Title: The Temptress of My Thoughts
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine !!
I could taste the bitterness in my mouth, the flavor I had tried to ignore, as she walked up to me. Her eyes wide with happiness, a large smile plastered across her beautiful.....plastered across her once beautiful face clutching a fan in her hand. All the cynical emotions I thought had vanished stirred up inside me once again. My heart, what was left of it, tore into even smaller pieces as my she walked into the shop. She looked fresh and beautiful, healthier in fact. And I sat in the small crowed shop with shadows covering my eyes and my pale flesh growing thinner each day. Curse her. Her brightness lit my dark shop and I could no longer hide in the shadows that had consumed my days. She smiled and said a few words of which I didn't hear. I couldn't hear her. Only watch, marvel at the beauty that stood before me. She gave me a puzzled look and mumbled a few words. But I still heard nothing. I stopped hearing her a long time ago. She then smiled and with a move of her hand lit a single candle, one that had not been lit since the day, one that had brought light to my world of darkness. Elizabeth was once again my bringer of my light. My expression was still blank and she looked at me questionably before moving towards me with a worried look upon her face. Her hand reached for my forehead, to check if I had a fever I presumed, and that's when I saw it. Glittering in the glow of the candle. If it had been the darkness I never would have seen it. I am safe with the darkness. I welcome the darkness. It gleamed on her finger like the red eye of the devil. I stood up,. The chair I had been sitting on toppled on the ground. She tried to back away, the demon, tears filling up in her eyes. I stared into her frightened face and a look of realization washed over me as I looked understood what I was doing. I can't remember what I said to her but what does it matter now? She fled from my shop in tears and what sickened me the most was the pleasure I got from her sadness.
And so I was left alone again. Almost immediately I blew out the single candle she had lit and resumed my work in the shadows of what use to be. The glint of a dagger caught my eye and I reached for it without a second thought. I could not hear myself scream; the only thing I heard was the impeccable silence that had overwhelmed me and now consumed my every thought. This was just the way to hurt her, I thought, and free myself from this place where I was held a prisoner of hope. The blade gently surfaced with my skin and an amused smile tugged playfully at my lips. For just a moment my mind seemed to plead with me as though my sanity was my last strand of hope, the same sanity I lost when I lost her. But my rage was too built, my pain was too great, and she was too deserving to let this deed go undone. I sliced my arm again in the same spot this time purposely drawing more blood. Fascinating it was, to watch the dark red liquid drip to only a puddle on the floor. So I laughed. A bitter laugh coated with my deepest emotions. Lingering in my thoughts was the lasting image of Elizabeth. The image that filled any spare moment and left me screaming in fear of a silent night where her face would haunt my dreams and her voice would torment my every move. I had to escape from her, the temptress of my thoughts. My chest heaved in and out as I gasped to fill my lungs with air but somehow couldn't get enough. Never could I get enough. I will escape you Elizabeth, I told myself as I once again reached for the dagger. And this time I would cut deeper, as deep as you cut me, Elizabeth.