Author's note. Ok, this is stupid and juvenile, but I recently, accidentally got addicted to HGTTG. It bugged me that neither the old TV show or the newer movie gave Ford ginger hair like he was supposed to have, so, when my paranoid mind started working, this is what came out. It's probably OOC. Like, WAY OOC, but who cares.
This story began when Zaphod and Ford were arguing on where to go, and Ford, in a rare display of fury, had hit Zaphod and then hit the button for the infinite improbability drive. That was how they ended up on Betelgeuse 5 trying to solve some crisis. However, the crisis isn't the main focus of this story. The main focus is, as the title suggests, how to distract a man.
An old friend of Ford and Zaphod by the name of Kyrin was trying to help them avert the crisis, but she got into an argument with Trillian. This is what happened.
"You honestly want me to believe that you are a sane person and you believe that social science is plausible? And that you study it?" asked Trillian.
"Yes, to a certain degree, and it's fun to study" replied Kyrin matter-of-factly, her tail twitching in an irritated way. You see, Kyrin was part cat, so she had a tail and cat ears.
"Oh please" laughed Trillian. "Calling it social science is just an excuse for a bunch of pissed off nerds to make up ways to either piss people off or distract them. It's like saying hypnotism actually involves swinging something in front of someone's face."
Kyrin rolled her eyes, her ears were lying back on her head in a testy way now. "Apart from the hypnotism bit, you just proved yourself wrong. That is exactly why it's done, and it's why it's plausible" she explained testily.
"Prove it" countered Trillian.
"Who's really into what they're doing?" asked Kyrin.
The two women looked around at the three men. Zaphod looked like he would take any excuse to be distracted, so he was out. Arthur had been following the argument intensly, which only left Ford. "Ford" called Trillian in order to test his focus. He ignored her. "Ford!" she yelled slightly louder, but she still didn't get a response.
"Hey, Ix, man!" shouted Kyrin.
"Not now" mumbled Ford without looking at the two of them.
"Ix?" asked Trillian in confusion.
"It means 'boy who cannot sufficiently explain what a hrung is or why it collapsed on Betelgeuse 7'" answered Kyrin.
"What?" asked Trillian again.
"Oh never mind. Have Zaphod tell you the story later" replied Kyrin in exasperation.
"So, Ford will do then" muttered Trillian.
"In a manner of speaking, yes" was Kyrin's saucy reply. She then walked up to Ford and tapped him on the shoulder. When he failed to respond she stepped in front of what he was working on. When he tried to work around her she bent down and pressed her lips against his. She slowly entwined her hands in his ginger curls and licked his bottom lip, begging for entrance. He happily complied, but no sooner had he registered what was happening that she pulled away.
"You taste like strawberries and Oreos" mumbled Ford without thinking.
Zaphod burst out into hysterical laughter at his semi-cousin's strange remark, and Trillian and Arthur started to snicker. "Oh Ford" laughed Kyrin lightly as she dusted her hand across his now tangled curls.
"Alright, I suppose that there is a grain of truth in social science" complied Trillian.
"Only a grain?" Kyrin pressed.
"Why don't you girls save this for another time and help" suggested Arthur.
"Fine" the women agreed begrudgingly.
Ok, I think that I got the "Ix" thing right. If I didn't somebody tell me, please? I'll probably right more on Kyrin, I'm sort of working on it, so R&R! Flames will be used to roast hotdogs! Abbcat.