A/N: For everyone in my tumblr RP. This is for you guys. It's my second Spamano. I hope I do you well -salutes-

It wasn't so tough without him. But when he was gone like this, for months, almost a year it was hard not to worry, not to imagine something horrible happening to him. I hated seeing him come home after fighting. With a new scar, a new battle won or lost. The look on his face, the murderous look that lasted for sometimes days after he came home, I would try everything I could to get rid of that look that scared me. It terrified me.

I would go to bring him some tomatoes. "Not right now, Lovino, I'm busy." He would tell me, while washing the blood off his clothes. All that blood. Lovino he called me Lovino. He never calls me my name. He only calls me his stupid little nicknames for me. Not my name. Why is he calling me fucking Lovino?

I walked away. I couldn't look at him like that. That wasn't the Spain I knew, the one who raised me, the moron who would always smile that goofy smile. That wasn't Antonio. My Antonio.

I want him to be better. I want him to just start smiling again. I would give up all our tomatoes for ten years to see him smile.

I sat outside, avoiding this new Antonio for hours until the sun had set. When I came back inside he was crying.

"Lovinito, I'm a monster, I'm…I'm a horrible person. C-Can you ever forgive me? Can you forgive me for killing all those people? Por favor, forgive me?" He looked up with me with pleading eyes. I hugged him.

"Of course I forgive you, idiot." I hugged him tighter has his arms wrapped around me and he started crying into my shoulder, I could feel my shirt being stained with his tears. I had never seen him cry before. Why was he crying for my forgiveness. I'm not important or special.

"You mean so much to me, Lovi, I couldn't forgive myself if mi amor didn't forgive me." Mi amor. My love. He just called me his love. What the hell was he on? What the fuck is going on with him?

"W-What the hell did you just call me?" I loosened my grip on him.

"Lovi?" He looked at me confused "Oh, I forgot you hate that name, forgive me."

"N-No you f-fucking moron! After that!"

"Oh….mi amor, well that's what you call someone you love, in Spanish!"

"I know Spanish moron. I know what you fucking call someone you love, why did you call me it?"

"Te amo, Lovinito." He said to me, with the first smile I had seen him smile in a long time. I looked at him in total shock. I couldn't think of some smart ass comment. I had never seen him look me dead in the eyes with a smile like that.

He loved me. He loved me. Lovino fucking Vargas. South Italy. Romano. Not my brother. Not Feliciano. South Italy. Not North.

Me.

He loved…me.

Instead of hitting him, like I normally would at something like I hugged him even tighter and kissed him. "….Ti amo, Toni."

Instead of me normally just crawling into his bed after sputtering some nonsense about nightmares, or him begging to sleep next to me like a moron. We went to bed together. He kissed me like it was the last thing he would ever do, he undressed me slowly and lovingly. He helped me as I undressed him. He placed kisses and love bites all over my body. He spoke in heavy Spanish as he made love to me, as we made love together, our moans and pants almost seeming in time before we finally fell asleep together with his arm around me tightly and protectively.

I felt wanted for the first time.

A/N This took longer than needed.