Pieces of Our Broken Hearts

He stood behind the rest of the Order and watched as they walked forwards and paid their respects one by one. Dumbledore was the last, and he only stood in front of the marble gravestone for a moment before brushing his hand across the top of it once and stepping back. He moved to the side to speak with Minerva and Hagrid, but not before glancing over his shoulder at Remus.

Still standing rooted to the spot, it was only when the rest started to leave that he stepped forwards. Unable to stand, he collapsed onto his knees, barely registering the hot trail of tears that streamed down his cheeks, and sat staring at the gravestone.

JAMES POTTER

Born 27 March 1960, Died 31 October 1981

LILY POTTER

Born 30 January 1960, Died 31 October 1981

THE LAST ENEMY THAT SHALL BE DESTROYED IS DEATH

James… James… my best friend… James… my best mate… James…

Lily… Lily... my beautiful Lily... I love you.

This was not how it was meant to be. This was not how it was meant to end. He howled.

-oOo-

He quietly slipped into the Potions classroom and stood behind the table closest to the door. Heart hammering in his chest, he waited with bated breath to see if the professor had noticed him. But Slughorn was too busy waving his wand at the blackboard and explaining, in a rather loud voice, what potion they were going to brew that day to notice a late student who had entered very quietly. He'd forgotten to keep his books in the Hospital Wing before the transformation, so he'd had to go back to the dorms to bring them, thus making him late for class.

Sighing in relief, he opened his textbook to the first lesson and glanced around the room. It was only the first week of his first year at Hogwarts and he hadn't yet made any friends. There were a few people in his house who spoke to him, but other than that he tended to keep to himself. He wondered if it was alright that he was the only one without a partner when someone rushed behind him and perched on the stool on his right. He glanced sideways to see a curtain of shimmering red hair as the person who had just entered and sat down next to him.

Familiar, wide, emerald eyes turned to him and the girl whispered, "Bloody corridors are like a maze. What lesson are we on?"

"Er," he blustered as he tried to remember her name.

Not bothering to wait for his answer, she leaned sideways and glanced at the textbook of the Slytherin next to her. She then flipped hers to the right page and did the same for his.

"Er, thanks," he whispered, wracking his brains. It's Something Evans, I know it, he thought as the relief of not having to be alone settled within him.

"Remus?"

Startled that she knew his name, he looked towards her, and she eyed him with a curious expression.

"What?"

She jerked her chin towards the front of the class and said, "The teacher's calling on you."

"Any time today would be fine, Mister Lupin!"

He made a strangled sound in his throat and jumped to his feet as the rest of the class snickered and giggled. Glancing to his right, he saw her doodling something in her book, seeming nonchalant, but there was a smile tugging at her lips. His face having turned the colour of her hair, he began to answer the professor's question, but her drawing of a flower flickered in his mind and he finally remembered.

Lily.

-oOo-

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Remus, he's just a baby."

He cringed as she placed the baby boy in his arms and adjusted the blanket around him. "There," she said, looking pleased, but he stared at the gurgling child with a conflicted expression.

"He's so… small," he finally managed, and she rolled her eyes.

"Of course he is, he's barely a few weeks old. Now make sure to support his head and stay still."

He inhaled deeply and pursed his lips as he remained frozen on the sofa. She got up to get the baby's feeding bottle, leaving him alone with her son. The child cooed and blinked up at him, and he was surprised as he looked into shining emerald eyes.

"He has your eyes," he said in a soft voice as she sat down beside him.

"He does." She smiled affectionately at her son and stroked his cheek.

He touched the baby's hand, and he grasped his finger tight, making Remus's eyes go wide.

"He likes you," she whispered, propping her chin on his shoulder.

"Hi, Harry, I'm your uncle Remus," he cooed, and the child giggled, emerald eyes twinkling. "He'll grow up to be just like his dad."

"Not too much, I hope. Maybe you can teach him to be like you, too." She nudged him, and he looked into her shimmering eyes and felt his heart swell.

"Maybe I can."

-oOo-

"Really, James? Of all the girls you could fancy, you just had to pick Loud-mouth Evans."

Sirius seethed for the umpteenth time that week as he sat glaring at his best mate, and James sighed.

"For the last time, Padfoot, she's not all that bad. You should really try talking to her some time." Sirius started to retort, but James interrupted him. "And have a normal conversation, not her yelling at you for blowing up the girl's bathroom or you accusing her of ratting you out."

Sirius grunted and turned away, sulking. James turned towards Remus. "Moony, be a chum and make this stubborn git see sense, would you?"

He sighed as he put down his quill and looked at Sirius. He didn't want to be the one to convince Sirius to accept the fact that his best mate fancied the girl Remus was in love with. But, being the loyal friend that he was, he said, "Padfoot, stop being a child and just accept that James likes Lily. And let me tell you that your sulking and moping around all day isn't going to change his mind. You of all people should know this."

Sirius glared at him, and James made a contented sound and stood up. "Well, there you have it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to ask Lily if she'll go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend—again."

They watched James traipse off to where Lily was, and he felt his heart clench.

"And you're really OK with this?"

He turned to see the serious expression on Sirius's face and asked cautiously, "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

Sirius sat back, looking irritated. "I might be oblivious, Moony, but I'm not blind. I've seen the way you look at her. Even Wormtail's started to notice."

His heart began to race and he quickly tried to reject the implications behind what Sirius had said, but the other boy didn't seem to be in the mood for it.

"It's because you're like this that nothing works out for you, you know. Why don't you behave like a bloody Gryffindor just one damn time!"

"Sirius, I don't—"

"Forget it. If you'd rather watch them snog each other's faces off than accept that you're in love with Lily, then so be it. Just don't come sobbing to me or Peter when you decide you can't take it anymore."

Sirius stood up and strode out of the common room, muttering something about dragging Peter out of the library and breaking a few rules, and shot a final disgusted glance in James' direction before the portrait swung back into place. He sat staring at the floor for a long moment, and when he finally glanced towards Lily and James, he saw that she seemed to be really enjoying herself. He felt his chest clench painfully and he focused on breathing as he gathered all his things up and walked to the portrait hole. Just as he stepped out, his ears were filled with the sound of her laughter, and he realised that Sirius was right.

He had made his choice, and now he would have to bear the consequences of it.

-oOo-

"We've decided to get married!"

She hugged him tight, laughing softly in his ear, and he felt his eyes burn. Swallowing thickly, he pulled back and forced a smile onto his face.

"I heard! Congratulations! I'm so thrilled for you."

She clapped her hands, her joy palpable, and he felt himself burdened by guilt at not feeling half as happy as she did. She seemed to notice his discomfort because she simmered down and touched his arm, emerald eyes shining with concern.

"Remus, you're happy for us, aren't you?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

He put on his most convincing smile, but Lily knew him too well to buy it. Her eyes shone with a mixture of emotions as she said, "Remus, you had your chance. You made your choice. So you don't have the right—"

"I know." She pursed her lips, eyes glistening with angry tears, and he sighed. "I know. You're right. I'm sorry. I really am happy for you."

He hugged her and kissed her hair, forcing back the bitterness and the resentment and the hatred he felt towards himself as he decided that she was right. He had made his choice.

"And anyway," he began as she pulled away, "I'd rather you spend the rest of your life being happy and contented with James than with me. I couldn't give you even half the happiness he'd be able to."

He thought she would look sad, or even angry, but she just seemed tired. She shook her head and looked up at him, emerald eyes holding a deep sadness. "Remus, I only hope that someday you come to love yourself at least a quarter of how much I love you."

He laughed shakily and kissed her forehead. "Thank you, Lily." She smiled and sniffed. "For everything."

-oOo-

"James asked me to be his girlfriend."

He watched as she continued to read, looking as though James asking her out was just another daily occurrence. It is, though, he thought as he shook his head.

"You know, even if it doesn't seem like it, it really takes a toll on him every time you reject him. He really likes you."

"I know."

He glanced towards her, surprised by the serious expression on her face as she turned to face him. "I know, and that's why this time I told him I would think about it."

Heart thudding in his chest, he took a deep breath and forced a smile to his face. "That's… great."

Anger flashed in her emerald eyes and she gritted her teeth. "You're always like this, Remus. Always, always, always."

Alarmed by her outburst, he frowned and opened his mouth to console her, but she didn't give him the chance.

"You always look so unhappy every time I tell you James asked me on a date or asked me to be his girlfriend or told me that he's head over heels in love with me. But you always shake your head and smile endearingly and pretend like it's a burden you have to bear. Why can't you just be honest about how you feel for once?"

She was crying by now, and he really didn't know what to say or do to comfort her. She didn't seem like she wanted to listen to anything he had to say, though, as she continued with her tirade.

"Did you ever wonder why I always rejected him every single time?" she asked, her voice quavering. "Did you, Remus?"

"I—I don't—"

"Of course you didn't. You were too busy being relieved and feeling guilty about your secret feelings to think beyond your petty problems."

Her words stung him and he felt his emotions well up, ready to explode. She didn't seem to notice. Or even if she did, she didn't seem to care. She simply sat watching him expectantly, waiting for an answer from him. An answer that he didn't want to give.

So, instead, he asked, "Why?"

She threw her arms up in a frustrated gesture, her cheeks and lips pink from crying and her emerald eyes glistening with tears.

"It's because I love you, you foolish, stupid, ridiculous, ugh!" She stopped, having run out of insults, but he'd barely registered anything she'd said past the first few words.

"What?" he finally choked out, and she shot him an icy glare.

"I love you, Remus Lupin. What're you going to do about it?"

Heart beating in his chest, his conflicted emotions overwhelming him, the only thought in his mind was I love you I love you I love you, but when he opened his mouth, the words that came out were, "But James loves you."

She looked like he had just slapped her across the face. Crying out, she shoved him in the chest and stood up, throwing her homework and textbooks and everything in arm's reach at him.

"You stupid, inconsiderate, idiotic, selfish, foolish, pathetic, self-loathing, pitiful coward!"

She sobbed and tried to unsuccessfully wipe the tears from her face as he sat stunned, watching her cry, unable to move, unable to think, unable to breathe.

"What do you feel, Remus?" she tried one last time, looking helpless.

He shook his head slowly even as the three words replayed on a loop in his mind. I love you I love you I love you.

James loves you.

"James loves you."

She let her arms fall to her sides and stared at him, looking exhausted, a hopeless expression on her face. She finally scoffed, shook her head, stuffed all her things into her bag, and told him, "I should've expected no less from a coward like you. You call it loyalty and whatnot, but you're just too afraid to deal with your feelings."

She was right. He knew she was right. She knew he knew she was right.

"I gave you your chances, Remus. I gave you far too many. I think I deserve someone who's brave enough to admit their feelings."

She's going to say yes to James.

"I'm going to say yes to James."

She waited, as though she expected him to jump up in outrage and demand for her to change her mind. He pictured himself doing that. He imagined himself professing his love for her and telling her that he would never let her go.

But then he saw James' face and remembered everything James had done for him, and he knew that he would never do it.

So he simply smiled at her and said, "Congratulations."

He then stared past her, unwilling to look at the hurt and pain on her face, and kept staring at nothing till she was long gone and night fell. He turned his face to the night sky and watched the moon rise, and he made a decision in that instant.

This was how it was meant to be. This was how it was meant to end. He howled.

A/n: This was written for Round 11 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. The round, each team had to choose lyrics from the song assigned to them and write a story based on that. The Falcons' song was Don't go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee and the lyrics I chose were Right from the start, I gave you my heart.

And of course such tragic lyrics means Rily! So yes. Hope you enjoyed this [lol].

Let me know what you thought by leaving a review! Concrit is always appreciated!

Lots of love~

Arty x