We Can Work it Out..
With all that had happened and with both men's confusion and uncertainty, it felt like they hadn't had any time to themselves. Not proper time, not 'intimate' time and they both were missing this.
When Aaron had been learning how to bathe his friend, the nurse had been present and it certainly hadn't been a 'private' moment between them.
Even now Jackson was home, Hazel was almost always around or someone was visiting. It was difficult to feel any closeness.
"Hazel, why don't you take a break and treat yourself to a drink in the Woolie?" Aaron ventured "I can take care of Jackson."
At first Hazel seemed like she was going to object, but then she noticed the look in her son's eyes and Aaron's pleading expression .. "well if you're sure?", she offered. "I won't stay long."
"Mum.. stay a while.." Jackson insisted his voice edging with impatience.
Eventually Hazel got the message, grabbed her handbag, fussed a little and left.
Jackson's head sunk further back into his pillows as he let out an extended sigh. "Finally!" he groaned.
Aaron smiled and leant over to gently kiss him on the lips. He was able to linger longer than usual and enjoyed the familiar taste as Jackson responded. The brief sensation of Jackson's stubble against his lips reminded Aaron of how far he had come. There was a time he would have died (literally) before he would have admitted to wanting this, but now he KNEW it was right. There was no more trying to deny it. Nor did he want to.
He knew this was going to be so hard, for both of them in quite different ways.
Aaron slid beside Jackson on the bed and they looked lovingly into each other's eyes, glad of this time together. Aaron leaned over and kissed Jackson again, his hand gently holding the back of his head.
His other hand instinctively wanted to move downwards along his shoulder and across his chest until he remembered of course that Jackson would not feel this. Instead he cupped his face and gently stroked his cheek as their kissing became more Jackson pulled his head back, eyes closed he whispered. "It's no good, I can't touch you. I want to FEEL you Aaron. It's no good!"
Aaron drew back also. He knew it would be difficult.. but not impossible. "It's okay Jay, we can work it out" he responded, without really knowing how. He leaned forward to kiss him again, a hand either side of Jackson's face.
Their tongues explored each others for a while and Aaron could feel his body begin to tingle with emotion. "Let me take you for a shower?" he smiled at his friend.
Jackson nodded and with some manoeuvring and the aid of the electric cradle, the couple were soon positioned in the newly installed wet room, Jackson carefully secured in the bathing chair.
Aaron had learned the procedure well and was in fact becoming very proficient at helping his friend get to where he needed to be.
Aaron turned up the volume on the sound system Paddy had helped Hazel to set up and positioned himself alongside his lover and they continued to kiss as he unbuttoned Jackson's shirt. He ran his fingers across his soft chest hair. He knew Jackson couldn't feel it, but Aaron could and it felt so good to touch. It had been such a long time. He looked into Jackson's eyes, almost apologetically, but the response he received was encouraging.
"It's okay Aaron; I want you to feel good."
"But I want you to feel good too." Aaron replied.
"I do, just being here with you and knowing that you want to be here too makes me feel good. That's all I can feel now, but it doesn't mean that you can't have more."
Aaron began to feel just a touch embarrassed as he felt himself starting to become aroused.
Again his friend reassured him.. "It's really okay. This is the only way it can ever be for us now."
Since the accident, Aaron had been plagued with regrets and remorse and yes, guilt too and none more so than now as he held his helpless friend in his arms. It was all so 's eyes flickered across Aaron's face urging him to continue.
Aaron could feel his friend's need for intimacy; he realised that it was equal to his own, just in a different way. He slid off his own shirt and trousers and left both of them in just their boxer shorts.
Despite everything, Aaron was still hugely turned on by his gorgeous boyfriend. Oh God, the way he looked at him, the way he smelt, the passion he could still feel within him. He remembered how it used to be between them, how no one else had ever made him feel this way before.
Jackson watched his boyfriend's expressions as if reading his thoughts and leant in for another long, loving kiss. Aaron held his partner close, gently massaging the side and back of his neck.
"Okay, time to wash", Aaron decided and slipped off both their boxers' before starting the shower and letting the warm water gently cascade onto their bare flesh.
Both gasped as it splashed onto their faces and gradually spilled across their nakedness. Aaron turned the pressure to low and allowed the soft flow to trickle over them. He grabbed the soap and gently began to lather his partner from top to toe. It was sensual and moving for them both. Of course Jackson couldn't feel it, but he could sense the tenderness and love that Aaron was displaying and that meant so very much to him.
Aaron then turned the soap on himself and Jackson watched feverously as he slowly smothered his own body with the rich, sweet smelling suds. Jackson was enjoying the sight of his handsome boyfriend, exposed and sexy, yet vulnerable and unsure at the same time.
Aaron leaned over his lover and held him tightly. Emotion welled in him and he had to hold back tears. He wanted Jackson to feel how he was feeling and knew he never would. They hugged for a while and Aaron could feel his erection becoming harder.
Jackson of course couldn't feel it, but he knew how his lover must be feeling by now.
"I can't help you out Aaron, I'm sorry. You have to take care of yourself", he whispered wistfully. Again Aaron felt embarrassed, but he knew it was true. He let out a groan; this was how sex would always be for them. He slipped his hand through the soap residue to his erection and slid his hand along it. He let out another moan. Jackson's eyes filled with tears. He could sense his partner's frustration.
"It's okay Aaron" he whispered and kissed him hard on the lips. He caught his bottom lip with his teeth and gently nipped at it. Aaron moaned out loud.
"Oh Jay, I want you to feel me" he muttered.
"I can feel you.." came the response. "..in my heart."
"Take my hand" Jackson urged, "use my hand." Aaron held his breath and looked questioningly into Jackson's eyes. "I want you to feel ME" Jackson insisted. "Please..let me be part of this.."
Aaron reached down and gently lifted Jackson's limp arm, he stroked his way to his motionless hand and enveloped it in his own. He guided it down across his taught stomach to his hardened twitching member. Jackson's hand could not feel the erection, hot and throbbing, but Aaron gently encased it with their hands and started to glide them up and down. Slowly and lovingly until Aaron's breathing became laboured as the pleasure flooded through him.
He began to pant, short quick gasps, whilst Jackson could only look on, longingly, drinking in the lust exuding from his friend.
They both leaned in together and kissed long and hard. Their kisses full of love and meaning. It was their only true expression possible of their affection for each other.
Aaron could not resist the urge to caress the still attractive physique of his lover. It was smooth and supple and he ran his hand through the water and across his skin; he lowered his chin and kissed each nipple before looking up once again into Jackson's dark focused eyes. Jackson could only remember and imagine what that was feeling like for Aaron, but he didn't mind and nuzzled into Aaron's neck sucking the loose skin and gently biting at his ear. Aaron reciprocated, not wanting this moment to end. He had missed this so much.
Aaron began to rub harder and faster as he filled with desire. The water still cascading over their entwined bodies. Jackson knew that the sensation of the water would be extremely erotic and his heart was filled with sadness. But as he looked at his lover, the man that he loved so dearly and completely, he felt also a joy that he didn't think would ever be possible again.
How would he cope with this without Aaron?
By now Aaron was groaning and thrusting into Jackson's hand, inside his own. He had pushed aside all his embarrassment and he took Jackson's other hand inside his and cradled them around his balls. Before long he felt the surge and his balls tighten as his climax approached.
"Oh Jay, I do love you" he panted, awash with pleasure. He bit hard on his lover's lip and their tongues circled and swapped. Finally his orgasm exploded into their combined hands, flooding over them, through their fingers, slowly washing away in the running spray.
"God I've missed you Jay." Aaron whispered as he stroked Jackson's face and gently tugged at his hair. "I wish I could make you feel like I just did."
"I do feel good" replied Jackson, "good in a different way, but still good. I feel loved and wanted and right now that is more than I ever thought I could hope for."
They smiled at each other and Aaron held Jackson a while longer, enjoying the soothing afterglow as it rippled through his body. He reached up to turn off the spray finally and as he did so, a song that had been playing in the background also reached its end.
He grabbed a huge towel and wrapped it around Jackson first and then pulled a second one for himself.
We should make this our own personal activity Aaron stressed to Jackson as he began to dry and redress him. Jackson grinned "Definitely," he replied, "it's so much more fun than when me Mum does it!"