Hello! I just want you all to know that I don't actually watch Jeopardy that often and I also invented a fictional host, so I'm sorry if I wrote something that doesn't collaborate with the actual game show…But I hope you still enjoy!
"Hello there." Says a striking young woman with brown curly hair. She's wearing a tight black dress and holding a set of index cards in one of her finely manicured hands. "I'm Jessica Whitefield, and welcome to another installment of Jeopardy." She says, flashing a smile. The iconic Jeopardy music begins to play and colorful lights dance across the stage. The studio audience claps passionately.
"This week we have two very special contestants." She says. She takes a step back and motions to the three podiums on the opposite side of the stage. "Contestant Number One is none other than the famous Sherlock Holmes who has solved cases such as The Study in Pink and The Hound of Baskerville. How about a round of applause for Contestant Number One?" The crowd claps wildly. Sherlock meanwhile looks tortured. "How did I ever let John convince me to do this?" He mutters to himself.
John, who is sitting in the audience, waves happily at Sherlock. Sherlock sees him and can't help but wave back. John points to his mouth and mouths smile. Sherlock smiles through gritted teeth.
"And Contestant Number Two has come all the way from Cardiff. Give a round of applause to Jack Harkness!" Jack waves to the audience, and winks flirtatiously at Jessica. The third podium is still empty though. "And now our two contestants will-" Jessica begins, but is cut off by a sudden whirring noise. Her smile disappears for a moment as she steps backward in shock.
Suddenly a blue police box appears behind the third podium. The doors open and out steps a man with wild brown hair wearing a trench coat. He steps out and runs into the podium. "What? This isn't the 21st Federation Bar and Grill on Neptune." He asks looking around, clearly confused by all the flashing lights and audience.
"Hey Doctor." Jack says from his podium. "Nice of you to drop by."
"Jack? Jack Harkness? Where am I? Whaa-" But Jessica walks in front of him mid-sentence, silencing him.
"Make that three contestants." She says, laughing at her witty joke. "Hello Contestant Number Three what's your name?"
"Um…The Doctor."
"Doctor What?"
"Ohh I haven't heard that one before. Doctor What. I kind of like the sound of that…Sorry, sorry, um, yeah it's just the Doctor…And can someone tell me where we are exactly?" He asks, still bewildered. On the first podium, Sherlock rolls his eyes. "Clearly we are on a game show." The Doctor looks at Sherlock.
"Sherlock! So good to see you again! How's it been? How's John?" The Doctor says, recognizing Sherlock.
"Well-" Sherlock begins, but Jack cuts him off.
"Wait, Doctor, you know Sherlock? I have to hear this story." But Jessica intervenes.
"Alright, now that it's clear we all know each other, let's move onto our first question!" She walks over to the large screen.
"Now I'm assuming we all know how the game is played?" She asks. No one raises any objections.
"Great. So the dice has been randomly rolled and Sherlock you get to choose the first category!" Jessica waves gracefully at the screen as boxes appear with categories in them.
"Umm…Geography, I suppose." Jessica smiles. "Geography it is! Okay this is your first question...The capital of Laos is…" Immediately Jack and the Doctor's faces go absolutely blank. But Sherlock hits the giant red button on his podium immediately.
"Vientiane." He says, absolutely confident of his answer. Jack and the Doctor look at him. "How do you know that?" Jack asks.
"Isn't it common knowledge?" Jessica is now standing in front of Sherlock. "I'm sorry but that is incorrect." She says, all smiles. Sherlock is immediately furious.
"What? But its def-"
"Vientiane is the capital, but you didn't answer in a question form, so technically that's incorrect." Sherlock just stares at her for a moment. His eye twitches slightly. The Doctor nudges Jack. "You might want to stand back a bit." He says. Sherlock looks like his face is about to explode.
"But I- its…question…form?" He just stares at her, and she just smiles at him. Meanwhile John is looking on incredibly concerned.
"Isn't that just adorable?" Jack says casually to the Doctor.
"What?"
"Oh sorry, did I say that out loud?" Jack asks, staring at Sherlock.
"Yes you did. Jack, I know what you're thinking and I'm telling you-"
"Oh come on, he's just so…tall, and skinny and mysterious…"
"Stop it. Stop it right now, I am not listening to this."
"Admit it. You two hang out right? And you never-"
"Stop it Jack or I swear I will-"
"Alright then." Jessica says walking by, interrupting them. The Doctor is secretly relieved Sherlock is still just staring forward. "Onto our next question." Jack takes his opportunity and leans in to Sherlock. "Hey, don't look so stressed out. It's only one wrong question."
"No, but I am never wrong, never, never-"
"Boys please." Jessica interrupts. "Next question. Jack it's your turn to choose."
"Thanks" He says, winking at Jessica once more. "I will chose…History." He smiles at the Doctor. He raises an eyebrow flirtatiously. "Let's see if you've learned anything over your many historical adventures."
"Okay, your question is…The year Black Death wiped out 30% to 60% of the population." Jack and the Doctor both jump at their buzzers, but the Doctor hits his first.
"Trick question. The Black Death was in 1349, but it wasn't actually the Black Death that killed 50% of the population, but rather a pack of weeping angels. The Black Death actually only killed 5% of the population. I should know 'cause I was there." The Doctor says, and then leans forward confidently on this podium. Jessica stares at him for a moment and then blinks.
"I'm sorry but that is incorrect, the correct question was, what is 1349. And you did not put it into question form." She says. The Doctor's expression suddenly matches Sherlock's they just stare in disbelief at their podium's.
"I-I got a history question wrong…But-But I was there. I should know this…" The Doctor says.
"I'm an embarrassment…I'm not fit to mop these floors…" Sherlock murmers
"You're fit to do a lot more than mop floors…" Jack flirts seductively. But Sherlock and the Doctor just continue staring, as if they didn't even hear him.
"I can't believe this…How dare I call myself a Time Lord…"
"If Mycroft could see me now…"
"Pathetic."
"Oh no…"
"I have a time machine!"
"He's probably watching this right now!" Sherlock's eyes widen.
"A bloody time machine!"
"MY LIFE IS OVER!" Sherlock says and then collapses onto his podium.
"I'm a Time Lord with a bloody Time machine and I couldn't get a history question right! MY LIFE IS OVER!" The Doctor says, mimicking Sherlock. Jack is left standing at his podium alone.
"Does this mean I win by default?" He asks, smiling at Jessica. She shakes her head no, enthusiastically. "We still have one more question, which could very well be the winning question… The topic will be chosen randomly." The Doctor's and Sherlock's heads shoot straight up. This is the winning question. They aren't going to get this wrong.
"And the topic is…Pop Culture!" She says enthusiastically. The Doctor and Sherlock both prepare themselves to pounce on the button, while Jack sits back lazily.
"Alright. This question has to do with one of the most popular toys ever made…The Barbie Doll." The Doctor's and Sherlock's faces both fall.
"I'm sorry did I hear you correctly?" Sherlock asks.
"Yes. I said this question has to do with Barbie dolls."
"Is it possible to switch the question? Or category? Anything but Barbie Dolls." The Doctor says anxiously.
"No, the question has been chosen."
"But couldn't we just-"
"I said, the question is not changing." Jessica says dropping her overly happy smile. And then as soon as it's gone, she's all smiles again. The Doctor and Sherlock drop silent, terrified.
"Now, the question is…Barbie has a fictional life. These are her parents names..." The buzzers are silent.
"Who makes these questions?" Sherlock asks to no one in particular.
"Can I phone a friend?" The Doctor asks.
"Nope. Wrong TV show." Jessica answers. The Doctor makes a sour face.
"To be honest, I don't think anyone knows the answer to this question…" The Doctor admits.
Jack has almost completely zoned out. He is staring at the face the Doctor just made, when suddenly he accidentally slips and falls on his buzzer.
"Jack, you have an answer?" Jessica asks.
"Um…I'm sorry, what is the question again?" Jack asks. The Doctor rolls his eyes.
"He'll never get this." He says.
"If he gets this I will write him a 5 hours symphony and then play it on my violin while dressed like a monkey and balancing on a ball." Sherlock says angrily.
"If he gets his I will finally agree to play hide and seek with him dressed as Harry Potter." The Doctor says. Sherlock turns to look at him in disbelief.
"He asked you to play hide and seek with him while dressed as Harry Potter?"
"Well, while also in the tardis, and hide and seek in the tardis can go on for hours…" The Doctor says. Jack raises an eyebrow at them. They hadn't realized he could hear them.
"Is that a promise?" He asks flirtatiously. The Doctor suddenly has a bad feeling about this. But before he can stop him Sherlock yells back, "Yes. And if you can get this question right we will both do whatever you want for one- no, two whole days! No questions asked." Jack suddenly smiles from ear to ear.
"What have you done Sherlock?" The Doctor asks in horror. Sherlock sees Jack's face and suddenly realizes his mistake, but before he can take it back, Jack says, "Who are George and Margaret."
There's a moment of dead silence as Jessica reads the card. The Doctor and Sherlock both lean in. Jack just stands at his podium satisfied. Jessica looks up from the card in disbelief. "That is…correct."
"No!" Sherlock and the Doctor exclaim, as the studio audience clap wildly. "Congratulations Jack Harkness, you have just won a million dollars!" He smiles at Sherlock and the Doctor.
"Oh, I won a lot more than a million dollars."
"What have you done?" The Doctor asks, as if Sherlock had just killed someone.
"How? How did you even know the answer to that?" Sherlock asks in disbelief.
"I know my Barbie…" Jack answers simply.
"Eww…Oh god Jack…No…" The Doctor says. Jack shrugs. "So, when are you two free? What was it? A whole day? No, two whole days at my beck and whim…And did I hear something in there about hide and seek in the tardis and a violin symphony?"
"Oh god…If Mycroft sees this…NO! If Moriarty sees this, he'll never take me seriously again! I'll have to find a new archenemy. Or I could erase these tapes, no but they'll be on youtube. I know, I'll hack the internet, then sneak into the TV studio and-"
"Sherlock, it's no use." The Doctor says, giving in. "There's no way to reverse this."
"No...Oh, why did John convince me to do this? WHY?" And as Sherlock and The Doctor continue to freak out, Jack accepts his money.
"Jessica, here is my number in case you ever feel like having a good time…" She raises an eyebrow.
"Well, I guess because you are millionaire now…I'll call you" She says, suddenly flirtatious.
Jack gives her one last wink before he walks over to Sherlock and the Doctor. "Come on boys. I believe we have some unfinished business to discuss." He says, and starts pulling on both of their long coats.
"No, please, reconsider!" Sherlock pleads.
"I'm sorry, but a promise is a promise." He says and the trio disappear inside the tardis. A moment later the tardis disappears from the room.
"What just happened?" John asks a women with dark hair and beautiful olive skin. Her name tag reads Dr. Martha Jones.
"I'm just as lost as you are." She says.
"Well that's all the time we have folks." Jessica says to the camera. "Next week we have contestants Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, and Dr. Bruce Banner compete for one million dollars! So join us next week for another installment of JEOPARDY!"
Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed it . Please feel free to comment or review. I love hearing your opinions!