Pickles and A Peanut
I swear to God I was going to kill Edward. Everything was all his fault. And I'd be sure to tell him that when he got here.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't completely his fault, and maybe I was in an unfortunate mood, but at this particular moment in time, I couldn't be held accountable for my mood swings and he was truthfully the only person that I could blame. Lord knows I certainly wouldn't be blaming myself.
All I wanted was pickles, all the time. And chips dipped in ketchup. And salty olives. Maybe a brownie with cream cheese slathered on top. And I really wanted to be able to see my toes again. I wanted to be able to lay on my stomach. And damn it, I wanted to be able to go more than an hour without having to use the bathroom. I'd take the body aches and the swollen ankles. Hell, I'd even take the insomnia and achy boobs if it meant I could have sex and not feel like a beached whale and not literally cry over spilled milk.
At 38 weeks into my pregnancy, I was ready to pop this baby out and get my body back.
"Babe, I'm back!" Edward shouted as he banged the door open. Jingling the keys out of the sticky lock while juggling four grocery bags, he glanced down the entryway with a wide grin on his face while I stood glaring at him. "Sorry it took me so long. I ran into Garrett at the store and he doesn't know the meaning of a 'I'm in a rush'."
"You'd think that he'd be sympathetic to your cause, being this his wife just gave birth not three months ago."
"Apparently not," Edward mumbled as he set the bags on the counter and walked towards me. Placing a kiss on my lips, he squatted down eye level with my enormous belly. "How's my Peanut doing down here?"
"Pushing on my bladder and practicing for the World Cup," I sighed wearily. "I am so sick of peeing all the time."
"I know, baby. Just a couple more weeks and we'll see our Peanut." Edward rose from his position and started unloading the grocery bags. "Was it pickles this time or did you want the olives?"
"Neither. I need the Chunky Monkey and a bubble bath. My back is killing me."
"If you want to wait a few minutes, I'll join you and rub your back for you? I just want to finish unloading this stuff."
It's moments like these that I know how lucky I am to have Edward… even though I still think it's mostly his fault that I'm in this state.
"That would be amazing."
"Okay, go start the jacuzzi and I'll be right there."
Walking away from him, I now have the unfortunate task of climbing the stairs. Grasping the handrail, I slowly make my way towards our room. As I walk down the hallway past our Peanut's room, I pause a moment and take it all in. The cool earth tones and the zoo theme we've decided on will be perfect, especially since we wanted to be surprised with the sex of the baby. Trailing my fingers across the crib rail and over the dresser, I close my eyes. I rarely dwell on the struggles we had conceiving, but in these moments when I feel so uncomfortable and emotional, I reflect back and remember how blessed Edward and I are to have our little Peanut.
…
After countless months of trying to conceive and two heartbreaking miscarriages, we'd finally had an answer. I'd never felt so defective and helpless. I was a female, was supposed to carry babies. And how had no one noticed this before?
Dr. Tanya Denali was truly a one of a kind physician and I never once suspected that she gave me special treatment just because Edward worked with her at Harborview. I got the feeling that Dr. Denali was like this with all of her patients. I'd never been more grateful to have such a wonderful team of doctors working with me. Throughout that first appointment when I found out that my uterus hadn't formed correctly, she answered all of the questions Edward and I hurled her way. And never once did Dr. Denali lead me to believe that I wouldn't be able to conceive.
"Bella, it's important to remember that just because you have a Mullerian Anomaly doesn't mean that you will never have children. The important thing is that we have an answer and can move forward."
Dr. Denali had discussed and explained with us at length the various Mullerian Anomalies.
"The type of Mullerian Anomaly that we're looking at with you, Bella, is a Unicornuate uterus. When a baby is developing in the womb, the reproductive system forms. Your uterus is originally formed with two separate sections that each have a fallopian tube and ovary attached. The two sections drop down and merge to form one complete uterus.
"Unfortunately, there are times when this doesn't happen as it should. In your case, the right side did not form properly and so the left side had nothing to merge with. Essentially, this is why your uterus is a banana shaped and pulled off to the left.
"The best thing we can do now, is to remove the right rudimentary horn, or the incomplete right section of uterus that's causing you some problems. Since the right side isn't connected to your cervix and isn't communicating with the left section, we'll want to remove the right fallopian tube and ovary as well. When you have this type of Mullerian Anomaly, if we were to leave in the non-functioning side, there's a risk that you could have an ectopic pregnancy, which is why we want to remove everything on the right side."
Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and rubbed my arm. "What kind of surgery and recovery time are we looking at, Tanya?"
Dr. Denali insisted that we call her by her first name, something which I'd never felt comfortable doing, but Edward had no problem with.
"Well we can do the surgery laparoscopically, like you had done through Dr. Volturi's office back in 2006 when he excised the endometriosis. We'll make a cut in your belly button and three small incisions to manipulate the camera and remove the rudimentary horn, fallopian tube and ovary. It will still be an outpatient surgery. Since this surgery will be a bit more invasive and we'll be doing a bit more than just cutting out endometriosis, your recovery time will be longer and you're definitely going to have more pain post operation. All in all, it's a fairly simple and straight forward procedure and you should have about a two week recovery time."
Swallowing the massive lump in my throat, I steeled myself for the answer I wasn't sure I wanted to hear. "And, um… what will this mean, as far as trying to conceive goes?"
"Well, Bella," Dr. Denali smiled, "it doesn't mean that you won't be able to conceive. You can get pregnant and have children. I'd feel more comfortable with you seeing a high risk specialist, though, once you become pregnant, given your history. In addition, since your uterus is smaller, we're going to want to closely monitor your future pregnancies." She grasped my hand tightly and stared into my eyes, "You will have children, Bella. We'll just need to take some precautions and be vigilant."
The breath I'd been holding whooshed out and the tears I'd been locking up flooded unchecked down my cheeks. The relief I'd felt was palpable. Edward pulled me close and hugged me, whispering words of love in my ear.
"See, baby? Everything's okay. I love you so much, Bella, and you're the strongest woman I know."
Dr. Denali, sensing our need for a moment, stood to exit. "I'll be right outside. I'm going to draw up the papers for the surgery and we'll get everything scheduled. When you're ready, just come down to the scheduling desk and we'll take care of you, okay?"
Edward nodded as I sobbed quietly into Edward's neck.
"It's okay, baby. It's okay."
As I cried tears of relief and some of sadness for the time lost, I had faith that one day Edward and I would be able to create our own little family.
…
"What are you doing up here, sweetheart?" Edward asked as he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I was so lost in memories that I didn't even hear him come in the room.
"Just thinking."
"Hmm… Would I be correct in assuming that you're remembering a certain visit with Tanya?" Edward swayed us back and forth.
"Yes. Just feeling so fortunate for our little Peanut."
He tilted his head down next to mine and kissed my neck and hummed in agreement. "I love you, Bella."
"I love you too, Edward. Let's take our bath."
Walking to our bathroom, I knew at that moment that I needed a pickle. And maybe the pickle juice.
"Edward, did you bring up the pickles?" I asked as I turned on the water and dumped in some scented beads.
"I thought you wanted the Chunky Monkey?"
"Well," I dragged out the word, "I changed my mind."
"Shocking," Edward laughed at me.
"Don't laugh at me!" I smacked his shoulder.
Kissing my cheek, he smirked. "I'll go grab your pickles, princess."
"Thank you, honey bunch." I fluttered my lashes. "You're the best husband."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be right back," he called as he ran down the steps.
Shedding my clothes and dropping into the warm water, I closed my eyes. Just a couple moments later, Edward came bounding in with my beloved pickles. He popped the top off before handing me the jar. "Here you go, baby."
I smiled in thanks and schooched up as Edward removed his own clothes. He slid down behind me as soon as he tossed his shirt on the ground and pulled me back. "Ahh, perfect."
Crunching on my pickles as my loving husband rubbed my belly where our little Peanut was, for once, resting quietly, I knew that while the journey was long and full of tears and heartbreak, it was all worth it to get to this point in time. All I needed was Edward, our Peanut… and maybe a case of pickles.
AN: Thanks for reading, friends! I encourage you to Google Mullerian Anomalies if you are curious. There's a lot of great, helpful information out there.
I'd love to hear your feedback! Comments are very much appreciated and welcomed. :)