A/N:
These are Gokudera's thoughts after the future arc.
Actually this is Gokudera's thoughts in the future, if what the future arc showed were to actually happen. So it's adult Gokudera and he talks to adult Tsuna.
I'm sorry Tenth
I looked up in the sky... I knew I wouldn't find you there.
I searched around me for your odour... but I knew it was hopeless.
I reached through the deepest corners of my mind... But you quietly slipped away from me.
But is that really true?
Because you're still here. You're by my side.
I can feel your presence clouding my thoughts.
I can feel your touch perplexing my morality.
I can feel you... I always will.
Yet you are not here. Not anymore. Not ever again.
Maybe... I wasn't good enough afterall Tenth.
I know I wasn't.
Yet I can't help it and instead of tearing my regrets away, I can't help it but search for you...
Search everywhere...
You have to still be here.
I need you...
That can't be happening.
I love you...
What can I do...?
How can I tell you my feelings when you're deep underground?
How can I show you my emotions when you are not able to feel anymore?
You are not here...
Yet I'm searching for you...
Everywhere...
All around me.
Something is there to remind me of you.
Something is there to remind me of what I'm forgetting...
Just like her...
You're slowly fading away.
Yet what can I do Tenth?
What should I do?
Should I follow you? Yet we know we'll never meet...
Should I stay?
Live and pretend to actually care?
You're still here Tenth... You are all around me.
Every breath I take is filled with your kindness.
Every step I take is a step you once took as well.
I can hear your voice Tenth... I can hear you...
Please tell me Tenth...
Am I just going crazy?
Did my sanity join your side when they burried you under the merciless dirt?
Did my will to live kept you company as you departed from this cruel and sinful world?
I don't know anymore Tenth... I can't tell.
The days that pass by feel like a hurricane that disorders my memories.
Each day... each hour... another troublesome moment of living.
I love you Tenth... I loved you...
I'm sorry Tenth... I'm sorry...
This is the end. For you, for me, for all the Vongola Family.
I am not able to give a fuck anymore.
I just hope in the eternity that awaits us... I hope we'll manage to pass by each other some day. Maybe give a quick glance... Maybe not.
Maybe stifle another tear... Maybe softly smile.
Maybe...
Maybe...
Maybe I should stop dreaming... and wake up.
I'm sorry Tenth.
Yet I'll be foolishly waiting for you.
A/N:
Every kind of letter-poem you see me writing, I always write it while listening to some really specific songs.
For this one I was listening to the depressing song called 'Lover I don't have to Love' performed by 'Bright Eyes'. The song is irrelevant to the letter-poem, yet its music is what kept me going and inspired me in the first place.
If you wish to read more similar works of mine -all KHR related- then read: A Letter To You, Love Letter, The Building.