It was a perfect, clear sunny day- a symbol of the light back in his life as Killian sailed the Jolly Roger with the assistance of Henry, who was more than eager to return to the seas after a long and treacherous time in camelot. Though they both wouldn't admit it, they desperately needed a good distraction from the tragedy and hardships that followed Emma's return from darkness.
The effect of the savior spirit returning to his gorgeous princess was instantaneous- her eyes softened, and the coldness disappeared from her features, instead leaving behind her usual glowing radiancy of warmth. It was a cause of celebration and relief among everyone- to all but Emma of course.
Being the savior came with its usual consequences, her traits of selflessness returning like a slap in the face. The darkness may have been gone, but there were new monsters to fight and new demons in her soul. After being freed she had taken one breath of sweet air before collapsing into Killian's arms, and didn't wake for a long while after that. Some speculated that it was exhaustion, that when Gold had ceased being the dark one he too had needed rest, but Killian knew better. This was shock and pain and most strongly, guilt.
She'd stayed locked up in her home, only accepting sparse visits from her parents and Henry when she could handle it and barely speaking a word to him though she quietly insisted they stay together under the same roof. She'd muttered something along the lines of "I can't lose you," which was a knife wound to his chest- he remembered the first time those words were spoken to him. "I'm a survivor," he'd replied with a smile, and he'd pulled her into him for the first time, feeling confident enough to finally press his lips to hers instead of Emma initiating her tender yet fiery kisses. But things had changed since then- he no longer caressed her cheek or held her hand or caught her smile across the room. She slept quietly upstairs while he stayed up most nights on the couch. He figured it had something to do with the nightmares, something to do with the fact that even now, his strong Swan hated to seem weak.
"What are you thinking about?" Henry asked, breaking Killian out of his reverie. Henry, of course, knew the answer, but also knew that Killian should talk about what had happened. He'd been trying to make the pirate speak all day through subtle hints and prods but the sun was setting and this probably was his last chance to have any meaningful discussion.
"Your mother, lad," Killian replied honestly. "I'm not sure we can do anything differently, but I wonder."
"Give her time," Henry answered. "True love always wins. Don't forget that."
Killian smiled.
"I doubt I could."
They swept back into the harbor and found their way to land, Killian making sure Henry got to Regina's home safely before heading back towards Emma, wondering what state she'd be in when he got there.
When he found his way into the drawing room he got his answer. Emma seemed to have found his flask of rum and was sprawled out on the couch. When she saw him she stood up, and they stared at each other for a moment, her green eyes flashing, before he decided that the silence was too achingly painful.
"Needed to be drunk?" he asked. To his surprise, she shook her head.
"Needed liquid courage."
They stared at each other for a moment longer until she held out her hand to him, and actually smiled.
"We need to talk."
He obliged, and couldn't help but linger his thoughts on how it felt to have her cool, soft hand in his again. He lived for her touch, the simple moments of every day life with her. But he wouldn't get his hopes up- just like with everything, Emma needed to take time. For trust, for a relationship, and for saying those three words that both made his heart sing and crushed it on that terrible day.
He of course, said it often, knew that she needed to hear it even if she didn't think she'd deserved it with her sins haunting her. He said it when he brought her food, when she went to bed, when she woke up, when he left the house, when he returned. It had taken her quite a good while to say it for the first time, and he knew she would need a while more. And he would wait as long as she needed. He'd already gone to the end of time for her, and he would again.
"What is it love?" he asked, sensing hesitancy. Emma sighed, before beginning to speak.
"I wanted to say… thank you," she started, looking down at their entwined palms. "You saved me. And I haven't said thank you."
"Hey," Killian replied, his voice just above a whisper. "There's no need for that. You know-"
"There is," Emma interrupted. "Because this isn't the first time, you see. This…" she began, before silencing herself for a moment. "This is why I needed the rum," she muttered. Killian waited patiently, trailing his thumb over her wrist as she watched, trying to collect her thoughts.
"If you can't-" he started, but she wouldn't let him finish.
"No, I can do this," she replied before collecting herself. "You saved me. You've saved me over and over again- from curses and death and evil and myself. You've saved me from loneliness and heartache and darkness," she continued, eyes blazing. "Killian, you have saved me in every way a person needs saving. And… I don't know why, but thank you."
"You know why," he spoke.
"I was a villan," she sputtered, trying but failing to keep her voice steady, instead having it raise an octave and falter, just like it did every time she thought she'd lose him. "And before that I was just a foster kid who was unlovable, then a savior who didn't know how to save people, and you walked into my life and saved me. You've saved me and I don't-"
"You know why," he repeated, softer this time, his hand moving to brush through her long, golden hair.
And she did. Of course she did. What she didn't know was why he seemed to think she'd deserved it, but looking into his eyes she realized she didn't care. Even when she was dark, there were somehow still rays of light and hope in her life, and they were made up of him. His goodness, his loyalty- it had been him who shined the light to lead her way home, to herself and her family and into his arms where she belonged.
She had demons and monsters to fight, but he was as bright as the sun. How could she live in the night of dread and regret when she had his brightness and glory guiding her, bringing her home? Saving the savior every day he'd had her, every day he didn't know she was his.
Suddenly tears flowed down Emma's face and Killian embraced her, pulling her in tight. This was hardly the first time something like this had happened but this was no longer about comforting her about her past. This was a promise of a new beginning.
Killian felt her shaking in his arms and thought his heart would shatter.
"Love, what's the meaning behind this?" he asked, pulling away to look at her- but instead of sobbing, he found that she was silently laughing. Tears still freely flowed down her cheeks, but she was laughing. Seeing his bemused expression only made her radiant smile wider, the crying heavier.
"Because I love you," she said, and with those words the weight of the past had been lifted off their shoulders. She laughed from surprised, shocked that even with everything she'd gone through her heart could still swell with this much adoration and joy and belonging. Crying because the man before her loved her too and she was so happy she could burst. "I love you, I love you I love you I love you I love you…"
She said it over and over again, finding that she meant it more every time she said it though it seemed impossible. Soon he was laughing too, tears welling in his own eyes and they held each other, Emma chanting the words again and again, both of them satisfied with the possibility that'd she need to go on forever.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…"
The words got lost in kissing and turned into intention, clothes disappearing and making a trail up the stairs as they fell into the bed as quickly as they'd fallen in love in the first place. They held on to each other for hours, leaving marks behind and bringing back the light.
That night she slept without nightmares for the first time, though he still didn't follow suit for a good while, instead looking down at his Princess, holding her and kissing her forehead and hair when he needed to, breathing her in, making quiet promises that they'd never lose each other again.
"I love you too," he whispered, and he drifted off to sleep, knowing that the next morning the sun would bleed light into the windows and they would wake to a new chapter of their story.