Author's Note: I don't own anything having to do with Supernatural only Gabriella belongs to me.

My music guru is at it again, ispiltthemilk. She sent me the song 'Beam Me Up' by Pink the other night and I haven't stopped listening to it since. Recommend you check it out if you haven't heard it just because it is an awesome song but you'll understand what's going on without it.

Set after 'My Angel Has a Shotgun'

Beam Me Up

Relief and gratitude were two of the emotions I should have felt as Sam sat behind Bobby's overcrowded desk and researched our next case but instead I felt just empty. There was a void inside of me that no amount of men or alcohol could fill and the fire I once had burning had long since burnt out leaving nothing behind but a pile of cold ash. Castiel had saved me in everyway a person could be but there was a piece of me that went with him.

"Gabby, what do you think?" Sam's questioning stare broke me out of my memories.

I offered him a small nod, having no idea what he had even suggested, as I rose from my chair. "Sure, Sam, sounds great."

My own voice sounded like a stranger's as I walked out of the old hunter's home and out into the dusty salvage yard. The four walls made me more claustrophobic than I had ever been and though it took a great deal of energy to even breathe being out in the open helped.

A black bird soared in the sky, the slight breeze causing it to swoop, and it look like a choreographed dance before flying behind some tress. I swallowed hard to clear the lump that started to form in the back of my throat as my eyes burned with unshed tears. There was enough naivety left in me to think that that bird was Castiel's way of letting me know he would always be watching out for me.

"You promised everything would be alright," I whispered as I stared up at the cloudless sky praying there would be a way for him to answer me.

This wasn't how it was supposed to end. I was so wrapped up in my need to save my younger brother that my angel paid a price I wasn't fortunate enough to afford. Every night after I had a sufficient amount of alcohol in my system to allow myself to sleep I'd see his baby blue eyes staring back at me the exact moment before he stepped into the gaping hole.

There had to be somewhere on this Godforsaken planet whether in some alternate universe or in the depths of a lost rain forest where nothing broke and nothing hurt. The deep green blades of grass would feel as soft as silk as you ran across it in your bare feet and there would never be a cloud in sight.

I heard footsteps behind me and for a brief second I filled with hope as I spun on my feet. The smile fell from my face though when Dean was standing there with a half empty beer bottle.

"Enough is enough, Gab," he told me in a firm voice and I crossed my arms like a defiant child. "You have to let it go."

With a deep inhale I closed my eyes and I ached for my angel's arms to be around me and give me the strength I was so desperately craving. Maybe then I'd feel whole again. I was tired of being a Winchester, tired of all the fighting, and it got to the point I didn't care anymore. All we did was fight, put our lives and hearts on the line, and for what so the world could spin on its axis one more day?

I was tired of being a fighter.

"Just give me some more time, please," I begged my eldest brother, wishing he'd be able to make everything right again like he did when we were small children.

I turned my back to him and looked back up to the sky waiting, for the hundredth time, for an answer that would never come. I heard his boots scuffing against the gravel as he came up next to me. "You've emptied Bobby's liquor cabinet twice now. It's been a year and he still has your head spinning in twenty different directions."

"Don't you dare," a deep growl vibrated through my chest as my cheeks flushed with anger, "he gave it all for me, Dean! He threw himself in that pit so we could get our little brother back."

My eldest brother looked taken back by my sudden outburst and found himself back peddling, "He wouldn't be someone I'd call up for a beer but I'll always be thankful for him finding a way to get Sam out. You wanted that more than anything in the world at one point in time, remember?"

"Of course I do," I rasped out my voice thick with the emotions I was desperately trying to keep at bay. "But why do we always have to lose, huh? Why does the world hate us so much?"

"Winchester it's been awhile," Gabriel smiled as I stood in the cemetery where I had lost my brother and then my angel.

"Bring him back," I demanded, not bothering to waste time with pleasantries.

Gabriel frowned for a moment and then shrugged, "No can do, Chiclet."

"No," I shook my head, "You knew how to get Sam out and now you're going to save Cas."

He circled around me with an unfazed smile on his lips, "Sorry, Winchester, but you are truly on your own this time."

"Then bring me to where ever he is," I resulted to begging. "Please."

I hadn't even realized I had fallen or that my dam had crumpled as tears flowed from my eyes until Dean was crouched in front of me with a firm grip on my shoulders. "Gab? Gabriella!" His voice was full of concern as he shook me slightly to get a response.

I fell into his chest and cried out every once of pain that was shredding my heart, "I just wanted one more minute."