please take this as seriously as you can my life depends on it
Spongebob= Starscream
Patrick= Knockout
Gary= Garrus the Insecticon
Baby scallop= random baby
Ok
Starscream: (runs outside of his dorm to retrieve the Nemesis Times, the newspaper) Garrus, you lazy shit, the paper is here! (Garrus comes out on a hoverboard. Starscream gives him the paper) take it, you lazy ass. All I need is the entertainment section.(humming while he pulls out the travel section to see pictures of planes) ooooooo yeah (runs around, laughing, while garrus is eating the paper)
Garrus:*insecticon noise*. (Starscream runs into Knockout, who has been watching Starscream the whole time)
Knockout: I see you got the paper. (shifts eyes to the planes on the paper)
starscream:oh what the fuck do you want knockout (crumbles up paper. knockout clears his throat) ok well if youre just going to stand there im going to leave now
knockout: see you later,starscream.
starscream:thats COMMandER gENERAL SIR saN CHAN STARSCREAM TO YOU
knockou:w/e
(both walk off, but then hear a buzzing noise. they both turn around)
both: did you say something else?
knockout: well i didn't say anything besides bye
starscream: as did i. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
both: ok well. see you around (both walk off again, and the buzzing noise is heard again. They both run back again)
starscream: alright you fire crotched jerk what did you say
knockout: Ah, but it is you that is messing with me, starscream! (both look down to see the buzzing noise coming from a baby bot like 3 ft away) That's what's messing with us! (knockout points to the baby bot)
starscream: A baby? what is a baby doing on our ship! i didnt know we could even have children? its probably airachnids
knockout: i'll be sure to take care of it(gets out metal razor blade)
starscream: No, YOU FOOL WE CANT KILL IT YET(grabs the baby bot by its weird diaper thing) It looks like he can't even fly yet, or anything!
knockout: well whats the matter is it stupid
starscream: probably. then again its just a baby. He's all alone with no one to take care of him. now he knows how i feel.
knockout: Well, we can't just leave him out here, what if a vehicon or worse, megatron find him?
starscream: i suppose youre right. come on, let's take him into my room (both run in and sets lil baby bot on the ground) hm. well i dont know how to even take care of a baby (starscream stares at the baby) i think its fine on its own
knockout: Let me see! youre not fit enough to raise a child!(knockout sticks his face in front of the baby) Hey, he's kinda cute. OH NO (takes his head out, which is now eaten on the side) I think hes part scraplet
starscream: (takes out baby bot and speaks like a baby to it but its really bad and he sounds like a snake) ARE YOU HUNGRY MY CHILD
baby: beep bloop bleep
starscream: I've got just the thing. (puts baby on a flammable tank and takes out a energon burger) How would you like a energon burger (baby buzzes)
knockout: STARSCREAM, are you crazy? That's not the right food for a someone with such a small processor!
starscream: OH EXCUSE ME HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN (rolls eyes) I don't know what I was thinking. (gets out tinier burger) here
baby: (sniffs the burger and angrily buzzes)
starscream: THIS LITTLE BRAT WONT EAT OUR ONLY FOODSOURCE THERE are kids on CYBERTRON WHO WOULD KILL FOR THIS
knockout: (holds up a energon donut) Let's try a donut. (baby hisses)
strongbad: energon fries?
baby: BLEEP (Shakes head.)
knockout: A bagel? (baby sticks out his tongue)
starscream: (holds up an a apple) All we have left is this apple! we dont even eat apples (a parasite pokes its head out of the apple)
parasite: Hello aliens! I bring you greetings from Apple World! (baby jumps in the air in excitement)
starscream: what the fuck ok (picks up the worm)
parasite: Huh, wait! We will AvENGE YOU (drops it in Junior's mouth)
starscream: Well, you should be good for the rest of the year (baby cries)
knockout: oh for the love of- what now?
starscream: OH WHAT NOW DONT CRY
Knockout:Well don't just yell, do something, Starscream
starscream: uhhh…uhh.. oh godddamnit. look at the funny face! Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, look at the funny face! (starscream has a puppet that looks like megatron) Look AT IT
knockout: stop! i think i might have a solution. (picks up baby and looks at him) Oh my, thats it. (hides baby behind his back) Hold on just one second. There he is, good as new. (baby has new metal diaper)
starscream : ugh, how can you tell?
knockout: How do you think? points to his crotch showing that he is actually wearing a red diaper, not a metal speedo) And I've been doing it all by myself for almost a year.
Starscream: Wow um… thats helpful? (?)
knockout: I know. Good thing there's two of us. *awkward silence and a cough*
starscream: You know knockout, i hate to say but… since this baby doesn't have parents, we should raise it ourselves…
knockout: i dont know starscream…maybe.. At least until it's old enough to be on its own. Oh! Can I be the mother?
starscream: I don't think you can be the mom,knockout. i mean, everyone thinks i look like a woman
Patrick: You're right. If I was a mom, this would be kind of shocking. (scene zooms out to show knockout fat and in boxers) Just call me father! (scene cuts to starscream, in a red, polka-dotted dress, and knockout, wearing a bow tie, leaving the dorm with baby in a stroller. They walk by a couple of vehicons, who stop and think how they could make a baby between knockout and starscream, even though since everyone thinks theyre gay already they figured they adopted. Scene cuts to them running with baby, then sliding down a machine gun with him, and playing in an acid pit. Scene cuts to them getting energon ice cream. The Ice Cream vehicon scoops up an energon cone for the parents, then scoops up ice cream, with parasites in it, for baby. Scene cuts to them riding a on a mine-drill, but then they chase after it, with baby on the seat. Scene cuts to nighttime at starscreams dorm) It sure is cute when it's asleep.
Starscream: (from house) Yeah. (the couple watch Junior sleeping) Shh! (both tiptoe out of the room)
knockout: Hey, starscream?
starscream: what, knockout
knockout: this was really fucking gay
starscream: i know (KO is sleeping on the bottom mattress and SS is sleeping on the top)
knockout: i have my own room you know
starscream: Good night, knockout. (SS mattress slams shut on top of knockout, he wails in pain. Scene cuts to morning) KNOCKOUT, breakfast is ready! (SS is cooking something over at the grill as knockout walks in, noticing the bunch of food that is on the table)