trusty flask fragment.
THEY WERE FINALLY DEAD. Hiccup dragged their nubile bodies in the shape of A PENTAGRAM! HE shoved a leftover arrow across his left ass cheek and bled onto the circle.
SMOKE POURED FROM THE GOATAGRAM IT WAS FINALLY HERE…
The thing he could only dream of. He could feel it in his burning a*shole amd taste it on his swollen tongue. JACKS DICK but~ but where was jack
MEANWHILE, Jack was in his bath tub staring the new guardian down she was so familiar who was she "it doesn't much matter to me though shes hot af so lets get down bbg" he says to her and when they go to get dwon they find jacks dick is gone
"we must find it. For I am the guardian of dicks."
Jack was confusled. "But ya don't even have a dick." He siiad.
Astrid punched him in the face. "Oh so u think a woman cant be a guardian of dicks cause she doesn't have one!? UR a SEXIST ASSHOLE! GOOD LUCK FINDING UR SHRIMPO DICKK BY URSELF!
Astrid vanished in a plume of smoke leaving 99999999 purple dildos in her wake.
Jack cried manlily as he thought of all the things he could no longer do with his dick. Worst of all he could never fulfill his dream of eating donuts off of his own dick.
….No! He wouldn't let it end this way! JACK WOULD FIND HIS DICK NO MATTER WHAT!
Meanwhile hikicup was sucking jacks dick he was blowin it real good just in the miff;e og town.
WHAT HICCUP AND JACK DIIDNT KNOW….WAS THAT ASTRID WAS PISSED!
The new guardian of dicks was not to be taken lightly! She would have her revenge! She would make it so that jack nd hiccip were diclkless for the rest of their lives! Better yet she would make sure the rest of their lives would be over in the next ten minutes. Astrid laughed manically while impaling herself on 999999999 purple dildos and concocting a plan….
Jack knew that was only persom wjo could have his dick hiccups. So he super fasr traveled to burke where he pulled his dick out of hiccups hand "bruh what the hell."
Jack was suuuuppper angry he yelled "Y DA FUQ DID U TAKE MY DICKKK HICKEYUP!?"
Hiccup started scream crying immediately "THAT'S BC MY MOM DIED B4 SHE COULD TEACH ME THE WHOEL RITUAL U INSENSITIVE DICKWAD!"
Jack was super shocked. "Oh" he said.
"Fuck u" Hickey said.
"I'll make it up to you!" JAckle ye;;ed! And shoved his own dick up his ass prepping himself for hiccup's penetration.
Hiccup was touched by the sincerity of the gesture he had never fucked jack before.
Hiccup watched as jacl bounced up and down on his own disk feeling his own dick revving up for a disco stickful ride.
Hiccup pulled hack's dick out of his ass and put his own up there
"AWWWW YEA JACK BUSS IT OPEN 4 ME BBY!"
"OOMMMGGGG HICCCCUUUUUPPPPPPP UR SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOODDDDD!"
IT WAS THEN ASTRID APPEARED AND PRESSED THE SMALL RED BUTTON IN HER HAND.
RIGHT WHEN JAKKK AND HICCUPP REACHED THEIR CLIMAX JAACK'S SEVERED DICK EXPLODED EXPLODING HICCUP AND JACK WITG IT.
ASTRID STOOD ALONE AND TRIUMPHANT. "Fuck bitche$ get $$$$" she whispered, and the sound was whisked away on a cold burke win. For the last time Astrid vanished, 9999999999999999999 purple dildos erected where she last stood.
THE END