The Incredibly Pointless Fic With A Really, Really Long And Rambling Name, Just For The Heck Of It
[a/n: In response to the evil book-banners being characteristically evil, I wrote this fic to show how ludicrous their ideas are.. NOT that you guys needed to know…]
Into a nondescript room walked a person whose age, race, gender, height, hair color, eye color, and nationality are no business of yours, and to infer anything from it is not only unconstitutional, but may constitute hate speech.
"Do we really have to do this?" the person, who for the sake of not revealing gender we shall call Person Number One, asked the author(ess).
YES, came a Great Booming Voice. WE MUST SHOW THE EVIL BOOK-BANNERS THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS.
"Not much more erroneous than this," muttered a person who for the sake of not revealing gender we shall call Person Number Two.
SHUT UP.
"Personally," said a person who, for the sake of not revealing gender, we shall call Person Number Three, "I think it will be quite interesting to see what these people think will make a good book."
"Can it, Herm- I mean, Person Number Three," said Person Number Two.
"This is confusing," Person Number One remarked.
"I'm bored," Person Number Two informed the author(ess).
SO THINK OF SOMETHING TO DO.
Person Number Two mused on that. "Hmmm… can we play Quidditch?"
NO.
"Why not?" Person Number One demanded.
BECAUSE. IT INVOLVES BROOMSTICKS. BROOMSTICKS ARE HISTORICALLY ASSOCIATED WITH WITCHES.
"And?"
AND THE EVIL BOOK-BANNERS BELIEVE WITCHES ARE EVIL, SO YOU CAN'T USE BROOMSTICKS.
"By that argument, sweeping the floor is evil!" Person Number One protested.
I KNOW THAT.
"Ugh," sighed Person Number Two, "can we… uh… rag on the Slytherins?"
NO, THAT PROMOTES RACISM… I THINK…
"Well, if you're not going to think of anything to do, I'm going to do my Arithmancy homework," Person Number Three announced.
YOU CAN'T.
"Why not?"
IT PROMOTES HOMEWORK. HOMEWORK IS COMPLETELY EVIL!
"This fanfic sucks!" Person Number One said viciously. "We can't do anything, you're referring to us by numbers… have we at LEAST accomplished something no one will ban?"
NOPE.
"EXCUSE ME?!"
BOOKS HAVE BEEN BANNED FOR BEING "JUNK."
"But- but- but then they're going to be banning ALL the books!"
WHICH IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE.
"Wonderful lesson," said Ron sardonically. "Now can- hey, my name's back!"
"Mine too!" said Hermione.
"Can we go now?" Harry wanted to know. "This is the single most idiotic fanfic I've ever been in."
GEE, THANKS.
[a/n: Yes, it was dumb. Yes, it was stupid. What can I say, it's my first attempt at humor. Anyway, review! Review or the hand of God will strike thee down! Or maybe not.]