If Only Tears

By Shaz

Rating G

Disclaimer None of the characters belong to me they are all the property of the The Bill and the actors that portray them. The song also does not belong to me!

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If Only Tears

Dead? How can she be dead? She is always so vibrant and full of life, clear blue eyes dancing when she laughs and fully alight when she smiles. She can't be gone, we have gone through far too much for her to leave me now, not like this. We are going to start again- move to Australia and start a new life. Together, just the two of us. What am I going to do now?

How will I start
Tomorrow without you here
Who's heart will guide me
When all the answers disappear

Smithy sat back in the small enclosed room that had been his so called home for the last week, it was Valentines this week and he was spending it alone in prison. He should have been spending it knowing that it was only a matter of months before he would be reunited with the one that he loved. He should have been looking forward to being back with the woman that had healed his heart after Kerry had ripped it from his chest, yet instead he was sat in a prison cell like a criminal, facing life for a murder he knew he could never have committed. For if he had killed Louise then he would surely have been dead too.

Is it too late
Are you too far gone to stay
This one's forever
Should never have to go away

One of the things that had hurt the worst was knowing that he couldn't even say goodbye. He was still partly convinced that his was a cruel joke and somewhere out there Louise was safe and well, he had been denied the right to see her at rest and wasn't allowed to attend her funeral. He shook his head to try and prevent the tears from falling. His heart had been ripped from him and stamped into the ground leaving behind a World of hurt. He knew that he would have been very happy with Louise- when they were together it was like they were one person, and now he felt empty and cold.


What will I do
You know I'm only half without you
How will I make it through

He was unable to prevent the tears from falling, it felt like all he did lately was cry alone in his prison. How apt when his whole life felt like he was restricted and locked away certainly from the love that he longed for anyway. With every tear that fell he wished it brought her closer- for if it did they would surely be back together now. He brought his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead against them as the sobs wretched his already weakened body.

If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me

Slowly he allowed his body to drift over to the side until he was laid out of his hard bunk, his body still curled around himself as if asking for protection against an invisible foe. The love that he felt for Louise was so strong, if there was a God it would have been enough for her to return. For her heart to beat again and her lungs to draw breath, for God's angels to gently carry the woman to his side. His love was strong enough for that, yet Smithy had stopped believing in God a long time ago, long before he finally got his freedom from his father. If God hadn't been there for him then all those years ago why would he be now?

I'd cry you an ocean
If you'd sail on home again
Wings of emotion
Will carry you, I know they can

Slowly he allowed his mind to drift to imagine how they would have been if fate hadn't stepped in the way. He imagined the family that they would have had and the love that would have grown stronger and stronger with every day. He imagined a life times worth of Valentine's days spent together- candle lit dinners and diamond rings. But none of that mattered because now he would never have any of it. He sighed as once more he was forced to blink back the moisture from his eyes. He looked up and blinked at the sudden bright light that filled his lonely cell.

Just light will guide you
And your heart will chart the course
Soon you'll be drifting
Into the arms of your true north

"Louise?" he gasped as he found the object of all of his hopes and dreams gazing back at him. Silently the glowing figure moved towards him, sitting beside him soundlessly, before reaching forward and looking straight into his shining eyes. He felt his breath hitch in his throat as a hand reached towards him and gently caressed his face, the movement causing more tears to fall down his pale cheeks. The palm rested against his cheek filling him with an overwhelming sense of love like he had never felt before.

Look in my eyes
And you will see a million tears have gone by
And still they're not dry

He twisted round so that he sat facing her, his eyes captured by her angelic beauty. Her pale skin was almost transparent in the bright light, and his heart skipped a beat, as she looked him in the eye. He sat dumbstruck for a moment and her lips turned up at the edges in a smile as she took in his appearance. Gently she placed a hand on his shoulders and pulled him until he was laying on her, she carefully manoeuvred his head so that it rested in her lap, and stroked his dark hair.

"Rest Dale" she whispered, and with a sigh of happiness he allowed his eyes to drift shut, feeling safer than he had in a long time.

If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me

Some hours later the police sergeant woke up, he blinked in confusion- his fuzzy mind struggling to remember what had happened. He allowed a smile to cover his face as memory caught up with him, the smile soon disappear as he noticed that the reason behind it had gone.

"Louise?" he whispered, realising that he was alone once more. He gasped when the figure appeared out of nowhere at his side. "I thought you'd left me" he whispered softly, as she once more approached him. She smiled once at him, pulling him towards her into a loving embrace. She gently stroked his hair to sooth his troubled mind, then carefully pushed him back out to arm's length, so that she could look directly into his face.

"I love you Dale, don't ever forget that" she told him, yet he could have sworn that he barely saw her lips move.

"Please don't go" he begged her, his tears once more threatening to choke him as his emotions overwhelmed him.

"I will never leave you Dale. I will always be watching you, I promise. I am sorry for everything that has happened but I am not sorry that I loved you" she told him, and he could no longer hold the tears at bay as she soothed all the guilt and the pain that he had been holding since he learnt of her death.

I hold you close
And shout the words I only whispered before
For one more chance, for one last dance
There's nothing that I would not give and more

"I'm sorry Louise" he whispered, his tears spilling down his pale tired face.

"Don't ever be sorry" she replied, her eyes locked onto his. "Do you love me Dale?" she asked softly- already knowing in her heart his answer.

"Of course, I have always loved you" he replied.

"Never apologise for loving someone" she told him. "Remember me here" she continued placing her hand on his chest. "But live your life" and with that she stepped back, backing away from him, her light fading as she did so. He moved forward not wanting her to leave. "Happy Valentine's Dale" she told him and reached for him one last time placing a soft kiss on his lips, Dale closed his eyes against her embrace willing himself to never forget the feeling of love and security that the kiss brought to him. When he opened his eyes he wasn't surprised to find Louise had gone, and he knew that he would never see her again- not in this life anyway. Yet somehow it didn't hurt as much as it did before. He reached his fingers up and carefully touched his lips where Louise had kissed him, he allowed a small grin to grace his handsome features.

"Happy Valentines Louise" he whispered, and somewhere up above him an angel smiled.

If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me

The end

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