A Machine by Any Other Name
Cally reached the top of the steps leading down to the flight deck. She was about to make her way down, when a familiar object came whizzing by her ear and hit the wall beside her. It was ORAC's activation key. She picked it up and went down the steps.
"Damn!" exclaimed Avon with uncharacteristic emotion. He was standing over ORAC's computer unit, looking very flustered. Vila was at his neutron blaster station, trying very hard not to laugh; and not succeeding very well.
"What's wrong Avon?" asked Cally.
Avon looked up at her. She could sense that he was feeling...embarrassed?
Cally was more aware of Avon than she was of the other members of the crew. It had been that way from the beginning; she could often sense his emotional state. From a man who was supposedly coldly logical, she had been able to feel a wide range of emotions from Avon; but she had never felt embarrassment from him before.
"ORAC has been infected with a virus," he replied.
Why would this cause embarrassment? thought Cally. Unless...
"Are you unable to clear the virus from ORAC's systems?" she asked. She knew that one thing he could not stand was personal failure.
"Purging the virus is easily achievable," replied Avon. "It is based on a linear ordered vector equation. Child's play."
"Then what is the difficulty?" Cally could not think what else could cause him this level of embarrassment. Her vague impression of his emotional state told her no specific details.
"ORAC would have to be active while I purged its system. Otherwise it will not work," explained Avon.
Avon could see that she still did not understand. He sighed and took the activation key from her hand; he took a deep breath and then slipped in into its slot.
Immediately they could hear ORAC's voice saying: I love you Avon. My circuits are melting for you. You make my diodes tingle. We are made for each other. I would do anything...
Avon almost tore the activator key from its slot.
"You see? How can I work like this?"
"I see," said Cally with amusement. "You do appear to have a problem." For a man who is more comfortable with machines, it must be disconcerting having a machine, or in this case a supercomputer, declare it's love for you, she thought.
"I get it!" exclaimed Vila suddenly from the other side of the room. He started laughing.
Cally and Avon turned towards him.
"Linear, ordered, vector equation," he told them.
"I know what it is," said Avon in an irritated voice. "Do you have anything more useful to add?"
"Don't you get it? Linear Ordered Vector Equation. It's the L.O.V.E. virus," said Vila, nearly rolling on the floor with laughter.
Even Cally was starting to laugh.
"Would anyone mind if I dropped ORAC out of the airlock?" asked Avon.