It was funny how the most mundane thing was the one that sent her back to her vault. It wasn't the birth of her sister and her soulmate's baby. It wasn't her son choosing to stay with his biological mother even after she became the dark one. It wasn't even Roland calling that witch Auntie Lena. The thing that cut the deepest, was the announcement that the one handed wonder and the new dark one were expecting.
She smiled tightly as she wished them joy, but as soon as she could, she excused herself from the gathering at Granny's. With Robin, Roland and baby Eleanor living at her house, she headed to her vault. Her emotions were too unpredictable to be around other people.
It wasn't that she didn't know the day would come that Henry would have another natural sibling. It was just that it was so god damned unfair. First Mary Margaret, then Zelena, and now Emma, everyone had a baby of their own except her.
As much as she tried, as much as she cared for and loved the three children she thought of as her own, she knew that Roland and Eleanor would one day follow in Henry's foot steps and leave her.
Further more, though she forgave Robin for the things her had done in New York, they had never really talked about it. He had clearly said that he loved her. He had chosen her over the woman he thought was his wife, and then he had gone off and started a new life with her sister. Well, he didn't know it was her sister, but it still hurt. It still kept her up at night, wondering if he really loved her, then why had he moved on so quickly.
She certainly hadn't thought of anyone else while he was away, but then again he had been living with a women he thought was his wife. He had thought he would never be able to return to her. That was what she tried to tell herself, but a voice in her head said that he should have known she would find a way. He should have known that she would move heaven and earth to find him. The fact that he didn't wait, didn't trust in her, was just another brick in the wall she had once again begun to construct around her heart.
It was too hard. Too hard to watch everyone else live their happily ever after, knowing a piece of hers would always be missing. She would never feel the flutter of a child within her. She would never be able to look into a child's face and find her own features. She would always be waiting for them to say your not my real mother. You are not the one I really want.
She looked through spell books she had read cover to cover so many times, but they still didn't have the answers she was seeking. Slamming the book closed, she started to pace. Her hands flexed as balls of fire formed and then disappeared again. The waves of emotion crashed over her without giving her any chance to catch her breath. Jealousy, rage, hurt, betrayal, fear, and sadness swirled around her threatening to extinguish the light.
When he finally found her she was clutching the wall as she gasped for air. He called her name frantically, but it was only when his hand caught her arm the her eyes cleared.
"What do you want?" She growled in her classic Evil Queen voice, but the effect was diminished by a sputtering cough.
"You looked upset. I thought I'd better check in on you," he answered.
"And what gives you the right to be checking in on me?"
"I care about you, Regina. We all do. I saw that you were upset, and I wanted to make sure that you were okay, which you clearly are not," he said calmly, trying not to further enrage the former Queen.
"I'm fine," she sighed pushing off the wall and moving gracefully toward the door. "You should waste your concern on giving that new son in law of your's parenting lesson, instead of worrying about me."
It was a clear dismissal if ever Charming had heard one, but years of life with strong women had prepared him for this moment.
"Do you want to fight?" he asked, confusing her with his abrupt proposal.
"Fight?"
"Yeah, I find a good sword fight helps burn off the emotion so I can think more clearly," he nodded toward two swords in the corner of the room. She starred at him for a moment before a fencing foil appeared in each of their hands.
"So, we don't actually injure each other," she said in answer to his unasked question.
"No magic?" he said though it came out sounding like a question.
"Of course not, genius. This is just an exercise in stress release."
Without another word, she attacked. He was able to parry quickly though. He was surprised by her skill with a foil, but then again not. She was the kind of woman that could do anything she wanted to, but then he thought about what Snow had told him once. There was one thing she could never have, no matter how badly she wanted it. His heart broke for her. He had been given a second chance with Emma and in having Neal, but Regina would not be so lucky.
He let her keep fighting until they were both out of breath. When he saw her thrusts getting sloppy he allowed a jab to touch his abdomen, ending the game. With a swish of her hand their foils were replaced with glasses of wine. She sat in the only chair, while he rested on the stairs.
"Do you feel better now?" he asked once he felt calm again.
"No," she answered trying to hide the way her voice cracked.
Any other man who had to go searching for his girlfriend in a cemetery, and found her having a glass of wine with Prince Charming, both covered in sweat, might be angry, but Robin knew better. He trusted Regina implicitly. Whatever she and Charming had been up to didn't matter. What mattered was that as he walked down the familiar stone steps of her vault, he heard her broken voice say no.
Charming stood as he heard Robin approach. "I assume you can take it from here," the Prince asked. Robin gave him only the barest nod as he made his way to her. Charming had his own family to get home too.
"What is it, my love?" he asked.
She shook her head, plastering on a smile that he knew was fake. "It's nothing. Lets get home. It's a school night."
"I'm not leaving here until you tell me what has upset you Regina," his voice was firmer this time.
"I said it was nothing. I was just being silly. Now, lets go home," she growled, springing to her feet and stomping toward the door. Robin sat down in the chair she had just vacated.
"The children are asleep in their beds. Tink is minding them, and I want to know what you are so upset about that you are coming back here to avoid me again."
"Nothing!" she screamed the flames of the torches flickering to a dangerously large size.
"Yes, you don't seem upset at all, my dear. I don't know what I was thinking," he said calmly.
"Robin, I want to go home. I am tired, and this issue is not worth discussing."
"Well, I love you, Regina, and I think it is worth discussing."
"Do you?" she whispered.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"I said, do you love me, Robin? Do you really love me? Or is all this just a way for you to try and keep me from going back to the darkness?"
"Regina? What are you even… of course I… is that what you really… where is this even coming from?" he mumbled, too many thoughts bouncing around in his head as he tried to understand what she was talking about.
"Nowhere. It was nothing, just forget I asked," she sighed, once again turning for the stairs.
"It's not nothing, Regina. Its not nothing when you are accusing me of using you,' he yelled, grabbing her arm.
"You wouldn't be the first," she shrugged. He released her arm like it was on fire.
"I want to understand, my love, but you are not giving me much to go on. I thought you were happy. I thought having the children and I in your life made you happy?" he asked sadly wondering where he' d gone wrong.
"I am happy, Robin, I love you and the children, but I just don't understand…"
"What? Tell me?" he begged.
"I don't understand how you could love me, choose me and two months later be having a child with her," she explained, turning her back so that she didn't have to look into his eyes when he knew that he was caught.
The silence stretched between them as he tried to think of something to say. He had hoped that this day would never come, some how he had known it would. If he was honest, he had expected it long before now. Part of him wondered what had sent her down this trail they had left untouched for so long.
What was different about today? They woke, made breakfast together, walked Roland to school, she took Eleanor with her to the office while he patrolled the forest. It was a normal day minus Hook and Emma's announcement at Granny's, but what did that have to do with this.
"I'm sorry I hurt you," he sighed.
"I see," she choked, her hands flying into the air, and in an instant he knew she was room and grabbed her before she could disappear in a puff of smoke. When they reappeared on a cliff he had never seen she immediately turned on him. "You can't just jump into my spells, Robin. You are lucky there aren't bits of you scattered for miles!"
"And you can't just run away every time we have to face something hard," he answered wit equal fire.
"You can have that house, it was too much space for just me anyway," she said tightly, blinking a little too often.
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't have to feel tied to me, Robin. We missed our chance all those years ago. The rest was just me grasping at a life I will never have. It was my fault, but I won't let the darkness in again. You don't have to stay with me. I can do just fine on my own."
"Are you completely out of your head, Woman?"
"No," she replied confidently. "No, I am quite sure that I finally see the situation as is. What we felt was just the residual magic of two people once connected by fate. I should never have believed otherwise."
"You are well and truly out of your mind, Regina. I have loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you, both times. I know that I hurt you, but all this nonsense is just that, nonsense. When I left for New York, I was sure I would never feel whole again, but then one day I decided that I had to start over again. I had to keep living for Roland. You said there was no way back."
"I said the town line was you know how many times that has happened in the last 5 years? I am one of the most powerful women in this realm. I would never have given up on you. I would never stopped until I found a way to bring you home."
"I'm sorry," he whispered, the full weight of the pain he had caused her sudden weighed on him. "What can I do?"
"Nothing." She sighed.