A/N – This is my first one shot, so if it's not good, I claim inexperience. I hope you like my version of a Jolu reunion! As always I would love a review! Happy reading!
Sorry
Johnny had been an idiot. Kissing Maxie, sleeping with Olivia, not to mention lying to Lulu about wanting Maxie. All of it was so stupid and self-destructive. After over five months of being without Lulu, it seemed so clear to him. He needed her. Maybe she deserved better and he shouldn't be selfish, but it didn't matter anymore. After everything he had done, Lulu didn't hate him and if she didn't hate him, maybe she could forgive him if she knew the whole truth.
Johnny somehow convinced Luke to bring Lulu to the Haunted Star. Luke had been hesitant but Johnny had begged and Luke had finally given in. Luke had called Lulu to meet him at the Haunted Star and then left, wishing Johnny good luck. Johnny had turned off the lights and lit candles like he did the first night he made love to Lulu. He sat at the piano and waited for the woman he loved most to walk onto the boat where it had all started between them.
Lulu had a busy day. When her father summoned her to the Haunted Star, she was relieved to do something that wouldn't be stressful. As she stepped onto the boat, she noticed the lights were off. Her mind immediately wandered to the night she spent in Johnny's arms on the boat. She shook her thoughts and wondered why her father would be sitting in the dark. She walked further in and her eyes landed on the man sitting at the piano. He still had the power to take her breath away and that feeling was intensified in the current atmosphere. Her heart beat a little faster as he rose and walked to her.
"What are you doing here?" Lulu asked.
"I convinced your father to lie to you and ask you to meet him here so I could talk to you," Johnny answered honestly.
"You didn't think I would come if you called?" Lulu wondered.
"Would you have?" Johnny countered.
"No," Lulu admitted. "But I'm here now. What do you have to say to me?"
"A lot," Johnny admitted. "I have a lot to say to try to make things right."
"I don't think there's really anything you could say," Lulu replied and turned to leave.
Johnny grabbed her arm and he was taken back to the Zacchara office over a year ago. That day he had stopped her, but still let her go. Not this time. This time she had to listen to what he had to say. All he wanted was one chance to explain everything. To tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She looked up at him and he could see the tears in her eyes.
"Please don't leave," Johnny begged. "I don't deserve another chance. I never deserved you in the first place and now I deserve for you to leave and not look back. But I'm asking you, begging you actually, to stay. Give me the chance to tell you the truth. Please, Lulu."
"I don't know why you would ever ask me for anything," Lulu said in disbelief. "Especially when you say you're going to tell me the truth. I've learned my lesson, Johnny. You don't like to tell me the truth. You like to lie and keep secrets and brood about how hard your life is when if you would just be honest, it would be much easier."
"I realize that now," Johnny said quietly. "I want to tell you the truth, Lulu. I want to have a better life."
"Fine," Lulu relented. "What do you have to say to me?"
"The night of the blizzard we had a fight," Johnny recalled. "It was the worst fight we had ever had up to that point. I brought up Michael and you asked what that had to do with us. I told you some other reason why it affected us when what I should have said was the truth. That I was responsible for getting Michael shot. I ordered Claudia to put a hit on Sonny's life and that hit was botched and Michael was put in a coma that cost him a year of his life."
"What?" Lulu asked in disbelief. "How could you? You lied to me for months, almost our entire relationship. Why?"
"I was a coward, Lulu," Johnny replied. "I knew you would hate me for hurting your cousin and I couldn't take the day when you left me because of it. Every day we were together, I fell deeper in love with you and the pain of even the thought of losing you got greater. I didn't want to prolong the inevitable, so that night in the garage, I decided to do something that you could never forgive me for. I had every intention of sleeping with Maxie, but I couldn't go through with it. It didn't go that far because I didn't want her. I wanted to hold on to you as long as I could because without you my life doesn't make sense."
"That worked out well," Lulu commented sarcastically. "We still broke up and you hurt me twice as much."
"I know," Johnny said sadly. "You were the last person in this world I wanted to cause pain and I hurt you worse than I've ever hurt anyone. The worst part is knowing that I can't love you enough to fix it. I can't say that I'm sorry enough times to make it right. I was always the one who could take away your pain, but not anymore. I'm just another person in your life who betrayed you."
Lulu watched Johnny carefully. He wasn't the type of person to show emotion, but she could swear there were tears in his eyes. He looked so broken and she wondered if he was finally being truthful. Did he honestly want her forgiveness? Could she forgive him? Even more, should she? She needed more answers.
"What are you thinking?" Lulu wondered.
"That my family was right when they said love kills," Johnny answered.
"What do you mean?" Lulu asked.
"I mean that love kills people like me," Johnny responded.
"People like you?" Lulu questioned.
"People like me," Johnny repeated. "People who don't know what love really is until their shown by someone amazing. But when people like me fall in love, something happens. We hurt the ones we love repeatedly until they leave us. When we lose them, we walk around looking for someone to blame and there is nobody but ourselves. That's when we close up. We become dead on the inside. That's what love kills means."
"If you're so dead on the inside, why are we here?" Lulu asked. "Why does someone who is dead on the inside care whether or not they get forgiveness?"
"Maybe I'm not dead yet," Johnny conceded. "Maybe I'm hoping that if you forgive me, you will save me. Maybe I'm hoping you can love me enough to give me another chance, even when I don't deserve it. Maybe I finally realized that the kind of love we had for each other is once in a lifetime, the kind of love you fight for with everything inside of you. Maybe this is me, fighting for you."
Johnny couldn't breathe. He knew this was it. What Lulu decided now would be what she stuck to and there would be virtually no way to change her mind.
"I'm not going to lie to you," Lulu started. "I'm still in love with you. You are the first person I ever really loved and I will always love you. But I don't think I believe that love is enough anymore."
Lulu felt the tears stinging behind her eyes. She wouldn't cry in front of him again. She wouldn't let him know that her heart was broken and that denying him now was the hardest thing she had ever done. She had to protect herself and that meant no Johnny Zacchara.
"Lulu," Johnny said, tears falling from his eyes. "Don't walk away. Love may not be enough to make it last, but it is necessary for happiness. If you can honestly tell me you will ever love someone the way you love me, then you can leave and I won't try to stop you. But if you can't, then stay. I am willing to spend the rest of my life earning your trust and doing anything to keep you with me."
How could she walk away? He was right, there would never be another man that could make her feel the way that Johnny did. No one else would make her heart beat faster just by being in the same room. No one else could give her goosebumps just by whispering her name. She loved Johnny and she always would. Why should she deny herself the happiness of being with him?
"Will you play me a song?" Lulu wondered.
"Anything you want to hear," Johnny answered with a smile.
"I want to hear the song you wrote for me," Lulu requested.
Johnny nodded and moved to sit at the piano. Lulu followed and leaned on the edge like she used to when she would watch him play. He took a deep breath and began to play the song. He could feel Lulu smiling at him and he closed his eyes to get lost in the melody. As he played the last note, he opened his eyes to see tears on Lulu's face. But these tears were the good kind. Tears of joy came down her face as she moved to stand between him and the piano as he closed the lid to the keys.
"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard you play," Lulu whispered.
"I had beautiful inspiration," Johnny said with a loving smile.
"I love you, Johnny Zacchara," Lulu said as her hands held his face.
"I love you, Lulu Spencer," Johnny replied.
Lulu bent her head and caught his lips in a heated kiss. Months of being apart was corrected in the meeting of their lips. Johnny stood from the piano bench and scooped Lulu into his arms and sat her on the piano, never breaking the kiss. Lulu quickly began to unbutton his shirt and then tossed aside the useless fabric. She broke away from Johnny's lips to assault his neck, as he worked the buttons on her shirt. He pulled the shirt from her body and moved aside her hair so he could connect his lips with her neck and collarbone. She fumbled with his belt buckle and then the button of his pants, desperately trying to rid him of his jeans. He forced himself to remove his lips from her body as he pushed her back onto the piano and joined her on top of it. He kissed up her stomach and Lulu sighed in contentment. He found her lips again and reignited the passion that had never really left them in all their time apart.
After making love on the piano, Johnny put his jeans back on and Lulu wore only his button up shirt. She sat beside him at the piano bench as he played song after song for her until she fell asleep leaning against his shoulder. Johnny placed his arm around Lulu and gently kissed her forehead. He was so happy to finally be with the love of his life again and he was never going to lose her again.
By: Kat