TITLE: I Love You, Stupid Boy

RATING: F, for friggin awesome. XD Just kidding. T.

AUTHOR: JadedWarrior

DESCRIPTION: Harry had been in love with her from the beginning. Now he wishes he hadn't waited until it was too late.

I Love You, Stupid Boy

I hated her. Always- she was another thorn in my side, another cross to bear. Whenever I swore things couldn't get any worse, she'd come along and prove me wrong.

I hated her. With a passion.

Whenever I strolled the halls, she was always watching from the shadows, her eyes glittering with malice.

She was waiting for me to fail.
And then she'd stroll back into the sunset- back to the man who loved her most, more than I ever could. More than I ever wanted to- who needed her, anyway?

She was just a stupid girl, a distraction. I was Harry Potter- #1 on Voldemort's lengthly hitlist. I had way too much to worry about as it was. After all, romance was supposed to take a backseat when the fate of the entire world was at stake- when they needed Harry Potter to save the day.

I told Lucius Malfoy that I would always be there, in my second year, when I stood in Dumbledore's office with a bloody sword and fresh wounds. I told him that I'd be the one that stood up for what was right- the Master of Death, the slayer of the Dark Lord.

But for so long, I was just a frightened teenager. A boy with a lightning scar trying to make a life for myself when everyone else wanted me to be a hero. And didn't I want to help them? To use whatever power Voldemort had inadvertantly given me? Of course.

But sometimes, I wished I could throw it all away.

Whenever I sat alone, when Ron and Hermione had had enough of me and I thought for sure Dumbledore had been wrong, she was there. She sat in my lap, looked up at me with those eyes and told me that everything was going to be fine. That when the dust settled and everything was gone, I would still be there. And so would she.

And she never had to say a word.

I hated that- I tried so hard to make things work, to be the good guy, the chosen one, the Harry Potter that everybody thought they knew. And she pierced me right to my core without saying a single word.

So I tried to forget about her. I met Cho Chang, and thought I was in love. Then I met Ginny Weasley, and I knew it.

I knew I was in love, but not with her.

It wasn't Ginny's fault- she was beautiful, and kind, and fiery; and she had all the best intentions. She was perfect, but not perfect for me. She was too easily fooled by my facade- when I got angry, she walked away, instead of swatting me in the face and forcing me to see sense. She loved me, but she didn't understand.

She let me walk away from her, in my seventh year. And why wouldn't she? We couldn't stay involved with each other, not with the threat of Voldemort looming over our heads. I wanted to be with her- or I thought I did. And I cursed Voldemort for every tear that she shed.

But every time I thought of Ginny, I ended up thinking of her. The way she'd watch me, when I walked in the halls, her gaze burning holes in my back. The way it made me feel safe- that even when my best friend had abandoned me, she was still there. I hated her, but she never left me. Not even when I threatened to kick her. She likely did it to spite me- but my my fourth year, I wasn't so sure. She matched my challenge with her own glittering gaze, and I became desparate to do that little bit more, go that extra mile: just to prove her wrong.

Before long, I realized that I wasn't trying to beat her. I was trying to show her that I was good enough. Good enough for her- the one perfect thing in my life. The one thing that never wavered.

But I knew, no matter what I did, that we could never be together. It was... impossible.

Harry stared at the parchment and sighed, throwing away his quill. He'd taken to writing outside when he needed to get away- away from Ginny, away from the children that looked so much like him, that loved him unconditionally. He couldn't stand to look at them anymore- the smiling faces that called him 'Daddy' and giggled when their mother kissed him. They never guessed that he wasn't in love with Ginny. It had taken him nineteen years, but he had slowly realized that while Ginny was everything a man could want, she wasn't what he needed.

She knew, of course. But they'd agreed to stay together- if for nothing else but the sake of the children.

And the little things didn't have a clue.

He hated himself for it- he wished he could love them- Love Ginny- like he should.

But he was always trying to be what the world wanted him to be, wasn't he? He didn't ask Voldemort to attack him- he never wanted to be the Chosen One. No matter how much Dumbledore prattled on about love and choices, he knew the truth.

He would never be able to live with himself, had he run away from his fate. The hateful stares and the mutterings of the public would have driven him insane. He wouldn't have had a friend in the world. It would have been a fate worse than death- he'd never had a choice.

She knew it. She'd been trying to comfort him, all these years. And he'd walked away from her.

He'd had to.

She never quite abandoned him, though- not like Ginny had. She'd always been in his thoughts, the flash of movement in the corner of his eye. The challenging gaze that gave him the strength to go on.

She was his everything, and they could never be together.

Ginny had known of his pain, but not of it's source. She'd never known about her. How could she possibly understand? She'd have him carted off to St. Mungo's for sure. All with his best interests in mind, of course. Yes, Ginny had tried everything to help him- heaven bless her soul. In the end, she'd convinced him to write his thoughts down on paper- he was no master of pencraft, but the release of emotion into black smears of ink had been a blessing.

And a curse.

Because they would always be there. Even if he burned the letters he wrote, as he sat in the hills behind the Burrow with nothing but the whisper of grass and clear silver sky to see the smoke. The flames still flickered in his eyes- the ghost of a future that would never be. He could never be with her.

He hadn't seen her for twenty years- her man would never let her do that. Harry had always known him to be the controlling type. And how could she leave her home behind?

"You know, it's a bit cold to be out here all alone."

Harry started at the unfamiliar voice- a woman was standing a few feet away on the crest of the hill. She was strangely beautiful- her greyish- brown hair was streaked lightly with black, and it hung in a flyaway bob around her shoulders. Her lips were parted in a wide grin, and her eyes were lined only lightly with wrinkles- the only thing that betrayed her true age. She wore simple, homespun robes of gray and brown- but they too were beautiful, in their own right. But what really hit home with Harry was her eyes- a bright gold with a glitter of challenge.

It was her.

For a moment, he was speechless- he didn't dare give himself hope. It was a dream. It had to be a dream. The same dream he'd had for twenty years.

"Oi! Are you going to sit there with your mouth open, or are you going to tell me how much you missed me?"
Harry grinned- his doubt evaporated. This had to be her.

"I've never seen you like this."

She rolled her eyes. "I can take on more than one form, you know- Old Crooky can too, sometimes."

Harry laughed- Crookshanks and Ron still fought often.

"Still- I always imagined you... older."

She sat down beside him and swatted him over the head.

"Cheeky boy. As ever."

Then she glanced down at the ring on his left hand, and the mirth left her face. For once in her life, she looked... vulnerable. Hurt.

"Oh." she said flatly.

It was enough to break Harry's heart. She made to stand up, but he grasped her wrist.

"It's not like that." he said quickly, "We're not... we're only staying together for the sake of the kids."

"Kids, huh?"
Harry winced- bloody moron. He just had to make things worse, didn't he?

But the hurt in her gaze soon evaporated, replaced by a new kind of vulnerability. Something... soft.

"I'd like to meet them." she said quietly. He smiled as she placed the emotion in her gaze- sincerity. And...

He'd had no idea their faces were this close until their lips were nearly touching. Both of them stared into each others' eyes with the same emotions flicking through them- nervousness, confusion... tenderness, anticipation...

Love?

For years, they'd both lived with the silent understanding that they could never fall in love. Not in... that way. It was wrong. They were too different- even in the magical world, such a thing was unacceptable.

But now? When she looked like this, and he was so lonely?
Forget the rules. Harry thought. It's now or never.

So he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her long and sweet.

He didn't even flinch as she slid the wedding ring off his finger.

When they'd parted, her yellow eyes were wide and soft.

"I love you, stupid boy." she whispered. Harry smiled.

"I love you too, Mrs. Norris."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah. XD I seriously wrote that. And if Mrs. Norris was an animal/human hybrid, I would seriously support it. No flames, please- this was mostly meant as a joke. Try rereading it now that you know who she is- can you find all the clues? And I am not condoning cheating on your spouses through this fic. It was just something I put together for laughs... though I rather like the idea and might write an actual fic...

Thanks to all readers/reviewers,

JadedWarrior