Based on this ask: sadgourmet . tumblr(.com) post /129077298140 /what-if-when-haise-remembers-tsukiyama-its-only
Also I literally wrote this for about half an hour and I am very tired and it is 1 am
Tsukiyama can't help himself.
He so desperately wants Kaneki back.
So when he meets Haise once again, he asks him out for coffee. Nothing too fancy, just a coffee.
Haise accepts.
Tsukiyama takes him to a place neither of them have been to before. It is a small, cozy cafe, with light yellow walls and white flowers (lily of the valley) on each table. Their fragrance fills the air softly.
The two have a light conversation, love and happiness take Tsukiyama's breath away.
It's been so very long since he could speak to Kaneki, and he doesn't remember when he last got to talk so lightly and calmly with him over coffee.
Rather, he remembers, but he is so ashamed; so regretful.
Suddenly the cafe isn't so warm, so bright.
The flowers wilt.
Haise remembers too.
His eyes widen with fear. He breaks the cup in his hand, making it bleed and covering it in the hot liquid.
He pulls out a handkerchief, he needs to help him- But Tsukiyama realises far too late that this series of actions feels familiar to him.
To both of them.
Except last time Tsukiyama was the one breaking the cup.
And then he pulled out the handkerchief to get a... taste of Kaneki.
Tsukiyama sees all the ways he's hurt Kaneki in Haise's eyes, and he knows he remembers the things Tsukiyama so desperately wants to forget.
Kaneki won't ever trust him again.
Tsukiyama got up from his half-awake state. He stood up on his unsteady legs to walk around the room.
How he longed to talk to Kaneki again, the real Kaneki, not this Sasaki persona.
But every single scenario he could envision ended with him somehow hurting Kaneki.
He realised he couldn't bring up the happiness in their past without stirring up the tragedy and pain that accompanied Kaneki like a loyal dog.
Perhaps...
Perhaps he had to let Kaneki go for now.
Live as Haise.
If it meant Kaneki would he safe and happy, Tsukiyama could endure anything.
Lily of the valley means "you made my life complete", and it symbolises return of happiness and healing.