The Set Up
Disclaimer: CBS and their affiliates own Criminal Minds.
Summary: After his relationship fails, the team try to set Hotch up...
A/N: A little bit of humor with the team, enjoy.
Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.
"The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started?" Billy Connolly
"You want us to do what?" Dave asked stunned by the blatant request of the blonde analyst in front of him.
"Please I know your hearing isn't going yet, mon amie" Garcia told him, "I said, I think we need to find Hotch a new girlfriend."
Both Morgan and Dave looked from each other to the blonde analyst.
"Are you insane or suicidal?" Morgan asked leaning against the wall in Garcia's office, "What makes you think he's even ready to date again?"
"Well, he went out with that curating, triathlon running girl" Garcia hissed out, "And after she so carelessly dumped him, I think it's time he got back on the saddle again. Literally and figuratively."
"Hotch being in a relationship so soon after one just ending might not be a good thing" Morgan told her, "You think after getting your heart stomped on that you want to go for another round?"
Dave sighed, "I think it might be a little intrusive, too."
Garcia raised an eyebrow, "Uh excuse me? But who told him to and I quote 'go for it'? You did, you made him pursue that... that woman. It'd only be kind if you help him find a better one."
"What's going on in here?" Reid asked, standing beside JJ.
"Nothing" the three said in unison making the blonde agent raise an eyebrow at them.
"You're lying" JJ said.
"There you go, showing off your fancy profiling techniques" Garcia said, "Need something?"
"Yeah, Hotch asked for the status report on the financials that he and Emily are going over." Reid said, looking at a piece of paper, "Who's Cynthia?"
Garcia grabbed the paper, "No one. No one, here."
Reid took the information the blonde handed over looking at JJ, he said "Judging by the body language and erratic breathing their plotting something."
"Really?" JJ snorted, "That obvious?"
"Whatever it is, I want no part of it" Reid said, walking out.
"Chicken" Garcia muttered, looking at her blonde cohort, "You in?"
"I don't know" she said, biting on her lower lip, "What is it you all are plotting?"
"Setting Hotch up on a blind date" Morgan said, watching her nearly keel over in shock.
"Are you insane?" JJ asked in shock.
"Only on days ending with a 'y'," Dave muttered, "Are you in?"
"That depends" JJ said, taking a seat in an empty chair, "Who are you going to set him up with? Do any of you know what he wants in a woman?"
"Smart, gorgeous, kind" Morgan rattled off, "Good with children, and..."
"Hard working, and understands the job" Dave finished off, "And has a sense of humor."
"To make up for his lack of one" Garcia finished off, "I've got the perfect woman. Cynthia from pay roll."
"Isn't she a little too old for Hotch?" JJ asked, "I mean he's nowhere near retirement age."
"She's only fifty" Garcia offered, "I mean, whoever we find can't be too young, you don't want him pulling a Polanski."
Dave rubbed his eyes, "I know a sweetheart of a girl, not too old and she's really kind."
Morgan looked over, "And we're suppose to trust your judgement? Who is it an ex wife?"
Dave shot him a look, "Someone who doesn't work a strip pole, unlike yours I take it."
"Want to bet?" Morgan asked, "We'll see who gets Hotch the better date."
"Deal" Dave agreed, looking at the two blondes, "You in on the bet?"
"No" both women said simultaneously.
"Some brave girls you turned out to be." Morgan snorted before going over the plans with his friends.
Dave walked up to Hotch's office, knocking on the door, hearing the usual "Come in."
"Hey" Dave greeted, casually, "Are you up for a small ride?"
"Where to?" Hotch asked, setting his pen down.
"Oh, there's this book store owner who wants to meet with me about my next signing at her store" Dave explained, watching Hotch frown, "They have a great children's section, maybe you can get Jack some books."
"I guess" Hotch said, exhaling as he looked down into the bullpen, "Give me ten."
"All right" Dave said walking out with a whistle.
As the two men walk into the small book store, Hotch took in the charming but antiquated surroundings.
Turning to his friend, Hotch said, "This seems a little small for one of your signings."
Dave nonchalantly shrugged, "Patricia wants me to seem as she states, 'Of the people', so she wants to do these things at small settings."
"Huh" Hotch said, looking around, "Guess that's a good thing. Now where's the children's section? Jack wants some new book on super heroes."
"Over there" Dave pointed out, noticing the blonde he planned for Hotch to 'bump into'.
As Hotch walked over to the children's section, he saw the blonde walk over to him with a smile on her face.
"Dave" she said, "So you're ready to talk about setting up an appointment for your signing?"
"Actually, I'm here looking for a book for a friend of mine" Dave said, looking around, "Do you have any books on super heroes?"
"Actually we do have some" the woman said, walking down an aisle passing Hotch without either noticing each other.
"Dave, I found the book" Hotch called, "I'm going to look for a law book I need."
Hotch walked away from the older man, once again passing by the blonde owner and making the older man groan.
"Looks like we're all sold out, Dave" she told him, "I can order it for you if you'd like?"
Before Dave could even process that thought he was interrupted by his ringing phone while the blonde woman walked towards the back once again passing by Hotch.
"Are you ready?" Hotch asked his friend as he made his way to the register.
"Yeah, we've got a case" Dave muttered.
As Hotch paid for his purchases, walking towards the door he turned, "There's some blonde looking at you."
Dave let out a frustrated sigh before walking towards the woman.
Mentally cursing not only failing to set Hotch up with the bookstore owner but losing out on the side bet.
"Morgan, I don't see what's so great about this bar" Hotch said, "Besides, I though the team was going to be meeting at the other bar?"
"Oh they just wanted to try something new for a change" Morgan said casually, looking around the bar for the woman he intended to set Hotch up with.
Seeing the woman come into the bar, he motioned over to her to join him.
"Hotch, this is Renee" Morgan said, introducing the two.
"Hi" Hotch greeted before turning to his beer while the younger woman took a seat beside Morgan in the booth.
"Hey" she greeted then turned to Morgan, "I'm really glad that you asked me to join you. It's been so long since I've been out..."
"Hey, Renee" a man said passing the table.
"Bobby" Renee said with a smile, then turned back to the two agents, "An old friend."
"Ah" Hotch said, sipping his beer.
As the man once again passed the table, "You ready for round two?"
Renee rolled her eyes, "I'm on a date."
Bobby looked from Morgan to Hotch then back to Morgan, "I'm sure he won't mind" turning to Morgan, "Do you?"
"Uh, well..." Morgan started, looking over at Hotch but shook his head.
"You're such a sweetheart Derek. I'll be right back." Renee said with a smile.
Hotch turned his head, "You're really going to let your date walk off with another man?"
Morgan sighed, "I think I should tell you something."
"What?" Hotch asked, noticing the team coming into the bar, "Oh, there they are."
Morgan looked over and noticed that Dave wore an amused look on his face while both JJ and Garcia frowned seeing Hotch alone with only Morgan and each took a seat at the booth.
"Hey" Garcia said sliding in, "Where is your girl, my tall lump of dark chocolate?"
"Right beside me" Morgan said smoothly, while Renee ran up to the table.
"Derek, I'm going to go, Bobby's got these great lead on an after party..." she said, swooping in to drop a kiss on his cheek, "Nice meeting you Hutch."
"Hotch" Emily corrected, watching the woman run off to a younger man, "Let me guess, she was here meeting you?"
"Something along those lines." Morgan said, "Anyone for a drink?"
"Yes" Hotch agreed, getting up, "Whatever anyone wants, order it yourself."
Emily turned back to the table, "You're all up to something. What is it?"
"Nothing?" Garcia said casually but to a profiler's trained eye she looked unnerved, "Well it isn't anything bad."
Emily scanned the table looking for the weak link, "Reid?"
"Hmm?" he asked, slowly looking to her, "Yeah?"
"You wanna tell me what's going on?" she asked, laying on a sweet tone.
Reid took a deep breath, "I don't know and I told them I didn't want to know."
She turned to the remaining four and narrowed her eyes at Dave who gave a way nothing, then turned to Morgan who had a grin on his face.
Then stopping at her blonde friend, "Jayje?"
JJ just turned her attention to the bowl of pretzels on the table, making the brunette raise an eyebrow before storming to the bar.
"Think she knows?" Garcia asked JJ.
"Nope." the blonde said biting on a pretzel, "Not a clue."
"What can I get you?" the bartender asked the brunette as she took a seat next to Hotch.
"Beer, please" Emily replied, turning her attention to Hotch, "How are you?"
"I've had better days" Hotch said, sighing.
Emily took the beer from the bartender, "So they're trying to set you up on blind dates?"
"Appears so" Hotch said. "I mean Dave was acting so weird at the book store and Morgan? He wasn't even flirting with that Renee woman..."
Emily chuckled, "And that's so not Morgan."
"Right" Hotch told her, turning in the direction of the team's table, "I don't get it, why can't they let me have some time before trying to shove me back out there?"
"Well at least they mean well" Emily offered, "Of course if I were in your shoes I'd be packing heat when I got near them."
Hotch gave her a serious look, "Now how would I go around explaining how I shot my subordinates? Any plausible alibis?"
"Justifiable homicide?" she asked with a shrug.
He lightly chuckled at that, and said, "No, I get it, I really do. As nice of a gesture this is" he sighed, "I just don't think I'm ready to go out and meet new people now. At least not now."
"I get it" Emily said, with a nod, "Doesn't it seem like that they think, if they're all happy, they think you need to be happy too?"
"I know" he replied turning to face her, "Since when does being in a relationship mean you're happy? Half of them aren't even in relationships."
Snickering as she looked over at the table, "I don't think that anyone would qualify Dave or Morgan as the relationship types."
"More like predators" Hotch joked, hearing her laugh, "I'm surprised that you weren't in on this stunt."
"Are you saying why I didn't join in on their ruse?" Emily asked with a frown.
"No, but that does bring up an interesting question." Hotch started to explain, "Why weren't you set up?"
"They tried to do this to me a few weeks back," she said, taking a deep breath, "And those three times that they tried to set me up, I walked out right after the guy introduced themselves. I just didn't feel ready yet."
Hotch gave her a sympathetic smile, "Now why can't they see that?"
"I don't know" she shrugged, "They just like to be nosey, I guess?"
As Hotch looked over at the team, each trying to look casual he raised an eyebrow shaking his head then turned back to the brunette next to him.
"Are you hungry?" Hotch asked, "I'm in the mood for something to eat that isn't stale pretzels or beer."
"You're treating? she asked grinning, "Then yes."
"Come on" Hotch said, standing up, "Lets go to the diner around the corner, I hear they have the best burgers."
"Oh they do" Emily said, "I try to get one at least once a week."
Hotch chuckled as the two made their way to the exit while the team watched on in glee.
"Wow" Reid said, watching the two through window leading to the street, "Who knew?"
Garcia and JJ exchanged a cheshire cat grin watching the brunette slide into the passenger seat.
"It worked" JJ whispered to her blonde friend.
"How could you ever doubt me?" Garcia said, sipping on her apple martini.
Dave and Morgan shared a look before reluctantly passing the money to the two blondes.
"And this will go on something sparkly and glittery" Garcia said, shoving the money into her purse.
"It is by chance that we met, by choice we became friends." Author Unknown
THE END
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