Yasmin
"It's got to be done."Yasmin's voice echoed through the empty room. Final, determined, like she was informing a friend of a vital decision. "I'll wait for the psi cops here. It won't be long; tomorrow, maybe even late tonight. I should see Jenny, though, before I go. I owe her that much." She smiled, a sad, tight little smile, at the thought of Jenny, her girlfriend. Jenny meant more to her than the she'd ever be prepared to tell the other girl. But, depending on how you looked at it, she was going to dump her.
It was just after she lost her parents that she'd first met Jenny. She'd come close to just moving on, like she'd done so many times before, avoiding psi corps. She'd spent her whole life running; moving every few weeks, sleeping rough, begging, stealing, whatever it took. Anything to avoid psi corps. But after all the effort, freedom seemed to cost too much. She'd began to wonder; is it worth it? I'll be caught in the end; I know that now. Why go to all this trouble? Why not just settle down here, live a bit before they catch me? It won't change anything, not in the long run.
So that's what I did. I got myself a job, washing dishes. Even enrolled for some evening classes. I was starting to take it all for granted enough to make plans for permanence. I knew it couldn't last really, but I still hoped.
Telling Jenny the truth for the first time was tough. I think she understands. Or maybe I just hope she does. What's the difference? I told her the psi cops are coming for me. That today or tomorrow they'll arrive and take me away. I love her so much; I think my heart tore in two when I said goodbye. I don't think she'll forgive me for what I said. "I hope we never meet again; I don't want you to see the person psi corps will turn me into."
She turned away, tears falling fast down her cheeks, wetting her hair. She's got such beautiful hair. Flame red, falling in cascades down her shoulders; soft and shiny, curling in ringlets. When I first saw her I thought she'd be fierce and hot-tempered, but she's not. She's calm, and patient, and caring; and she probably hates me now. I can't blame her;I'd hate me. So I simply looked at her, pleadingly.
"Will you do me a favour?" She stared at me like I gone out of my mind. "Remember this, what the psi corps did to me…did to us. They won't let me remember. They'll make love them; even trust them, eventually, whether or not I want to. Whatever happens, whatever they do to me, it'll be better than always running. So I'll let them take me. But people should know; someone should remember what the psi corps really is, what it does to people. Please? For me?"
She looked me in the eyes, and my heart almost melted. Those sea-green eyes pushed past every barrier, right to my heart. Making me feel all the pain and love and misery afresh.
"I'll remember. Always." She choked back tears, her voice harsh and rasping. Finally, I broke away.
"I've got to go. I won't let them find me here, with you." My voice faltered and cracked. "I love you too much to let them near you. Goodbye, Jen."
"Go!" She shouted, crying in earnest again. "Just go!" So I walked away. There were no final endearments or promises of undying love. Life will go on. She'll have other girlfriends; maybe even boyfriends. It was my choice, but that doesn't stop it hurting.
I came here to wait for them, the psi cops who've found me. They'll be here soon. My resolve's shaking, but I've made up my mind. I won't run, I won't hide; I'll let them find me. Let them turn my mind inside out. 'Cause I'm not running, not ever again. And you can't fight a psi cop.
--
They found me at last in the cold of the pre-dawn hours. Three cops in their black uniforms. Detached. Impersonal. But not cruel. They were gentle; tapping lightly on the walls of my mind. When they felt my fear they stopped sending to me and talked instead. Asked me question after question for several long, slow, painful hours.
I answered them all; secrets I'd kept since I lost my parents. What choice had I left myself?
They told me I was with my family now; that the corps was my mother and my father. 'You're safe now,' they told me. 'We look after our own.'
I was given a test, almost as soon as I arrived. I'm a P6 teep. That means I'm strong enough to manage basic scans, but my powers are nothing special. They've given me the gloves and badge; thought I'd hate wearing them but I don't really care. Don't really care about anything these days.
I've got a job, going round schools telling kids how wonderful the corps is. Can't decide how I feel about it. Part of me says the corps will get them in the end regardless, so they might as well save themselves the pain and join up. The other part says I died the day I joined the corps. They should stay away as long as they can, have a life before it's taken away.
My body, that's still alive, still here. But the rest…heart, soul, spirit; whatever you call it. That stayed behind. Stayed with Jenny. Stayed free. What was left of it; the small part not already killed by years of running and hiding.
Maybe I'm being a fool. Psi Corps has been good to me. Given me everything I need for to live out my life, happy and well.
I think they really mean it when they say they love me.
--
I hope Jenny remembers; I'm already forgetting. They almost have me. If you say something often enough, you start believing it. I knew this would happen; it happens to everyone who joins the corps. But I didn't believe it. No one ever does.
--
In the end I saw the truth, but it took time. I didn't want to see it; I didn't want my parents to have been wrong. I wanted to truly believe they were martyrs; I wanted to blame the corps for their deaths. I wanted to have something to fight; something that was responsible for all my pain. But there wasn't anything. Just the love of my family.
Precious years of my life wasted hating people who only wanted to help me. I should have realised that earlier, but I was blinded. Blinded by the misconceptions of others. I ruined myself, with that stupid stubbornness. I could've been happy here. I could've made psi corps the constant in my life; the one thing that will never betray me.
I still could. They're my family. They'd give me a second chance. They'd always give me another chance to rejoin them. But it's up to me to take them up; it's up to me to love them in return.
And I think I do at last. After all; The corps is mother, The corps is father.