Rated R for extreme cursing and violence.
Disclaimer: I won Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck, but not Harry Potter.
Summary: Read it.
Harry Potter and the Invisible Pedestrian
One day, Harry Potter realized he needed to go out and buy some crap. He looked around his stuff, trying to figure out what to buy. Finally he realized he had lost his favorite stuffed cat named Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck, whom he had named after his new favorite movie (move over, Freddy Got Fingered!) - Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back.
After he had gotten some of his money together, he went and found Ron and Hermione. They were busy yelling at each other.
"Goddammitfuckshitbloodyhell!" Ron cursed.
"Well, if you would just do whatever I say and accept me as your omnipotent, omniscient ruler, then we wouldn't be having this fight!"
"Shitfuckdamn, fuckyou, bitch! Bloodyhell!" Ron cursed again. "Wait," he said. "You said impotent."
" . . . No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"No, I didn't! I said omnipotent!"
Harry fell down. Then he got back up again. Once he had their attention, he said, "Want to go shopping with me? I need to buy a new Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck."
"Okay!" Hermione said.
"Fuckin' hell, okay!" Ron said.
They both stared at Ron.
"Hey, Harry!" Hermione said. "You're in your pajamas!" He was wearing too small pajamas with feet with a picture of the Monkees on the front.
"So I am! Better go get dressed then!" Harry said, then left. He couldn't find any other clothes than black pants, a black shirt, black shoes, and a black ski mask. He put it all on, even the ski mask because it was very cold outside.
"Hey! Harry looks like an Invisible Pedestrian!" Ron said, then added in a curse word. "Fuck."
"A what now?" Hermione asked.
"You know, when someone dresses in black, crosses the street, and then cars can't see them! They're Invisible Pedestrians!"
"Well, I won't get hit by a car! I'm a wizard!"
"Well, you might if you don't suspect it . . . Dammit."
Everyone stared at Ron.
Five minutes later, they crossed the street to Diagon Alley. It was night time by the then. They brought Hedwig and Scabbers just for the hell of it and because Scabbers was going crazy. And they brought Hedwig because they thought the owl might eat him and cough up some cool looking owl pellets and because Ron didn't like him.
Ron cursed.
Once Harry crossed the street all by himself without getting hit by a car, he said, "BOO YEAH! IN YOUR FACE!" and walked away smugly. Hedwig, flying close behind him, suddenly veered off and ran into a pole.
Everyone stared at Hedwig's unmoving body. Then they kept walking again. Finally they got to the toy store and Harry selected a medium sized white kitty that resembled the white cat from Aristocrats, complete with necklade. It was curled up with it's head lifted. Harry payed for it with some sickles and knuts and walked away. Once he was out of the store, he dubbed it Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck the Second and bit it's head off.
"Why the fuck did you do that?!" Ron yelled.
Hermione made goldfish type movements with her mouth as she stared down into her hands at the stuffed cat's head.
"Now it looks like the OLD Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck!" Harry explained.
"Ahhh," everyone said, nodding.
The three of them crossed the street. Harry skipped into the street first because he was so excited about buying a new Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck. Suddenly there were a flash of large headlights a bus sped toward him. He didn't even have time to jump out of the way. The bus hit him head on and he went flying up onto the top, rolled, and fell off the back. He attempted to crawl away with two broken legs. Meanwhile, Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck had been caught up under the wheels and then flew off and hit Ron in the face. Ron cursed. The bus driver, seeing Harry Potter was still alive, went back and backed over him.
Repeatedly.
***
One Week Later
Harry Potter was lying in bed with a full body cast and a lobotomy.
"Why did you give him a lobotomy?" Hermione asked.
"I dunno," Ron said. "It was a two for one deal."
"Really? Who else got one?"
Ron looked at her, and snapped his fingers. Two men in white came and dragged Hermione away kicking and screaming.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!!!!!"
Meanwhile, Alice in California was at home making-out with Oliver Wood from the movie.
Disclaimer: I won Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck, but not Harry Potter.
Summary: Read it.
Harry Potter and the Invisible Pedestrian
One day, Harry Potter realized he needed to go out and buy some crap. He looked around his stuff, trying to figure out what to buy. Finally he realized he had lost his favorite stuffed cat named Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck, whom he had named after his new favorite movie (move over, Freddy Got Fingered!) - Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back.
After he had gotten some of his money together, he went and found Ron and Hermione. They were busy yelling at each other.
"Goddammitfuckshitbloodyhell!" Ron cursed.
"Well, if you would just do whatever I say and accept me as your omnipotent, omniscient ruler, then we wouldn't be having this fight!"
"Shitfuckdamn, fuckyou, bitch! Bloodyhell!" Ron cursed again. "Wait," he said. "You said impotent."
" . . . No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"No, I didn't! I said omnipotent!"
Harry fell down. Then he got back up again. Once he had their attention, he said, "Want to go shopping with me? I need to buy a new Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck."
"Okay!" Hermione said.
"Fuckin' hell, okay!" Ron said.
They both stared at Ron.
"Hey, Harry!" Hermione said. "You're in your pajamas!" He was wearing too small pajamas with feet with a picture of the Monkees on the front.
"So I am! Better go get dressed then!" Harry said, then left. He couldn't find any other clothes than black pants, a black shirt, black shoes, and a black ski mask. He put it all on, even the ski mask because it was very cold outside.
"Hey! Harry looks like an Invisible Pedestrian!" Ron said, then added in a curse word. "Fuck."
"A what now?" Hermione asked.
"You know, when someone dresses in black, crosses the street, and then cars can't see them! They're Invisible Pedestrians!"
"Well, I won't get hit by a car! I'm a wizard!"
"Well, you might if you don't suspect it . . . Dammit."
Everyone stared at Ron.
Five minutes later, they crossed the street to Diagon Alley. It was night time by the then. They brought Hedwig and Scabbers just for the hell of it and because Scabbers was going crazy. And they brought Hedwig because they thought the owl might eat him and cough up some cool looking owl pellets and because Ron didn't like him.
Ron cursed.
Once Harry crossed the street all by himself without getting hit by a car, he said, "BOO YEAH! IN YOUR FACE!" and walked away smugly. Hedwig, flying close behind him, suddenly veered off and ran into a pole.
Everyone stared at Hedwig's unmoving body. Then they kept walking again. Finally they got to the toy store and Harry selected a medium sized white kitty that resembled the white cat from Aristocrats, complete with necklade. It was curled up with it's head lifted. Harry payed for it with some sickles and knuts and walked away. Once he was out of the store, he dubbed it Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck the Second and bit it's head off.
"Why the fuck did you do that?!" Ron yelled.
Hermione made goldfish type movements with her mouth as she stared down into her hands at the stuffed cat's head.
"Now it looks like the OLD Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck!" Harry explained.
"Ahhh," everyone said, nodding.
The three of them crossed the street. Harry skipped into the street first because he was so excited about buying a new Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck. Suddenly there were a flash of large headlights a bus sped toward him. He didn't even have time to jump out of the way. The bus hit him head on and he went flying up onto the top, rolled, and fell off the back. He attempted to crawl away with two broken legs. Meanwhile, Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck had been caught up under the wheels and then flew off and hit Ron in the face. Ron cursed. The bus driver, seeing Harry Potter was still alive, went back and backed over him.
Repeatedly.
***
One Week Later
Harry Potter was lying in bed with a full body cast and a lobotomy.
"Why did you give him a lobotomy?" Hermione asked.
"I dunno," Ron said. "It was a two for one deal."
"Really? Who else got one?"
Ron looked at her, and snapped his fingers. Two men in white came and dragged Hermione away kicking and screaming.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!!!!!"
Meanwhile, Alice in California was at home making-out with Oliver Wood from the movie.