Disclaimer: I don't own the Higher
Ground characters. And I also don't own the song "Happiness" it's sung by Abra
Moore.
A/N: WARNING this is a sad and depressing story. I was just in that kind of mood and decided to write this. Also * means flashback. Thanks and please tell me what you think. Before the font was all messed up so I'm trying this again, hopefully it works.
Happiness
The words kept
replaying in her head. She clutched the pillow tighter and tried to muffle her
sobs. She thought that she was past this point. Past the point where words
could slice her heart like this, and it was just a few words. Maybe it wasn't
the words that hurt, but the people who said them. She expected this from her
mother. It didn't stop the pain but it was almost expected. But not from him,
never from him. He was her knight in shining armor. But then it had all gone
wrong.
*"It's going to be wonderful!" she gushed
to her boyfriend. She was bursting with excitement. "We can get an apartment
off campus and then we can throw a party to announce out engagement to
everyone!"
"Jules, we need to talk."
"About what?" she asked in a playful tone not
sensing the serious nature of the conversation.
"I can't do this. I'm so sorry but I just can't."
"Can't do what?" she said confusion apparent in her
voice.
"Any of it. Move in together, get married, and live
happily ever after. It's just not right. I'm sorry."
"How can it not be right? What can I do to fix it?
Tell me! We love each other that's all that matters!" she said desperately as
her world began to spin out of control.
He remained silent.
"I love you. Don't you love me?" she whispered.
"No. I thought I did but…it's just not right."
"Auggie!" she cried out as she tried to stop him
from leaving.
"Leave it Jules. It's over."
And with those two words her heart broke. *
I
didn't know I could feel like this
I didn't know the hurt
And I try to explain myself
But I can't find no word
The next few
days were a blur. She went through the motions of preparing for graduation. Of
laughing and smiling all the while she was having trouble just breathing. Every
time she saw him the pain intensified ten fold. But she kept her bright smile
in place, she years of practice at pretending. But at the close of each day she
cried herself to sleep. Praying that tomorrow she would wake up and it would
all go back to normal. That this was just some terrible nightmare. And she
wanted to wake up now. But in the morning when she did wake up, nothing had
changed. So she pasted a smile on her perfectly made of face and made believed
everything was fine.
So
I lie about it
And I tell 'em I'm feeling fine
And I'll cry about it
Hoping tomorrow will change my mind
Happiness
has come to this
And, God it's such a heavy burden to bear
She sank
deeper and deeper into despair. She just couldn't seem to find a reason to care
anymore. There had to be something wrong with her and that's why nobody could
love her. It had to be her flaw. The pain had become unbearable but she refused
to tell anyone. They would pity her, 'poor little Juliette'. They wouldn't
understand, they hadn't understood how Auggie had ever liked her. Well that was
done with and there was only one way she knew how to get rid of these feelings.
With that thought she picked up the razor.
This was
the one thing that had never let her down. She knew it was wrong. She
remembered what she had been taught, but she just didn't care. And with that
she made the first cut. She watched the blood seep forth from the wound and
felt a type of release. As if the pain that was eating away at her soul was
being let out, if only for a little bit. She watched the dark liquid slid down
her arm as if in a trance. The sound of her fellow Cliffhangers interrupted the
mesmerized state. She quickly cleaned up her mess. And went out to join them.
Smiling as always.
I
didn't know it could be like this
I didn't know it could go so far
And I try to reveal the part of me
But you can't find no scar
It was over. They had graduated. She
had never seen all the Cliffhangers so happy. All the Cliffhangers excluding
herself of course. They had a bonfire that night to celebrate. She sat off by
herself and watched her friends. They were so happy, she thought to herself.
Scott and Shelby were more in love than ever. It was obvious in ever look,
every smile. David and Ezra had stopped fighting over Daisy and became good
friends. They were clowning around reveling in their new freedom. Daisy was
sitting quietly murmuring her sarcastic comments to her boyfriend. A
trailblazer she had fallen for halfway through senior year. And last the boy
who held her heart…only to give it back saying her didn't want it anymore.
She wished he didn't have to look so
handsome. So carefree. She was angry with him. How dare he be happy when she
was so miserable? Didn't he realize how he had hurt her? How with those few
words had destroyed her completely. Her eyes filled with sudden tears.
"Hey Jules. Are you okay?" Daisy called from across the bonfire.
"Sure. I'm just a little emotional
about leaving this place and all of you." She lied with a little laugh.
And
I lie about it
And I tell 'em I'm feeling fine
And I'll cry about it
Hoping tomorrow will change my mind
Juliette had
gone back to the dorm to grab a sweatshirt cause even in June the mountain air
could be chilly at night. As she was passing by the docks she noticed a couple
in a steamy embrace. She figured it was Scott and Shelby, and smirked. But as
the light hit the couple she could see the faces. It was Auggie and a girl from
the Wind Dancers. She dropped the sweatshirt in shock. She ran back to the dorm
as quickly as she could.
Jules
collapsed on the dorm floor. The pain she was experiencing had her doubled
over, sobbing wretchedly. She couldn't breathe. The agonizing hurt had taken
her breath away. She crawled to the bathroom and grabbed the razors.
At this point she wasn't even thinking straight. All the disparaging comments people had made over the years came flooding back into her mind. She was too fat, too skinny, not smart enough, not pretty enough, she wasn't perfect. How could she expect anyone to love her?
With that last thought she brought the gleaming razor across one wrist
then the other. She watched the ruby liquid pool around her. She just wanted to
be free, and to be loved. If this was happiness she didn't want it anymore.
Happiness has come to this
And
God, it's such a heavy burden to bear