Steve walked into Bucky's hospital room and found him scrutinizing the front page of a newspaper that lay on his overbed table. The paper was covered in pictures and columns of text about their airport fight, the reasons behind it and the destruction it had caused. Steve could imagine what Bucky was thinking and he wanted to tell him to not think it, to think something else, to not think at all.
"I can get you better things to read," he said instead as he took his usual chair next to the bed.
Bucky didn't answer that. "Did you know? That I killed Howard?"
Something stung in Steve, to hear Bucky use that name, and to hear him blame himself for what he'd been tortured into doing. He bit back his automatic, 'You didn't kill him' reply that Bucky would shrug off anyway.
"I found out, back when everything was going to hell in Washington, I found out HYDRA killed him. But not- it didn't seem like they'd need a Winter Soldier to cause a car accident."
Bucky nodded, accepting that answer. "Why didn't you tell Tony? When you found out, or any time since then, why didn't you tell him what really happened?"
"I wanted to spare him," Steve said.
Bucky gave him a long look. "When's the last time you lied to me and got away with it?"
"Nineteen-thirrrrty…" Steve dragged out his answer, pretending to have to think about it. "….two." Bucky just looked at him, waiting for another answer. "I don't know, Buck. I thought it was easier, I guess. Easier on me."
"You need to tell him that. You need to talk to him. Let him know you're still here for him. Sooner or later, and probably sooner, he's gonna need you. He's gonna need all of you. He needs to know you're still there for him."
Steve shook his head. "Tony has plenty of people with him, already."
"Who?" Bucky asked. He peered at the newspaper, tapping a list of names. "His best friend who got shot out of the sky and is paralyzed? That guy, whatever he is, Vision, who accidentally shot his friend out of the sky? The kid with the webbing, who thought my arm was 'awesome'? Black Widow who helped us escape Black Panther? Black Panther who helped us escape everything else? Who? Who's he got?"
He was right, Steve knew. If anything happened, Tony was compromised, and he wouldn't ask for help if didn't know he could count on it. "I can't tell him where we are, though."
"Do you have to? I might be a few decades behind on things, but I'm pretty sure you can give him a way of contacting you that doesn't give away your location."
"Your location," Steve said.
Bucky huffed a sigh. "Our location, all right? All I'm saying is – if something happened to him tomorrow, what would you wish you'd had the chance to say to him?"
And the image rose up, unbidden but enduring, of a speeding train, a bottomless ravine, and agonizing, unending, regret.
"Yeah, I should talk to him. You're right."
"I usually am," Bucky said. "Here, here's paper." He set the paper aside and pushed a notebook and pen toward Steve. "Get started."
Steve faked a frown at him but took the notebook and pen.
"Tony…"
The End.
A/N1: as those of you who know me might remember, today is a very hard day for me and for my family. I do feel a trifle selfish asking for thoughts & prayers with everything else happening in the country, but they would be appreciated. CB