Chasing the Lies

*Spoiler warning from chapter 159 onwards!*

For one sickening moment, he could hear the voices rising and falling around him as he drew a shuddering breath. He let the stranger beside him hold him against them, support his slight weight as he trembled with the pain that consumed him.

Then he was again lurching forwards, silken garment rustling as blood spilled from his lips and between his fingers as he heaved, choking as a gasped breath bubbled in his throat. Blood flecked the pristine white of his clothes, his hair, his lips. His chest shook with suppressed coughs, and he gave a wavering moan, sinking back against the healer who held him, his blood-stained hair draping over his face like a curtain as his fever glazed eye slipped closed.

He could feel it, even if they couldn't see it; the gaping wound that his magic had torn into him, and he could feel it widening. Someone murmured to him as he was lifted gently from the floor, but he didn't have the strength to respond, to lie, and so let his head flop limply back as he was carried to his room.

As he woke, Fai's single blue eye opened, focusing slowly on the high ceiling. The pain that filled his lungs had died down to nothing more than a dull throb, as it was wont to do so soon after an attack. He carefully sat up and drew his knees up against his chest, not caring as the loosened obi allowed the neckline of his white and blue kimono to slip down his shoulder, revealing his flawless, pale skin. It is not as if he had company. No, that was something he had purposefully removed himself from since their arrival.

This place would have been beautiful if the circumstances were different. Even as he looked around the room, he could see why a place like this could have such a draw. The wooden panels lined with translucent paper, the half moon designs, the chimes that he could hear just outside the wide-open window.

Even the night sky, jet-black yet scattered with the bright pinpoints of stars that shone with an intensity no other worlds held, and the soft, pale light cast by the moon could be considered a thing of beauty.

But how could he think of such things?

Kurogane was at the very threshold of death, and the only one to blame was himself. He brushed his soft hair to the side and out of his eye, letting his hand rest over his face as a humorless smile graced his lips. It had been nearly a week since they had plunged into this world, this strange, beautiful world, and since then Kurogane had not moved, not stirred, not even once.

Every day was wasted as he lingered, waiting for the far too familiar pangs of agony to again claim his mind, or for Kurogane to either awaken or fall into death's cold grasp. Which ever came first.

The sound of shifting silk seemed to resonate in the almost eerily quiet air as Fai slowly rose from his position on the floor, walking quietly over to the window and leaning against the sill, letting his arms rest against the frame and his sleeves drape over into the outside, waving in the soft, cool, breeze. There had been so much blood. He slowly turned his hand through the air, experimentally flexing his fingers. It had been everywhere. On his hands, his clothes, the ground, soaking into the grass and coating every color like some crimson blanket.

Then he leant over Kurogane, shook him, and felt his hand slip over the shoulder, the stump of an arm, and then there was only more blood; blood that just kept coming.

He had barely been able to think. His entire vision had simply turned to the red, to the blood that was flowing so freely. It didn't even matter why, or where from, just that is was. He had wanted nothing more than to dive down, bite into the source, feel it running over his parched, dry lips, ease the raging burn that had gripped his throat. Fai had nearly done just that. But the screaming, the yells as the dark-haired woman rushed to the source of the blood and the hollow feeling of horror that swelled within him had stopped him, even if he wasn't aware of why.

He had managed somehow to reign himself in. He didn't know how, but he had done it, and since then he had kept as far away from Kurogane as he could abide. Kurogane was already so far gone, it would only take a small push to destroy the small recovery he had made, and Fai would not allow that to be his fault. He could not allow it.

The ninja had sacrificed his arm and received Fai and a slim chance of survival in return, and Fai could not forgive that. He could not forgive the man who had now forced him to live twice, the man who made him endure a life based on another's suffering, the man who had slowly tightened the stranglehold of life around him. He could not forgive the man he loved.

It had to stay that way, because if he let himself forgive him, if he let the lies between them fall away, he would be plunged into a world in which he knew not a thing.

And if Kurogane sought only to abuse the weaknesses he knew would be so brutally visible, then the last fragments of himself that he had salvaged would break, and he would be no more. Kurogane had nearly died to save his meaningless life, and all without knowing that it was possible that it would be ended very shortly in any case.

The link between a mage and the magic source was not something that could be easily explained, but at that one mistake he had made by drawing on reserves of the burning, white-hot power that he no longer held, he had felt for one whole, jolting second the agony as it spilled out and encompassed him. He had broken it, and in return, it was breaking him. That had been the first of the attacks that plagued him, that left him weak and shaking, that rid him of blood that he so desperately needed in light of Kurogane's condition.

He raised his head and turned slightly when the door behind him slid open, and he set his cold, level gaze on Tomoyo. She smiled softly as she always did when addressing him, as she did with every action, and he found himself wondering how many lies she concealed behind such an easy action. It used to be so easy. His fingers touched his cheek, and he suddenly remembered her presence, eye darting up and hand lowering.

The lie of her smile widened with a soft quality his own always lacked, and she spoke. "He is beginning to wake." Her crystal voice cut through the thick, heavy air and her eyes met his. "He will want to see you." She added. Fai felt himself nodding slowly. She smiled again in that sickly sweet way that fooled everyone but him, another master of smiles, and he followed as she walked silently down the luxurious hallway to Kurogane's room.

Each soft footstep took him closer to the one he was trying to avoid, yet he could not deny the wash of emotions at hearing that he was awake, even if they paled beside his growing despair.

"Sorry to have made you wait. Please, come inside."

He slid his fingers into the door and pulled it open, immediately walking forwards, face blank yet mouth turned down into a soft frown as he advanced on the wounded warrior. Then he stopped dead in his tracks, and let his hair hide his face. He didn't know what to do. Kurogane had seen him clinging desperately to his twin, trying to shield Ashura even as Kurogane pressed forward with blade in hand, had seen the tears rolling down his cheeks. Had then displayed that he was willing to risk his very life just to save Fai from the death he deserved. He hated him. Hated him, but loved him, and now he was lost.

"Hey" Before Kurogane could get any further; he clenched his fist and punched Kurogane in the head with all the force he could muster. The ninja grunted in surprise as he fell back, and raised his only hand to his head, looking up in unmasked shock.

"I've returned the favor… Kuro-Sama."He heard himself say, and for the first time since Kurogane's blood passed his lips, his face twisted into one of the most realistic smirks he had ever worn as the nickname reached Kurogane. Maybe it was real.

"I'll kick your ass, you bastard." Came the predictable response as the man grinned, and Fai's heart froze that little bit more.

Kurogane was alive, Kurogane was breathing, Kurogane was healing, and most of all, he was smiling. The very idea of watching that smile turn slowly into concern, into dread, was something he would not allow. So he stuck with the façade, the lies that were far more advanced, far more believable than the weak smile he used to use. This had to work.

It was only when he left the room, and heard the door click closed behind him that the pain struck him again, seemingly out of nowhere. He careened to the side, clutching his chest as he felt the tear within him pull, widen. He raised a hand to his mouth and felt adrenaline soar through him.

Fai ran. He had just managed to stagger through the door to one of the multiple gardens when he sank to the floor, clutching at the timber pillar for support as blood once again rose in his throat. When it was finally over, he painstakingly rose, hunched ever so slightly, uneven breaths coming in small gasps as tears blurred his vision. He rose a trembling hand to wipe his mouth.

He couldn't tell anyone what was happening. He couldn't. They were relying on him as part of their group, as one of them, and nobody could know that his attempt to free them from the crumbling world of Celes was killing him, day by day.

Kurogane especially did not need to know of this, of the failure of his sacrifice, and Fai was going to make sure he didn't, even if it killed him.

A/N: Yes, it' small, yes it's a ramble, yes, it is rather pointless but I put it up anyway. I didn't like that they left the 'Fai appears to be coughing up half of his circulatory system' thing alone with only the explanation of 'my magic isn't enough' so I did this... thingy...

Gimmie a review if you bothered to read it! You came this far, may as well tell me how to improve! :3