Wow it has been too long since I've written anything on here. I've been so busy lately with study, work and training that I haven't had time to sit down and write out my stupid feelings in fanfiction.
I know I'm a little late to the party…okay, a lot late but can I just say what a mid-season finale! The touching Oliver and Felicity scene followed up with Oliver being stabbed and kicked off a cliff nearly made me cry. I knew Oliver wasn't going to win and I know he can't die for obvious reasons but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
Unfortunately, here in New Zealand we were only a day behind the US but now I think we're a week behind so I'm still waiting for something to come up on YouTube for me to have a sneaky watch. To keep myself preoccupied I decided I was going to finish this story because I had started the night I watched 3x09 but I was too much of an emotional basket-case that I couldn't actually write coherent sentences to complete the story.
It still hurts me now but I can at least control it enough to be able to write.
Anyways this is following Team Arrow learning about Oliver's death and how they're dealing with the aftermath from Felicity's POV – what a surprise…
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING
0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0
"It's been four days Felicity and he hasn't sent so much as a text"
"That's because he left his phone here because he knew I would've pinged his GPS" She replied confidently.
Diggle stood in front of her computers with his arms crossed and still dressed in Oliver's leathers. Since Oliver left Diggle and Roy have been holding down the fort and it wasn't for a couple of days after he left that they decided "The Arrow" needed to make an appearance.
They wanted to avoid it because Diggle can't shoot arrows like Oliver can so they chose the moment carefully; like tonight. Arsenal and Arrow made sure they were spotted by the public eye just running along the rooftops.
Felicity heard Diggle heave out a big sigh before she watched him walk around her computers to stand beside her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed; if she closed her eyes she could imagine it was Oliver's gripping her shoulder, reassuring her that he's alive and well. "I want to believe he's still alive too Felicity but we have to look at the facts: We haven't heard from him in days and the League of Assassins never followed through on their threat to kill people in Starling city and I think it's safe to say that they will always follow through on their threats"
"He's alive" Felicity said, her voice heavy with conviction. "I know it"
She watched his eyes flash sympathy before he breathed out a sigh and nodded his head in resignation. "I hope you're right"
He gave her a tight lipped smile before heading off to the bathroom to get out of Oliver's leathers.
Felicity knew Oliver was still alive, she didn't know how she knew she just did. The man was like a cat with nine lives and he was not about to use up his last life.
The memory of him packing his bag, telling her not to worry because he would be back and Thea would be safe played through her mind. Although she could tell he wasn't convinced himself that he could beat Ra's, she was convinced.
She's always believed in him and no matter what happens between them, she always will believe in him. She shivered at the memory of his warm lips pressed to her forehead. How her eyes had slid closed and she leant into his touch. How he pulled away as her eyes opened to his and all she could see was adoration as plain as day on his face.
She remembered how her already tingling nerve ends sparked to life when he finally said those three little words. So softly yet with such genuine strength that it left her breathless.
'I love you'
Felicity could see that he looked more confident about his feelings for her than his victory over Ra's and that frightened her. She loved him, of course she loved him but he's doing exactly what she wanted him to stop doing, he dangled a 'maybe'.
Hearing him say it made her heart soar but unless he acted on it then nothing will change between them. She will - no matter how hard she tries not to – hold on to that dangled maybe and hope that he will come to his senses and realise they can work if he just lets it happen.
He gave her hope during that brief exchange where she stared at him feeling her stomach kicking wildly, that maybe they can work out. That maybe this time, when he gets back, he will allow himself to give in to the possibility of 'them'.
Reality came crashing down however, as he gave her a final glance before leaving and Felicity remembered exactly why he said those words. He wanted her to know in case he didn't come back. He wasn't truly convinced that he could win but Felicity knew he would win and he would come back home to the team.
He would come home to her.
With that thought she blinked several times as she realised she had been staring at the space Diggle had been occupying. She breathed in deeply as she turned back to her computers feeling confident that any moment now, Oliver will be home.
"I know he will"
It was twenty four hours later when Malcolm Merlyn confirmed what Felicity refused to even think was true.
Roy and Diggle charged at Merlyn with the full intention of knocking that smug look off of his face but Felicity's loud voice at its full potential made everyone stop and take a breath. She told Merlyn to leave now and warned him that if he told Thea then Felicity will be more than happy to let Roy and Diggle beat the living crap out of him.
Diggle had leaned, unmoving, against Felicity's desk and stared solemnly at Oliver's 'Arrow' gear which lay in the glass case, waiting for him to wear again.
Roy just stood stock still, staring at nothing while silent tears rolled down his cheeks.
No one had spoken a word since Merlyn had left. No one knew what to say, Felicity had no idea what anyone was feeling let alone what she was feeling. It can't be true. Merlyn must be lying because Oliver, her Oliver can't be gone.
It's just not fair.
The world may be a cruel place but it can't be so cruel as to end the life of a man who went through five years of hell and came back just to go through another three years of personal loss and despair.
She could feel a hollowness settle in the pit of her stomach as her chest tightened uncomfortably. She had the sudden need for air. She needed to get out of there and fast.
Just as she was about to make her escape Felicity's eyes lifted to Roy's sudden movements. He wiped furiously at his eyes as he clenched his jaw and blindly grabbed the old coffee mug next to him and threw it against the wall. The sound of the mug smashing to pieces bounced off the walls of the Foundry and was oddly satisfactory to Felicity.
"Roy" Her voice broke as she called to him.
She didn't know how she found the strength for her legs to work but she went to him just as it looked like he was about to lose all control. "He's not supposed to die Felicity. He said he'd be back. He said that Ra's won't win."
"I know" She whispered. She reached up and pulled his head to the crook of her neck and wrapped her arms around him. She felt him wrap his arms tightly around her as she could feel his tears wet her neck.
"I know Roy" She looked to Diggle who had tears in his eyes too as he watched them.
Her vision started to blur as her throat tightened "He promised us all"
One week had passed and the team was falling apart.
They're lost without Oliver.
Felicity had to persuade Diggle for the better part of the week that he needs to wear the 'Arrow's' gear again else the bad guys might think it's safe for their illegal activities to continue.
He was reluctant but he agreed after Roy had nearly been overwhelmed by sheer numbers and if it wasn't for Laurel's intervention then it could've ended in another tragedy.
Tears clogged her throat at the thought; she's barely holding on as it is, she's not quite sure she could if another person she cared about died.
Laurel was really growing into her own strength and Felicity was impressed.
Laurel came down to the Foundry a couple of hours after Merlyn, Diggle and Roy had left. Felicity was still there working because there was no way she was going to go home. Going home meant resting and resting meant that she had time to think about Oliver's fate.
That was something she was not ready to confront.
So she stayed at the Foundry after everyone had left to follow up on leads, check in on the prisoners at Iron Heights, read the Central City news to see if any mention of "The Flash" had shown up, she even went so far as to update her security even though it didn't need it.
She did anything to keep her mind occupied until Laurel had come down the stairs and demanded that Felicity tell her where Oliver is.
So Felicity did.
She told Laurel that Oliver is dead, that he went off to fight Ra's Al Ghul in order to protect the people of Starling city and his sister.
Laurel was quiet at first but then she started to cry. Felicity watched the other woman feeling sorry for her, first Tommy then Sara and now Oliver.
Felicity was about to offer comfort but Laurel quickly told her that she needed to leave because dealing with that news was not a good idea when she knew there was a fully stocked bar above her.
Felicity had watched her go, not expecting to see her for a while but, to her surprise, an hour before dawn Laurel had come back albeit to train, but she came back sober and with a new fire that Felicity could see blazing in her eyes.
Felicity always knew Laurel was strong but before that night, she had sourly underestimated just how strong she really is. She had her own gear, much like 'Arrow' and 'Arsenal'. She even had her own mask and wig.
When Felicity first saw it on she thought she saw Sara.
Her gut twisted as she stared at Laurel. She had to keep repeating in her head 'It's Laurel not Sara'.
"Sara talked a lot about you Felicity. You and Sara were close weren't you?" Laurel's voice startled her out of her minor panic attack.
"Yeah" Felicity nodded her head and swallowed hard "It was always nice having another female down here in this man-cave."
Laurel stood there awkwardly as Felicity stared at her "Is that…?" Her question trailed off as she gestured to her gear.
Laurel looked down at herself and Felicity couldn't help but to notice a small wistful smile pull at the corners of her lips.
"No. Even if we didn't bury Sara with her gear I'm not sure I could bring myself to wear it." Felicity watched her absentmindedly stroke the sleeve of her leather jacket. "This was hers. She gave it to me the night she left after Slade attacked."
Felicity nodded and smiled slightly at Laurel "So what do we call you? We have 'Arrow'…" She stopped suddenly as she realised what she said.
Felicity squeezed her eyes shut and cleared her throat "I mean, uh, we had 'Arrow'…" She took a deep breath; she couldn't stop her voice from breaking when she said that "…and we have 'Arsenal'. So what do you want to be called?"
Felicity watched Laurel frown at her for a second before she took a slight step forward. "You know Felicity, like I said before, Sara told me a lot about you and how important you are to this team."
She knew what Laurel meant by that; Sara told her about Felicity and Oliver. She's not quite sure how she feels about that. "And I just want to let you know that I am here if you want to talk. I mean, I'm not Sara; I'm not trying to replace her. But with Ollie and Sara gone, I feel as though it's all of our duties to keep up what they started. We have to keep fighting to keep this city safe."
God she sounded a lot like Oliver right now and she couldn't help but resent Laurel for that. She wasn't here when Oliver lay dying on numerous occasions while Felicity, Diggle and Roy frantically tried to save him. She wasn't here when Oliver was so lost in the dark that Felicity had to light the way for him. She wasn't here when all three of them would receive the brunt of his anger because Slade or Merlyn was always one step ahead of them.
Laurel wasn't here for the struggle that Oliver, Felicity, Diggle and Roy went through every day for the past two and a half years and she's come in saying that she feels it's their duty to keep up what Oliver started?
She bit her tongue however because Felicity realised that that was just Laurel's way of honouring one of her best friends: to continue their legacy. So Felicity took a deep breath and replied "I'm fine Laurel. Thanks for the concern though"
Felicity watched Laurel shrug her shoulders and shook her head. "Once you stop lying to yourself and realise it is okay to not be okay then you have a female ear for you to vent to."
Felicity looked up at her and offered a small smile. She couldn't fault Laurel for her effort; she was genuinely trying. "Thank you" She said quietly.
Laurel gave a short nod and was about to turn away when she spoke "Black Canary"
Felicity frowned "What?"
Laurel smiled a little "You asked what I wanted to be called. I don't want to take my sisters name but I want to honour her, so: Black Canary"
Felicity looked at Laurel and felt a small smile pull her lips up. "I like it"
Two weeks have passed and Laurel nearly killed Thea.
A couple of hours before, she came downstairs to the Foundry and Felicity took one look at her and asked her if she was alright.
"You said that Oliver went to fight Ra's to protect the city and Thea." Felicity swallowed hard as she realised what Laurel was about to ask. "Why did Thea need protection?"
Felicity took a deep breath and realised there was no avoiding Laurel, sooner or later she was going to find out, Felicity just preferred it to be later.
"Laurel there's something you need to know…"
She started to tell Laurel the full story; how Thea was in Corto Maltese with Merlyn, how Merlyn must've trained her while she was there and how they came to Starling city to kill Sara.
Once she delivered the blow Felicity watched for Laurel's reaction. She seemed to be processing this slowly as Felicity tried to read anything off of her face but nothing was showing. Felicity wasn't sure exactly what Laurel was feeling at that moment.
"She looked me in the eyes and told me she was sorry"
Felicity blinked at Laurel's sudden but quiet words "What?"
Felicity had to stop herself from stepping away from Laurel's blazing gaze "By Sara's grave I told her. I told Thea that Sara was dead and she looked me in the eyes and told me that she was sorry for my loss"
Felicity started to shake her head as she tried to reach out to her "There's something else you need to know first - -"
"I'm going to kill her"
Laurel stalked out of the Foundry as Felicity called out to her.
She let out a growl of frustration at herself and wished, not for the first time that Oliver was here. If anyone could talk Laurel out of doing something like this it would be Oliver.
God she missed him
She shook herself back and quickly made her way to her phone, now was not the time to be wishing for things that can't come true.
Diggle picked up after two rings and Felicity told him to get to Thea's apartment and to hurry. She hung up quickly and called Roy, telling him the same thing.
Felicity kept herself occupied by bringing up cameras around Thea's apartment to see if she can spot Laurel and direct Diggle and Roy but she wasn't showing up. An hour had passed and Felicity was starting to get anxious, she checked on Thea and she was in the same spot as she was last time; in front of her TV.
Felicity called Diggle and Roy on their coms to see if they have eyes on her but they couldn't find her either. She was about to tell them to keep their eyes open but the sound of the door at the top of the stairs to the Foundry opened and it stopped Felicity from speaking.
She couldn't breathe.
When she was able to find sleep she dreamed of this moment. When she would be here in the Foundry by herself and the door will open. Oliver would walk down the stairs alive and well albeit with a few more scars but he came home to her.
Her pulse had quickened as she slowly turned her chair around. When she lay her eyes on Laurel she felt the most confusing mixture of relief and disappoint fill her.
Felicity was happy to see Laurel back here but it also reminded her that it was just a dream and Oliver won't be walking down those stairs ever again.
Felicity quickly took a deep breath and told the boys to get back to the Lair because Laurel just walked in.
She turned off her coms and approached Laurel slowly. "Laurel?"
"I couldn't do it" She said quietly "I wanted to. I wanted to kill her for killing my sister; an eye for an eye kind of thing but when I got to her apartment and saw her on the couch watching TV, that's when I saw it."
Felicity frowned; she doesn't remember seeing anything other than Thea and her couch.
Laurel looked up at Felicity then with tears in her eyes. "It was a picture of Thea and Ollie before he was shipwrecked."
Felicity could hear the waver in Laurel's voice as the emotion was obviously constricting her throat. "In that moment I knew I couldn't kill her. This is Thea we're talking about; the same Thea who ran around the house in diapers while Ollie and I were teenagers. Thea, Ollie's sister who he sacrificed his life for so she could live. I couldn't do that to him or Thea."
Felicity breathed out a sigh of relief and approached the other woman. "I know it makes no difference either way but…" Felicity talked quietly so as not to startle Laurel "…Thea didn't know what she was doing"
Felicity was surprised to hear Laurel scoff "You're right, it doesn't make a difference"
Felicity let a moment pass before she realised she needed to tell Laurel the rest of the story "Laurel?" Felicity hesitantly put a hand on Laurel's shoulder and looked her in the eyes "You have a lot of anger but it shouldn't be aimed at Thea. It should be aimed at Merlyn."
Laurel frowned at that "Why? He's not the one who killed Sara"
Felicity sighed "He may not have physically shot Sara but he designed her death." Laurel was still looking as confused as ever so Felicity elaborated. "He drugged Thea using a plant that grows in South America; it makes the person more susceptible to suggestion. He drugged her, came back to Starling and told Thea to kill Sara. Thea has no recollection of coming back to Starling let alone what she did when she was here"
Laurel started to shake her head "But I thought we cleared him. Ollie said- -"
"Oliver was wrong"
"But why?"
"The League was after Merlyn and the only way for them to stop is for Ra's to die. The League told Oliver that if he didn't bring Sara's killer to them then they would kill fifty people in Starling city every night until he found her killer. Merlyn knew this would happen if Sara was to be killed, he also knew that Oliver wouldn't turn his sister over to the League. So Merlyn recorded Thea firing those arrows and used it to blackmail Oliver into taking Thea's place and challenging Ra's to a duel. If Oliver won and Ra's died then all blood oaths made while Ra's was leader would be null and void and Merlyn could go on with his life without having to worry about the League coming after him."
Felicity stayed quiet and watched Laurel take it in slowly. Her eyes wouldn't stop moving from one thing to another and Felicity wondered what was going on in her head. Felicity had to gulp as she saw the sudden change in Laurel's eyes. Her eyes were cold and they were filled with hatred.
"Then Merlyn is the one that has to die"
Felicity doesn't like the thought of anyone else dying but for Merlyn, she'd make an exception.
Three weeks have passed and the team is working very well together in the field. Back at the 'Arrow Cave' however, arguments constantly broke out over how to tell Thea that her brother is dead.
It's not a question of whether to tell her or not; it goes without saying that they will. The question is: how much do they tell her.
She deserves to know exactly how and why her big brother died. But they need to respect Oliver's decision in not telling Thea his secret. Felicity always believed that half of Oliver's problems that occurred since he returned the first time from the island is because Thea doesn't know Oliver's alter ego. If he ever mentioned the possibility of telling her Felicity would've encouraged it. Now, she's not so sure it's a good idea to tell her exactly what Oliver got up to at nights.
If they tell her then Thea might understand why Oliver did some of the things he did. Like, why Oliver and Moira always seemed to be fighting, why he always said such cryptic things about leaving the city and loving her right before attacks, like the earthquake and Slade. Why he ran out of their mother's trial right before the jury's decision. Why he looked like he'd been in fights every week.
Everything would make sense.
But upon the revelation she may be hurt, angry and lost. The last time Thea felt like that she ran to Merlyn. Felicity would hate to think what it would do to her this time.
"She needs to know everything, she deserves to know."
"We know Roy and we will tell her" Diggle said calmly
"When? She keeps asking me if I've seen or heard from him. Me. If she's asking me, the ex-boyfriend where her brother is, then she is desperate for answers!" Roy said letting his frustration out.
"He's right, she has to know everything." Laurel piped up. "We need to tell her what you told me. We need to tell her what Oliver has been up to since he got back from the island."
"That's not our secret to tell. It's Oliver's and he doesn't want her to know for a reason. We need to respect that decision, he deserves that much"
"Deserved"
Felicity frowned at Roy "What?"
"Deserved, past tense. Oliver is dead Felicity" Roy didn't say it harshly but she still felt a pang in her chest when she heard him. "You speak about him like he's just going to walk through that door any second now but he won't. He's gone"
"Roy!" Diggle said firmly, warning him to stop talking.
"No she needs to hear this because the sooner she realises that Oliver won't ever be coming back, the sooner she can mourn properly."
Felicity swallowed hard past the lump in her throat; she didn't realise that she'd been talking like that. She knows he's gone, so why is she speaking like he's still here?
"What do you mean?"
"No amount of make-up can cover those dark circles under your eyes. You're not sleeping; you're working yourself into the ground with both your night and day time jobs and you…"
Roy trailed off as he stared at her with a mixture of sympathy and concern. Felicity stared back waiting for him to finish but when he didn't she asked quietly "and what?"
Roy sighed as he gestured to her "You're sad and not the unhappy kind of sad, you're bordering depressed Felicity and that's just not you"
"I'm fine Roy." She didn't need to look at them to know that she convinced no one. She didn't even convince herself of the lie. Roy's right she hasn't mourned properly and she knows it, she just prefers not to think about it.
She let out a sigh "Look, I will be fine okay? I just…" She trailed off as she tried to think of the best way to describe it right now. "…I need time to come to terms with it but for now I want to keep busy, okay?"
She looked pointedly to all three of them and they all looked like they wanted to argue with her but, smartly decided against it. Felicity is not up for another fight with them; it's too draining and god knows she's already running on empty right now.
She took her glasses off to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Roy, go tell Thea everything"
She slid her glasses back in place when she heard Roy let out a sigh of relief "Thank you Felicity"
He started to gather up his things when Felicity spoke up again "Laurel, I think you should go too. She'll need support and I know it'll be better coming from people she knows."
Laurel just nodded her head and Felicity watched them walk out the door. She stared up the stairs after them when she felt Diggle standing closer to her.
"Are you sure about this Felicity?"
"No" Felicity scoffed in spite of herself. "But Thea is Oliver's only family and she deserves to know exactly why her brother won't be coming home."
She looked to Diggle and could see he wasn't entirely convinced this was a good idea. She wasn't either but she shrugged and stated "Never know, she might use her new powers for good rather than evil"
Felicity was surprised at Diggle's laugh, she wasn't trying to be funny, she was actually serious "That would be good because we could use all the help we can get right now"
He turned towards Oliver's gear and Felicity watched him stand in front of it, staring at the green leather for a moment before grabbing it. When he had the bundle in his arms he turned around and Felicity could see he was startled to see her watching him.
Tears started to clog Felicity's throat as she swallowed hard past it and gave him a small, sad smile "I miss him too"
He returned the small smile and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as he walked past her to the bathroom to get changed.
Four weeks have passed and Felicity was alone in the Foundry.
She was exhausted.
She's not quite sure how much sleep she's had in the past month but it definitely isn't enough for her to be functioning right now. She's not even sure she really is functioning or if her body is just running on auto-pilot with caffeine and adrenaline as fuel.
She stopped her work as the tension behind her eyes got too intense for her to keep her eyes open. She took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose in an attempt to ease the pain but it didn't do anything. She turned her head to her side and opened her eyes. They landed on the fern Felicity had given to Oliver what felt like a lifetime ago and she felt something twist in her stomach.
Keeping her eyes on the fern and without any control of what she was doing, she got to her feet to make her way to the fern. Her fingers, out of their own volition, stroked the leaves of the plant as the memory of when she gave it to him played in her mind.
She almost felt embarrassed with how badly they were flirting with each other. Somewhere in the still functioning part of her mind, Felicity registered the door opening and closing and heavy footfalls coming down the stairs and stopping not too far from her. Her focus was solely on the fern but she was well aware of someone standing behind her
"Felicity, did you go home at all last night?"
Felicity just shook her head at Diggle's question and she heard him sigh heavily.
"You can't keep going like this Felicity. Even someone like you needs their rest"
"Can you?" She asked before she realised what she was saying.
"Actually, yes" Out of her peripherals she saw him stand next to her "I'm sleeping pretty well considering."
"Lucky for some" Felicity stated quietly with her eyes still stuck on the fern as she rubbed the leaves between her fingers. "Every time I fall asleep I have nightmares of him. Sometimes he dies in my arms, sometimes he come walking down those steps like nothing happened. Different scenarios of what could've happened keep playing and it always leaves me wondering…"
Felicity could feel her throat clogging up and forced the tears back with a deep breath "What if I had stopped him?"
"Hey" Diggle's soft voice pulled Felicity out of her trance and she turned her face to look at him. "Don't you think, for one second, that Oliver's decision to fight Ra's was somehow your fault"
Felicity lowered her head to try and hide the moisture building up in her eyes. She's finding it very hard to keep her tears at bay this time. She can feel her wall beginning to crack and splinter under the pressure.
"Can you blame me for thinking like that?" She asked quietly as a thought suddenly occurred to her.
Felicity swallowed back the emotion and carried on "I let him walk away, I could've stopped him but instead I let him walk to his death"
"Felicity, there was no stopping Oliver" Diggle replied quickly
"Do you know what he said to me before he left? I asked him to do something for me, something he wasn't going to like but he said 'if it's you asking then I'll do it'"
Felicity inhaled sharply as she could feel her chest tighten at the realisation. She could've stopped him. All she had to do was ask him to stay, or convince him, like she has countless times, to find another way.
But she didn't. She let him walk out of here.
She may as well have signed his death certificate.
She placed a hand on her chest as her breaths came in laboured "It's my fault. All I had to do was ask him to stay"
She jumped at the feeling of a hand resting on her shoulder and knew it was Diggle standing in front of her "It is not your fault Felicity. Oliver made his choice and there was nothing any of us could've done to stop him"
She looked up at him through blurry eyes and asked him desperately "How do you know John? He's always listened to me before, so what makes this time any different?"
Felicity couldn't hold it in anymore. She felt something break within her and the next thing she knew Diggle's arms were wrapped around her as she knelt on the floor and cried. All the pent up emotions all of the pain and heartache that she's been holding back is finally coming to the surface and there was no stopping it.
She didn't know how long she was on the ground for. She vaguely remembers a hand squeezing her shoulder and thinks it may have been Roy but that felt like hours ago. She had started to calm down but her eyes were sore from crying, her throat felt raw – she must've been crying loudly for her throat to hurt like that - and her legs had pins and needles from the position they've been in.
Diggle had repositioned them so he was leaning against one of the practice dummies with his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to the side of his body. Her hand came up to wipe at a couple of stray tears when she felt how wet his shirt was.
"I'm sorry; I think I ruined your shirt"
Felicity felt her body rock as Diggle let out a laugh "That's the least of my worries Felicity." He bowed his head to try and make eye contact with her "You feel a bit better?"
Felicity sighed and squeezed her eyes shut "Not really. All this time I've been blaming Merlyn and even Thea but I never thought that maybe some of that blame is on me"
"I know what you mean"
Felicity's eyes shot open as she pushed away from Diggle to look at him properly "What're you talking about?"
She watched him heave out a sigh as he looked at his lap "Even though he said he could do this by himself and that he didn't want me to come along, I should have. He's my partner and I let him go in without back-up. If I was there- -"
"If you were there you probably would've been killed too." Felicity said sternly as she reached for his hand "None of us could've known this was going to happen. We were all so confident that Oliver was going to win that we didn't think he could lose."
Diggle started to nod his head and turned to look at Felicity. As soon as Felicity saw the little smirk on his face she couldn't help but to let out a laugh. He baited her and she fell for it; hook, line and sinker.
"I can't believe you took advantage of an emotionally vulnerable girl" She said half-jokingly
Diggle laughed and squeezed her hand "It wasn't your fault Felicity. Oliver is as stubborn as you are so no matter what you asked him he would've gone anyway. He would do anything to protect the people he loves."
A tear slid down her cheek when Felicity realised the truth to his words. She should've known that there was no way she could've stopped him
"He told me he loved me"
It came out before she had a chance to realise what she was saying. She doesn't really know why it came out, maybe it's because he left without knowing exactly how she feels about him. Or maybe it's because she's emotionally tired and she's sitting next to John Diggle who happens to be a great listener and easy to talk to.
"You mean he didn't before then?"
"Well, I guess technically" She thought back to those few moments they had "He said it backwards a couple of times but this time he just said it"
A lone tear slid down her cheek at the memory "Those three, stupid, little words"
"You know, he has told you before"
Felicity frowned and looked at Diggle "You mean at the mansion during Slade's attack?"
Diggle just nodded in answer and Felicity shook her head "That doesn't count; we were trying to fool Slade. Sure it was really out of the blue but he did it to trick Slade into taking me"
Diggle just smiled at her and replied "Doesn't mean he didn't mean it. He may not have known it at the time but that boy was head over heels for you."
Felicity must have been giving him an incredulous look because he barked out a laugh "Come on Felicity, you can't tell me that you didn't know"
Felicity just shrugged and shook her head which made Diggle look at her incredulously for a second before carrying on "He listened only to you when you said there had to be another way other than killing. After he made that vow of no killing he killed for you."
"He had no choice though" Felicity said interrupting him
"There's always a choice Felicity, you know that." He said pointedly at her "He was so jealous of you and Barry together. You should've seen how he lost it when he learnt that you were following up on a lead regarding Tockman by yourself. You were the only one who could calm him down and give him direction, especially when Slade kidnapped Thea. I know you talked some sense into him at the clock tower that night during the siege where I left to get Roy"
He stopped talking suddenly and Felicity watched him. She saw Diggle frown and she could tell he was wondering if he should tell her something or not. Before she could ask, he started to talk "Do you know what Oliver said to me the night we got back from putting Slade in that ARGUS cell on Lian Yu?"
Felicity shook her head in response and Diggle carried on with a small smile on his face "He told me you said that the thought of you two together was unthinkable. I asked him if he believed it too and he shook his head immediately. He said the only thing that was unthinkable was a world without you in it because a world without you would be dark and dull and he would prefer to not live in it"
Fresh tears started to pool in her eyes. She looked up at Diggle to see if what he was saying was in any way a lie but he just looked at her with a small genuine smile and Felicity instantly knew that Oliver did say that. She let the tears spill over her cheeks as she leant her head against Diggle and fisted her hand in his shirt.
She felt a small smile tug at her lips as she felt her eyes close out of exhaustion "Thanks John"
Five weeks later and everything was slowly coming together.
Thea had taken the news pretty well considering. She wouldn't talk to Laurel or Roy for the first few days but one day when Felicity was going through the club to get to the Lair she found Thea sitting on the floor, leaning against the door. Felicity looked at her and Thea looked back and they didn't exchange any words. Felicity just gave her a tight lipped smile, punched in the code and held the door open for Thea to go downstairs.
She's been coming back every day since.
After Felicity's break down last week she has been able to get more than a couple of hours sleep per night. Sometimes she would even sleep for ten hours uninterrupted on the weekend. She would occasionally have nightmares but she's accepted that that is something that might never go away.
And she feels pretty okay about that.
One night however, something close to a miracle happened
Roy, Laurel and Diggle were out one night trying to stop a robbery in progress. It wasn't long after they got there however that they realised it was a trap.
They were surrounded by multiple men with heavy weapons. Felicity was frantically trying to find them a way out, she wracked her brain trying to think of what she could do from her end to maybe cause a big enough distraction for them to slip away unharmed. The trouble was Laurel, Diggle and Roy managed to be shepherd into a large, abandoned warehouse where, there are no security cameras in or around to allow her to watch and the only source of power was going into the lights. Felicity thought of turning them off but it wasn't connected to the main power source, for some reason, this warehouse was relying solely on an emergency back-up generator and she can't hack into that.
Right when she was about to call Captain Lance she heard Diggle exclaim "It can't be…"
"I'm calling SCPD for help just hold out for a little longer"
"I don't think that will be necessary…" She heard Laurel's voice come through the coms and Felicity frowned not only at what she said but the way she said it.
"What are you talking about?" She didn't get a response and she anxiously pushed the coms harder into her ear in a vain attempt to get a response "Guys! What's going on!?"
"Oliver?"
Felicity stopped breathing. Did she hear Roy right? Did he just say…?
"Oliver? Guys, what's happening!?" She asked but got no response. She looked to her computers and realised her connection to the coms was disconnected.
She frantically tried to get them back but pushed away from her desk out of frustration when she couldn't. She leaned her elbows on her knees and proceeded to bite her nails as her mind raced to find an answer for why Roy said Oliver's name.
What if Roy got hurt and he's calling out for Oliver? But that would mean all of them is hurt because they were all shocked about the same thing.
Felicity stood up suddenly and started to pace in front of her computers while biting her nails. Could Oliver be alive? She was just starting to come to terms with the fact that Oliver is gone and won't ever be coming back so the thought that maybe he is alive has sent her body into a bit of a war with itself. Half of her is ecstatic at the idea of Oliver coming home but the other half of her is telling her to not get her hopes up because it's only going to hurt more when she realises it's not true.
Merlyn showed them the sword with Oliver's blood on it; no one just walks away from that kind of injury. But that could be why he was gone for so long, he had to recover. However, a month isn't long enough to recover from impalement via sword. This is Oliver though; this probably isn't the first time he's been stabbed.
She let out a frustrated growl as her brain kept coming up with for and against.
"Felicity?"
She stopped her pacing as her hand flew to her mouth to muffle a gasp. Tears automatically filled her eyes as she felt her chest constrict painfully. She knows that voice, five weeks is not long enough for her to forget his voice. But she can't help to think that maybe her mind is playing tricks on her.
She managed to take a deep breath and speak quietly "Oliver?"
Felicity held her breath as the moment of silence was stretching out longer than she wanted it to.
"Yeah" She eventually heard him say, he sounded out of breath but he sounded alive.
Tears started to spill down her cheeks as she let out a watery laugh. "You're alive" She breathed
"Well, for the most part" Felicity jumped at Roy's strained voice coming over the coms. She turned to look at her computers and it showed that the coms link was up and running again. She didn't realise it had even when she was speaking to Oliver.
She wiped at her eyes and felt guilty as she realised they were cut off during an intense gun fight that was not going their way.
"Oh my god! Are you guys okay?"
"Apart from feeling like we've seen a ghost, I'd say we've never been better" Diggle's voice carried through the com link. She can hear the smile in Digg's voice which only made Felicity smile.
"Please come home" She said quietly
"Already on our way" Laurel replied and she heard the click of the coms link disconnect.
Is this just a cruel dream? Is Oliver really alive and on his way back to her? Or is she missing him so badly that her mind has conjured up this whole scenario?
Felicity didn't know how long she was standing in the same spot for, contemplating on whether or not it was real when she heard the door open. Her eyes snapped up to the landing and she watched Laurel hold the door open for Diggle and Roy who had an arm each over their shoulder to hold Oliver up.
Felicity let go of a breath she didn't realise she was holding as her hand came up to cover her mouth. She stared up at him through blurry eyes as his head lifted to meet her gaze.
It wasn't a cruel trick her brain decided to play on her. She didn't conjure up his voice because she missed him. He's here, alive albeit worse for wear. But the important thing is that he's alive and smiling down at her like she's the only person in the room.
She felt a sudden surge of anger roll through her but she shook it off before it could be noticed by anyone. She followed with her eyes as Roy and Diggle managed to get Oliver down the stairs before Felicity couldn't take it anymore. She crossed the small distance to him and wrapped him in a fierce embrace.
As soon as she did though she heard the sharp intake of breath and pulled away from him immediately feeling like an idiot for not remembering exactly why he's been away for so long. "Oliver, I'm sorry! I got caught up in the moment and completely forgot you were stabbed only a month ago! A hug is not something that can work right now and what do I do? Tackle you without second thought I'm so sorry! Where does it hurt? Oh god I probably re-opened the stitching, that's implying that there was stitching to begin with but there had to have been for it to - -"
Felicity was interrupted by Oliver letting out a laugh and she realised she was babbling. She blinked a couple of times as she realised she hadn't done that in a while. She felt her cheeks warm up as he looked down at her with such adoration
"I missed you"
Felicity smiled in return, feeling tears fill her eyes again "I missed you too"
"I'm sorry to interrupt this touching reunion but Oliver is freaking heavy so you guys can have your chat after we put him down" Roy said sounding annoyed but judging from the smile on his face he was just as happy as the rest of them
"Preferably when none of us are around, there are just some lines you don't cross" Diggle mumbled and Felicity felt her cheeks warm even more.
They were right; Felicity and Oliver can have their talk later because everyone knows they have a lot to talk about. But for now, they were all going to bask in the miracle of Oliver Queen coming back from the dead yet again because as far as Felicity was concerned, he came home and that was all she wanted from him.
For now, at least.
0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0
Well I can't say I'm particularly proud of this, I guess my emotions still haven't come under control yet but I needed to write something for my own piece of mind.
I'm thinking of doing a second chapter where Felicity and Oliver talk, let me know if you want this to happen otherwise, thanks for reading=)
Mel