Jeankasa: Chapter 1

It was a cold winter morning and Jean could see the icicles forming above his window. His eyes scanned the barren room inside the huge castle which currently served as the Scouting Legion's base. He turned his head to look at the other side of his double bed. The pillow was untouched, yet the duvet was in a mess due to Jean's nightly tossing and turning. Last night's nightmare began to come back to him, but just as he started to curl up, there was a knock on the door.

Reluctantly, he staggered to the door. It was too cold and Jean was tired. To Jean's surprise, Mikasa was stood waiting in the corridor. They were both wearing their pyjamas and Jean felt himself flush.

"Aren't you going to let me in, Kirschstein?" the look on Mikasa's face was not playful but worried instead. Jean realised that he was completely blocking her way by stretching under the doorframe. He immediately stepped aside and gestured for her to go in.

Just then, Eren walked past with a warning glare mixed with a slight amount of curiosity. I'm just as curious as you are buddy. On any other day, Jean would have flashed his wicked smile and flipped the bird, but he was not feeling himself for some reason. With a racing heartbeat he shut the door, interested in why Mikasa was in his room.

Walking back into his room, desperate to get back into bed, he noticed Mikasa standing awkwardly by his writing desk. She was counting the numerous screwed up pieces of paper. At least Jean didn't rip them in half. I really should tidy this shit heap up. He wordlessly motioned for Mikasa to sit on the end of his bed. The stool that accompanied the desk was lying on the floor. This was the outcome of last night's rage.

Mikasa nodded and tried to initiate the conversation, when she noticed Jean's obvious attempt to put space in between them. "Calm down, I'm here as a friend." She tried to make eye contact, but Jean averted her reasonably reassuring gaze.

Immediately flustered, Jean tried to sound casual. "OK, so what's hanging?" Oh crap. Only I could manage to mix up what's up and how's it hanging. All of Jean's embarrassing moments were flooding back to him.

Making light of an incident on a recent expedition, Mikasa saw her opportunity. "Well it's hanging pretty well," she cheekily cheered. Jean cringed. He didn't mean to get his 3DMG tangled up in the tree. "I doubt you could say the same." Mikasa knew something else was up.

What is she talking about? "I'm sorry but I don't quite understand." Of course Jean wasn't feeling half as motivated as Eren lately, but people didn't have to be so persistent and nosy. Obviously, Marco's absence affected everyone, but Jean was still grieving.

Mikasa examined Jean's face attentively and was eager to call him out on the dark bags under his eyes. As if this didn't cause concern on its own, even Hanji was worried about how gaunt Jean was becoming. Mikasa's duty as a friend fell upon her. "You've been crying out in the night." Jean looked as if her words had struck him on the face. Mikasa wasn't going to give in to any denial.

"It's understandable," she tried to be reassuring. Jean was too far away to hug, so as she stood up, she punched his shoulder. "If you ever need to talk, I'm here to listen." She genuinely pitied him as memories flooded back when she noticed that Jean and Marco were very close.

The pair always shared rooms, even when there was only one bed between them. Whenever asked about it, Marco tried to tell stories about Jean having nightmares. Nobody ever asked twice, because Jean's blushing assured them.

Jean rushed over to hug Mikasa. She formed a cocoon with her arms, swaying slightly. Jean always had feelings for Mikasa, but Marco was a long burning flame in his heart. He sighed and sank into her hold. A cloud of steam lost itself into Mikasa's hair by her ear, and Jean felt her go stiff.

In the awkward atmosphere, Jean broke up the embrace. "I'm sorry," offered Mikasa. She felt terrible for her actions; how could she forget that Jean once liked her? With Levi and Eren declaring their relationship only a few days before, she couldn't help but feel a pang of loneliness. Staring Jean down, she could tell that he was feeling isolated too.