Okay so, I was shocked really, with what happened to Lexa. What happened to Clexa and how much this is going to hurt Clarke now. 307 really shook me, happy beyond belief one second then crushed to pieces the next. Heartache or what?! Anyway, so I decided to write this. Quite a lot more intimacy and a much better outcome for our heroes. There's lots of feelings in this but no heartbreak, don't worry!
I hope this makes you feel a little happier, maybe? Yeah and I know it sucks we yet again have to turn to fanfiction to get our happy endings. Just like always, huh? But yeh, thanks as always for your support guys, and I promise I WILL be updating Beneath the Betrayal! That's gunna turn into an epic, just wait and see ;) Please leave a review and let me know what you think of this, and come say hi on twitter or tumblr.
Enjoy :)
"We don't have to talk at all."
Lexa beamed. The smile overtaking her face, seeping through every inch of her expression and taking root in her eyes. Clarke thought she looked beautiful, probably for the millionth time since the moment she entered Lexa's room and caught sight of her. She was everything she thought Lexa would be; tender, gentle, loving. In fact she was more than that, much more. The way Lexa had looked at her took her breath away, much like she was doing now but for very different reasons and the way Lexa touched her, well, it was like magic.
Lexa pushed herself up and moved toward Clarke, leaning over her and Clarke's arm wrapped around her, holding her close as Lexa kissed her. Softly of course, and gently as Clarke had come to know Lexa liked to. Her hand slipped into Lexa's hair so she could pull her closer, her fingers pressing into the skin at the top of her neck as a thought went to what the Commander would be like if she was just that. Commanding, dominating, and a low moan was lost into Lexa's lips at the very idea.
She would find out. She knew she would but for now she wanted the Commander like this, soft and slow and exploring her little by little. Inch by inch. She bit on Lexa's lower lip, holding it possessively between her own as Lexa pulled away a little, her green eyes lidded and heavy as they opened to take in the face below her.
When Clarke released her lip she smirked, one side of her mouth quirking up as she knew, after only this time spent together in Lexa's bed that the Commander was fully aware of the thing Clarke had for that lip. She had bitten it enough, sucked it into her mouth enough and traced her tongue over it far too many times for her not to know, and so Lexa smirked a little in return.
Clarke didn't even have to open her eyes to know, and instead she just arched her back slightly so she could feel more of Lexa's body against her own, the warmth seeping down and penetrating her skin and then she tugged on Lexa's neck some more, to bring her lips back closer. "Put your tongue in my mouth," she whispered softly, her voice husky and scratchy and all Lexa could do was swallow deeply, her heart quick to begin its thudding again before she complied.
She closed the space left between them and captured Clarke's lips in a full, deep kiss, swiping her tongue into Clarke's waiting mouth. The rushing was back, thick in her ears and hot behind her eyes. She felt warm everywhere and the way Clarke held onto her was something she never thought she'd know. She never thought she'd have this, that her time for love was over or at least, being loved in return was but it wasn't true. Clarke was here and Clarke wanted her and the emotions Lexa felt over the last hour or so were ones she had long since given up on ever experiencing again. She never wanted this to end; she had to hold onto it for as long as she could as the very idea of Clarke leaving caused a fissure to open up in her chest, threatening to consume her. So Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, pressed her body fully against Clarke's and struggled to swallow the lump that formed in her throat. With it she swallowed back a moan and kissed Clarke with fervour. With heat and a kind of devotion she knew she wouldn't be able to express in any other way. Her thigh tensed and pressed ardently between Clarke's legs as she pushed the rest of her weight down on her forearms at either side of Clarke's head.
Lexa moaned into Clarke's mouth as Clarke sucked on her tongue. As Clarke wrapped her free leg around Lexa's hip and rocked her hips upwards, grinding herself against Lexa's thigh. It made the Commander breathless. It made her heart pound and she couldn't concentrate on anything, nothing aside from these sensations and how Clarke was digging her nails into her shoulders.
After what felt like a lifetime and at the same time, no time at all Lexa broke the kiss and gasped for air. She sucked in a breath as Clarke clung to her; letting out a long, deep moan like she couldn't get enough, and Lexa had to open her eyes. She had to see the need on Clarke's face, she had to see how much she wanted her because she needed to remember it and Clarke's expression didn't disappoint.
Clarke's brow was furrowed, her eyes were deep and dark and she blinked furiously, her lips parted just a little and her tongue ran over them as if to remember Lexa's taste. Suddenly Clarke didn't want slow. Suddenly she wanted the Commander to fuck her senseless because she didn't know when they'd get the chance to again. She wanted the Commander on her and in her and she wanted it now.
Lexa met Clarke's gaze for a moment, noting the sudden darkness to her eyes and her change in demeanour. Clarke looked impatient and she took in the look of sheer desperation that crept into every inch of her face. The way her lips gasped in breath after breath and the way her brow furrowed in something a lot like need. Lexa could sense it and so she lowered her lips to Clarke's shoulder as she groaned into her warmth and scent and the very taste of the skin of the woman she loved, pressing her face and lips finally into Clarke's neck.
Clarke automatically turned her head in the opposite direction as her eyes fell closed, a moan escaping her throat as she offered up as much skin as possible for Lexa to explore. There was suddenly a thudding against her ribcage that was difficult to ignore. A fire in her belly that had already been satisfied but suddenly wanted satisfying again. She tingled everywhere, longed for Lexa to touch her every inch and her desire for the Commander, for the woman above her to take her to the brink and back only mounted with each passing second. This woman who commanded armies. Who knew war and pain and suffering just as much as she did if not more yet here she was, in her purest form, vulnerable, naked and letting herself love and it was beautiful. Clarke knew she was beautiful and she was getting more and more convinced with each touch of Lexa's fingers and every press of her lips that she wouldn't be able to let her go.
Lexa basked in the taste of Clarke's skin. She wanted to drown in it as she pressed messy kisses along the column of her throat. She bit it, licked over it, and sucked on the skin leaving several red marks in her wake. She loved how Clarke moved beneath her, how she responded to her attack on her throat. How she moaned and how she breathed and how her one hand was lost in and tugging on her hair. She was gasping encouragement, telling her never to stop and the way Clarke said her name in that deep, gravelly way only turned her on more.
As Lexa worked at Clarke's neck she rolled her hips, bearing down and pushing her thigh to exactly where Clarke needed it. She could feel how wet she was, how ready, and everything about Clarke told Lexa she was aching to be touched. She slipped her weight to the right, leaning more so on her side as her hip met the furs on the bed. Her left hand began its descent down Clarke's body, remembering the places where she liked to be touched and teased most. She continued licking along Clarke's neck and she breathed out hotly against her skin as Clarke ran her nails down her back.
Lexa gasped as she lifted her head, groaning as the sensation sent a ripple of satisfaction coursing through her body. Her core clenched and her muscles shook, the pleasure shooting along her spine and firing along her nerve endings. Her eyes flashed open for a moment, the light of the room almost blinding as her mind replayed images of Clarke's body from before. Of her face as she came and of the sounds she made. Of the heated pleas that fell from her lips as she got closer and closer to release. Lexa had to bite it back, hold it in, the anticipation of what she wanted to do and how Clarke would respond making her blood thunder underneath her skin.
Clarke was still moaning under her breath, rubbing herself against Lexa's thigh as she held the Commander as close to her as she possibly could. It was torture, Lexa thought, but of the best possible kind. Every inch of her was hot and Lexa had never wanted anyone as much as she wanted Clarke.
Clarke quickly turned her head so their foreheads were touching, so their lips were mere millimetres apart and her hand gripped the back of Lexa's neck again, erasing the distance and crashing their lips together in a maddened, passionate rush.
They kissed desperately, to match the fervour running through Clarke's mind and then she felt Lexa's hand inch lower so she arched her body into it, kissing her harder and breathing like air was in short supply.
Lexa tried to pull out of Clarke's grip but she wouldn't let her. As much as she wanted to kiss Clarke she wanted her lips on her skin more, drawing pleasure from every part of her body that she could.
"Stay here," Clarke uttered, more than a little breathlessly. She swallowed as Lexa looked at her, her hands back in Lexa's hair and pressing into the back of her neck. When Clarke spoke again her voice was little more than a rumble. "I want you to stay here," she continued, as Lexa's forehead met hers again. "I want you to look at me."
The tug in Lexa's chest was like her heart had fallen out of it and landed firmly in Clarke's. It lunged, and the pull she felt was immeasurable. She knew before this moment she would do whatever Clarke asked of her, and she wasn't about to stop that now. She forced a shaky breath past her parted lips and shifted her weight again, Clarke's hands linking around her neck as her fingers traced past Clarke's navel.
Clarke gasped, her chest hitching as her head came up off the furs. Her neck was rigid, her body quickly tense as Lexa's fingertips moved over her clit, eliciting a shot of pleasure that rifled through her and hit every sensitive part of her on its way to her brain and back again. She groaned out loud as the back of her head hit the furs, her toes curling and her leg instinctively falling to the side to allow Lexa more access. She bit on her lip almost painfully and angled her hips up as much as she could to press herself more fully against Lexa's fingers.
Lexa dropped a kiss to Clarke's swollen lips, her weight now completely on her one side and forearm as she kept her body as close to Clarke's as she could. The way Clarke was clinging to her meant she wanted contact, needed it, even, and now Lexa had experienced it there was nothing she loved more than the feeling of Clarke's naked body moving against hers. Under hers, on top of hers, whichever it was it didn't matter and when Clarke spoke to her when she was like this, it pretty much made Lexa fall apart at the seams.
"Fuck, Lexa, touch me," Clarke forced, the tiniest of spaces left between their lips. "Please," she moaned, "inside."
Lexa hurried her rhythm against Clarke's clit for just a moment, the rumble in her own throat at the words making Clarke gyrate against her even more. Lexa was certain she had lost all sense of time and space. Her mind was swimming, cloudy and blurry and so bright like everything was white hot with the furnace they were creating. She was burning up, inexplicably so and her skin tingled and pulsed every time Clarke moved against her. Every time her hands gripped at her harder and every time she gasped and sent a puff of air hot and heavy into Lexa's shoulder.
She couldn't wait anymore. Lexa slid two fingers into Clarke and she felt the world envelope in on itself, Clarke's gasp and accompanying groan reverberating down her spine. Lexa clenched her teeth and tucked her head tight in just above Clarke's shoulder, her lips parted and her chest panting like she had spent the whole day training with her fiercest warriors.
Clarke was so soft, so, so warm and so inviting and the way she immediately clenched around Lexa's fingers was almost soul destroying. It wasn't the first time, of course, but it was the first time like this. The first time it was this desperate and needy and verging on frantic and Lexa wanted a load more first times with Clarke, for as long as she possibly could. She swallowed at the thought, kept her eyes pressed closed and started a hard, fast rhythm that met Clarke's pleas and the hurried canting of her hips.
"Yes!" Clarke exclaimed as soon as she felt Lexa's fingers enter her and she gripped onto them tightly, as if it had been far longer since the last time they had been there. Lexa's fingers were amazing, Clarke was realising, and all that time she had spent previously trying not to get caught staring at them, pondering just how far they could reach within her was definitely, she thought, not time wasted. She loved Lexa's tongue as well, it having explored her thoroughly the last time but this time, she just wanted Lexa's fingers and she wanted them hard and fast, and deep. She wanted to look into Lexa's soft green eyes when she came and she wanted to know, she wanted to feel it scorched into her mind forever what this meant and she knew in that moment, Lexa's eyes would tell her.
"Harder, Lexa...fuck," Clarke demanded, and felt the Commander immediately deepen her thrusts and hold her fingers within her longer as she curled them before repeating it all over again. She held onto Lexa's shoulders tighter, her fingertips pushing into her skin with all her might as she arched her back, pulling Lexa's fingers in even deeper.
Clarke's head was tilted back on the pile of furs beneath her, her chin angled directly toward the ceiling as she sent gasp after gasp out into the vastness of the room. The feeling of Lexa filling her was incredible but she wanted more of it. She needed more, more of Lexa and having the Commander barely containing her own desire in at her shoulder was making her core tighten and coil madly.
"More," Clarke breathed hotly, all scratchy and rough. "Please, Lex... more..."
Lexa quickly added a third finger and Clarke went wild and it took all of Lexa's resolve to keep herself from losing control, too.
Clarke was moaning incoherently. Her hips bucking rapidly and haphazardly and it was a good job Lexa was pressed against her side and torso, otherwise she wouldn't be grounded at all. The feeling of warmth was all consuming, fluttering the length of her body in waves as she felt herself get higher and higher, her orgasm in sight but just out of reach. Lexa's incessant pounding within her was pushing her closer, her teeth scratching and pulling at her neck only magnifying it making Clarke shudder in the most monumental of ways, over and over again. It was without a doubt the best sex Clarke had ever experienced, and there was no way she wanted it to end.
Lexa could feel Clarke was on the verge. Their encounter before letting her know the warning signs. Clarke was clenching, hard, not flexing but clenching and her lower back was off the bed, pressing her every inch flush against Lexa's body. Her lips were panting out Lexa's name intermittently, breathlessly at first but firmer now. Louder, and Clarke was holding her closer, hugging her as much as was possible so Lexa couldn't move her head even if she wanted to.
Lexa was struggling to hold it together, the tension in her gut so taut it was threatening to snap so she growled, low and deep in her chest as she focused her attention, closing her lips over Clarke's pulse point and sucking on it hard as she released the rumble into Clarke's skin.
Clarke was about to burst. She was seeing stars, biting on her bottom lip it was so raw and the dizzying intoxication of her release started to seep into her abdomen and spiral outwards. She yelled out, pulled her hands back and grabbed Lexa at either side of her face, forcing her lips from her neck with a heavy pop. "Look at me," Clarke gasped, her head coming up a little from the furs. Her brow creased with the intensity of what was starting to fire through her, her blood almost ready to pump out of her veins.
Lexa's face was flushed. Her eyes so dark Clarke couldn't see the green anymore. Complete desire and want was written in her expression and the look on Clarke's face made her feel like she could dissolve into nothing. Like she could melt right there into a pool of pure, wanton lust. Her heart was already in her throat, her ears thumping with what rushed through them and her eyes were now glistening, the sight of Clarke underneath her, writhing with such a look of ecstasy cresting in her features, such passion, devotion and ..love.. in her deep blue eyes Lexa felt like she could cry right there, right then. She swallowed it back and felt her own body shake, stocked full of endless emotion as she thrust her fingers harder, curled her fingers forward and probed that spot she knew would send Clarke reeling.
Clarke saw it all. Lexa's eyes so vulnerable in this moment, so wide and penetrating and they just laid everything bare. She felt it, as she stared determinedly into blown-wide pupils and it was enough. It was everything and so with one more cant of her hips, one more squeeze as she clamped down around Lexa's fingers she screamed out into the room, her hands slipping back to the Commander's shoulders and digging her nails in as she came hard. Longer and harder than she ever had before and she felt her release gush out and coat Lexa's hand and wrist.
"Fuck, Lexa yes! Fuck!" The words resounded in Lexa's ears and the way they were choked out felt amazing. As did the press of Clarke's chest as she gulped in breath after breath, the feeling of her fingers holding onto her so tightly as Clarke rode out wave after wave of pleasure as it surged through her, undoubtedly the best thing Lexa could ever remember feeling.
Lexa took a look at Clarke's face, at her brow as it lost its dogged furrow and her closed eyes as they slowly become more relaxed. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were parted and Lexa thought she had never seen her so beautiful. Last time she hadn't been in such a position to be able to take this in properly so, she basked in it and committed it to memory; the expression of the woman she loved as she came.
Once Clarke's body began to uncoil, each part of her unwinding as the moments passed Lexa slowly withdrew her fingers and Clarke released a satiated whine as she did but Lexa continued to ease her through her orgasm. Stroking her gently and lovingly as she lowered her forehead to Clarke's shoulder once more, her breaths still coming quite rapidly so she took some deep breaths to calm her chest, her eyes squeezing closed as she tried to process everything she was feeling. It was impossible, she knew, but the lazy smile that was touching her lips she had a suspicion she wouldn't be able to remove for some time. She felt blissful and content, and happier than she could ever remember. She never thought this time would come, but while it was here she was going to enjoy every last second of it.
Clarke took to stroking her fingertips idly up and across Lexa's back, her one hand running over the Commander's shoulder and the other playing at the base of her neck. After a good few minutes, longer even, perhaps, her eyes opened ever so slightly and light crept its way in. It was bright, and it was just how she felt. Bright and happy and so very, very, very satiated. That didn't even sum it up though, Clarke considered, as she felt more at peace than she ever had done even though their parting was galloping toward them at speed.
She chose to ignore it. To not let anything ruin this tender, peaceful moment.
It took a while, but Clarke felt Lexa's shoulders stop their heavy rise and fall and then she felt her nuzzle into her neck and place chaste kisses along the column of her throat. It made Clarke immediately grin, her eyes closing again as her hand ran up the back of Lexa's neck and got lost in her hair, her other hand dropping to Lexa's upper arm and she started to absently trace the ridges of her tattoo.
Lexa settled a little more fully over Clarke, careful though not to apply too much pressure to anywhere that may be too sensitive. Their legs though remained entwined together, Clarke's foot slowly nudging into the side of Lexa's that was resting between hers.
The Commander sighed as her kisses reached the side of Clarke's jaw, her gaze once more falling across Clarke's serene expression.
Clarke met Lexa's eyes and her grin nearly fell off the sides of her face. The heaviness of their passion was still residing there Clarke could see, but the colour was starting to seep back in. The green was starting to return. It was dark, but it was there and Clarke could only hold it for a moment before she cut her attention away and to her fingers that were dancing over the Commander's arm. It was too much, for right then. What they'd just shared and so Clarke bit on her lip, just a little.
Lexa found it adorable but didn't say anything. Instead she clamped her teeth gently onto Clarke's jaw and then let it go, nipping at her in every sense of the word and it made Clarke chuckle a little, at the playfulness of it. Clarke couldn't believe Lexa could be like this, to be honest, and it astounded her that this was what the great Heda was like, underneath her layers of armour and stripped completely bare. She liked it.
No, she loved it.
Lexa smiled and it was like her smile from earlier. Only bigger, and her lips curled up a little more at one side than the other.
Clarke caught it and pushed against Lexa's collar bone, slightly. "You're looking smug, Heda," she stated quietly, a smile coating her own words, too. Her voice was hoarse, though, and it sent a shiver down Lexa's neck and into her spine.
Lexa settled on her elbow a little, taking more of her weight off Clarke and getting a little more comfy. She looked at Clarke even though Clarke wasn't looking at her. She was tracing her collar bone now with her index finger and her blue eyes followed its gentle movement. "I am not smug," Lexa responded after a moment or so, more breath than actual voice.
Clarke smirked, a bit, and then turned her eyes to Lexa. "So what's this on your face, then?"
Lexa swallowed and held Clarke's gaze, an overwhelming sense of tenderness washing over her that she hadn't felt since Costia. Since their early times together when Lexa was much younger, naive, and much more open to things like being ridiculously in love. It was a thing for youths, Lexa thought. People who didn't lead nations and who hadn't seen war and death and destruction. People who hadn't commanded such things and ended lives as easily as she picked up a sword. The thing was though, the feeling didn't go away. Not even when those things crossed her mind. When the images flashed behind her eyes but were quickly chased away again. It was silly, but she felt like she had only lived sixteen summers and her heart hadn't known such tragedies. That her mind didn't know what a hard choice looked like. That life was there for the taking, with the woman in front of her destined to play a massive part.
Lexa swallowed again and a level of sincerity crossed her face that Clarke couldn't quite believe. "I am happy," Lexa said, and just like that the Commander of thirteen clans, the one who fought wars and struck men down who were three times her size, this fierce and ruthless and seemingly emotionless leader was able to shatter Clarke's heart, with those three simple words.
Clarke was in love. She knew she was. She knew she had fallen hard and without warning, or perhaps that wasn't exactly true but Clarke had tried to ignore it nonetheless. It hadn't worked, and she didn't want it to, not now. She couldn't even if she wanted to.
Clarke moved her hand to the side of Lexa's neck and caressed the underside of her jaw with her thumb. Her eyes stinging a little as she felt the heat ball in her chest and a lump form in her throat. "So am I," she whispered, not being able to move her eyes from Lexa's lips.
Lexa leaned down and kissed her, then, softly and slowly and with none of the urgency from before. It felt like a confession, and when she drew back Clarke held onto that plump lower lip of hers before it fell naturally from between her own.
"What if we make a better plan?" Lexa asked, and now her tone was firmer. Not by much, and there was a tremble to her words but they had more authority behind them, and Clarke felt a small shiver ripple just beneath her skin.
Clarke cleared her throat, a little. A shallow furrow crossing her brow. "A better plan?" Both of her hands begun running over Lexa's shoulders, her fingertips trailing the contours all the way to the dip at the base of her neck and back again.
"Yes," Lexa replied softly, her eyes taking on more of a determined look. She knew what she wanted, and she wasn't about to let it leave her bed.
Clarke knew what she was asking. Of course she did and she knew Lexa would wait patiently and silently for her response. She knew exactly where it was coming from, too. She didn't want to leave either, she hadn't before this to be honest and she couldn't imagine being with anyone other than the Commander, and she definitely couldn't imagine being on her opposing side. That would be unacceptable so she definitely wanted another plan.
It was difficult, though. She couldn't abandon her people. Not again, and she couldn't let Octavia down. She couldn't let Pike go on as Chancellor and she needed to help bring it all to an end and she knew Lexa understood that. The furrow in her brow intensified and she shifted a little, under the weight of the Commander's stare. "But..." and then she sighed.
"It is too late, Clarke," Lexa spoke up, as it seemed Clarke wasn't able to add more words to that lowly one. She could sense Clarke's uncertainty too, and she knew it had little to do with her and everything to do with her people. She swallowed heavily and her gaze wavered, for a moment, and then the sincerity was back as thickly as before. The strength of their connection and the prospect of losing it swarming with heat at the very tip of Lexa's chest and billowing outwards. "I am yours."
Clarke met her gaze and she couldn't escape it. The pull was too great and her heart immediately felt a deft tug, anchoring itself to the woman over her. Head or heart, Clarke's mind was screaming at her. Head or heart. Lexa or no Lexa.
The Commander's bottom lip trembled as she breathed. "I love you."
Clarke's eyes suddenly stung, her chest thumping once again and she was amazed, really, the strength of the reactions Lexa was causing within her. She felt breathless and she felt the emotion pouring off the Commander as the confession spilled from her lips and assaulted her senses. Clarke had never felt like this in her life and the feelings gripped at her and for a moment, she had to close her eyes. She squeezed them tight as her chest took in a shuddering breath, her hands now flat and her fingers clenched over the curves of Lexa's shoulders.
Then Clarke was nodding, her throat raw and her expression crumpling before somehow, miraculously, she was able to straighten it out again. She opened her eyes and met Lexa's flooded, shining greens. "I want another plan."
Lexa's lips took a moment before a smile formed but before the emotion could spill down her cheeks she leaned in and captured Clarke's lips again, sealing their fate with a solidifying, lingering kiss.
Clarke felt relief. She felt it course through her and leave her lightheaded, Lexa's warm body and warm lips taking all of her uncertainty away. Some days ago she had said she didn't know where home was, but now she knew.
It took a good few moments but the kiss started to spiral into something else. Quickly it was heated, quickly Lexa's tongue was swiping across Clarke's bottom lip and quickly Clarke granted her access, losing her hands in the Commander's hair once more.
Clarke tugged on Lexa's hair, forcing Lexa's lips closer and she held her as if her life depended on it and then Lexa groaned. She groaned and it was loud and deep and almost guttural and it made Clarke's blood soar.
It sparked something deep inside Clarke and she rolled them over, her thigh pressing between Lexa's legs instantly and she unabashedly applied some heavy pressure. Lexa's eyes fluttered closed and her heart jumped to her throat. She gasped under her breath and felt that familiar surge of pleasure sweep through her again.
Clarke attacked Lexa's neck, nipping and sucking at her skin and it made Lexa writhe beneath her. Clarke decided she loved Lexa this way. Well, she loved her all ways but having the Commander on her back and completely at her mercy thrilled her more than anything else. It was her new favourite thing.
Clarke began kissing down Lexa's chest and went a bit slower as she approached the valley between her breasts, sucking the skin gently and running the tip of her tongue over where the flesh began to swell.
Lexa sighed as she felt Clarke's fingers trace the dips between her ribs and she couldn't help the words that fell from her lips, happy beyond measure that Clarke was prepared to stay. "We will definitely make a new plan."
The words drifted above both of them and floated away but it made Clarke think of something. She pulled her lips away as her fingers stilled their movement. "Octavia..." she whispered, the skin of her bottom lip worrying between her teeth.
Lexa opened her eyes and quickly wondered why that was the name Clarke was saying. She looked down and saw the troubled look in Clarke's eyes so she lifted herself up a little on one elbow, the concern quick to cover her face.
Clarke looked at her, then. "Sorry, it's just.. she'll still be waiting for me."
Lexa's eyebrow twitched, partly in surprise and partly because she knew how Clarke's mind worked. She knew what else she would be thinking. When she spoke her tone was as gentle as possible. "You believe Octavia is still here?"
Clarke stared into Lexa's warm gaze and it was a moment before the Commander's meaning sunk in. It had been, well, ages since Clarke came to say goodbye. There was no way they'd get behind the blockade before dawn even if she was going to leave. Obviously Octavia left without her, and her friend's certain disappointment made Clarke's heart drop. She nodded minutely and then her gaze dropped to Lexa's shoulders.
Lexa reached out with her other hand then and carefully cupped her cheek, the pad of her thumb rubbing against the line of her jaw. It didn't make Clarke look at her, though. "It will be okay, Clarke," Lexa said, with as much certainly as she could inject into it. "You are not abandoning your people."
Clarke scoffed a little and it was a moment or so before her eyes turned back on Lexa who was regarding her with a schooling look. Clarke pulled her lips into a thin line. "Aren't I?"
Lexa angled Clarke's jaw up so she couldn't look away. This was one of the reasons she loved Clarke. Her fierce duty to her people reminded her of her own and that made her consider how she would be feeling if the situations were reversed. She had a job to do here to convince Clarke that her faith wasn't misplaced, that Lexa would assist in the downfall of Pike and lead to the safety of her people. She knew she had to do a better job of convincing her own people that Skaikru could be trusted, but all that started with the end of Pike's rule.
Lexa's face took on a look of steely determination, much more like the Commander when Clarke first met her. "No. We will make a better plan, Clarke. Your people will overthrow Pike and we will help them."
Clarke wanted to be sure. If she was going to stay, she needed to know. "What about Titus?"
Lexa glanced away, forcing a heavy breath out through her nose. Titus was taking liberties, this she knew. He was as much a teacher to her as anyone had been in her life, but if he wasn't respecting and supporting her commands then he wasn't doing his job. His constant disapproval of her decisions lately could not go unnoticed. "I will handle Titus," she responded darkly.
Clarke shifted, a little to the side to recapture Lexa's gaze. "He won't want me here-"
"-Titus will do as I say." She would make him. She was Heda after all, not him.
Clarke clenched her jaw, her head bobbing forwards, just a little.
Lexa's tone was firm but not unkind and when she saw Clarke's expression the Commander softened immediately, her demeanour returning to exactly what is was when Clarke was tracing her tattoos. Lexa raised her arms and placed the palms of her hands against Clarke's collar bones, her fingers lightly pressing into the skin of her shoulders.
Lexa swallowed, not worried that Clarke would change her mind but her chest hurt nonetheless for the pain Clarke was feeling. "Stay with me," Lexa whispered, and Clarke moved closer so her forehead hovered somewhere just above Lexa's nose. Her gaze though was focused on the gentle curve of the Commander's jaw. Her lips as they moved when she spoke. "Wake up with me in the morning and we will do whatever it takes." Lexa felt more confident now, more at ease in voicing her want for such a thing. She had not asked anything of Clarke until this moment but Clarke was here, in her bed, lying on top of her and making no moves to go. She was conflicted, though, torn in two and Lexa could see it as she knew that emotion very, very well.
They had given themselves to each other and it was perfect and Lexa wasn't prepared to let it slip through her fingers. She would walk up to Pike and end it herself. She would rip the gates from Arkadia's walls and knock each dissenter to the ground before she let Clarke walk away from her.
Clarke had been right, all those months ago, life was about more than just surviving and the Commander had decided without Clarke, that's all she would be doing. She was certain Clarke felt it too, in the way that she touched her and kissed her and looked at her, and especially in the way she couldn't look at her now.
Lexa ran her thumb to just underneath the edge of Clarke's jaw and pushed it up, making her glassy blue eyes meet hers once more. The Commander's voice was low when she spoke and it rumbled, injected with every ounce of meaning she could find. "We will find a way, you and I, and we will bring peace."
Clarke had already made up her mind. She didn't want to admit it as much as she did want to admit it and she swallowed the burden heavily. She felt her eyes sting with it and her chest begin its slow, dull ache. Her brow furrowed, a little. "I want to stay," she said with gravel laced in her tone. "I must return to Arkadia, though."
There was a beat before Lexa nodded, her fingertips slowly kneading Clarke's skin in a soothing motion. "You will, and I will be with you."
Clarke's eyes focused on Lexa's deep greens, the confidence in them unwavering. Clarke swallowed and it scratched her throat. "Promise?"
Lexa blinked, a good few times, her tongue ghosting over her lips. "Trust me?"
Clarke leaned forwards not being able to stop herself anymore. She was in this with Lexa now, and she trusted her with her life. With the lives of her people as much as she never, ever thought that she would. She had to though, if this was going to work and she gave up questioning. She gave up resisting and decided to give up everything until after they woke up, whenever that may be. That was when they would decide on a new course of action but for now, all there was, was Lexa's lips. Lexa's fingers, and her breath on Clarke's neck as she came.
"Yes," Clarke replied before she met her lips, her eyes closing as she kissed the Commander like there was nothing else in the world aside from the two of them, this bed, and this moment. "Always."