Author Note:There are some stories that just insist on being told. They take up residence in that corner of your mind reserved for private thoughts, and they nag at you, sometimes incessantly, sometimes quietly, sometimes in the middle of the night when you aren't sure if you're dreaming or awake. If you don't listen to them, they take a seat and stay put until finally, out of desperation you agree to listen and write. A Hidden Feeling (formerly All Bottled Up) is one such story. It first came to me about a year and a half ago when I was talking to some friends about what I wished would happen. I listened to the story for a minute before pushing it to the back of my mind…this was before I discovered Fan Fic mind you…I thought to myself "What's the point of writing something that no one else is ever gonna read?" So I told the voice to shut up, leave me alone. It quieted but didn't leave. But even as I thought the words, silently listing the reasons, I knew this story wasn't leaving anytime soon. It hung around for a couple of months, bugging me at some of the most random moments, reminding me it was waiting. Pretty soon it started taking over; it was all I could think about. Then one day I was on a forum, and there was something about a site called Fanfiction (coincidence? I think not) and I decided to check it out, see what all the buzz was about. I read stories, asked questions, made some friends, and as we talked more I began revealing what was going on in my head, and, to my surprise, they backed me completely! Only I remained secretly doubting my ability to pull this off. A couple days after this amazing discovery, I finally sat down and let the words flow. At times it was like the words just came, and I had no idea where from, no recollection of ever even thinking the words. It was as if the story had taken complete control of my brain (not exactly the best realization…makes you wonder if you're going crazy…haha). This is that story. Many revisions, big and small, have been made over the course of what I have written so far. And even though I've had many rave reviews about the previous postings, there are often moments when I doubt myself…but now, now I have people who understand how a writers mind works –at least to a degree-, people who understand what it is I'm thinking, to help me through those periods of self doubt and writers block…and I want to thank those people, who have stuck with me through everything , through all the cliffhangers, the long periods of not updating, and those who've helped me through writers block…you know who you are, and I'm so unbelievingly grateful for your support... And of course I can't leave out that one 'stranger on the bus' who read all 25 chapters in one sitting, without taking a break (I can't even do that!) you've been absolutely amazing, I don't know what I would do without your support, and you know that this story isn't all I'm talking about…I have a feeling we're gonna be friends for a looooong long time…all of us, not just my lil stranger…oh and btw, Anie, we are so still on for that JW concert…California here I come! I love you guys with all my heart, so now, after this could be chapter of a note, after a 10 month absence, we have the revival of Ray, Abby, Madison, and the rest of the gang!!! I hope you guys love it…I've put a lot of work into it, and I can't wait to see what you guys think!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own ER, Maura Tierney, Parminder Nagra (I think I spelt that right), or Shane West (I wish I did...and note to all you ladies, he is my future husband, even though he doesn't know it yet, so hands off!)… I however do own any characters you do not recognize…

Chapter 1: The Call

Early Monday Evening

Narrator

His shift had just ended, and he was in the lounge, gathering his things from his locker. It had been a long, hard, tiring shift, and he just wanted to go home, have a cold beer, take a hot shower, and crawl in bed. He tried to hurry, knowing that if a trauma rolled in, he would have to stay and help. Pratt was out with the flu, Morris was MIA -as usual-, and the only other people on were Abby, Luka, and one of the newer interns. His cell phone rang, he didn't recognize the number, but he answered it anyway. You never know if it might be some hot chick you'd had a one night stand with, wanting more.

As soon as he heard the voice on the other line, a look of pure hatred crossed his face.

"What do you want?" he asked his voice hard.

As the person on the other line answered, all color drained from his face, and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.

Abby's P.O.V

I walked in, and immediately noticed the pained look on unusually his pale face,

"Ray, what's wrong?"

He just shook his head, and began to speak.

"You were supposed to take care of her!" He burst, "You promised." He spit out, scoffing. "I should have known better. But what else is new, you don't care about anyone or anything but yourself and your booze and whatever else you're doing…"

I couldn't believe the amount of hate in his voice.

"I cannot fucking believe you! I knew it was a bad idea, leaving her with you! I'm coming down and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Watch your back Chris; you know I mean what I say."

He hung up, dropped his head into his hands, and took a deep, shuddering breath as he tried to regain his composure. Frankly, I was shocked to see this side of him; I had always assumed he cared only about himself and his music. I had obviously been wrong about him, and I know I wasn't the only one. He had been better with his patients lately, but we had all just chalked it up to living with Neela. Still, I didn't quite know how to deal with this discovery

I tentatively his arm and he slowly raised his head, blinking as if realizing for the first time that I was in the room.

"What's wrong?" I asked him again.

"Nothing." He replied, trying to brush past me, but I blocked his path. He was lying and he knew that I knew he was lying. After all, I knew a little bit about lying myself.

"Something's wrong, I can tell. Don't try and act like everything's all right, because I can see right past it. Your eyes show everything, Ray. Whatever it is it hurts. It doesn't help to keep it bottled up inside. If anything the problem just gets bigger."

He walked over, almost resignedly and sat down on the couch, motioning for me to sit down next to him. I sat down beside him, and he began to talk.

I hope you guys liked it…please review so I know what you think…I will be posting more as the night goes on!!

X0X0X

Katy