Title: The Sharpest Lives Author:
Summary: It's been years since Captain Holly Short of LEPrecon had any contact with child genius, Artemis Fowl. However, things are going south in Haven and fate will push them together once again – in the bloodiest of ways. [Artemis x Holly]
Disclaimer: I am not Eoin Colfer and if I were, I wouldn't have been able to end The Time Paradox any better, no matter what I might say on the subject. The title is a song by My Chemical Romance, which was the inspiration for this story. I own neither the wonderful band members nor their songs. But you could've worked that out for yourself.
A/N: I have actually read all the books but I'm choosing to write this as though no books exist after The Eternity Code and I'm pretending that Artemis's scheme with the gold medallion worked so he got his memories back a couple of years later, which is when he originally told Mulch to come and find him. Also, Opal is in a genuine coma because otherwise I would have to kill her and I don't have time right now.
P.S. Also, the LEP recruited Mulch instead of giving him a two-minute head start. Let's be honest here, he's a freaking brilliant character.
SPOILER ALERT: There's nothing specific in this but, just to be safe, I'll say everything up to and including The Opal Deception (I use some of the technology mentioned in there, I think).
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-The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead-
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Haven
Holly wasn't happy, though she couldn't for the life of her work out why. She had just woken up feeling like crap and now she was about to be pushed over the edge of madness – by none other than Mulch Diggums; convict, friend and, as of late, total thorn in Holly's side. She gritted her teeth.
"I don't understand Julius myself. I mean, I'm not the criminal he likes to think I am and I barely plot at all any more, but he still gives me no respect. He sends me off on errands like I'm some kind of personal slave!" Mulch was ranting about having to come and fetch Captain Short for the Commander and it was beginning to get on her nerves.
"Mulch, today is not a day you want to annoy me." The words were simple and the sentence was short but it shut Mulch up immediately; he knew better than to get on Holly's bad side.
When the pair reached Police Plaza, having travelled the remainder of the way in complete silence, Holly was summoned into Root's office before she'd been two seconds inside the building. When she saw her commander's face, she knew that something was seriously wrong.
"Captain Short, reporting for duty as requested, sir," she said automatically, though she knew she sounded a tad uncertain. A flicker of a smile passed across Root's face but it was gone in a second.
"Holly," he began slowly, his brow furrowing when his hand closed around nothingness in the search for one his trademark fungus cigars. This was definitely bad; the Commander had called her by name… and he had run out of his pungent cigars, which Holly was sure had never happened in all of fairy history. He sighed and continued, letting his hand drop to his side: "I've been forced to step down."
"What?" It didn't even register with Holly how rude that must have sounded – this didn't make any sense to her. The expression on Root's face hardened.
"If you don't get out of this place soon then you may be asked to something that you really don't want to do, Captain." Holly wasn't all there – part of her was considering how she could stop Root from leaving his post (she was sure that she couldn't – clearly the other side in whatever game they had started playing was holding all the cards), whilst another part of her was considering her own options. She could either leave, or…
"With all due respect, sir, I have to stay," she said firmly, though she wasn't half as sure as she sounded about the decision she was about to make. "You've always said that it's not about what's best for me, it's about what's best for the People. I believe that I can serve no greater purpose by leaving the LEP… sir," she added quickly, hoping that he would understand that she had to stay. She could get past having a new commander, though she knew he was likely to be a total chauvinist and hate her for doing her job the way she did, which was just about the opposite of what she was supposed to do – she was sure that she hadn't been around when they were giving out the rule-book. All of this was stuff that she could deal with – she was no child – but she had to find out what was going on that meant Commander Root had to be out of the picture. He was an excellent leader and no one knew the officers quite like him, so there was no reason that he should have to step down. This Holly knew, yet it was happening.
"That's my girl," Root said, and Holly realised he was smiling at her. If she hadn't known better, she would've said that there was a tear in his eye, but that was so unlike her commander that she completely ignored it. "Well, Captain, I hope I'll be seeing you soon – don't go getting yourself killed." His voice was gruff when he clapped her on the shoulder before leaving, letting the door close behind him. Holly was left alone in what had, until a few moments ago been Commander Root's office, completely stunned.
"No way…" Mulch said for the hundredth time, looking for all the world like someone had just told him that there was no more clay left in Ireland – which, according to Mulch, had the best he had ever tasted. Holly didn't reply, just like she hadn't replied all the other times he'd said it because she was quite sure that he was fighting a losing battle; Julius Root was no longer part of the LEP and there was nothing that either of them could do about it.
"I know we had our differences, me and Julius, but this is just stupid!" She had to agree with Mulch there. A second after he'd said this, a sharp beep sounded from Holly's helmet, which was sitting to the side of them – it was the sound that was made when you had incoming mail. It was a message from the new commander ('so soon?' thought Holly. 'It doesn't seem right') asking her to report to his office right away. Root's office, as it was labelled in her mind. She had been there only an hour ago and it was typical of her luck that she'd have to get back there just after she'd left.
"New commander," she grunted to Mulch, who had raised one unkempt eyebrow at her discontented sigh. He seemed to understand, as he laid one uncharacteristically gentle hand on her elbow. Holly nodded to him and took her leave; it wouldn't do to make a bad impression on the guy's first day, even if she was none too happy about Root being replaced. She didn't want to get taken off recon.
When she arrived back at the plaza she was immediately met by what seemed to be a set of armed guards. They weren't particularly menacing and Holly was sure that they weren't meant to be – if they had, then Grub Kelp probably wouldn't have been chosen to be amongst their ranks – but it was still somewhat unnerving. Any hint of strangeness was dissolved, however, when Grub's face lit up with a blinding grin.
"Hey there, Hol- I mean, Captain Short," he said with some difficulty, obviously trying to remain a little professional in front of the other elf, whom Holly didn't know.
"We've been requested to make sure that you make your way safely to Commander Brook's office, Captain Short," said the decidedly boring guard on Grub's left. His seriousness only served to amuse Holly, which probably hadn't been his intention. She almost felt bad for the smirk that passed briefly across her features.
"And why exactly does Commander Brook think that I need an armed guard to get from here to his office?" she asked, a sharp pain cutting through her at having to say his name instead of Root's; it was just wrong. The nameless elf didn't reply, instead motioning towards the doors without smiling. Holly rolled her eyes but decided that she'd better play along for now. There was nothing she could do about this whole situation by ignoring it but it certainly wouldn't do for her to be fired for insubordination or something equally ridiculous.
Grub and his partner left her at the door and she was summoned inside by a deep, gravely voice only seconds after she'd knocked. She entered and realised that she didn't actually know this elf at all. He was tall, as far as her species went – at least a couple of centimetres over the average – and his dark hair was pulled back into a stubby ponytail. All in all, he was a little unusual-looking but there was nothing that Holly could glean from his appearance that told her anything about his personality and how good a commander he would be.
"Ah, Captain Short, glad you could get back here so quickly on such short notice." So far, so good – he had yet to mention her gender, slightly below-average height or any of her past discretions. Judging by Root's standards this was quite amazing, as her ex-commander had always managed to get such comments in at the beginning of the conversation, though she knew it was only to keep up appearances. Root was very much like a father to Holly but he could never show any favouritism.
"Not a problem, sir," she said automatically, standing a little straighter and just managing to hold back a salute – there wasn't really any occasion for one.
"I have a job for you and I thought that you'd be the perfect candidate. You have prior knowledge and it might help…" Straight to business, it would seem. He walked to his desk and picked up an electronic file that Foaly had created a few years ago to save everyone having to repeat mission briefs over and over. Holly took it with a sense of foreboding. She navigated her way into the main file and her fears were confirmed by what she saw there. "Artemis Fowl," Brook began, sounding as though he had rehearsed his speech and committed it to memory; "Mud man, child prodigy – by human standards – and author of several romance novels under a female alias." Strangely, Holly's first thought on this was 'I wonder if he based any of his characters on the People?' Her next thought was 'I bet they're racy', which she put down to her severe anxiety. She had hoped that she would never again have to deal with this particular mud man, as he always managed to confuse her in some way. "Anyway," continued Brook, "you probably know more than I do about him."
"It is my speciality subject, sir," she said with less humour in her voice than the comment probably merited. Her new commander chuckled – that was gravely too.
"I'm sure you'll agree that it's better to be rid of this threat while there's something we can do about it, Captain. The people of Haven will be better off after this." Holly froze.
"Be rid of him, sir?" she asked, trying not to sound like she was shocked. Needless to say, it didn't really work, as that's exactly how she was feeling. She was being asked to kill Artemis Fowl. Considering the fact that they hadn't met in three years, he'd be – what – seventeen now? He was still a teenager – young, even by human standards! There wasn't a single part of Holly that didn't think this was a seriously bad idea, and not just because it was morally grey. Well, more than morally grey, it was downright wrong, but it made her feel better to think of it like that. However, there was a voice in the back of her mind that was protesting very loudly at the idea of the mud boy being done away with in any way, shape or form. He had been a friend to her, so the very idea of killing him repulsed her but she couldn't very well say so to the Commander.
"He is throwing a shadow over the People's existence; he knows far too much to leave us be for much longer. Unless, of course, you don't want to take this on, in which case it can easily be delegated to somebody else," Brook said, an edge creeping into his voice; he was baiting her. There was a suggestion in his voice that she wouldn't be able to do it because she was a woman and therefore weak. "I just thought that you would be able to understand what we have to do here." Holly nodded stiffly. If she gave the case to someone else then there would be no chance for Artemis. Her only hope was to take it and formulate some kind of plan to save the danger-attracting mud boy.
"Of course, sir," she said, though it was killing her not to scream at him that he was being ridiculous. "There's no need for anything like that, I can deal with it." The cogs in her head were turning at terrifying speeds, threatening to over-heat her brain so that it came out of her ears; there were just too many things to think about. Perhaps that's how she would go? Her brain all over the floor after thinking too hard…
"Excellent," said Brook, obviously not noticing her internal meltdown. "You have a couple of days to sort things out and then I expect you to return from the surface within the week, is that understood?"
"Yes, sir." Holly left his office, her mind still reeling. She knew one thing for certain – she had to see Foaly immediately.
"Holly, this is serious," the centaur said nervously, his hooves clicking on the floor as he shifted from one to another. "Have you read the file?" The elf nodded and sat down heavily on one of the many uncomfortable chairs that littered Foaly's command centre.
The file stated that Artemis Fowl had to be eliminated in a public place ("What in the name of Frond do they think they're playing at?" Foaly had exclaimed upon reading this. "They want me to monitor the 'incident'? Well, let me tell you, they've got another think coming!"), which meant there was no way that Holly could just not shoot him without the Commander having her neck.
"You're the genius here, Foaly," she sighed, running her thumbs absent-mindedly up and down the side of the helmet she was holding in her hands. "Maybe he's not going to be in a public place in the next couple of days? You've got to admit, he is a bit of a recluse." The centaur immediately squashed her hope.
"Sorry, Holly… You know we're monitoring him and he's making a speech at a conference hall in Limerick in three days." He shrugged and Holly could almost imagine that he seemed a little miserable with the idea. She put her helmet on the floor and buried her face in her hands.
"And they're making me do it with one of those human guns?" she asked through her fingers, correctly assuming that Foaly could still hear her.
"Yeah – means they'll all think it was a mud man. You've got to admit, the kid's got a lot of enemies," he said, tapping keys and poking at his plasma monitor like it had personally offended him. "Butler and the others won't be able to link you to the weapon." Holly felt like punching something. She couldn't believe that there wasn't a way out of this! She couldn't even send him a non-lethal shot because someone would be watching to check that she did it right.
Wait. Holly's head snapped up so fast that it made her head spin.
"Foaly, you have to be the one to monitor it," she said quickly, the words formulating in her mind only moments before they came spilling out of her mouth. "I know there might be someone in here with you but you can tell them that I shot him dead – they'd have no reason to suspect you were you were lying." Foaly's brain seemed to be only a few seconds behind hers.
"If you can make it look real enough-" he began, looking close to excited about the fact that he wouldn't have to watch his almost-friend die.
"-Then I can get to him when he's out of sight of the cameras and fix him up before the bullet can kill him!" Holly finished breathlessly, standing up so she could pace up and down the room. "I don't know what I'll do with him afterwards but it's either that or…" She trailed off, not really wanting to finish that thought. Foaly nodded in agreement and began typing furiously; calculating bullet trajectories faster than Holly could say 'bullet trajectories'. After a few seconds he conjured up a life-size 3D model of Artemis Fowl, albeit a fourteen-year-old one. They didn't have up-to-date measurements but it would have to do.
"You'll have to hit him here for it to look real," he said, pointing at a point somewhere near Artemis' heart. Holly committed the image to memory, though she knew that Foaly would probably project the image through to her helmet when the time came. It was best that she was prepared for this. She nodded firmly.
"Okay, got it. I might have to get some practice in actually," she said, suddenly realising that she couldn't remember the last time she'd used anything other than her Neutrino. "You don't happen to have a surface gun down here, do you?" If anybody was going to have one – legally, at any rate – then it was Foaly. Sure enough, he turned back to her from rummaging through the bits and bobs that were scattered around the room with a gun in his hand. She took it and marvelled at how different it felt resting in her palm. It was heavier for a start, though she doubted it was the most recent model, and the metal was colder than she was used to. Holly thanked her friend and left for the firing range after picking her helmet up off the floor.
The firing range was composed of several smaller compartments with holographic images that you were to shoot at to your heart's content. The technology had been built by Foaly many years ago but the holograms were a newer instalment, only a few months old. Holly was going to have to practice not killing the targets, which wasn't what this place had been built for. She'd never really used it, as her job usually required her to make sure that the person, be it human or otherwise, on the receiving end of her Neutrino 2000's beam was incapacitated, not dead. Then again, she'd never had to make it look like someone was dead before.
'There's a first time for everything' she thought, scoffing at her own optimism; this definitely was not the time for it. She sighed and flicked the 'on' switch.
The Surface, two days later
Despite the unpleasant task that she had been sent to Ireland to complete, Holly couldn't help but relax once she had taken her first gulp of fresh – if polluted - surface air. She engaged her wings and shot into the sky, her shield making the space she should have been occupying shimmer slightly in the light from the moon. Luckily it was full, which meant that she could charge her batteries before she navigated her way to Limerick. She had some time before she had to be there, as the conference wasn't until the following day, so she felt no need to rush. Why be hasty when the day that was coming was going to be just about the hardest one of her life?
Holly found the oak tree she was looking for fairly quickly and once she'd unshielded it wasn't too difficult to find an acorn, the light from the moon lighting the ground beneath her feet with a silvery glow. She gently planted the seed a little way from the tree, chanting the necessary words under her breath, and then waited. Barely a few seconds later she felt the rush of magic fill her to the brim, washing over her in static blue waves that left her fingers crackling with electricity. She loved the feeling of running hot; it was second only to the feeling she got when she flew. She shielded again and leapt into the air, ducking and gliding in harmony with the wind currents. This was where she felt most at home.
She reached Limerick in record time, which was a bit of a disappointment. Holly hadn't wanted to have time to think about what she had to do, as she was sure that she would find some flaw in the plan that she wouldn't be able to solve and then the panicking would start. However, there wasn't much she could do about it now, so she decided to wait it out near the establishment until the sun rose and she had to find shelter. She found a tree that wasn't too near the front gates and found a comfortable perch within its branches, un-shielding to save on energy, though she had plenty. It was just an excuse really; she felt more comfortable when she wasn't vibrating outside of the visible spectrum.
Now all she had to do was wait and hope that this would all be over soon.
It was around seven o'clock in the morning when any kind of activity could be seen from where Holly was sitting. A car pulled up outside the gates and she recognised it immediately as one of the vehicles owned by the Fowls. Of course they'd get here early – it wouldn't do for Artemis to be late. She rolled her eyes in spite of herself and shielded, hopping down from the tree and landing on her feet, like a cat. She made sure that she wasn't in view of the windows because, despite the fact that she was invisible, both Butler and Artemis had the strange ability to notice when one patch of air was slightly more distorted than the rest. She seemed to recall that it was actually rather frustrating.
"Hey, Foaly, that's them now," she said into her helmet, whispering even though she was sure that she was out of hearing range of the car's inhabitants. They couldn't let Artemis know that she was here – it had to look real and Holly didn't really have much faith in his acting abilities.
"Okay, Captain Short, don't forget to keep clear of the vehicle and whatever you do, don't let the mud men see you, all right?" Holly rolled her eyes. She knew that someone had to be listening to their communications, since the centaur had called her "Captain", which he'd recently stopped doing unless a higher authority was present. Still, Foaly's acting was about as good as she suspected Artemis' to be. "And don't roll your eyes at me – I know you're doing it." Unfortunately, he was also exceedingly good at reading her, even if he only had silence to interpret.
"You'll have camera control in around five minutes," she said, ignoring the rest of what he'd said. "It shouldn't take me long to get inside." The only reason she wasn't in there already was because she'd had to check that they'd got the right venue – pure characteristic paranoia on Foaly's part. Holly watched as the gates opened and let the car pass through, closing smoothly closing behind it. This wasn't really a problem for her, due to the wings but there was a slightly bigger problem that she had to overcome. A fairy couldn't enter a building without an invitation, which she could only overcome by forcing someone inside the building to invite her in using the mesmer. Of course, Holly had realised before now that it would have been sensible for them to have let Artemis in on the whole thing but, as previously mentioned, it would have been dangerous to have put any sort of faith in the boy's acting skills. Nobody wants to know that they're going to be shot. Secondly, she and Foaly were quite sure that their communications were being monitored – sometimes it paid to be a little paranoid.
When Holly reached the front door of the large and rather unattractive building, she scanned her surroundings with the practised ease of someone who'd had decades of experience involving such situations. There was only an elderly caretaker in sight – perfect. With some reluctance she un-shielded, as no fairy could use the Mesmer without having eye contact with whomsoever was being mesmerised. The caretaker, who had been cleaning the windows, looked thoroughly shocked for a moment before Holly worked her magic on him.
"I'd like you to invite me in," she said softly, layering her voice with the harmonic tones that characterised the Mesmer, "but after that I want you to forget that I was even here. Do you think you can do that?" The man nodded briefly, looking a little dazed.
"Would you like to come in, miss?" he said politely, the slightest hint of an Irish accent colouring his words. Holly smiled and crossed the threshold, slipping back into invisibility as she did so. The caretaker went back to cleaning the windows as though nothing had happened – which, to him, was exactly how it seemed.
"I'm inside the building now, Foaly," she whispered, her eyes darting around the corridor in an attempt to find a camera that she could gain control of without being seen by any of the others. She found it aggravating that she had to be visible for any length of time but there really was nothing much she could do when vibrating faster than the eye was able to see. Her options were somewhat limited. With the help of her helmet and Foaly's voice in her ear, she managed to locate a camera that would suffice. She checked that no one was around and then set to work with the little bundle of infrared wires that her centaur friend had developed – they was twisted around any of the central wires that fed into the cameras and from there a connection could be made throughout all the cameras on that network. Foaly could manipulate what the mud men saw on their monitoring equipment if he wanted to but this time it wasn't necessary; he just needed to be able to see what was going on. He was rather proud of this wire and Holly had to admit that it was extremely useful. However, there were times when she could definitely have done without him going on about the magnificence of one of his inventions – now was one of those times.
"Okay, we have eyes – I see what you see," he said finally; the tapping that she could hear in the background alerted her to the fact that she would soon be getting a proposed route to her destination sent through to her helmet. Sure enough, a beep sounded in her ear and a 3D model of the building popped up before her eyes. It was at that moment that someone rounded the corner – Holly experienced an intense moment of horror before she realised that she'd already shielded on autopilot after planting the wire. She let out a sigh of relief and went back to studying the schematics. She only had an hour until Artemis would be taking to the stage to give some kind of science lecture to the people who were gathering here today; the gun that was strapped to her belt felt heavier than before.
The plan was simple: since she was invisible, she would be able to waltz through the halls like she belonged within them, but she'd have to make sure that she didn't crash into anyone on her way to the main conference room – even being higher up than everyone else didn't guarantee that she wasn't going to knock someone in the head. Once she was in there she would have to make her way to the first tier, which would be easy with her wings. Once she was up there it would be easy for her to…
"Got it, Foaly," Holly said firmly, pushing the thought out of her mind. She tried to think of this as saving Artemis' life but it didn't make any difference; no matter how she phrased it, she would still have to shoot him. She began her journey through the corridors, dodging the odd person who would get in her way by flying a little closer to the ceiling. Eventually she found herself in the conference hall, which was absolutely huge. She couldn't believe that someone as young as Artemis Fowl – genius or not – would be giving a presentation to a room with this great a number of people in attendance.
"I would tell you where you could find the best vantage point but I think that would probably undermine your qualities as a recon officer…" said Foaly, a smile in his voice. Holly was surprised at his words, before she realised that he was probably trying to make her feel better about what she had to do. So far, it wasn't really working but she appreciated the effort. She scanned the room and realised that the second tier would probably have the best view of the stage and she would therefore have the greatest chance of getting this right. Because she had to get it right. She would never be able to live with herself if she didn't…
"Second level up, shadowed pillar on the left," she said into her helmet mike, speaking as loudly as she dared; a few people were beginning to filter in from the various entrances. She wondered at their insistence at being so early. Was Artemis's presentation really that important to so many people? Holly felt a spark of something in her chest and it took her a while to recognise it for what it was – pride. She was, for reasons beyond her comprehension, proud of Artemis Fowl.
"Looks perfect to me – I trust that you can hit him from there with that 'gun'?" Holly didn't even bother responding; Foaly knew she was a damn good shot, even under pressures such as these. She heard the quotation marks that the centaur put around the word "gun" and smirked in spite of the situation. He knew very well that any weapon he could make would be ten times more efficient than the equipment of mud men. She flew reluctantly towards her post and settled down to wait, remaining invisible despite the fact that there was no one around to see her on this particular tier. You could never be too careful.
1 hour later
The place was full to the brim with mud men and women of every age. Holly could spot some possible child prodigies in the audience, bright eyed and ready to listen to a lecture on something that most children their age wouldn't understand, let alone go out of their way to hear. She mentally noted that they may have more Artemis Fowls to worry about in the future.
Suddenly, the chattering crowds settled down, the abrupt change in noise levels snapping Holly into soldier-mode. She glanced down at the stage and her heart nearly stopped. There, in an Armani suit and looking incredibly different, was Artemis Fowl Junior, heir to the Fowl estate. Some part of Holly's mind – a part that she had repressed for most of her life to make room for instinct and the ability to do her job in the best way she could – was awakened at the sight of him. It immediately began analysing him in a completely opposite way than how she was used to. Usually she would be wondering whether or not the target had a gun hidden beneath his jacket or what kind of security he employed. However, she now found herself wondering when Artemis had decided to grow his hair like that and if it was as soft as it looked.
"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming. I'm not one for dramatic speeches and I certainly don't want to bore any of you, so let's get started, shall we?" A titter ran through the crowd, though Holly could see nothing funny. She was transfixed by his voice: his accent was as strong as ever but now it ran through deeper tones and if she didn't know better, she'd swear that he was using the Mesmer on her.
"Right, Captain Short – I'd say that the point we're going for is roughly ten minutes into his speech," Foaly's voice was slightly strained when it came through her ear-piece – no doubt he was as anxious for this plan to succeed as she herself was. "I'll send you through a 3D projection of his body and give you your target – remember what we discussed… We only have one shot at this, otherwise all hell's going to break loose up there." Holly felt a bead of sweat form on her forehead. This was it. If she got this wrong then Artemis would die instantly and if it didn't look real enough then Foaly wouldn't be able to pull surveillance quickly enough for her to heal him. Either way, the outcome was death. This had to be absolutely perfect.
10 minutes later
Now Holly had the projection, she had the gun and she had enough cover to be able to unshield, aim and shoot without being seen by any of the other humans. The thing was… she couldn't bring herself to do it.
"Holly, now would be a good time." Foaly sounded sure of himself but she had known the centaur long enough to know when he was nervous – now was one of those times.
She steeled herself and pulled the gun from her belt. Seconds later she had unshielded and focussed the gun on the exact spot that she would need to target in order to do this right. Her finger was on the trigger, pulling so slowly that it barely moved. Holly felt like her insides were on fire and that any moment she would be sick. She ignore it and pulled a little harder on the trigger.
However, a certain someone decided to throw a spanner in the works. Just before she sent the bullet flying through the air, Artemis looked up. Their eyes met and for a split-second she could almost pretend that things were normal; that she wasn't pointing a gun at her best friend. But of course, this wasn't the case. She could only watch in horror as the bullet exploded from the gun and planted itself directly below his heart, sending him flying backwards across the stage.
Then, as is customary in these situations, all hell broke loose.
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Reviews please! No steaming ones, please, Deedle!!!