Author's note: These characters belong in the Inuyasha world created by Rumiko Takahashi, not to Jenelin. I just like to borrow them to do my bidding. Comments are always appreciated.
From the beginning, he was always nicer to me than anyone I had ever known. It wasn't that he went out of his way to be nice. It was just that I had not been treated well. Compared to what I had known, his emotionless ways seemed friendly and welcoming.
It was inevitable. The young girl always falls in love with her savior. Her protector.
Even if he is a demon lord.
Now I tell myself that I should have known better. That I should have known that youkai were not appropriate lovers for innocent human girls.
I tell myself that, but I know that there is no reason I should have known better. Who would have taught me?
He was like a father when I was younger. A rather distant and cold father, now that I look back on that time. But I loved him with all my heart. He was my Sesshoumaru-sama. He gave me back my life. I wanted to please him. I wanted to make him smile. I never succeeded.
Sesshoumaru-sama does not smile. I know that now.
But I'm still trying to change his expression. To change his heart.
Perhaps I am just a fool.
I remember very clearly being ten years old and asking him why he had saved my life. I wanted him to say that it was because he liked me. Because he wanted me around. Because I had touched his heart.
I remember very clearly that he never answered me. His eyes flashed, and he became angry. I do not dare ask him again.
He scares me. Is it right to be scared of the one you love? But how can I help it? Any day he could decide that he is tired of me. It will happen someday. I will have fulfilled whatever purpose I have served for him, and he will send me on my way. And once again, I'll be alone in the world. Alone with just my memories.
At least they will be good memories. For I have been happy with him. He has never mistreated me. I hope he never will.
I try not to think of how easily he could take my life.
I have seen him kill before. I think he tried to protect me from this, although I never could really tell. But I saw anyway. I saw blood and horror, and I saw that he caused it.
And I still fell in love with him.
I cannot say when my love for him changed from that for a father to that of someone far different. Perhaps it was just a natural part of growing up. I grew older, and he stayed much the same. Beautiful, cold, deadly.
And I fell in love.
Sometimes I think that I would be happy if he would just touch me. But that he will not do.
I am human. He hates all humans. I love him. He will never accept a human's love. He will never return a human's love.
And yet I still hope. Has my love made me so optimistic? Or is it possible that there is reason to hope?
Sometimes I see a look in his eyes that is not quite hatred. And he must not hate me so much. If he hated me so much, he would have gotten rid of me long ago.
I must be foolish in my love. To hope at the thought that he may not hate me as much as other humans? Can I accept a lesser form of hatred as love?
I love him despite his hatred. I love him despite his cruelty. I do not want to leave him until the day I die. I want my death to mean something to him.
I want my life to mean something to him.
In my dreams, he touches me willingly. He tells me that I am important to him. He loves me.
Even in dreams, he does not smile.
Maybe someday I will get over him. Maybe someday he will be cruel to me. Maybe someday I will have to survive on my own.
Maybe someday he will smile.
But for now I will love in silence. I will steal glances at him at every chance. I will dream of him every night. I will try to understand his heart.
And most of all, I will hope.